Shadow Walker (4 page)

He smiled and kissed her, slipping his arms around her and pulling her close again. “It doesn't have to end, you know?”

* * * *

Wrapping her arms around his shoulders, Amber buried her face in Dean’s neck. She breathed in his scent. For a brief moment, she wished today would never end. While in the throes of her heat, she could forgive herself for getting involved like this. But when the heat ended, she would have to deal with her feelings for him.

He laid her back on the bed. She looked in his eyes. He brushed his knuckles across her cheek. “Don't worry about tomorrow,” he whispered. “We'll deal with whatever it brings.”

“For just a little longer.” She kissed him, her body warmed to his again. His gentle caresses became firmer, insistent. “I want to tell you that if you can make me feel like this all the time, I’ll never let you leave my bed,” she whispered while he nibbled her ear lobe.

Dean gave a soft laugh that caused goose-bumps to rise over her body. “I can try my best.”

Amber was lost in the pleasure he brought to not just her body, but for the first time in her life her tortured soul seemed to feel a lot less heavy. Life no longer seemed bleak and uninteresting.

A few hours later, she slipped out of the bed, careful not to wake him. Stepping out onto her tiny front porch, the shift into the Tigress was swift and she bounded her way through the snow and the valley toward the Alpha’s home. She needed to talk to Casey before daybreak.

Emotions weren’t something she’d ever been comfortable with, but she had become a little more accustomed to trying to talk about them with the Alpha’s soon-to-be-bride. When she rounded the porch Casey stepped outside, clad in a robe and pair of moccasins. Amber shifted into her human form and looked away from her friend’s gentle expression.

“I…needed to talk to you,” she murmured, stuffing her hands into her pockets.

Casey pursed her lips and nodded, remaining quiet.

“You’re not angry with me, are you?” Amber scuffed her boot at a loose nail on the porch.

“No, not at all. Although I really could have used your help these last few days planning the wedding.”

She gave an abashed grin, thankful to have missed it. “I’m sorry, but you know I’m no good at those sorts of things.”

Fixing her with a pointed glare, Casey raised her brows. “Well, you know you’re wearing a dress, right?”

Amber's eyes narrowed, and a small growl rose in her throat.

Casey gave a soft laugh and shook her head. “Oh no, you can't threaten me, hon. You are wearing a dress whether you like it or not. You do know who I am, right?” She grinned when Amber lowered her gaze then smiled up at her. “I will, however, let you pick out the one you want and give you color choice.”

“Well, that's nice of you.” Amber leaned against the railing and glanced out over the yard. “The last few days have been…insane.”

“Please…tell me you are not going into detail about having sex with my brother.”

Unable to help herself, she giggled and shook her head. “I am not that cruel. But…I must admit it has been the most enjoyable time I’ve experienced.” She gave another sheepish grin and hunched her shoulders. The new feelings bubbling around in her were so foreign and uncomfortable.

Her friend groaned. “Oh gee…thanks.”

“Sorry.” She frowned and looked out across the front yard again to avoid eye contact.

“What’s wrong?” Stepping closer, Casey laid a hand on her shoulder. “You can tell me. I promise to hold anything you say in confidence, even when it comes to my brother.”

“I'm not sure how I feel. Dean has made me feel like no one else has.” Amber looked down at her hands. “I don't know how I'll be able to face him in the morning. Without the cover of my heat, I don't know how to act, and I don't want to hurt him. He's been so kind and sweet. I…I'm not used to that. Weres are usually brash…well, that might just be me.” She shrugged her shoulders and shook her head with a slight grin. “I just don't want to hurt his feelings.”

“I think he will understand.” Casey patted Amber's shoulder. “He's strong and most of all, he's patient. If you're feeling this way, I can only imagine how he is.”

Tears burned her eyes, and she put a hand to her brow to try and shield them from her friend. “I'm not ready right now to be what he wants me to be, Casey. I don't think I'll ever be.”

“No, you can be. Not right now, maybe. But you will be able to one day. You just need to know he’s willing to wait for you. I have the feeling Dean has finally reached that point in his life. He has Daddy's patience, bless him because I sure as hell didn't inherit it. Just be patient with him and yourself most of all. Try not to overthink things and just see where things go. No one is expecting you to move straight into a relationship. I mean, it’s not like you have the mating symbol, right?”

Amber lifted her left hand and turned it over, showing no sign of a mated mark and shook her head. “For one stupid moment there, I’d wished there was,” she admitted, looking up at her friend. “I don't know about anything right now.”

“And no one expects you to make a decision at this very moment.” Casey put an arm around her shoulders, giving her a gentle squeeze. “Just try not to be a total bitch to him in the morning. He is kind of tenderhearted even though he sure doesn't look like it. And above all else, just listen to what
your
heart is telling you.”

* * * *

Sitting on the side of the bed, Amber bit her lip. Dean was still sleeping and looked so peaceful, she hated to wake him. She’d been on edge, however, since her visit with Casey. The sun was beginning to rise. Rather than sit there any longer trying to figure out what to say when he opened his eyes, she slipped into the kitchen to prepare breakfast. Thinking always seemed to be easier when her hands were busy.

Pulling out a package of bacon, a dozen eggs, and the bread, she made a simple breakfast and waited for the smells to carry Dean into the tiny kitchenette.

Breaking the final egg into the pan, she smiled moments before Dean's arms circled her waist. She closed her eyes, feeling his rough stubble brush against her neck where he nuzzled her. Taking a deep breath, she reached back and rubbed his cheek.

“I'm almost finished.” She flipped the egg expertly without breaking the yolk.

“Awesome, I'm starving.” He kissed her shoulder. “Coffee?”

With a smile, she nodded at the steaming mug on the table. “I have already poured it for you.” It wasn't until he moved away and sat down that realization struck her.

She had settled down in domesticity…What the hell?

Amber shook her head, watching Dean take a sip of his coffee. Clearing her throat, she slid the egg from the pan onto the plate and carried both to the table. Sliding one in front of him, she sat down with her own.

Closing her eyes a moment, she bowed her head, thanking the powers that be for allowing her the privilege of eating. Unsure if she believed in the Christian God or any of the other names He went by in the wide variety of religions, Amber did however believe in a higher power for good and a higher power for evil. It was the one for good to which she gave thanks. As a child, she had gone to bed countless nights with a hungry belly and was now thankful to be able to awaken and eat and go to bed sated. For that alone she gave her thanks each morning.

Taking a deep breath, she looked up to see Dean looking right into her eyes.

Amber felt her heart skip a beat at his expression. “Please…” She dropped her gaze to the table.

He reached across and took her hand in his. “Amber, look at me.”

It took nearly all of the strength she possessed to look in his eyes again. The fragile control over her emotions was slipping.

“I know this is hard for you. I don't want it to be.” He squeezed her hand. “I’m not going to lie to you, spending these last few days with you has been the happiest I can remember being. I've been at peace, not having to worry about anything but the two of us. It’s no secret my job isn't a cakewalk. This has definitely been a…an enjoyable vacation.”

Amber blushed and looked back down at her plate again.

“No, no, look at me.” He placed his other hand over hers. “Please, I need you to hear me.”

Swallowing against the pressure building in her chest, she looked up at him again. Her eyes stung as tears threatened to fill them.

“I want nothing more from you than what you are willing to give. I’ll wait. You don't need to make a decision today, tomorrow, or any time in the foreseeable future. I just want you to know that I am, and will be here, for you, when and if you need me. No pressure. No commitment required.” He smiled, stroking the back of her hand.

A tear slid down her cheek. “How can you do this to yourself? This is the last thing you want.”

“But I can't force you either. So I'll settle for the next best thing. I'll wait.”

Amber shook her head. “How do you know, Dean? How do you know it’s me you are to be with? There's no mating mark. Why waste your life on me?”

“Why were Casey and Braedyn willing to waste their time on one another before their marks appeared? Why do half of those who get together without their mated mark stay together? Maybe the fates don't always know what they’re doing. I don't care about anything other than knowing you’re happy and that I can be a part of it, Amber.”

“What about children?” She raised her brows and shook her head. “Your father wants nothing more in this world than to have grandchildren.”

“And he can. Casey and Braedyn
are
a mated couple.
They
can have children.”

She shook her head and squeezed his hand. “Dean, please don't give up looking because we've had a great couple of days.”

“No…” He frowned and shook his head. “It’s more than that, and you know it.”

“Please. You can't do this to yourself, to your family.”

“My family? The day my sister joined this pack, you became a big part of her life. That made you a part of my family, too.” He stood up, walked around the small table, and pulled her to her feet. “My father completely adores you. My sister loves you. Why can't I?”

“Dean…don't…”

He drew her into his arms. “C’mon, just once more. Your heat is over. Your emotions aren't all over the place like they’ve been.”

Laughing, tears spilled down her cheeks. “I beg to differ.” She sniffled. “I think I'm worse now than I’ve ever been.”

Dean kissed her, holding her to him. She knew she should pull away, but couldn't. After a moment, she clung to him, returning his kiss. Her hands slid up and cradled his scruffy face. Her knees grew weak, and he scooped her into his arms, carrying her back toward the bedroom.

He laid her on the bed and untied her robe. She caught his hands in hers before he could pull the robe open.

“Just give me one last chance, Amber. Another chance to prove how I feel before we have to move on to our lives and our jobs. Please…”

Amber pulled him close, running her tongue across his lips. His hands parted her robe and roamed over her. Her eyes closed, she moaned at his touch. Dean nibbled his way down her neck. The tiny prickles of his scruffy beard heightened her senses.

Everything was different. Amber bit her bottom lip as her pleasure crested once more. Sex when not in heat was
totally
different
. Her own movements, the feelings, the emotions. Amber didn't know just how different it could be, until now.

Then it dawned on her. They hadn't just had sex. They had made love.

She choked back a sob of pleasure as Dean's lips locked onto hers. Her back arched, Dean pulled her close, his groans mixed with hers. Amber wiped the tears caused by pleasure from her eyes and lay back on the bed, trying to catch her breath.

His head rested on her shoulder, curling his body around hers. Her hands moved of their own accord, stroking his neck and shoulders, holding him to her. After a few moments, he raised his head, a small smile lifting the edge of his mouth.

“I think I can handle a little bit more life after that.”

She smiled, stroking his rough cheek. “So it really is different.”

His brows furrowed. “What is?”

“Sex when you’re not in heat.” Sniffing, she wiped her eyes again.

He propped up on an elbow, looking confused. “This was your first time when you weren’t in heat?”

She nodded, caressing his cheek again.

“Why didn't you tell me?”

Amber raised her brows. “Tell you how? We've been screwing like bunnies for the last three days, and you expect me to tell you I'm a virgin? That this was the first time I’ve had
consensual
relations outside of my heat cycle.” She laughed and shook her head.

His eyes widened with surprise. “No…it can't be.”

Her smile faltered, she let her hands drop from his face, and looked away from him. “That’s part of what I ran away from when I left Vegas. There was enough abuse before I'd even had my change; my uncle…sold me for prostitution to pay my way in his household. I'd already seen what had happened to some of the women in my clan for disobeying…”

He stroked her shoulder and scooped his hand around the back of her neck, forcing her to look in his eyes. “Amber…”