Shadows and Silk (24 page)

He shouldn’t want her again. Not after
the intensity of the lovemaking that had
happened
between them
that afternoon. But it seemed like the wanting never really stopped.

Brant
took her arm and
covered them with an umbrella as they made their way from the villa to the main restaurant
. They were shown to a table on the
covered
balcony so they could hear the
wind and rain and
waves.
White candles flickered between them, making the shadows i
n her eyes even harder to read. It should have been a night for romance—for loving
softly and lazily as the rain fell around them. To talk with each other easily as
they once done, sharing common interests or funny stories about the members of their
families. But that wasn’t to be.

“What’s wrong, Darcy?” he asked after they’d ordered and were sipping on
chilled
wine. She hadn’t looked at him since they’d sat down. She’d just stared at the direction
of the ocean, even though it was too dark to see the waves.

He watched as he inhaled deeply, gathering her courage.
“I don’t want to go through with our six month plan. I’ve changed my mind.”

Her words were like a slap in the face—his biggest fear come to life. She wanted to
leave. So her words of love must have been shallow at best.
He kept his expression blank even though his hand
s
fisted in his lap.

“I see,” he said for lack of anything better. He cleared his throat and took a drink,
trying to t
hink of the right thing to say without doing more damage to their strained relationship.

She turned those big, sad eyes on him and tried to smile. “I just think it’s time
we stop playing a game no one is going to win. There’s no reason to prolong it. You
have everything to gain
here
, and I have everything t
o lose.
And frankly, I’m tired of being on the losing end when it comes to you.
It’s just not fair—” her voice cracked on a sob before she took a deep breath and
continued. “And I’m tired. I deserve better than you’re willing to give me. I don’t
want your half-assed marriage proposals and
the if
I could love anyone it would be you speech. I love you, Brant Scott. I’ve always
loved you. And it’s time for you to either
be
man enough to love me back or to walk away for good. I’m not settling for anything
else.”

He exhaled a slow breath when she said the words he’d wanted to
o
badly to hear. She still loved him. She was just giving up on him.
Panic had a cold sweat snaking down his spine. It
was the first time she’d said
the words while looking him straight in the eye. She meant
them,
he could see that she did. But he couldn’t give the words back, even though the thought
of losing her forever made him want to break things with his own two hands.

He could say the words
.
And he knew if he said them he’d mean them. But he was terrified about what came after
the words. If he opened himself
like that
to her
,
she had the power to hurt him more than even his wife had.

“And you think you’ll be able to just walk away.”

He was surprised at how smooth his voice was. How controlled.
He didn’t know how to convince her that he’d been relying on her to give him another
chance. To see him through the darkness in his heart and show him that only their
love
would
be enough in the end. He just knew he was out of chances.

“Yes,” she said with a finality that chilled him to the bone. “It’s over, Brant.”

He ignored the tears that escaped her eyes, wishing he could shed a few
himself
. “Do you think I have nothing to lose by having feelings for you?” he asked.

“Since you’ve never said what those feelings are, then no. I think you have nothing
to lose.”

“Did it ever occur to you that Vivian spent months watching and learning you without
y
ou or your brothers being aware?
Your brothers, Darcy, who are some of the finest damned agents I’ve ever met.
She could have killed you and no one would have ever known.
All because you were my obsession.
The one thing I could never get out of my system. Any time you spent with me would
be taking a chance on your life. I’d have
everything
to lose by loving you.”

“
Even after all this,
that
is the excuse you’re going to use? You can’t even be honest with yourself.” Anger
had brought color to her cheeks and her eyes lit with fire. “
Considering what my brothers do for a living, those chances happen every day. I’m
not going to live in a bubble for them or for you. I’ve lived my life the way I’ve
wanted to, with many objections from the overbearing men in my life. But this time
I’ll be living it without the hope that I can spend it with you.”

Frustration ate at him. He was being more than honest with himself. He no longer had
blinders on about his feelings for Darcy. He loved her.
All of her.
But how could he tell her after all the misery he’d put her through.

Their food arrived by waiters who looked at them nervously. It wasn’t difficult to
feel the tension between them. But their appetites seemed to have disappeared since
both of them did nothing more than push the food around on their plate.

The rain had stopped by the time t
hey left to head back to th
eir villa. The paths were well lit, and drops of water dripped from the palm trees.
Brant
heard the furious whispers before he saw anyone, and he put his hand on Darcy’s arm
to pull her back some as they made their way around the bend.

Darcy looked at him, and he inched forward slowly, his steps silent so he wouldn’t
alert whoever was there. This wasn’t an argument between one of the other couples
at a resort. It was the kind of argument that could go from bad to worse in a second.

What he saw once they rounded the corner was
Marco Luna and his son
squared off face to face. The
elder Luna held his son by his shirt collar, and whatever threat he delivered made
Enrique pale considerably. When
Marco
finished he let go of his son and
stormed off in the opposite direction. Enrique stood there for a moment with his hands
on his hips, the anger surrounding him like a live current.
He kicked once at the pebbles on the path and let out a stream of Spanish vile enough
to raise both his and Darcy’s brows. It wasn’t often one so young was that creative
with
language.

Brant started walking and pulled Darcy with him, and Enrique turned suddenly at the
sound of their footsteps. The look in Enrique’s eyes was enough to make
Brant was glad he was armed. Enrique
didn’t bother to say anything or acknowledge them. He
just
took
off in the
opposite
direction of his father.

“Well,” Darcy said. “That was interesting. A kid that young shouldn’t have eyes like
that.”

“Maybe it would be a good idea to l
ook a little closer at the
Luna
s
.
”

***

Darcy had told Brant the truth. What she felt for him was t
oo strong—and it hurt too much
to not have him feel the same way in return. There was a time to fight for the things
that mattered in life, but there was also a time for self-preservation. And six more
months of this would be the end of her. It was time to finish this once and for all
and disappear for a while so she could lick her wounds in private. It would only be
natural that the hurt would lessen over time.

Brant was quiet beside her, and she didn’t know what to think of his silence.
Whatever his feelings, he hadn’t seemed all that upset with her declaration. Not that
she’d be able to tell even if he was upset. He was like her brothers as far as keeping
their feelings close to the vest.
Maybe it was for the best if neither of them said anything for a while.

His phone buzzed in
his pocket just as he unlocked the door to the villa
,
and
he
ushered her inside
and out of the way while he
did a quick walkthrough to make sure they’d had no visitors.
He held his gun in his right hand and answered the phone with his left.

The conversation was short and to the point
with whoever was on the other end
.

“That was your brother,”
Brant
said. “It looks like you were on target with the ruins in Guatemala.
Dec couldn’t get an aerial shot because they’
ve restricted flight access, and s
atellite imaging isn’t helping much because of the dense coverage of the jungle.
What satellite did pick up was about two square miles of military grade fencing, and
soldiers on a guard rotation. Dec says it looks like a military operation instead
of drug lord territory.”

“So what’s the plan?”

He gave her a steady look as he put away his weapon and tossed the phone on the bar.
“
Dec says we’re all going in, but
I’m still undecided on whether or not I should tie and gag you and have you shipped
off to safety.
How well do you know th
at
area?”

“As well as anyone. I did my dissertation on that site.
I spent six months living and breathing every hill and valley where the ruins used
to be.”

Brant rubbed the back of his neck in frustration. “That’s what your brother said.
You’re coming with us this time. We can’t afford to leave Jade behind to protect you.
She’s too important on a mission like this. And we can’t afford any misinformation
from what Dec has managed to glean
in the last couple of hours
. You’re going to have to get us into that compound.”

“I can do that,” she said feeling the rush of excitement spread under her skin. They
needed her. And she wasn’t going to be left behind. “Like I said, I know the area
well.”

“
Goddammit
, Darcy,” he said, pounding his fist against the counter. “This isn’t going to be
a walk in the park. We’re dragging you into the lion’s den, and I can fucking see
the excitement in your eyes.
”

“Why
the hell do you even care?” she shouted back, finally having enough of his pretending
that she mattered. “I’m just a quick fuck. Don’t stand there and pretend like you
really give a shit.
You know what you are? You’re a coward.”

She saw the vein throb at his temple and the way his eyes darkened so they were almost
black with fury. She’d crossed the line, but she didn’t care.
At least she could tell he was angry this time. He couldn’t be a robot all the time.
Anger and hurt were one emotion now, and she couldn’t seem to stop the rollercoaster
she’d started on.

“You say I was your obsession for years?
Years!
And then you tried to push me out of your life by marrying the first stand-in you
could find, someone who l
ooked like me and acted like me.”

She saw the wine glass on the bar next to her and grabbed one, throwing it at his
head.

“What the hell?” he said,
duck
ing
so the glass shattered against the wall behind his head. His eyes narrowed in warning
, but she didn’t care and grabbed another glass.

“
Don’t give me some excuse about me being too young. I was yours. I’ve
always
been yours.” Another glass left her hand and smashed against the wall to his right.
“
And you pissed that away because you’re terrified of what loving me makes you feel
after the wife
—
who you didn’t love
and
who
didn’t love you
by the way—
stabbed y
ou in the back and betrayed you.” He moved again, and she could see he was trying
to close in on her. She threw two more glass
es
in rapid succession and he took cover behind the couch.

“
A wife that should
have been me in the first place,” she yelled.
“
So yeah. You’re a coward, Brant Scott.”

“Jesus, Darcy, get a grip.”

“Get a grip?” She was running out of glasses, and glittering shards littered the floor.
“After everything you’ve put me through you want me to get a grip?” She threw another
glass, but her aim was fading along with her rage. “I waited for you. For years I
waited. And I
kept loving
you. But now you don’t even have the courage to fight for me even though I know how
much you want me. Well, you can go straight to hell.”