Shadows Amongst Light (The Spy Who Loves Me) (15 page)

I knew all the things
Matt was saying were true, but I just wasn’t prepared to accept that fate just yet.

In the beginning, before he’d brought me into
The Organization, Noah had drilled that into my head over and over again. There was not getting out once you were in.

In all the times
Noah and I had talked recently, every single time I told him I was sick of playing this game Noah reminded me of that fate. My fate. I didn’t want to accept it then and I couldn’t accept it now.

“Well, I’m sorry
Matt but I can’t accept that. I won’t.”

“Maybe you’re right
?” Matt said without much conviction. “Look, don’t listen to me. You have to do what’s best for you Cameron. Only you can decide that. Hell, there have been times when I’ve felt the same way. Didn’t think I could stand another day in this business. Then something happened to remind me I’m not ready to get out yet. Only you can know when you’re ready to get out of the game Cameron. And if your mind’s made up then I’m guessing you’re sure.”

“I am sure
Matt. I have to try to have a normal life. I just can’t do this anymore.”

“
Cameron, you know that I wish you the best and I’ll do what I can to protect your privacy. But if you stay in here D.C. you know that will be virtually impossible.”

“I know
. That’s why I’m not staying in D.C. Matt, I’m moving to...”

“Don’t tell me where you‘re going...” He interrupted
. “For your own safety, don’t tell anyone where you’re going from here Cameron.”

“But what if...” I’d been close to asking what if
Noah needed to reach me. I’d stopped myself before the words were actually out. Noah and I had said our goodbyes that last night we spent together. He wouldn’t come looking for me.

“I’ll be at the next meeting,
Matt but I’m not sure how soon before I’ll be leaving D.C. If you’re serious about getting a replacement for Noah you might as well get one for me as well.”

“I’ve already got a couple of possibilities in mind of course at the time I thought I’d just be choosing one
. I’ll ask them both to be at the next meeting so that they can meet the team and we can decide if they’re in our out.”

“
Matt do you think that’s a good idea? I mean what do you know about these people. Do you trust them?”

“
Cameron, I’m not that green. They come highly recommended even by Bureau’s standards. They’re good. They’ve passed all the security checks. Still, as a precaution we’ll meet at the abandoned factory on First Street for the initial interview. I’d like you to be there for that. I’d like your input you know. After all, you’ve been a valuable member of this team. And I know Noah trusted your instincts.”

I flinched at the mention of
Noah’s name. I couldn’t think about him and not be filled with what I could only believe were wasted emotions. I wondered if there would ever be a time when I didn’t feel this way. Noah and I were tied to each other through the child that he knew nothing about.

For the first time since joining
The Organization, I hated being associated with it. I hated the whole world of shadows and evil. I never wanted to be a part of such dark things again.

“All right, but just for you,
Matt. I won’t stay beyond that. I can’t.”

“Okay, I understand that and that’s all I’m asking for
. Then you’re free to move on with your life. Thank you, Cameron. I know how hard this is for you.”

“Yes
.” Was all I could say but I felt the weight of that decision all the way down to my soul. I prayed that my decision wouldn’t be just another final mistake.

“Thank you,
Cameron. I know it’s asking a lot but look what I’m being left with. Gina who seems to have her own agenda and Shane who is like poison. He wants to run the show and frankly, Noah was afraid he’d try to take over once he was gone. He warned me about Shane’s.”

“You’re going to have your hands full that’s for sure
. So who are the newbies? Both guys, right?”

“I don’t really want to give out too much about their identity over the phone but yes, both guys.”

“Well Gina will be happy. She never really liked having competition.”

“
Cameron, you know that Gina never really stood a chance as far as Noah was concerned, don’t you? He was crazy about you right from the start. He used to send me email about you all the time. He didn’t want you to be a part of The Organization at first, you know. For that reason. He was afraid you’d end up getting hurt. He was wrong and so was I. You certainly can handle yourself.”

At one
time, I would have given anything to hear those words. Now, in my present state of mind, I hated their reference. They reminded me of the person I’d become. The woman I no longer wanted to be.

“Look I have to go
Matt, but I’ll see you on Thursday, okay?”

I hung up the phone feeling even more lost than before
. I typed a short note to the school I was working for and let them know that I was leaving and that this note as well as the call I would be making to the superintendent would serve as my notice.

Then I started to plan for a future with my child.

After several hours of searching websites for houses that were available around Eagle’s Bluff, I found a small cabin-style house that I fell in love with from the second I pulled it up.

I decided that I would fly out this week and scout the place and be back in time for the meeting on Thursday.

I booked airfare leaving Washington early the following morning and was so nervous that I couldn’t sleep. I hadn’t felt this excited about anything in a long time.

As I thought about
Noah’s child growing inside me I had to force myself not to call Noah’s secure number again even though I knew I would be putting both my life and my child’s in jeopardy. Now that it was too late, I wanted to tell Noah everything.

*****

By the time my flight boarded for Denver the next morning, I’d managed to forget about the past for the moment. There were unanswered questions that I knew I would have to learn someday. And then there was Noah. I knew myself too well to accept that he was actually dead. I’d find out for sure someday. One way or another even if I had to fight Adam and The Organization to get to that truth.

When I arrived in Denver, retrieved my bag and my rental car I’d managed to push most of my worries aside
.

By the time I reached Eagle’s Bluff, I actually felt happy for the first time in a long time
. I was smiling again. It felt as if it had been years since I’d smiled.

On the drive up to the
cabin, I couldn’t imagine any other place in the world ever being this beautiful. This was the heart of the Rockies. These mountains, rising upward in the range of fourteen thousand feet had been around for thousands of years. For some reason that thought brought me comfort. I wasn’t so sure I was going back to Virginia again.

I had taken Matt’s warning to heart.
I did not intend to tell anyone where I was moving. I’d decided to use my great grandmother’s maiden name of Sinclair to begin my new life.

The woman at the real estate agency that managed the cabins had told me that Eagle’s Bluff was growing in size but that for the most part there were several nice affordable houses available here
. I picked up a listing from her and stopped by the store on the way out of town.

The town hadn’t changed all that much through the years but I could see that some of modern times had caught up with it
. When my parents and I had been here all those years ago, there were only a few tourist shops and a couple of restaurants. Today that had grown to more than a half dozen restaurants not to mention clothing stores and coffee shops. The place was definitely on an upward spiral.

The agent told me that this time of year was still considered the off-season
. The summer vacation crowds were just about over. Most people were back in school by now and it was still several months before the ski season kicked in.

By the
time, I arrived at the rental cabin I was ready to sleep. My months of sleepless nights and years of searching the darkness for the enemy had left me feeling like I could literally sleep for weeks.

I made a sandwich and pretty much fell asleep while eating it
. I decided the first order of business was to relax.

Unfortunately,
for someone used to dealing in the dark world of terrorism, I was finding it hard to relax.

             
The cabin was out in the middle of nowhere without any outside lighting except for around the house itself. Every little sound outside only reminded me of how hard it was going to be for me to get away from my past.

             
By the time morning came, I was more exhausted than before. I made breakfast and went for a long walk before going back into town to look at several of the listings that were for sale.

             
After looking at several houses that were within my budget, I finally decided on one that wasn’t. It was out in the middle of nowhere perched amongst several mountains and surrounded by trees. No one was going to just wander off the beaten path and find me unless on purpose.

             
After looking over the two-story, three bedroom log home I’d first seen on the web that night I knew it was the one for me.

             
“I want it Mrs. Reynolds,” I told the plump gray haired lady dressed in a man’s flannel shirt and jeans.

             
“Are you sure, honey? I know you said you were looking to spend a set amount?”

             
“I know what I said and Yes, I’m sure. I love this place. It will be worth the extra money.”

             
I’d never once touched the money my parents had left me but I knew now how important it was for me to remain as off the radar as possible. If that meant spending a little extra to achieve that then it would be money well spent.

             
An older couple had owned the house several years before they were forced to sell it due to the husband’s failing health. The place came fully furnished and stocked to the hilt with such basics as a coffee maker and blender not to mention extras like silverware and dishes.

             
I told her that I would be writing her a check for the full amount. That caused her a moment of speechlessness before she regained a little of her composure.

             
“Okay, well when would you like to close?” Mrs. Reynolds’ asked me still not convince.

             
“As soon as possible. Can you make that happen?”

             
“Well honey, anything’s possible for the right amount of money. When would you like to move in?

             
“How does next week sound?”

             
“Sounds like I’d better get busy that’s what it sounds like to me.”

CHAPTER SEVEN

              I stayed just long enough to sign all the paperwork for the house to be mine, before catching a flight back to D.C. and what was going to be my final Agency meeting.

             
I arrived back to the scorching temperatures that were setting records all over Maryland and Virginia and couldn’t wait to be back and settled into my new life.

             
I’d rented my apartment all those years ago fully furnished so that the only things I would be taking with me were my clothes and the few personal belongings that I owned.

             
In spite of the fact that I’d never really felt close to any of The Organization members other than Noah, it was still harder to walk away than I imagined.

             
So much of my life had been spent with these people working for what we believed was good. I’d never expected how hard it was going to be to end this thing.

             
As usual, I was the last to arrive. The second I walked into the room, I knew that Matt had told the group about my leaving. All eyes were on me as I took my seat and waited for the first question.

             
“Cameron—you’re leaving? How can you just leave the team after all this time?” This was the last thing I’d ever expected to hear from Gina. “Is it because of Noah?”

             
“Gina, I told you, that’s none of your business but as a matter of fact no, it’s not. It’s just time for me to move on. That’s all.”

             
“So you’re going to do what? Open your own bakery?”               This was Shane. “Come on Cameron. You’ll miss all this excitement. You’ll be bored out of your mind in a week--if that. You can‘t walk away. No one does that.”  

             
“Look, I’m not answering any more questions. I’m done and that’s it. It’s time for me.”