Shadow of the Sun (The Shadow Saga) (53 page)

Pentu grimaced. “You are the Per Aat in-waiting. By law I cannot force you as the future sovereign to do something against your will.” Panic welled in me and I felt weak-kneed. “Then I choose not to take this initiation.”

“I cannot allow her to be excused from it,” said The Orama, raising his voice. “This class must achieve this initiation together. The Pharaoh demanded that I produce enough Adepts who can hold the full Atenic light in order to have the power to change Khemit. If the Pharaoh’s daughter avoids the Soul Reflection initiation because we were foolish enough to reveal it, then I will not allow any of her class to continue. She will be the one who fails the Pharaoh, not I.”

I sank to my knees. “You would forbid them to continue? They have worked so hard. How would you ever tell them?”

“Oh, not I,” he stabbed a forefinger at me. “You must explain why they will fail. I have already opened the portal for this viewing. I must guide everyone through at the same time. If you choose not to participate, no one will be allowed to finish.”

* * *

I
walked alone back to my cell, feeling devastated. Now I would be asked to leave. I had failed. I’d end up bearing heirs, just as Meti wanted.

The Orama demanded that I announce my decision to the class. When I got back to my quarters, Rennutet threw up into the brass bucket.

“Are you ill?” I asked, sweeping her hair out of her face. “Perhaps you have caught a cold. I will send for Pentu. He will give you aid.”

“No, Merit-Aten, I do not need a remedy. Something I ate vexed my stomach. If I take off my belt, I will feel better. You need to change, before the gong rings. I need a bit more time getting to the initiation Temple.”

She wiped the spittle off her face.

“I have some disturbing news for the other Neophytes.” I shivered, dreading the ruination of their dreams of working in the Aten Temple. I knew Netri would still expect me to continue the rituals, but the others might as well find positions working in a trade.

“Merit-Aten, what is it? Please, I cannot take anymore difficulties.” Her foreboding look made my heart ache. She was so sick this winter. Yet every time I demanded an extra blanket or remedy, Ra-Nefer denied me.

Just then Ra-Awab and Archollos walked by.

“Wait,” Rennutet stopped them. “Merit-Aten needs to tell us something terrible.”

Archollos put his arm about my shoulders. “What is wrong?”

I felt a warm tingle race up my spine and a flush in my cheeks.

“I shall gather the class.” Ra-Awab then shouted in his masculine and far-carrying voice, which brought everyone running.

“What happened?” asked Smenkhkare, quite nervous and out of breath.

Everyone collected about me. My knees quaked. “I met with The Orama. He told me about the initiation tonight. I am afraid I cannot bring myself to partake.”

“Why did he tell only you?” asked Keshtuat, yanking her braids. Ra-Awab thrust his hands on his hips. “Tell us then.”

“Quit crowding her,” said Archollos.

My throat constricted. “Well, I cannot tell you what will happen. But it is impossible for me to go through with it.”

“We must be nearing the end. I should have known the tests would get more difficult,” said Smenkhkare, and then grimaced.

“We passed them all so far. Let us not go into fear,” advised the Nubian girl.

“If Merit-Aten chooses not to go through with an initiation, there must be a reason. Otherwise, why would they have given her a choice?” said Archollos.

“There is a problem,” I said, realizing they didn’t understand. “They said if I did not proceed, then none of you will be allowed to finish either.” Ra-Awab moved toward me with his jaw clenched. “What?”

“Stop it.” Archollos pushed Ra-Awab’s chest, “You may not lay a hand upon her. Merit-Aten, explain.”

“I am so sorry, but I am not that brave,” I said.

“So because of you, we all fail?” asked Sarawat. She put a hand over her mouth.

“I cannot fail. I promised my sick mother that I would support her,” said Rennutet.

“I am a foreigner,” said Archollos. “If I fail, where would I go? What would I do?”

“You cannot let us down, not after all we have been through,” said Keshtuat.

Ra-Awab’s face turned red as a baboon’s ass. “What do you care if we pass or fail? You can always return to your life as a royal, but what about the rest of us?”

“Merit-Aten, tell them this cannot be true. You would not get us thrown out,” cried Rennutet. “If I do not find work in the Aten Temple, I do not know what will happen to us.” She placed a delicate hand over her mounded abdomen.

“Us?” I asked.

“I am with child. The fisherman I was assigned to raped me every morning as his crew looked on, then forced me to scale his fish. Smenkhkare rescued me and begged his fisherman to allow me to work with them. Being pregnant, I could still serve in the Aten Temple back at Akhet-Aten. They would take us in.” Rennutet pleaded with her eyes.

How could I not notice? She favored the sheaths loose enough to hide it.

Still, as terrible as I felt, I just could not go through with the next trial.

“I am sorry.”

“We shall help you,” said Archollos. “If it is a physical task, then I can assist you.”

“You can hold the light,” argued Sarawat. “What could possibly make you so afraid?”

“I cannot tell you. It is an order.” I started to cry. I could see the yellow, orange and red swirls emanating from the Neophytes’ bellies. I couldn’t absorb all this rage and fear.

“She is the Per Aat in-waiting. She can do anything she pleases,” said Smenkhkare. “Do you think Nefertiti would allow anyone to argue with her?”

He always took my side. I felt relieved that someone understood.

“She took a vow to give up her external power and become one with us. Why do you think we had to go through all that physical labor?” asked Ra-Awab. “It was to break us all down until we gave up any attachment to ego.”

“That is right. She made our jobs harder,” accused Keshtuat. “Every time she opened her mouth, Ra-Nefer made us fill water buckets, or clean the piss pots. Yet, we protected her.”

“And because she is still royalty, no matter what, she will be taken care of. She was never one of us,” said Sarawat.

“You are not a true Neophyte because you still refuse to let go of it all and trust,” said Archollos, who stomped off. Sarawat followed him. “She always looks out for herself, not us.”

“It is over,” said Ra-Awab. “We might as well leave.”

One by one they abandoned me.

Rennutet sobbed. “You cannot let us down. When the priests discover I am pregnant, they will kick me out anyway.”

The gong sounded. They all had turned against me. I knew I could never have friends. Grand Djedti was right; Royalty could trust no one. I didn’t need friends. The people I loved ended up leaving me anyway, as Meti did. Or, they were killed. My heart hurt at what happened to Hep-Mut, Asgat.

I trailed behind them toward the temple. I wouldn’t participate in the Ritual of the Last Breath. Of this I was certain.

All eyes watched me take my place.

“There is a change of plans,” Pentu said.

Everyone glared at me.

“The Orama has a fever and will not have enough strength to preside over the initiation we hoped to offer you tonight. Instead, I have scheduled an alternative.”

I stared at Pentu and thought,
why, because of me?

No. Because of something we saw
, Pentu replied without words.

“I do expect everyone to attend. Normally, we would only offer this final initiation after you passed the one tonight but I have received approval that you are all ready for the
Uraretiu
. Please follow me.” Pentu walked at a brisk pace down the hall.

We all stared at each other in disbelief. This unexpected news just put off the inevitable. But the others seemed elated that their initiatic experience would last at least another day or two. Pentu led us into a room with elaborate reliefs. Nine colorful original Deities who created this world lined the walls. Hieroglyphics revealed the secrets of life, but only if one knew the deeper meanings behind the symbols.

Pentu moved to a wall with the Deity wearing the red crown who held the two incense vessels next to her. Nearby was a red circle with a stone ball, hidden within the hieroglyph of the sun. When he pushed the ball, the door slid back.

“Follow me,” said The Magistrate as he descended a flight of stairs into a gloomy crypt. We couldn’t see a thing through the thick darkness.

Someone put a hand upon my shoulder. I steadied myself upon a strong back in front of me. When we arrived at the bottom, no one lit a torch. The cold air and the hard dirt floor made me realize we had descended deep into the underbelly of Heliopolis.

“Close your eyes,” ordered The Magistrate.

Someone emerged from the shadows and tied a blindfold over my eyes. Several girls screamed, and then stopped as if they had been gagged. Stilling the fear within me, I remained coherent and mindful of where my guide led me. Without my physical eyes to direct me, I used my inner eyes.

Slowly, the fog cleared. My class members were lined up.

“In this initiation, you must cross the pit blindfolded and make it to the other side,” Pentu instructed. “You have learned many ways to meet this challenge. I will leave it to your best judgment as to how you succeed. I warn you now that this is no game, but a matter of life and death. There is no way to exit this crypt except by reaching the other side. May the Aten guide and bless you.”

I listened and watched as they positioned Ra-Awab upon a narrow stone walkway. The clever boy took off his sandals to feel the path under his feet. He took
titi
steps for a ways, then the path jutted to the right for only a step or two, then it turned again to the left and straight.

Tadushet went next with trepidation. Archollos strutted away as if the stone rose up to support him. Sarawat began her journey without the confidence, and I heard her pitiful whimper. How dangerous could it be? So what if we fell off the little wall. We could just pull ourselves back up. The dark-skinned Nubian girl, who got her own cubby, commenced her initiation. She moved with birdlike steps. I sucked in my breath when she nearly lost her balance. I moved up in line. Ever timid, Rennutet allowed someone to go before her.