Shadows of Doubt (18 page)

“Oh, no sir, you did. But thank you, Dr. Craig. “

“I'm certain they would understand if you need some quiet. They do realise they are overwhelming to most people.” He chuckled.

She had no appropriate response to that, but she smiled.

“Will you be staying on here, then?” he asked.

“I am uncertain. I must find a position, but the Dowager insists I take time for mourning.”

“Verra wise of her. You have the rest of your life to find a situation. You need not hurry from here as I'm sure you can see everyone is welcome. I've been tempted to make this my home myself.”

“Where do you live? I am certain Lady Easton told me, but I’ve forgotten.”

“My accent must be failing me. I live in Scotland. I make occasional visits here to the school to teach.”

She tried not to wince at her stupidity. “I've never been to Scotland. I hear it is beautiful.”
 

“Aye. There is no place like it.”

“I believe some of my father's family hails from there.”

He glanced at her hair and simply said, “I doona doubt it.”

Her cheeks pinked becomingly, and he continued, “You would be verra welcome there any time. There is also an orphanage run by Lord and Lady Vernon, who is also Lord Fairmont’s sister. I'm certain if you doona find a position here, you would find one there.”

“Gwen! Gwen!”

She turned to see the octogenarian Dowager scrambling hurriedly towards her.

“Ma'am? Are you unwell?” Gwen went to her. She had never seen the regal lady lacking composure before.

“I'm fine, but Elly needs your help.”

“My help? Is the baby coming? Perhaps Dr. Craig...”

“No, no nothing of the sort.” She waved her hand dismissively. “Hurry along now.”

“Very well. Thank you, Dr. Craig. I will keep in mind what you said.”

He tipped his hat and she walked off with the Dowager, who was dragging her precipitously towards Elly.

“Here is Gwen.” The Dowager presented her to Elly.

“Hello, Gwen.” Elly said looking at her grandmother mysteriously. “We have met, Grandmamma.”

“Yes, you needed her help remember?”

“I did?” Gwen saw the Dowager nudge Elly. “Of course I did!”

“Famous!” the Dowager exclaimed. “I will be off now then.”

The two ladies watched the Dowager walk away quickly.

“You do not need me, do you?”

“Not particularly, but I am always happy to see you. It would be a shame if Grandmamma was losing her wits, but I suppose it happens to the best of us at some point.”

Elly glanced over Gwen’s shoulder and saw her grandmother making hand motions towards Dr. Craig. She gave a swift nod of understanding, and drew Gwen away towards the children who were shouting.

“Mama! Lizzy put worms down my shirt again,” Charlie said indignantly.

“Coming, dears!” The expectant mother hurried after her little tomboy.

***

Gwen arrived back at her room from the picnic, her head spinning. It was as if Elly already had her and Andrew married in her mind. She could not allow herself to dream of such a thing. She could see herself keeping house; she had done that since her mother became ill. What did she have to lose by going, she wondered? If she hated America, she could always leave. She would not be any worse off than she was before. Well, before she arrived here.
 

Mr. Abbott would not be remaining in America. She might not even see him by the time she arrived. She wanted to make sure her motives in going there were pure. She could not deny that she longed to see him again, however. She felt a twinge of anticipation at a chance to see a new place.

There was a knock on her door.

“Enter.”

“Good day, Miss. I am Josie. I am Lady Easton’s maid, of sorts. She sent these dresses for you, seeing as she doesn't need them right now.”

Josie was followed in by several servants carrying a variety of dark gowns.

Gwen opened her mouth to protest.

“It twon't do no good, miss. You might as well accept. These Abbott ladies are a force of nature,” Josie laughed.

“I can see that,” Gwen said as she looked about her in astonishment.

“It is just their way of showing affection. If you don't accept these, they will send for the dressmaker. Lady Easton thought you would prefer this.”

Gwen nodded slightly.

“If you feel guilty about accepting their charity, you should go and peek at the orphanage school and the home for wounded soldiers. They've made it their life's work to help people. Besides, you're family. If they've taken in all manner of strangers, why wouldn't they want you, too?”

Gwen simply could not wrap her mind around the situation she found herself in.

“You'll grow accustomed to it. I was taken in by Sir Charles and Lady Easton near ten years ago in America. They truly are as wonderful as they seem.”

“Did you like it—America?”

“’Twere my home, miss. I still miss it, but I've got a husband ‘ere and, of course, Miss Elly.”

“Would you go back?”

“In a heartbeat. But I'm happy here, too.”

A footman knocked with his hands full of art supplies.

“Set ‘m over there,” Josie directed the boy.

“I'll leave you to it, then. I've got lessons to help with at the school. You should come visit again one day.”

“Thank you, I would like that very much.”

***

Miss Lambert,

May I offer my deepest condolences. I wish I could have offered you my personal support. Gran says you refuse to accept her generosity and are insistent upon going into service! What madness is this? Please do not accept a position at present. Take time to grieve before throwing yourself at the mercy of an unknowing patron. I assure you, you will be of no bother to my grandmother, if you can tolerate her whims. She means well. I cannot bear to think of you slaving as a governess or maid to some slovenly or un-slovenly master or mistress. I had hoped to be returned by now, for the autumn is arriving and I do not wish for a winter crossing. Rebuilding is quite a daunting task. Abe has maintained the fields but had to neglect the house to do so. He was unable to find a steward willing to work with or be hired by a man of colour. Ignorance abounds everywhere, however. I cannot say it is a problem solely endemic to America. Dare I hope you will still be under the protection of my family upon my return? Please do not allow them to frighten you away.

With affection,

Andrew Abbott

***

Mr. Abbott,

You will be pleased to know I am currently with your grandmother in Sussex at the Dower House. She refuses to help me find a position until I have passed the initial stage of mourning. She is most gracious, as is all of your family. It is quite an operation they have established here for the orphans and veterans. Perhaps I may consider teaching here if they will have me. I know nothing of medicine, and little of horses, so I am not certain how I may help. I dare not broach the topic with the Dowager yet.

I am engaged in painting a picture for your sister and Lord Easton. It is my first attempt at the real sea. I hope I may provide a worthy copy for them. Does the rebuilding progress? Have you found a steward yet?
 

Your friend,

Gwendolyn Lambert

When Gwen was painting, she lost herself. Her troubles and sorrows faded away, and there was nothing but her and her vision. It was similar to the escape she found in books, though she was able to create her own version of a happy ending. Today, as she captured a perfect sunrise, one that she had waited nearly a week for, she dreamt of sailing off into the horizon and into Mr. Abbott’s waiting arms. But she should not allow herself to even dream!

She had sent a refusal letter to her cousin. Most would think her stupid and ungrateful to turn down such an offer, but she had thought, slept and prayed about the situation and could not feel comfortable. She had been miserable at Kendall House, and had decided she would rather earn her bread than be Peregrine’s viscountess. She could not marry a man she could not respect, even if it meant going into service instead.

She was still toying with the idea of going to America. Everything seemed perfect, but it all depended on Andrew’s reaction to her arrival. Could she be content alone in America if she were to arrive and find him gone? She paused to contemplate that.
 

She would not have a choice. She would be forced to stay there until she could afford to return.

The more she thought on it, the real question was, would she be content to stay in England? The trip would fulfill her dream to travel to worlds unknown. She thought life would be better with Mr. Abbott, but she would not regret it, if only because she had always wanted to see the world.

She inhaled a deep breath of sea air, and felt the mist from the spray of a rogue wave. This was lovely. The Eastons, Fairmonts and Abbotts had been incredibly welcoming and generous. She knew how fortunate she was. She would be scrubbing floors or standing on a street corner earning her keep were it not for their charity. She should be content here. But she still felt alone, incomplete, as if there was something or someone missing.

A voice inside her screamed to take the chance. To go after him, to take the adventure in the new land. She thought of everything Elly had told her about her brother.
He would not have offered something improper. He was smitten with her.
It was hard for her to believe, but had he not been constant in his letters? She did not want to wait and let a harpy compromise him or convince him to marry them.

The thought of that was enough to send her pulse racing. She put the finishing touches on the canvas and hurried back to the house to let Elly know she would go to America. She decided to carry the painting herself and send a footman back for the easel.

As she walked, encumbered by the large canvas she was attempting to keep from smudging, she felt a sense of relief at having made a decision. She was reassured by the family’s confidence in Mr. Abbott, and comforted herself with the knowledge that she had a plan in place, should she have misunderstood his intentions. She hoped River’s Bend was as glorious as Sussex. She had enjoyed her time here, but felt almost giddy at the chance to see the world—and Mr. Abbott again.

“What has put the smile on your face, Cousin? Because I do not feel like smiling.”

Gwen jumped, and almost lost her balance and the painting. “Peregrine!”

“Surprised to see me, Cuz?” he said sarcastically.

“Actually, yes. Did you receive my letter?”

“That is why I have come.”

“I do not understand.”

“I hope to still change your mind.”

“I am sorry, Cousin Peregrine, but I cannot marry you.”

“If you find me so repulsive, you may live elsewhere. I have no objection, once you provide me with an heir.”

Gwen felt her skin begin to crawl and had to hold back a shudder.

“I am sorry.” She shook her head.
 

“Is there someone else?”

She looked away.

“Who is it? What can he offer you that I cannot?”

“I do not have to answer that.”

He grabbed her wrist. “I am sorry to have to do this, Cousin, but you will thank me later.”

“No!” She shouted. “Let me go!”

He began to pull her down the path, and she tried to wrest her arm from him while holding on to the painting.
 

“Drop the blasted painting!” he said, irritated.

“Unhand her, Kendall!” a deep voice boomed, as the sound of a pistol cocked.

Peregrine froze. “Fairmont, there has been a misunderstanding.”

“I agree. The lady said she would not marry you and wishes to be let go. I am uncertain how that could be misunderstood. Easton, did you hear her say something else?”

Easton showed himself with his pistol cocked and pointed at Lord Kendall. “No, I heard the same thing quite clearly.”

“I thought so. Miss Lambert, if you are comfortable walking back to the house, Easton and I would like to have a word with Lord Kendall.”

“Of course.”
 

“My painting was not harmed, was it, Miss Lambert?” Easton asked tritely while Nathaniel kept the gun pointed at Lord Kendall.

“I do not believe so.”

Easton took a look and was satisfied. “Lovely. Thank you.”

She hurried on to the house and hoped they resolved her cousin’s misunderstandings with fisticuffs rather than pistols. For all he had been grossly out of line, she did not wish his blood on her hands.

“What happened?” Elly was waiting for her at the door. She signalled for Hendricks to take the painting.

“I do not even know. I was painting and I was happy, and I decided to go to America, and then he was there.” She managed to string a few coherent words together.

“Who? I saw a carriage drive up. I sent Adam out to investigate when it didn’t stop at the house. We are wary of strangers with the children and veterans.”