Shadow Kin (31 page)
Authors: M.J. Scott
“It should at least buy you time,” Atherton said. Then his mouth curved in a wicked smile. “But you’ll never know unless you try it.”
Chapter Thirteen
I paused as I closed the last of the warded doors. “Are you going to”—I wriggled my fingers—“what do you call it?”
“Shadowing,” Lily said, tilting her head. “No. Should I?”
The question was more, would she reappear if she did? I still wasn’t sure exactly what she was going to do with the information I’d just given her. Would she run to Lucius? Or would she prove me right and decide to help us? I had the feeling that, with Lily, the road to trust was going to be a long one. With no certainty of arriving at the destination.
“I thought you might wish to return the way you came.” I tightened my grip on the sunlamp I’d picked up on our way out of the wards. I didn’t want to light it. Not if I didn’t need to.
She looked down at the sunlamp, then up at me with an odd expression. “I’d rather walk with you. If that is acceptable?”
“Of course.” Guy wouldn’t be exactly thrilled if he found us wandering outside the Brother House, but if we were together at least no one could accuse Lily of spying or something equally unsavory.
No one apart from me. But I didn’t have to accuse. I knew she’d been spying.
Discovering Atherton
was
spying of a sort—but I had to hope she was doing it on her own initiative, not for Lucius. I wanted to believe she had good intentions. I’d shared my secret with her. A secret not even Guy knew about. All to see if she would truly choose to help us. But even if she did keep faith with me, if she fell back into Lucius’ grasp, then suns knew what might happen. I swung the lamp in my hand, suddenly weary. “Let’s go.”
was
spying of a sort—but I had to hope she was doing it on her own initiative, not for Lucius. I wanted to believe she had good intentions. I’d shared my secret with her. A secret not even Guy knew about. All to see if she would truly choose to help us. But even if she did keep faith with me, if she fell back into Lucius’ grasp, then suns knew what might happen. I swung the lamp in my hand, suddenly weary. “Let’s go.”
We walked in silence. I didn’t want to push my luck and press my case. She’d been pushed enough for one day. We reached the main tunnels and turned back toward the Brother House. Lily’s expression was distant in the gaslight, not seeming to really notice her surroundings.
I resigned myself to waiting, but then she stopped in her tracks, turned to me. She started to speak, then stopped.
“Lily?” I asked, prompting gently.
“I’ve decided to do as you asked,” she said.
I nearly dropped the lamp, relief rushing through me. I tightened my grip, a small tremor shivering down my arm. I was pushing too hard again. Not smart. Whatever else I did tomorrow, I needed to spend several hours outdoors. Even if that meant climbing hundreds of steps to the roof of St. Giles. “What changed your mind?”
Her head tilted at me, her eyes filled with an emotion I couldn’t quite identify. “You convinced me,” she said.
“How?”
“My reasons don’t matter. I said I’d do it.”
I wanted to hug her but doubted she’d take it that well. “Thank you,” I said instead. “You’re doing the right thing.” I fought to keep a grin off my face. She was staying. And she would help us bring Lucius down. Help us bring lasting change and peace to the City. Exultation drove away the lingering fatigue dogging me.
She half smiled, then continued walking. She moved almost silently. In her wake floated a hint of Bryony’s tonic and the fresh bread they’d eaten for dinner and the soap the hospital laundry used. It shouldn’t have been an appealing combination, but as I walked beside her, I found myself breathing deliberately deep as if to inhale her essence and understand her that way. Catch her within and keep her there.
She’d said yes. As the first surge of excitement faded a little, I found myself torn once more. I hoped she wasn’t lying. In her place, I would lie if I thought it would save my skin. She was an assassin, a killer. Trained to survive. I didn’t know if I could trust her, much as I wanted to.
Despite all of that I still wanted her.
Wanted to taste her mouth again.
Wanted to burn.
I didn’t understand how or why she’d gotten under my skin so fast, but she had.
We reached the Brother House and the corridor that housed our chambers. The guards were nowhere to be seen. Hopefully that meant they were at services or elsewhere on their circuit, not off raising the alarm because they’d discovered Lily was missing. But there were no noises to indicate a house roused to hunt down a vanished wraith.
I opened the door to her room, holding it politely. “Good night, Lily.” I didn’t know what else could possibly be said.
Ask me in?
Kiss me again?
Tell me if you’re going to cut out my heart so I can go grab a bowl to catch the blood?
Unholy fucking insane
.
.
I should run to the chapel and prostrate myself before Guy’s God and ask to be healed of her. But I could no more ask to be healed of my powers or the color of my eyes.
Stupid, stupid, stupid
.
.
Gray eyes studied me for a moment before she walked into the room. Just inside the door, she turned. “Come in for a moment.”
My heart froze, then stuttered back to life.
Calm down, Simon
.
.
She probably wanted to talk more about what she had just agreed to do. Or bash me over the head with a chair so she could run. I had no idea which was more likely.
I nodded, though, and followed her into the room, unable to resist her invitation.
The room felt smaller somehow. The small bed loomed large. She’d stuffed pillows or something under the blankets to resemble a body. An unconvincing facsimile.
“The next time you want to make it look like someone’s in your bed, you should try a glamour.”
“I don’t do glamours,” she said. She crossed to the bed, pulled the pillows free, and shoved them both under the table. Her haste left the bed temptingly rumpled. I turned my gaze away, leaning against the stone wall, wishing the chill at my back would run through my veins and calm my racing heart.
“Was there something you wanted to talk about?”
I kept my voice deliberately low. The Templars were celibate inside the walls of the Brother House. It was pushing their boundaries enough to have Lily here without flaunting the fact that I was alone in her bedchamber so late at night.
“It’s getting late,” I added when she stayed silent. “Or early rather.” It had to be close to three. In a few more hours the Brothers would be stirring and Guy would, no doubt, come to fetch me to talk to the Abbott General. At least I would have something better than “she said no” to report, but I still wasn’t looking forward to the conversation. Father Cho had a way of making me feel like a gawky fifteen-year-old again. “I’m tired.”
Beyond tired.
I put the sunlamp down beside my feet. Lily had lit the short, thick candle on the table and in the flickering light, she was a creature of flame. But flames didn’t bite their lips and look nervous.
What now? “Lily? Either spit it out or I’m going to bed.”
She swallowed. “Did you mean it before?”
“Which particular before are you referring to?” Today had lasted several lifetimes already.
“At the hospital.” Her tongue flickered out briefly as if her lips were dry. “The . . . the kiss.”
I was suddenly doubly grateful for the wall at my back. “Did I intend to kiss you?” I hoped I didn’t sound as surprised to her ears as I did to my own.
A nod.
“Yes. I wanted to kiss you.” I still wanted to. I folded my arms, mainly to stop myself from hauling her close. Blood roared in my ears as it drained out of my head and rushed south.
I needed to remember that Lily had her own agenda. It would be wise to understand what it was before I did anything stupid.
“And you liked it?” Her voice was rough as if more than her lips were dry. The resulting husk seemed to rasp along my skin, raising the hairs on my arms. I went hard, as though she’d planted her hand on my groin rather than just spoken. I swore softly. “Yes. Couldn’t you tell?”
She looked away.
What the hell did that mean? Was she flirting or playing some other game? I’d expect her to be direct about her wants. She wasn’t exactly shy and retiring. You couldn’t be Lucius’ chief executioner and be shy and retiring. Confusion mixed with lust as I schooled myself to wait.
Her gaze rose to my face again, eyes large and luminous in the candlelight. “Would you like to do it again?”
I couldn’t speak. Suddenly my mouth was as dry as the stones beneath my feet. “What sort of question is that?”
“A fairly normal one.” She sounded defensive.
I snorted, beating back the roar of blood in my veins and the voice inside yelling at me not to ruin things with questions and just do it. “Lily, nothing about this situation is remotely normal.”
I dug my hands into the rough linen coverlet, hoping it would ease the damp feeling of my skin. Ease the blood warming my cheeks and the knowledge that I was doing this all wrong. Simon was right. Nothing about this was normal. I wasn’t normal. This was a completely absurd idea.
Why would I listen to what one of the Blood told me to do? Atherton had said it himself, he was only blind, not damaged in other ways. He was just as capable of scheming and misdirecting as any other vampire. He had been quick enough to grasp an advantage over me. His advice might be just another way of gaining a still greater hold over me. For all I knew, having sex would just make the need worse.
I should send Simon away. Before the need and desire beating at me made me do something irrevocable. His eyes seemed very bright and I felt my cheeks grow hotter still. Cheeks and the rest of me. I should stop this. Now.
“Forget I asked,” I said.
He laughed. It didn’t sound terribly amused. More torn.
“That’s just it,” he said. “I can’t.”
He moved then, glowing and golden in the candlelight. Came to me and knelt on the floor before me so our faces were nearly level.
“The thing is,” he said softly. “I don’t think you can either. Can you?”
His eyes locked with mine. His were open, guileless. Full of questions, wariness, and yes, more than a hint of desire. But also open like the sky they resembled. You could trust what lay behind them.
I didn’t think the same was true of what lay behind mine.
“Lily.” His hand stretched out, touched my face.
I shivered and my hands clung harder to the linen. His fingers were warm and gentle. Familiar. He’d touched me before with gentleness. But gentleness wasn’t what I needed right now.
If I was going to be brave enough to go through with this . . . and yes, part of me burned to do so as I breathed his scent deep into my lungs . . . then I needed not to think too hard. Needed to let go and let everything I’d worked so hard to lock away take over. I shivered again.
“Lily, I’ll go if you want me to. But I’d rather stay.”
A pulse beat strongly in his neck and I could hear the matching
thump, thump, thump
of his heart.
thump, thump, thump
of his heart.
“S-stay,” I said thickly, mouth dry as my tongue stumbled on the word.
A smile flamed to life across his face. “All right.”
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