Shallow Be Thy Grave (3 page)

“And even if you don’t need anything, ring me anyway. Just to let me know what’s happening. I’ll pass messages on to your da... David if you want.” He scribbled his number onto the packet of red Marlboros that Lily had in her hand.  “Promise you’ll ring?”

He kept his eyes on Lily as Jo rejoined them, pulling a face that said she hadn’t managed to contact her boyfriend.

“I’ll ring,” said Jo, as the crowd started to move forward towards the train. Lily picked up her rucksack.  “Soon as we’ve found her.”

“The funeral’s next Wednesday. You’ve got a week.”

Lily didn’t look at Stuart as she stepped onto the train.

Jo found them a table and stuffed both their rucksacks onto the overhead shelf. She pulled two cans of Castlemaine XXXX from the side pocket of her rucksack and settled her dumpy frame into one of the seats. She was so short her feet didn’t touch the floor as she sat back and popped open the beers. Her voice sounded too casual, over-rehearsed, “Must be weird, seeing him again.”

 “Did you get through to Andy?” asked Lily.

Jo shook her head. “I left a message at the station, but he was out, you know, on the beat.” Jo supped from her can but Lily noticed her cheeks darkening, even though she’d been seeing Andy for over a year.  Lily knew she still hadn’t told anyone in the Leeds Poly branch of the Socialist Workers’ Party that she was seeing a copper, and Lily had learnt the hard way not to tease her about it.

Lily pulled the last letter Fiona had written to her out of her bag, still in the envelope but crumpled, and read it to herself again. She’d only kept it because she hadn’t got round to replying to it yet. Fiona had scribbled March 1990 across the top of it, and from reading it Lily knew she’d started it and broken off a few times. ‘I’m thinking of taking the summer off. Maybe going travelling. I’ve met this ace girl. Did I tell you about her already? She’s like my best friend over here. I can’t stand much more of the Ice Queen. I hate her. Did I tell you she wants me up at 6am now? So that I can get the laundry on before the kids get up? It’s slave bloody labour.’ 

“The Ice Queen. Is that Mrs Beaumont?” asked Jo, reading the letter over Lily’s shoulder.

“I guess.”

“When did she leave her job?”

“Dunno.”

There was a lot she didn’t know, thought Lily. Like why hadn’t Fiona told her she’d left the Beaumonts? And what was she doing for money if she wasn’t working as an au pair any more? And who was the ace girl? She wished Fiona had mentioned her name. Was that who she had gone inter-railing with?

The flight to Paris only took an hour, but it was an hour in which every nerve in Lily’s body was prepared for instant death. She kept imagining all of her fellow passengers sat in the sky minus the great metal bird around them and her brain ached at the impossibility of it all. 

“Bonjour, Pari’,” said Jo, turning to peer down through the tiny window at the landscape below as they descended down through the clouds.

Lily marvelled at Jo’s fearlessness as she fastened her seatbelt and steeled herself for impact. How anyone could bring themselves to look out of the window of an aeroplane was completely beyond her comprehension.

Jo beckoned to the air hostess. “Have we time for one last drink?”

The woman frowned and shook her immaculate black hair. “No,” she said, the disapproval in her tone clear. “Please fasten your seatbelt and extinguish your cigarette. We’re coming in to land.”

They didn’t have to bother with baggage control, as their rucksacks were both small enough to count as hand luggage. As soon as they stepped into customs though, a uniformed official beckoned them over to his table. “Please put your bag on here.”

 Lily sighed heavily. The exact same thing had happened on her trip to the Costa del Sol. She flung her rucksack down onto the bench. “Just because I have dreadlocks, doesn’t mean I smuggle drugs for a living, you know.”

How she was going to manage without dope had been one of the anxieties of the trip over. Getting searched was just adding insult to injury.

“Please stand with your arms out to the sides,” the man beckoned to a female colleague. She had a baton and a pair of handcuffs clipped to her belt, and as she ran her hands up and down Lily’s body, Lily felt a flash of excitement, akin to attraction. She almost giggled as the woman stroked down her inner thighs and then couldn’t stop herself spluttering with laughter as the official whisked a packet of ripped Rizla papers out of the back pocket of her trousers, with the air of the magician producing the rabbit. Lily wasn’t worried. They’d smoked their last blim of dope in the airport car park.

“Have you brought anything with you to France?” asked the male official.

“Clean pants.”

He exhaled, as if trying to calm himself. “Do you smoke shit?”

Lily raised her eyebrows. “No one calls it shit any more.”

The female official beckoned to Jo to take her bag to another table. Jo tutted loudly, like this was all a fantastic waste of her time, and sloped off after her.

“Do you?” asked Lily. He didn’t answer but spread the contents of Lily’s luggage out across the table. Lily realised she hadn’t even checked her rucksack before packing it, or any of the pockets of her clothes. It wasn’t like her to leave drugs lying around unsmoked, but a sudden fear gripped her stomach. What if?

The official emptied out the contents of her wash bag. She half thought he was going to start ripping open her sanitary towels, as he picked up the packet and looked inside. He’d be strip-searching her next and then it suddenly occurred to her she wasn’t wearing knickers. She could feel her hands growing clammy. That’d learn her, as Aunt Edie would say.

But instead, after rifling through her meagre collection of mainly black clothes and uncoupling a pair of black socks, the uniformed official nodded to her that she could pack her stuff away again. Lily raised her eyebrows at him as if to say, ‘See’.

A moment later, Jo was back at her side, stuffing everything back into Lily’s bag without making any pretence at folding things. Lily frowned at her but Jo didn’t seem to notice, as she stuffed all Lily’s toiletries into the rucksack, without bothering to put them back into the washbag. “Are we late for a train?”

“Come on.”

By the time they’d found their way from Roissy train station to the Gare Du Nord, Lily’s body was aching and the adrenaline that had got her onto the aeroplane had left her system, leaving her hungry and tired.

She stepped into the road. Jo grabbed her arm, pulled back as a car driving on the wrong side of the road blared its horn at her. “Steady, Eddie. What do you want to do? Get something to eat? Find a hotel?”

“Let’s go to the Beaumont’s first. I need to know Fiona’s ok.”

The Beaumonts lived in the
seventh district. Jo consulted the map and they caught the Metro, got off at Champ de Mars, and then walked along in the late Parisian sunshine, the temperature much warmer than it was in Leeds. Lily took off one of her black layers and tied it around her waist. “So,” said Jo, with her over-casual voice back in place, “Sounds like your dad’s not having that good a time of it.”

Lily didn’t answer but Jo persevered. “Did you know he’d got divorced?”

“No.  Haven’t spoken to him. Not since, you know.”

“Weird that Fiona hasn’t mentioned it,” Jo said, as if she was musing aloud.

Lily didn’t respond. They rounded a corner and there in front of them stood the Eiffel Tower. The sun was just setting, a golden red haze, and Lily had this feeling she’d never experienced before. Of possibility, she could almost feel her horizons expanding, her brain getting bigger. Hundreds of people milled around and the air felt warmer than that they had left behind in Leeds. Lily smiled to herself, her heart suddenly feeling lighter. Whether it was to do with the fact she was back in the same country as her sister for the first time in over a year, facing up to her family, or whether it was just that feeling of being on holiday, Lily wasn’t sure. But she was suddenly excited at the prospect of seeing Fiona again. “Amazing.”

“Will you go and see him?” Jo asked. “I mean, when we get back?”

Lily crossed the open space to the foot of the tower and gazed up to its peak. She’d seen pictures of it before, but it was so much bigger than she’d imagined.

Jo had followed her, was still at her side, expecting an answer. “Dunno,” said Lily. “We didn’t exactly part on good terms.”

“He has been trying to get in touch though, Lil.” Jo glanced sideways at her best friend, like she was weighing up how far she could push it. “How many letters have you ripped up so far?”

Lily lit a cigarette and inhaled Paris along with the smoke. “I figure I’m better off helping out like this, rather than getting in everyone’s way.” Lily exhaled and felt her shoulders drop an inch. She found a grassed area and flopped down on the knees. Jo sat next to her and pulled out her own packet of Marlboro.

Lily closed her eyes, enjoying the feel of the sun on her face. “We find Fiona, make sure she’s ok. Tell her about Arthur. She’ll go home. She’ll be able to comfort him.”

“Is she still a Daddy’s girl, do you think?”

“Yeah,” said Lily with some contempt. “People don’t change that much.”

“I’m surprised he doesn’t know exactly where she is,” said Jo.

“Maybe getting the two of them back together will mean the whole thing won’t feel so fucked up any more.” Lily flicked her fag end into the distance.

Jo pursed her lips. “Sounds like a plan, Stan.”

Lily stood up and brushed imaginary blades of grass from her trousers. “I’m starving. Do you think they have McDonalds in Paris?”

Jo stood up next to her. “Is the fucking Pope Catholic?”

Jo pulled the copy of
Let’s Go France
that she’d bought on their way through Leeds from her bag. Lily wandered over to inspect the nearby fountain, trying to put some distance between herself and her best friend’s awkward questions. When Jo came up by her side a couple of minutes later, Lily had thrown in a centime and was making a wish. “We’re in luck,” said Jo. The Beaumonts’ is just around the corner.”

It was almost dark by the time they had meandered through the labyrinth of streets and found themselves outside the grand facade of Number 14 Rue De Belgrade. The buildings were enormous and Lily felt claustrophobic, even after almost three years of living in Leeds. She couldn’t believe families lived inside such imposing buildings. They looked more like banks, or Government Offices, and Lily was sure they’d made a mistake as Jo pressed the porcelain doorbell.

But the young woman who opened the door didn’t look old enough to be anyone important. She was dressed in a pair of tracksuit bottoms, and a long sleeved T-shirt that had something spilled down the front. Her long, black hair was tied back off her face, although a few tresses had escaped and hung down by her flushed face. “Bonsoir.”

“Oh, yeah, Bonsoir,” said Jo. “Erm, je m’apelle Jo. Je cherchez votre,” she pointed to Lily, “soeur?”

“You’re English,” said the girl in a Birmingham accent. She turned her gaze to Lily. “Who’s your sister?”

Lily didn’t speak French and so was a little taken aback by the question. How did this woman know she had a sister? “Er, Fiona.”

“Sorry. She left before I got here. Sensible girl. I was hoping you might be Mr or Mrs Beaumont, thought maybe they’d forgotten their key.” The young woman turned and started heading down the corridor towards the sounds of an argument. Jo and Lily looked at each other as they stood on the doorstep.

“They’re not in then?” Jo called after the retreating girl.

“It’s half seven. Slaves worked less than me.”

“Can we come in and wait for them?” Jo shouted out as she stepped over the threshold.

“The more, the merrier,” she called back. “It’s meltdown time here.”

Lily followed Jo, and just as Jo was faltering about which way to go two young boys came screeching down the corridor, one on a trike and the other attached by its tight grasp on the first child’s hair. The first boy was screaming but still pedalling furiously and they both nearly knocked Jo over. “Steady on,” said Jo. Both boys stopped in their tracks and stared at her. Lily wasn’t sure but she’d have bet money neither of them had seen a pink mohican before.

“Sebastian?” asked Lily.

Both boys turned to stare at her then the youngest boy stared at the eldest one. Lily studied the smaller one, “Benjamin?” she guessed.

Benjamin smiled. “Fi Fi.”

“Yes, you’re probably the reason Fi Fi left in the first place,” said the English girl, coming back down the corridor, with a large baby with ruddy cheeks on her hip. She squashed the youngest into a baby walker and went after both the boys. Jo and Lily followed on behind her into the front room. The first thing Lily noticed was the enormous, intricate chandelier that hung from the centre of the room. The girl saw her staring and smiled briefly. “Don’t be fooled. It might look good on the outside, but-”

She broke off to try to stop the two boys chasing each other around the settee. It was only then that Lily noticed the chaos in the room. There was a glass on the wooden floor, next to a puddle of juice and piles of damp clothes were strewn around the back of the settees. Lily knew they were damp because their moisture was starting to discolour the suede of the sofas. “Do you want a drink or anything? While you wait? I’m Nell by the way. Fiona’s your sister?” she looked at Lily.

Lily nodded, although it still sometimes felt weird to describe Fiona in that way.

“How did she stand it?” asked Nell. It sounded like a genuine question. “I can’t believe she stayed a year. The kids are bad enough but have you met the parents?”

“No,” said Lily, “I’ve never-”

“She’s a complete cow. And he’s a total-”

She stopped in mid-sentence as they all heard the front door open. Benjamin and Sebastian stopped chasing each other round the settee as they heard the clip-clop of heels on wooden flooring and then the door opened. A tall, slim woman entered the room, wearing a caramel-coloured coat with a gold and brown silk scarf tied at her neck. Her dark hair swept up in some kind of bun, which made Lily think immediately of movie stars like Jackie Onassis.