Shadowed: Brides of the Kindred book 8 (26 page)

No, stop it!
she ordered herself. Closing her eyes, she clenched her fists and took a deep breath, trying to calm her frazzled nerves and dispel the enticing memory. But the deep breath didn’t help. All she could smell was the lingering scent of Reddix’s skin—his dark, spicy, somehow completely masculine musk that filled her senses and made her dizzy with wanting him. In fact, the more she inhaled, the more clearly she smelled him and the more she wanted him…

“What are you doing?”

The deep voice just beside her startled Nina so much that she gave a little scream and nearly fell over. She was about to land right in the fireplace when Reddix saved her by yanking her up and into his arms.

“I…I…” She looked up at him, unable to collect her thoughts. She was tight against him, her breasts pressed to the hard, flat planes of his bare chest, and all she could think about was how badly she wanted him to kiss her again.

“You all right?” he demanded roughly.

“Yes, I…I was just t-trying not to…to think bad thoughts,” Nina stuttered, feeling stupid. Trying not to think bad thoughts? God, she sounded like a five year old. But Reddix didn’t seem to notice.

“Bad thoughts? About what I almost did to you?” he raised an eyebrow and gave her a bitter smile.

Nina felt her cheeks grow hot, but she shook her head. “Not, uh, not exactly. I was afraid you’d run into one of the Feeling People and have a problem. I, uh, also thought about the possibility of you just getting in the ship and leaving…without me, I mean.”

He scowled. “You think I’d do that? Strand you on an alien planet for the rest of your life? You really think I have so little honor?”

“I…you were angry. And I thought—”

“Never mind.” He let her go and stepped away from her. “I’m nothing but a fucking animal to you now. An animal has no honor.”

“Reddix, please…”

“No. I’m going to bed.” He grabbed one of the spare furry blankets off the bed and stalked to the door. “I’ll find somewhere else to sleep.”

Nina began to get angry. “Oh, no you won’t!” she exclaimed. Marching over, she yanked the blanket out of his hand and spread it back on the bed. “You’re going to sleep right here with me,” she said, frowning. “It’s not safe for you to be too far away if a Feeling Person comes along.”

“Stop trying to protect me,” he growled. “I’m not your lover or your mate—I’m
nobody
to you.”

“Yes, you are,” Nina insisted, her heart pounding. “Or you
could
be. If you’d let yourself be.”

“You know who you are to
me
—do you really want to know?” he demanded, his face twisted with rage. “You’re a sacrifice, Nina—nothing but a sacrifice.”

Her mouth went numb. “A…a
what?”

“You heard me,” he said bitterly. “I promised your blood to Xandra—the swamp witch on my home planet of Tarsia. She said she could use it to make a cure for my RTS.”

“And you believed her?” Nina asked softly. “You really think she could cure you?”

“I thought so, yes. She’s very powerful—and very fucking dangerous.”

“Reddix—”

“And even though I’d been dream sharing with you for months, I pushed it out of my mind, blocked how much I wanted you, how much I
felt
for you. Because blocking feelings is what I fucking do best. But I
can’t
anymore, Nina. He ran both hands through his hair in obvious frustration. “And I can’t stand to be in here with you either. Not now. So give me the damn blanket. I’ll find somewhere else to sleep.”

Nina picked up the blanket with trembling hands and held it to her chest.

“Reddix, please,” she said softly. “Please stay.”

“I can’t.” He took it from her, but gently. His silver eyes were filled with self-loathing and pain. “I’ll try to stay close—maybe right outside the door. But I need to put some distance between us. I want you too damn much, and Goddess knows, I don’t in any way deserve you.”

“Please,” she whispered.

“Try to sleep and don’t worry. The beacon is lit. They’ll be coming for us soon.”

Then he turned and walked out for the second time that night.

Nina couldn’t help herself. She curled up on the bed and cried.

Chapter Twenty-one

“Damn it,” Reddix muttered, tossing and turning on the hard packed floor right outside the bedroom door. He wished he would have had the forethought to bring one of the oblong, dry grass stuffed pillows the Feeling People had provided when he left, but it was too late now. He was stuck out here with one thin fur blanket and nothing else—and he was damned if he was going back into that room tonight.

Not that he didn’t want to.

For a long time he’d heard the soft sounds of Nina crying from behind the thin door—the muffled sounds of hurt—a hurt he had caused her. He’d ached to go back to her and apologize—to comfort her for the pain he’d inflicted. But he didn’t dare. If he went back in, he wouldn’t be able to resist her. And the way she’d talked to him—the way she’d said he
could
be someone to her if only he would let himself…the way she had begged him to stay…it was too much. Too tempting.

Have to leave her alone,
he told himself grimly.
I
want her too much—need her too much. But all I bring her is pain. Why the hell did I have to tell her about the swamp witch, anyway? What good does it do her to know what I had planned for her? Why couldn’t I just tell her the beacon was tripped and leave it at that instead of twisting the knife?

Reddix didn’t know when he had become such a sick, twisted bastard, but he hated himself for it. Hated himself far too much to let himself take the comfort Nina offered. Especially when he deserved nothing but pain.

Not that the hard packed ground he was lying on was anything but painful.

He shifted again and somehow managed to find a semi-comfortable spot. Maybe he’d be able to catch a little sleep after all—if he could just turn off the loop of guilt inside his skull for a few hours. It helped that the soft sounds of sadness were no longer issuing from inside the bedroom. Instead, all he could hear was her soft, even breathing. Apparently Nina had cried herself out and gone to sleep. Maybe now he could rest too.

“Sorry, sweetheart,” he muttered under his breath as his eyelids started to sag closed at last. “So fucking sorry…”

A massive jolt of agonizing pain speared through his body, shocking him instantly awake.

Reddix sat bolt upright with a hoarse cry, scrabbling at the Hurkon collar which seemed to have tightened around his neck. For a moment, it seemed to get even tighter, but then, finally, he was able to draw breath. What the hell was happening? Was Nina shocking him for the hell of it? Or was she just getting him back for everything he’d said and done earlier? Reddix certainly wouldn’t blame her if she was, but it didn’t seem like her style to wait until he was sleeping and then send a massive jolt of agony through his system.

Before he could go into the bedroom and demand an explanation, Nina came rushing out, a frightened look on her face.

“What is it? What happened?” she demanded. “Was it one of the Feeling People? I told you it wasn’t safe out here—you need to come in the bedroom with me.”

Reddix frowned. “You know damn well it wasn’t anything like that. You shocked me!”

“What?” Nina looked stunned. “What are you
talking
about?”

“You fucking know what I’m talking about,” Reddix growled. “I was sound asleep, and a huge jolt went right through me—
not
my favorite kind of wake up call.”

“I—”

“I understand if you’re mad at me, Nina,” he continued, frowning at her. “So I’ll give you that one shock—I deserved it after everything I did and said tonight. But next time at least give me some warning first. That’s a hell of a way to wake up.”

“But that’s what I’m trying to tell you—I
didn’t
push any of the buttons,” Nina protested. “I swear I didn’t. I would never shock you in your sleep even if I was mad at you—that would be cruel and petty and immature.”

Reddix had to admit she was none of those things. But he still didn’t understand what was going on. “Are you sure you didn’t press it in your sleep?” he asked, frowning.

Nina shook her head. “No, that’s not possible. I left the controller on the night table, and I was curled up on the bed. On…on
your
side of the bed.” Her cheeks went pink, and she looked down. “I couldn’t even reach it from there. There’s no way I pressed any buttons in my sleep.”

“What the hell then?” Reddix was honestly bewildered now. “Did the damn thing shock me all by itself?”

As if in answer to his question, another sharp jolt of pain went through him. To Reddix it felt like a lightning bolt had entered through the top of his head and was exiting through his feet.

“Gods!” Every muscle in his body went rigid with pain, and he felt for a minute like his spine might crack from the immense pressure. His hands clenched involuntarily into fists, and if he’d had his tongue between his teeth, he was sure he would have bitten it in two. Then, as suddenly as it had come, the pain was gone leaving only a lingering ghost of discomfort behind. He sagged against the wall, gasping.

“Reddix? What happened?” Nina’s eyes were wide with worry. “Did it happen again?”

“Yes,” he managed to get out through gritted teeth. “It did.”

“But what…how…?”

“Let’s go look at the controller.” He pushed his way into the bedroom and snatched the small black oval with its three blinking buttons. The plasti-shields were in place over all of them, proving that no one had touched the damn thing.

“What is it?” Nina asked anxiously, peering around his shoulder at the controller. “Is there some kind of a short in it?”

“I don’t think so,” Reddix said grimly. “I think the damn collar really
did
shock me itself.”

“What? But how? And why?”

“Because,” he said grimly. “It’s hungry.”

* * * * *

“Hungry?” Nina stared at him in disbelief. “What are you talking about?”

“I’ve heard of this kind of thing happening before with Hurkon collars. It’s rare—very fucking rare—but not unheard of.” He placed the controller back down on the rickety wooden nightstand and turned to face her. “The collar has an adjustment period when you first put it on—it sets the levels for what the collar can expect in terms of ‘food’ for the rest of the time it’s on the unlucky son-of-a-bitch wearing it. And by food, I mean extreme emotions. Reactions to stimuli—most often pain and fear.”

“But…” Nina shook her head. “But almost right after you put it on we had our first encounter with the Feeling People. You were having…all kinds of extreme emotions. To the point where I had to knock you out!”

“Which made the collar think it could expect a constant stream of heightened emotion from me,” he said grimly. “It was satiated for a good long time by that first burst of fear and anger and pain I felt before you knocked me out, but now it’s hungry again. The fight we had tonight was like a Goddess damned appetizer to it—got it going. So now it’s telling me to feed it or it’ll feed its own damn self.”

“Feed it how?” Nina asked, feeling sick.

Reddix took a deep breath, his broad, bare shoulders rolling in the flickering firelight. The thin fur blanket wrapped around his waist was still his only clothing, and in the dim room, he looked huge.

“You’re going to have to shock me again,” he said. “At least once more.”

“What? No!” She took a step back, wrapping her arms protectively around herself. “I’ve already shocked you a lot more than I ever wanted to.”

“You only did it twice. Once to save me from having my brain overload and once to keep me from…” He cleared his throat. “From hurting you.”

“Exactly. And that last time was earlier tonight. Shouldn’t that made the stupid collar happy?”

“Apparently not.” Reddix picked up the controller and tried to press it into her hand. “Probably because it didn’t last long enough. Here—do it.”

“No!” Nina backed away again. “No, I won’t do it.”

“You have to—the one holding the collar is rendered unable to control it,” he insisted. “Besides, I’d rather be able to brace myself and know what was coming than have the damn thing just shock me at random intervals.”

“But…I don’t want to hurt you,” Nina whispered. “Maybe we should try to take it off again.”

“And let it shock you too, like it did when you tried to take it off while I was unconscious? No.” He frowned. “Look, when we get in contract with them, I’ll ask my Kindred brothers to bring a universal key with them when they come to collect us. Until then, it’s either pick my time to get shocked or let this damn collar shock me whenever the hell it feels like it.”

“Maybe it’s had enough now,” she said stubbornly. “It might leave you alone for the rest of the night.”

“Or it might fucking not,” he growled. He lowered his voice to a more gentle tone. “Come on, Nina…don’t make me beg. I could be seriously injured if it surprises me again. I nearly bit my tongue in two that last time.”

She shook her head again. “But—wait a minute.” An idea was beginning to take root. “You said it feeds on extreme emotions, right?”

He nodded. “That’s right.”

“But not necessarily
negative
emotions,” Nina clarified.

“I suppose not.” He shrugged. “Though I’m pretty sure most of the poor bastards wearing a Hurkon collar aren’t feeding it with ‘happy thoughts.’ Why?”

“Because. I think I know another way to feed it—a way to satisfy its appetite.” Nina took a step toward him, looking up into his shadowed face. The flickering firelight didn’t reach his features. All she could see of him were his hooded silver eyes.

“What are you talking about, Nina?” he growled hoarsely. “How else am I supposed to feed the damn thing?”

“Like this.” And standing on her tiptoes, she kissed him.

Chapter Twenty-two

Reddix’s heart was pounding, and his shaft was suddenly thick and aching under the thin fur blanket. He wanted to kiss Nina back—wanted to grab her and do much more than kiss her. But this time he was able to restrain himself.