Shadow of Doubt (18 page)

About an hour before the concert Barb paced nervously backstage.  Jordan hadn't called this morning like she had hoped.  Now it was nearing 7 pm, the concert was about to begin and she felt so nervous, jittery.  Her stomach was churning and she felt suddenly ill.

She knew it wasn't the excitement of the show.  She'd been through it a hundred times.  All she wanted was to hear Jordan's confident voice and feel his warm strong hands massage her shoulders as only he could.  Even the thought of it seemed so relaxing now as she rolled her head around in circles stretching her neck muscles and listened to her brother's introduction onto the stage.

Guy was wearing his cowboy hat and boots, his tight fitting Levi Jeans and his royal blue western shirt that sparkled with rhinestones.  His blonde hair was curling over the brim of the hat and his periwinkle eyes sparkled in the spot light.  With his custom made guitar in hand he began to serenade his audience.

“Guy was right about one thing,” she thought as she stood backstage and admired his tremendous talent.  “We do look a lot a like, but never again will I be able to feel like I belong here.”

She realized more now just how boring this life really is.  Guy was the one having all the fun.  All she was doing was standing around hearing the same old songs over and over and having to deal with all the hassle of lining up these concerts so that he could be famous and have fun.  Then there was the crazed fans invading their path everywhere they went.

Barb no longer had the desire to be chased by crazed fans and the paparazzi all her life.  That was Guy's dream, not hers.  “He'll be hurt I know...but he has to be told.  This is the last tour I'm doing with him.  I want to live my life with Jordan now.  To travel the racing circuit with him and be truly happy the way Guy is.  Now that's what I call excitement, that car,” she thought smiling as she remembered the powerful feeling of being inside that car with the man she loved controlling her fate at the wheel.  “Guy will just have to find himself a new manager.”

Slowly she scanned the room around her feeling sudden discomfort seeing the bodyguards all around her.  Guy's bodyguards.  She couldn't stand thinking about the rest of her life being surrounded by these huge men who only pushed away excited fans who merely wanted to catch a glimpse of Guy Radlee and possibly acquire his autograph as a souvenir.  This was definitely not the life she wanted forever.  Not anymore.

And Guy had changed so much since his career had peaked.  He and Barb used to have real fun together.  They had lived together in Los Angeles for the last four years dreaming about concerts just like this one.  Guy was always their parent’s favorite child though.  He could sing his way to their hearts anytime he wanted too but always remained his sister's idol.  They adored each other.

Once when they were in high school in Nashville, Barb was walking home from school with her boyfriend.  They stood outside their family home and kissed good bye on the front porch only to have Guy open the front door and sock the young man right in the nose.

Barb was furious when her over protective brother grabbed her by the arm and dragged his sixteen year old sister in the house.  “How could you do that?” she had raged as they stomped through the living room arguing.

Guy, who is only two years older, yelled back.  “You're too damn young for that kind of stuff and you know it.  You're lucky Mom and Dad didn't catch you!”

“Well they didn't!” she retaliated childishly.

Guy smiled at his little sister.  “Just cool it huh?”

Barb never really minded Guy interfering with her boyfriends before.  He'd done it so many times, scaring them away with his idle threats and causing so much tension between them that she finally broke up with them.  But now...now Jordan was involved.  A man who'd truly stolen her heart and captured her inner most desires.  No way would Barb ever let Guy come between the passion she and Jordan shared together.

“I can't wait for Mom and Dad to meet him,” she then thought dreamily now.

“Mom and Dad,” Barb thought as she listened to the rumble of Guy's fans echo throughout the building.  “I can't wait to get to Tennessee and see them now.  I bet their proud of Guy.  Maybe they'll be proud of me too for helping him the way I have.”

Then her brow dropped.  “But wait until they hear I'm gonna leave him now too.  That outta make them proud,” she sarcastically thought.

Barb never really felt her parents were as close to her as they were to Guy.  She was always more independent and stubborn.  She was always capable of taking care of herself.

Guy however, always acted so dependent on Barb.  It was after he graduated high school he seemed to grow so possessive over her and completely took over her life.  He wanted her with him every step of the way as he struggled to climb the ladder of fame and success.  Barb almost never protested.  She wanted to see her brother's dream come true to make her parents proud.

Barb remained at Guy's side and helped him every inch of the way to get his career rolling but never really planned to actually become his manager.  He paid her well though and always took great care of her.  Barb didn't want to hurt her brother by leaving him now, but thought it to be about time she start thinking of her own future.  A future with Jordan Scott.

She realized now that she only stayed with Guy this long because it made her parents happy.  As a child it was always Guy who was the favorite and she had thrived to get their attention and affection.  To feel loved by them too.  She knew deep in her heart that they did love her, but Guy would always remain superior for some reason.  He was always so special to them.  Somehow this no longer bothered her.  She had Jordan now and he was all she needed to make her life complete and as happy as she had always dreamed of having it.

Three days later Barb stood surrounded by her parents, Gene and Betty Radlee.  The three of them watched proudly as their son and brother sang to the overcrowded auditorium yet again in Nashville, Tennessee.  Barb wasn't smiling though.  Nearly a week had passed now and she still hadn't heard a word from Jordan.  She hadn't attempted to call him after the first couple of days but figured now if he wanted her back… he'd call
her
.

But he was all she could think about.  She knew he'd won first place in his last race because she saw the results on the newscast.  Now she only moped because she couldn't have been there for him when he finally won.  Now she feared he may have decided he did like living alone after all and had no room in his life for her.

“Maybe he went out to celebrate with Martin and found someone else.  Someone who didn't want strings in their relationship,” she thought wearily.

After the concert the bodyguards rushed the four of them out the back door where they jumped into the waiting limo and sped away to their parent’s home there in Nashville.  Barb had missed this place, but had no desire to remain here.  Nor did she wish to return home to LA with Guy, but seeing how his last concert was there, it was unavoidable.  She had originally planned it that way so they would finish at home, but now home for her was the opposite side of the country.

After dinner she finally joined her family in the living room.  “Barbara Jean are you feeling all right?” her mother finally asked noticing her chipper little girl wasn't her usual happy self.  Barb couldn't remember her ever worrying about her before, why now?

“We need to talk,” she stated as her look alike brother's eyes met steadily with hers.  A look of sudden fret took over his face.

Guy grinned knowingly as he looked to their parents.  “Little Barb is in love,” he mocked smartly.  “But the guy hasn't called and doesn't seem interested in her.”

He seemed rather pleased and sure of the outcome.  Yet how did he know Jordan hadn't called.  She didn't remember ever mentioning it to him.

Barb straightened her back and threw him a slicing glare.  “Jordan loves me very much.  He's just been busy,” she insisted strongly, not at all too sure herself.

“Sure he does,” Guy laughed.  “That's why the phone's been ringing off the wall.”

“This is our last tour together Guy,” she answered threateningly.  “I'm going back to Florida just as soon as the last concert is over.  You'd better find a new manager.  And fast.”

Guy stared a little nervously back at her.  He didn't like it when her blonde hair glowed around her reddened face like that.  Her eyes seemed to be burning right through him.  He knew she meant business this time.  It wasn't just an idle threat.

“You don't mean it Barb.  The man obviously used you.  Can’t you just accept that?”

“He'd never do that!” she yelled.  “And I do mean it and if you want me to accompany you back to LA you'd better straighten up that bull shit attitude of yours.  I'm tired of seeing you push people around, especially when one of them is me!”

“Just what are you planning to do?”

“I'm not sure, but I'm moving out after the next show,” she answered not knowing for sure now where she would go.  The doubt about Jordan's sincerity was lingering and growing stronger by the day.

“He doesn't want you,” Guy persisted.

“It doesn't matter Guy.  I'm going anyway.  I'm tired of living my life for
you
!  I have my own life to worry about now.  I want to do something for myself for once.”

Guy didn't look too thrilled.  He watched as she made her way from the room.

“Why hasn't he called dammit?” she wondered as she retreated to her childhood room and curled up on her bed envisioning Jordan's lazy grin and yearning for his passionate body against hers just once more.

Barb sat backstage again in LA.  Wearing her Levi jeans and satin emerald green western shirt and cowboy hat, she and Guy were dressed to match tonight.  Her silky blonde hair glistened over her shoulders and the green background of her shirt made it stand out that much more.

This night was more hectic than ever before.  The concert was broadcast live on television and she was nervous beyond belief.  The fact it had been two weeks now since she left Jordan didn't help matters at all.  He still hadn't called and she was beginning to believe Guy may be right.

Only she knew he hadn't used her.  He had to love her...but she also knew Jordan was happy being independent.  She couldn't blame him for it.  Only wished she could've changed his mind and made him want her around forever.  She so badly wanted to call him but didn't want to seem too pushy.  Besides, it was
his
duty to call
her.
  He had promised he would.

Guy wasn't the slightest bit nervous as he took center stage and wooed all of America.  He thrived on being the best and loved driving the crowds wild.  It was intoxicating to him.  Barb just didn't share in his enthusiasm.

Jordan or no Jordan, she was leaving Guy, and soon.  Somehow...somewhere...she knew she had to find love again.  Maybe not the same as with Jordan, but she dreamed of children of her own and a husband with Jordan's compassion.