Shakti: The Feminine Divine (32 page)

Shiva felt anger stirring, but he held it in check as best as he could before modulating a response, ‘There is nothing left to say that I have not said to you many times before. Admitting error is not my favourite thing to do, given that I am always right; however, even if you may have a case against me, it behoves you to forgive me. By your own reckoning, since females are made of all things nice and males are made of all things rotten, then it is in you to take the high road, be the better person and forgive me for my errant ways. Then we can stop this incessant squabbling and go back to being the blithe lovers we once were.’

Shakti had worked herself up into a lather over Shiva’s maddening ways, but in his eyes she was little more than a recalcitrant patient who refused to swallow a bitter potion. It made her want to laugh. He seemed determined to believe that they could go back to being ‘blithe lovers’ if only she stopped being so truculent. His demand that she forgive him, no matter what his transgressions were, was typical of him and her attitude softened.

Encouraged by the slight thaw in her demeanour, Shiva pressed on hurriedly, ‘In the interests of full disclosure, which you are so particular about, the time has come for me to tell
you a little story that will help you gain some perspective. It was from a time when our relationship had hit rock bottom. It seemed unlikely that we would ever recover from the mortal blow inflicted on us. You will want to kill me at many points in the narrative, so I urge you to hear me out before doing anything rash.’

Shiva took a deep breath before he began, noticing that her gaze had become frosty again. But at least she was no longer thinking of cutting him off from her life.

Collecting his thoughts, he plodded on, ‘In another age, the gods, led by Indra, needed my help to get rid of the demon, Soorapadman, who had come to power following a string of bloody conquests. He had won a boon from Brahma, according to which he would be safe from attacks by all, save a son of mine. As you know, getting involved in their petty affairs has seldom interested me and begetting children holds even less allure.

‘Indra, of course, could never leave well enough alone and he sent Kama to make me lose control of myself, fall in love with Parvati and beget an heir. Kama was incinerated for his troubles and Karthikeya was eventually born of my spilt seed and fiery essence to take charge of the celestial army.

‘You were furious about the fact that I was married to Parvati and we had started a family together, though she is a part of you. If it makes you feel any better, Parvati was also unhappy about the fact that my seed was gathered by Agni and not released into her. Be that as it may, you were disgruntled with everyone and everything, and you remained locked away in self-imposed isolation and refused to come back to me. Does that sound familiar, or is it just me being childish and hypersensitive?’

Shiva paused in his narrative, remembering his impotent anger at the separation she had forced on him. It had been hard to bear the fact that she seemed perfectly happy on her own, while he languished in misery without her by his side.

‘You were not languishing in misery but frolicking merrily with Parvati!’ she retorted furiously to his thoughts.

‘But that was only because she was the only part of you that was returned to me!’ he countered.

They were both breathing heavily, angered and alone with their thoughts. The silence was disrupted when Shakti spoke softly, ‘There was a child…a beautiful baby girl, wasn’t there? I gave birth to my little Avigna! She emerged from my disillusionment and shattered it with the joy that she ushered into my life. Hence her name, which means remover of obstacles. What became of her? Why can’t I remember?’

‘It all worked out for the best eventually…’ Shiva hesitated a little, awash in the memories of his darkest deed. ‘Your daughter was very protective of you, and she would not allow me entrance when I finally tracked you down, heartsick and utterly dejected by your cruel abandonment…’ The words spilled out automatically, giving shape to the terrible images they were both reliving.

Avigna was a beautiful child and the pride of her mother. Shakti believed that she truly had every one of her strengths and Shiva’s as well, without a single one of their weaknesses. Puffed up with pleasure due to her little one’s potential, she could hardly wait for the day when she would be the most scintillating star in the divine firmament. Shiva remembered the strange person who had dared to deny him passage—the spindly arms, protuberant belly and the elephantine ears, which somehow made for an attractive package, even though he
himself had been too furious to note the charms of Shakti’s daughter. All he saw was a rival claimant to his wife’s affection. He had responded with hostility and spite.

The child was wise beyond her years and bold to a fault. Looking him in the eye, she had explained why, in her opinion, he was unworthy of her mother, ‘You are the sort of person who sees a beautiful butterfly, becomes enamoured of it, but rather than allow it to flit away merrily, you feel the need to trap it in your palm. You keep it there until it is suffocated in the embrace of love. If you care enough about her, go away now and if it is meant to be, she will return of her own accord.’

‘What if she doesn’t?’ Shiva had queried and received a careless shrug in reply.

He had tried to force his way past her, but she had been immovable. Infuriated, Shiva had ordered his ganas, led by Karthikeya, to capture the precocious brat and slap her silly. But they could not get anywhere close to her as she rebuffed every one of their attacks like a whirling dervish.

When Shakti heard about the forces Shiva had sent to fight Avigna, she summoned Kali to battle on her daughter’s side. Between the two of them, they tossed back Shiva’s hordes and even Karthikeya, who had defeated the mighty Soora while still a boy, had to retreat, unable to withstand the two-pronged attack launched by Kali and his sister. The minor crisis had accelerated to a catastrophic clash between Shiva and Shakti, with neither willing to walk away.

Avigna had lived up to her name. When Karthikeya summoned the celestial armies to reinforce his scattered battle lines, she stood like a great rock being buffeted by tall plumes of water jetted forth by an angry ocean. Indra and his lokapalas led the attack, and she smashed their deadly arsenal like the
limbs of the dolls she played with. Vishnu also answered Shiva’s call and arrived on Garuda, but had little success. Driven back with embarrassing ease and smarting with humiliation, the celestials vowed to kill the pint-sized fury.

Shiva had been watching all along and wished Shakti had not pushed him into doing what he did next. On his orders, Vishnu once again engaged the child, warily keeping clear of her, while Shiva snuck up on her from behind and severed her head. Time stood still as the small head rolled off the neck, which looked impossibly tiny. Even in death she seemed to accuse and berate them for picking on someone who wasn’t close to them in size, but possessed more stature than the lot of them put together.

But worse was the bereaved mother’s fury. Shakti emerged, eyes blazing red as she prepared to destroy the three worlds. The gods fled in terror. Vishnu alone stood before her, bowed with shame, ready to accept her punishment, which he knew was entirely merited. His calm acceptance of death at her hands succeeded in taking the edge off her killing rage and together, Shiva and Vishnu promised to set things right.

They used the head of an elephant to bring Avigna back to life. Shiva even gave her his extraordinarily powerful Y chromosome and Shakti’s daughter was reborn as Shiva’s son, Ganesha. It had been enough to stop Shakti’s plan to tear the three worlds apart, but not sufficient for her to forgive the Destroyer. She had walked away again.

It was only much later, when Shiva had humbly sought her help, that reconciliation had been affected. Karthikeya, still smarting from the crushing defeat that had been inflicted upon him by a little girl, had gone berserk in a testosterone-fuelled frenzy of sexual bingeing till no man, woman or beast
was safe from being spared his unwelcome advances. The gods had all begged Shiva and Parvati to intervene on their behalf, but the latter could not handle the fiery essence and unbridled masculinity of the Destroyer that was concentrated in his son.

Shakti had brought Shiva’s son to heel by showing him a mother’s tough love and instructing him to think of her every time his amorous passions got out of hand. And thus Shiva’s son benefited from her sphere of influence and became hers as well.

It had taken longer for Shiva and Shakti to bounce back from the wounds that had been inflicted on them by others and mend the hurt they caused each other. Over the aeons, they had succeeded in becoming good friends. Mostly it was enough. The fractured family unit was almost fully healed and the three worlds were nourished under the umbrella of their goodwill.

‘It is not a bad story,’ Shakti proclaimed grudgingly, ‘especially since it offers undeniable proof of the fact that you are an unmitigated jerk!’

‘In relationships, it is never entirely one partner’s fault. Let us not forget the tearing hurry you always are in to give up on our love and escape, leaving me to rot in your absence. Every time you chose to turn your back or were taken from me, I have always found, pursued and won you back. And yet none of it matters, because Shiva and Shakti are forever. It is the reason why the universe, in its unfathomable wisdom, has decreed that while we are together it will exist and it will dissolve into nothingness when we are apart. No matter what happens, nothing will ever come between us. Sooner or later, we will find our way back to being a single entity.’

Shakti hugged him wordlessly. They remained locked in the passionate embrace for the longest time. But all too soon
she disengaged herself and made ready to depart. Shiva could only watch in resignation as he was confronted with the all-too-familiar sight of her back swaying as she left him.

Suddenly, without warning, she turned around and came back to him, stopping only when her face was a heartbeat away from his and her fingers were cupping his jaw. ‘I want you to promise me that you will always come back to me, no matter how many times I leave you in order to make you answer for your crimes. You must persist and find a way past the obstacles that I will erect to prevent you from getting close to me. The going will be insanely difficult, impossible even, but you have to prevail. And if you find me, then I promise to make it worth your while!’

‘I solemnly swear to it! No force will ever prove stronger than our love, and nothing can keep us apart forever!’ Shiva breathed the words into her ear as he pulled her back into his arms, hugging her so tight that they almost disappeared into each other.

This time she did not attempt to leave.