Shadow's Awakening: The Shadow Warder Series, Book One (An Urban Fantasy Romance Series) (25 page)

They were focusing on her telekinesis rather than resonating since resonating didn’t really work on Warders. Conner’s mind was so impervious to her pushes, it was nearly impossible for them to judge how her efforts would affect a human or a Voratus. Conner worried that he’d teach her to push at a strength that would rip apart a human brain. Not interested in anything that would bring on that kind of result, Hannah had agreed to practice the Tk. Now she lay there, breathing slowly, trying to get a handle on what she was doing wrong.

“Hannah?” Conner asked.

“Give me another minute,” she said. “I need to figure this out.”

“Take your time. I’m not going anywhere.”

Hannah heard him lie back in the grass. She might have thought he was taking a nap, but by now she knew he’d never leave her vulnerable. Despite their consuming, passionate sex fest over the past few days, Conner had still maintained his awareness of their safety. He’d dragged himself from their bed more than once to check his wards and assess their surroundings. When it had become clear that their desire for each other wasn’t going to burn itself out any time soon, he’d managed to add to the number of wards outside the cabin and around the clearing, making sure that, even distracted, he would get plenty of warning if they had visitors. Hannah knew that he might be resting, but he was also hyper-aware of everything around them.

Was it any wonder she couldn’t stay away from him? Her heart was going to shatter when she had to leave him. Hannah had no doubt on that score. Still, she couldn’t back off, couldn’t protect herself. As she’d decided days ago when she’d kissed him, she was taking this one taste of goodness for herself after all the misery she’d been through.

Conner was a dream, wrapped up in a living man. Beautiful, with his dark eyes and strong, muscled body. Patient, kind, watching out for her, touching her until she was dizzy with pleasure. Hannah wanted to give it all back to him. To care for him and protect him. A ludicrous thought since his people didn’t do relationships. And he was a soldier—she’d never met a man who needed protecting less than Conner. Yet thinking about him as an orphaned child, Hannah knew that he might not need her to fight Vorati for him but he did need love. And if he didn’t need it, he deserved it. He deserved to be loved more than anyone she’d known. It felt wrong that she wouldn’t have the chance.

Hannah drew in a deep breath to settle her thoughts. There was no point dwelling on the broken heart in her future. She’d made this bed and gotten into it happily. She’d have plenty of time to deal with the consequences. For now, she was wasting their time out of bed. It occurred to her that if she was able to get a handle on the Tk, Conner might let her seduce him out here under the bright afternoon sunshine.

So what was she missing? The shielding had ended up being so easy. She’d gone into her mind, woven the net and let it go. Her subconscious, seemingly more well-versed in her Shadow-hood than she was, had taken it from there. Maybe that was her problem. She was trying to connect with the objects she was moving using her conscious mind. So far her conscious mind didn’t do much more than get in the way. When she picked up a pen to write, she didn’t use her conscious mind to tell her fingers how to form letters on the paper. Not after the first time. So why was she trying to force her conscious mind to move the stick?

Suddenly optimistic, Hannah let herself slide into the quiet forest inside her head. She took a moment to soak in the thrum of energy, the sparking light of the shield surrounding her inner world. Then she stepped back into her outer mind and sat up, ready to try again.

This time, Hannah didn’t think about moving the stick in the air. Instead, she thought about the path she wanted the stick to take, envisioning it soaring through the air at rocket speed. Then she let it fly. With a gasp, Hannah watched as it shot up off the ground and struck the branch she’d aimed for with a solid thunk. The stick hit so hard it shattered, pieces spinning to the ground around them.

“Watch out!” Hannah yelled with a gleeful laugh, half ducking under an outstretched arm as the splinters of wood rained down. Barely aware she was doing it, Hannah reached out with her mind and deflected the debris away from her head. Conner, who sat up with a jerk at the stick’s flight into the trees, looked at Hannah in wonder.

“You did that?” he asked.

“I did it!” Hannah jumped to her feet, a laugh bubbling out of her throat. “I totally did it! I was trying too hard before. I just needed to stop thinking about it so much.” Relief rushed through her as she did a little happy dance.

Conner watched Hannah jump up and down and punch her fists in the air, her long red-gold hair incandescent in the sunlight. She was adorable in her glee, the most beautiful thing he’d ever seen. His stomach twisted as conflicting emotions ran through him. Joy, for Hannah, that she’d broken through her block and been able to access her Tk abilities. Relief that she had a viable way to defend herself. Ideally she’d be protected with the Shadows and shouldn’t have to worry.

But she’d spent six months as a captive and he didn’t know what she’d be walking into. He hadn’t liked the idea of sending her out there defenseless. And finally, despair. He’d known all along that he was going to have to give her up. Nothing had changed. Helping her use enough of her abilities to function was his excuse for keeping her. With this success, they’d exhausted what training Conner had to offer. It was time to go back.

Hannah finished her victory dance and skipped to where he still sat in the grass. With a graceful dip, she lowered herself into his lap, twining her legs around him. Before she put her mouth on his, Conner grabbed her hands gently, pulling them behind her back.

“Do it again,” he whispered in her ear. Hannah didn’t answer, but a rush of power prickled against his skin as she focused on a small rock a few feet away. He watched in amazement as it rose in the air, then sped across the clearing, moving faster with each second, until it buried itself in the trunk of a tree thirty feet from where they sat. Another rock followed suit, hitting a different tree. Then two at a time. Then a handful of small pebbles, flying to pepper a tree like buckshot.

“Good enough?” Hannah asked, her eyes shining. Conner released her hands, rubbing his cheek along hers in affection.

“More than good enough,” he said “I’m proud of you.”

Unable to stop, Conner slid his hands beneath her shirt, stroking her back, savoring the feel of her soft, warm skin against his callused palms. This was his last chance to have her, to fill her, to taste her and touch her. Pain twisted through his chest at the thought of leaving Hannah.

Holding her close, her inner heat pulsed through her skin into his, their odd connection flaring to life as they continued to touch. He’d never find another woman like Hannah. Was he really going to let her walk away? Was there any other choice?

Drawing on his deepest reserves of will, Conner set Hannah off his lap and stood up. He avoided looking at the confused expression on her face and offered her his hand. When she grasped it, he pulled her up from the grass, not meeting her questioning gaze. Her breath hitched and Conner knew she’d understood. Hannah’s dismay showed through the sudden glaze of tears in her eyes.

“I don’t want to go,” she said quietly.

“I know. I don’t want to take you back.”

Conner heard her lungs working as she tried to force composure. Just one more thing about Hannah that worked for him. Another woman might have pitched a fit, complained or cried. Hannah did none of that. She knew what they had to do and was determined to handle it as best she could. Conner reached out and took her upper arm in his hand. With a sharp tug, he tucked her into his body. Resting his chin on the top of her head, he took a deep breath, memorizing her warm scent of sunshine and fresh-cut grass. Her breaths were quiet but ragged as her chest moved against him. A small wet heat soaked his shirt. Conner realized that Hannah was silently weeping. Her sorrow flowed into him everywhere they touched, seeping from her soul into his. He wished he had something better to give back to her, that he could find anything to push back through their bond to chase away her sadness. He was lucky he wasn’t crying along with her. At a loss, sick at heart, Conner rubbed Hannah’s back, hoping to ease them both.

Dwelling on what was to come was a waste of time. There had never been a chance that they might stay together. This had always been a stolen moment from both of their lives. He would go back to his patrols and Hannah would go forward into a future with the Shadows. The few days they’d had together would have to be enough. Any other option would end up getting him, possibly both of them, killed.

Running off with a Shadow would label Conner a rebel and a traitor. A Sicarius—a Warder assassin—would be sent after him. Conner wouldn’t allow the Sicarius to take him, since that would mean abandoning Hannah to whatever fate the Warders decided was appropriate for a Shadow who seduced one of their own. His people weren’t without mercy, but they worshipped history and protocol. They wouldn’t care that Hannah was innocent of any wrongdoing. If she ran away with Conner she’d violate the law and would have to pay. As would he. They would either be caught and punished or on the run for the rest of their long lives.

For a human, living on the run had possibility. The centuries-long lifespan of a Warder and a Shadow turned the world into a small pond as time passed. They might get away with hiding for a while, but eventually they’d be caught. The pairing of a Warder and Shadow was too conspicuous. What Conner felt for Hannah went beyond passion and affection. He might not understand this connection they had, the way energy and emotion seemed to flow between them when they touched, but he understood that it was far more than a casual relationship.

It might be unfair, but fair didn’t matter. If he truly cared for her, the best thing he could do was bring her back to Alexa so that she could be delivered to the Shadows. They would care for her, teach her, give her the place in this world that he could not. He might not be able to have Hannah at his side, but at least he would know she was safe and living a good life. At that thought, Conner used all his resolve to pull away a few inches and whisper in Hannah’s ear.

“We’ll leave first thing in the morning. Can you pack up our stuff and see about making something for dinner? I want to check the wards and let Junie know we’ll be taking off tomorrow.”

Hannah nodded her head against his chest. Trying to hide her actions, she raised her hand to wipe her eyes clear. Conner took her chin in his hand and tilted her face up to his. Silvery tracks shone on her cheeks.

“I’ll take care of it,” she whispered. Conner nodded in response. He wiped away the evidence of her tears with his thumb.

“If I thought there was any other way,” he began. Hannah pressed a hand over his mouth.

“I know.” Quickly, before it could grow into anything else, Hannah darted in and kissed his cheek, then whirled around and ran for the house.

Conner thought about following to make sure she was all right. There was no point. Neither of them was all right and they would both have to live with it. He turned and paced away from the cabin, following the perimeter of wards he’d set what felt like a lifetime ago.

Junie dug her hands in the damp potting soil up to her wrists, loving the way the dirt clung to her skin and pushed under her nails. Later in the season she’d wear gloves, but she’d missed gardening so much over the winter, she couldn’t resist getting her hands dirty. It was too early in the mountains to plant anything in the beds in front of her house. They were due for at least a few more frosts. Possibly another snowfall. Snow in spring wasn’t unusual in the mountains, no matter how warm it might be at lower elevations. Junie had the two planters on her front porch set into wheeled bases for just that reason. She could have her early spring flowers and still roll them inside on cold nights. The contraptions were ungainly and heavy to move, even with the wheels, but she managed. The bright blooms she’d picked at the nursery were worth the bother of manhandling the heavy planters back and forth.