Shadow's Dangers (31 page)

“Excuse me?” I exclaimed, eyes wide as ever. “Reincarnation? You mean, as in Buddhism?”

He sighed while nervously passing a hand through his hair.

“It’s not the same thing. Both principles of incarnations are different in many ways. For example, what we have done in a lifetime doesn't affect the next. Our good or bad acts don't define our next life. You see, my soul is...old. Like many of us, although, the others being more recent. When I die, the essence of my being goes back in
Vergashae.
When I’m ready to leave that place, I leave behind the part of my soul marked by my former life and what remains of my soul allows me to return somewhere on Earth and be reincarnated as a newborn
Enimae.
Obviously I, like the others, don’t remember anything of our old lives, except in a very special case but I'll tell you more on that another day because it's complex enough as it is.”

Indeed, it was. It was also terribly difficult to integrate. I tried to calm the anxiety that had arisen during his confidences, but to no avail. We were so different! He was much older than me, he was something other than human, he had a complex and frightening world. For a long time, I was unable to focus on anything other than all that separated us. But when I met Garreth’s eyes, I couldn't help telling myself how he seemed human, though. Gradually, I began to reverse the process that I had done so far. Instead of focusing on what separated us, I focused on what brought us together. He cared about me. He was willing to do anything to protect me. I loved him. I felt good with him. He had brought back joy to my life that was sorely lacking since Tess’ death. What was more important than this? Our differences? Certainly not.

“You told me you didn't have this appearance in the past. Why do you now?”

He seemed surprised at first that I asked him this question, when still a few minutes before, I was shocked by his revelations. Then astonishment gave way to a shy expression, which was rare to see on his face.

“Joker,” he said and I frowned. “I will answer another time. Believe me, it doesn't matter.”

I hesitated to insist but dropped it. I could at least give him that. Not to mention that I had too many questions in mind to dwell on this point and not learn about everything else.

“Okay. And your other appearance? What does it look like? You can tell me.”

“You want me to show you?” he asked me after a few moments of reflection, presumably to weigh the pros and cons.

I opened my mouth, though nothing came out. It took me two failed attempts before I finally managed speech.

“Uh...you won't end up naked or worse, right?”

This was the first time since we started talking that he relaxed, the pressure he had experienced suddenly gone. He laughed out loud. A real laugh that was anything but fake.

“Wow...I’m glad to know that the idea of seeing me naked seems so horrible to you. Well, at least, you said it could be worse.”

I felt a tad embarrassed. He misunderstood me.

“What I meant is that I don't dream of a naked stranger in my room, even if it is you who is hiding here. If it was the appearance that I know, that would definitely be different...”

He laughed again while I blushed, realizing the scope of my words. One day, I'll be able to think before speaking.

“Good to know,” he said with his famous crooked smile before regaining his seriousness. “Are you sure you want to see it? It can be...disturbing.”

“Garreth, after what I saw in the meadow tonight and what I’ve heard in the last several minutes, I think I can face anything.”

At least, I hoped... He nodded and, before my very eyes, I saw streaks of colored smoke come from him. It was similar to what happened in the meadow when the false Travis and Leighton had disintegrated. Except that here, the various colors--shades of blue, purple, orange, pink, red, green and yellow--were vivid and luminous. The trails of smoke covered his whole body and then began to return under his skin. I first discovered his extremities like his hands or the top of his head. I realized he was even taller than before. Moments later, my eyes lingered on his hair that became sun-kissed. Then I saw his face and the rest of his appearance took shape, and finally, the details like his features or his clothes became clearer. When I met his eyes--piercing bright blue-- I knew I had seen them before.

“We already met each other.”

My words seemed stupid. Of course I had already seen Garreth. What I meant was that I had seen this man, this appearance, before today.

“What?” he asked me, lost, while the last trains of smoke disappeared.

This body was slimmer and less muscular than the one I knew, his face was less manly than the one I liked to admire. He had a very good physique, but it took me a moment to digest the fact that this thirty-year-old stranger was indeed Garreth. In fact, nothing would have allowed me to recognize him apart from the eyes. They might be a different color and shape, but the feelings they emitted were always there, which made me let go of a fear I hadn't realized before it disappeared at that very moment. Regardless of appearance, nothing changed between us.

“I’ve already seen you before today.”

Actually, it was a certainty. Garreth seemed uncomfortable, ran a hand through his hair as he usually did in such cases. I knew I wasn't mistaken. I searched my memory for something and suddenly, I remembered on which occasion I met him.

“The weird guy at Martha’s Coffee, after Tess’s funeral, it was you. That is where we met.”

He looked away while I remembered that moment. I went there with Hayden, her mother, the Police Chief Collins, Mary, the school nurse and Martha, the owner of the coffee shop. I remembered there was no one, except us, because knowing the ties between Martha and my grandmother, people didn't dare to come, especially since they all knew that we would be in her coffee shop after the ceremony. But that day, as I wavered between tears and prolonged silent crises, two people had entered. A man--Garreth--and a woman. Martha had tried to chase them away because she didn't want me to be disturbed during my mourning by the prying eyes of foreigners unaware of what was happening, but I intervened, telling her that she could let them come. The reason I still remembered it was that I noticed after a moment that the man kept looking at me, even though he was older and obviously had a girlfriend--at least that was what I had thought at the time. Annoyed by the attention on me, I had looked at him, holding his gaze, trying to make him uncomfortable. Except that when my eyes were plunged into his, I had felt weird and the need to get away from him. It didn't take long to do so, asking my sister, who hadn't come to the coffee shop with us, to pick me up. That very night, the nightmares began. Suddenly, it all took a new meaning. It was he who had started this, not the death of Tess, as I had always believed.

“I shouldn't have,” he conceded, taking me out of my procrastination.

“You shouldn't have, what?”

“Come there, that day. I know my presence disturbed you and in hindsight, I think it was more than displaced to have yielded to the temptation to show myself to you. But with the death of Tess, I wanted to know how you were doing. Unfortunately, I made things worse.”

“You’re forgiven. Just...it would have been better if you hadn't looked so...weird,” I said, hesitating on the word that best described his attitude that day.

He seemed even more embarrassed if that was possible. Although it wasn't the appearance I knew so well, the words, looks and expressions were surprisingly, the same. It was reassuring.

“According to Leighton, weird didn’t even begin to describe it. She said I looked like a voyeur completely obsessed with you and she had to hit me repeatedly under the table for me to lose eye contact. In my defense, it was the first time I saw you as closely since I saved you, thirteen years previous and that you could see me too. I must say that you had changed a lot.”

I should be flattered by his words, however, my only emotion was surprise.

“The woman with you, it was Leighton?”

He nodded. I remembered her upset expression. At the time, I thought she didn't like the stares of her boyfriend in my direction. I had it all wrong. Obviously, I wasn't good at deciphering people’s behavior.

I slowly realized something that had never come to mind before. I’d been in love with Garreth for a few months, but it wasn't the same for him. From what Leighton said this evening, even before we officially met, he was caught between two fires, having both the desire that I get to know him and wanting to protect me from everything that was related to his universe.

“How long have you...you know...?”

He adopted the form and features I had always known, to my relief and I discovered his expression. He seemed unprepared.

“You mean how long have I loved you?”

I nodded. How could it be so easy for him? Usually, people weren't as comfortable with their feelings, especially men. Maybe it was something typical to
Enimae.
In which case, I wasn't complaining.

“Since the day you went to Spencer’s birthday, nearly two years ago. Before, you were just the person I had to protect at all costs. I developed a kind of affection for you, but that day, everything changed. Leighton was watching you throughout the afternoon. You had already left for the party and I needed some fresh air, so I decided to stand near your home in advance, that way I’d already be in place to take my watch. I couldn't see the road, but with my hearing being more acute than that of a human, I heard you curse your phone after you’d dropped and damaged it. Feeling that Leighton didn't follow you, contrary to what had been agreed, I posted myself somewhere to keep an eye on you. There was nothing special, you were as beautiful as any other day with your long white dress, the one you always wear on special occasions and a gray jacket that was too big for you, although you wore it as often as possible because it belonged to your father. It was then that I saw you in a completely new way.”

He smiled, looking far away from here, as if he were replaying the scene in his head.

“Tess was on the old wooden bench beside the door, looking sad. You arrived, she asked you what you were doing and you simply told her that you’d rather keep her company. Then you took her in your arms as Tess tried to convince you to return to your friends because she knew you’d been eager to go to the birthday party for days. But you just said, smiling, that there would be other parties to go to. You stayed all night with her, to make her forget the departure of your sister from Mensen. But I knew how much you wanted to attend Spencer’s birthday because it was the first time that you were invited to someone's party outside of your circle of friends, by someone who didn't consider you to be ‘the strange girl from the weird family.’”

He paused and approached me. I was completely shaken by his words, not because he had spied on me, but because that time was only a distant moment for me, yet engraved in his memory and changed everything for him. As I was sat on the bed, he knelt in front of me so that his face was level with mine. Our eyes met because they were that intense. His hand reached for my cheek and with his thumb, he stroked it gently.

“I have seen many people, Lila, and I could see that most were selfish. But, I don't judge them because it’s the way of many
Enimae.
I was like that, too. That day, you finally had the chance to be someone other than the sister of Annabelle Morgan and yet, you chose to spend time with your grandmother, even though she had told you to go to this party and that she would be fine. How many people would do that in your place? From that moment, you weren't only beautiful, you were wonderful to me. Then I knew you were even more unique than what I had been told and I wanted you more than I had ever wanted someone or something in my life.”

Tears threatened to flow after such a declaration. I never thought that one day someone would say such things to me. A few months ago, I would have been happy if I was able to find a good man who could accept me someday in spite of all the baggage that I dragged behind me. Yet in retrospect, I hadn't made things easy for him, turning him down, letting him approach me to better turn him down again... Despite all this, he persevered and I was certain that without his tenacity, we wouldn't be together now.

“I know that this is unconventional...you have to be scared of my world, of what I am and what the future will bring you. But I hope you will let me help you deal with it. Of course, I know you will need time to digest it all and make a decision about us after...”

Seeing him so vulnerable right now, I couldn’t help but kiss him and he responded as if his life depended on it. Indeed, vulnerable was the correct term. He had exposed himself to me and I assumed that given the trouble he had in confiding in me, it must have been the first time he had opened himself up like this and spoken about his fears to someone.

When our lips parted, I spoke with a firm and determined voice.

“I don't need time. I know what I want and that’s you by my side.”

One of his hands grabbed my neck to draw me toward him and kiss me again, as if he desperately needed to feel me close because he was afraid that I would disappear soon. He eventually let our lips separate, but his forehead remained resting against mine.

“There’s something else you have to know and you might want to take back what you just told me.”

He sighed heavily, backing away before standing up and passing a hand through his ebony hair. I began to feel sick to my stomach, seeing him so concerned when my words should have erased his fears. I thought everything had been said. Obviously not and considering his attitude, I had every reason to be worried...

“Again, know that whatever your reaction is, whatever you decide for us, I will accept it.”

He came near me, so that his eyes plunged into mine and I felt even worse. I suddenly didn't want to hear what was coming, but I found myself unable to tell him to keep quiet, my lips not wanting to move.

“As you have recently understood, the congeners who seek you aren't doing so for the reason we have given you. In fact, they are insurgents, people of our kind who no longer accept the way we have lived for centuries. They wanted to reveal our human existence, make war and take power on Earth. They are tired of staying in the shadows and want to live in the full light again, as it was when
Enimae
lived among humans and used their gifts to get everything they wanted. To them, Earth is rightfully ours because we are more powerful and have been here since the beginning of humanity, maybe even before it.”