Shallow Pond (10 page)

Gracie grabbed hold of Cameron's arm and steered him toward the back door.

“Don't wait up for us,” Gracie said.

“You two have fun,” Annie said. I hated to hear her say those words. I wanted to shake her, to slap her. I wanted her to say what she really felt.

“Thanks,” Cameron said as he turned back and looked at us still sitting there on the couch. There was the briefest flash of that smile. I didn't know if he was thanking Annie for telling them to have fun, or for sitting with him and looking at the photo album. Maybe he was thanking me for the milk and graham crackers. I watched him leaving with Gracie and wondered if he really couldn't tell he was with the wrong sister. Was he really that blind?

Twelve

Jenelle's car horn blared outside, far too early on Monday morning. I was still in the bathroom trying to do something with my uncooperative hair.

“Babie, Jenelle's here!” Gracie shouted from the other side of the bathroom door, in case I'd missed the beeping.

I grabbed an elastic off the counter and ran out of the bathroom, throwing my hair into a ponytail on the way. I slipped on my grubby sneakers without bothering to tie them and grabbed my backpack, hoping that everything I needed was inside it. I didn't have time to check. Jenelle sat behind the wheel making hurry-up gestures as I ran down the front steps. I considered flipping her the bird, but I figured that probably wouldn't go over too well. She would probably leave without me, and I wasn't much in the mood for walking.

“Took you long enough,” Jenelle said when I slid into the back seat.

“You're early,” I said.

“Not even close,” Jenelle said.

“Did you have a rough weekend?” Shawna asked. I realized she was referring to the fact that I had that just-rolled-out-of-bed look, even though I'd showered and put on clean clothes.

“My God, what happened to you?” Jenelle asked, finally getting a good look at me in the mirror.

“Just drive,” I told her.

“You should have gone to the dance,” Shawna said. “We had such a good time. Didn't we have a good time?”

“It was magical,” Jenelle agreed.

“Magical?” I asked. “You don't think maybe you're exaggerating just a tiny bit?”

“You had to be there,” Jenelle said. She paused, then said, “No really, you
had
to be there.”

“You should have seen Zach,” Shawna said. “He had on this shiny blue shirt and these black pants. Not jeans, pants. He looked like someone in a magazine or something.” I didn't point out that he always looked like someone in a magazine. That would have proved I noticed what he looked like.

“He actually made Meg look kind of underdressed in her jean skirt,” Shawna said. “I kind of felt bad for her.”

I noticed Jenelle taking a supposedly surreptitious swing at Shawna to get her to stop talking about Zach.

“It's okay,” I said. “I really don't care. I told you I'm not interested in him.”

I wasn't just saying that. An entire weekend without seeing Zach had pretty much washed him from my mind. Maybe it had something to do with the fact that Gracie had spent nearly the whole weekend with Cameron, and Annie had spent nearly the whole weekend bundled up on the sofa reading some paperback book or flipping through television channels, drifting in and out of sleep the whole time like she was in some sort of drugged fog. All I knew was I had better things to do than spend my days pining for some stupid boy.

“He's not the right guy for you,” Jenelle said. “He's too full of himself. There's something about him I don't like.”

“He's a nice guy,” I said.

“So, wait, you do like him?” Shawna asked.

“I mean nice as a friend,” I said. “Can we please change the subject?”

“Well, on a cheerier note,” Jenelle said, “I'm pretty much guaranteed to fail that chemistry test today.”

“Crap,” I said. I'd forgotten all about the test. I'd left school in such a hurry Friday afternoon I didn't even bring my notebook home with me. “At least you won't be the only one failing it.”

“Tell me you didn't study,” Jenelle said.

“I forgot.”

“So, wait, what exactly
were
you doing all weekend?”

“Contemplating the day when I'll finally get the hell out of this worthless town,” I said.

“Hey, guys,” Shawna said, “I know it's Monday and all, but do we have to talk about pessimistic stuff?”

But the thing was, I wasn't being pessimistic at all. I liked Shawna and Jenelle, but it was becoming more and more apparent how different we were. Our lives were taking us in completely different directions. I rested my head against the seat, feeling strangely alone even though I was in a car with my two best friends. It was like I was an outsider, even though I'd lived in this town my whole life. Maybe I'd never really fit in. Maybe I'd only been pretending like I belonged.

I saw my chemistry teacher, Mrs. Kirk, on my way to first period. She'd always struck me as a reasonable sort of person, so I figured it couldn't hurt to try to see if I could make up the test I hadn't studied for. I was fully prepared to play the sick sister card, but I never got the chance.

“
I was wondering if I could get an extension on taking today's test, make it up tomorrow. It's just that I forgot to bring my book home with me because—”

“Gracie,” she said with an exasperated sigh and a shake of her head, “you really need to start to learn some responsibility. You can't always expect someone else to pick up the slack. Why should I give you an extra day to study? How is that fair to the other students?”

“But I'm not—” The bell rang before I could finish correcting her, and Mrs. Kirk waved dismissively at me as she hurried to her classroom.

I hurried off to my own class through the suddenly empty hallway.

“Annie, you're late,” Mr. McDevitt said. I heard some of the kids snickering. I didn't even bother to correct him.

Behind me on the lunch line, I overheard two boys saying something about witches. I remembered what Zach had said, about stories he'd heard about my family. The one about us being a coven of witches seemed particularly fitting. Could this be what those boys were talking about? It was just some stupid rumor, but it bothered me. I spun around, ready to tell the boys to mind their own business, when I heard one of the names of the people they were talking about—not Annie, Gracie, or Barbara, but the name of that actress who was rumored to be a drug addict.

“Yeah,” one of the boys said, “the ending was totally lame.”

I realized they were talking about a movie. I felt my face flush in embarrassment, but was thankful I hadn't made a complete idiot of myself. As it was, people were starting to stare at me because I was holding up the lunch line.

I caught my breath when I stepped into English that afternoon. It was an involuntary reaction. Zach was already in his seat, and I realized something that had sort of slipped my mind when I'd resolved to have no feelings other than those of friendship for the boy. He was incredibly good-looking. It was one thing to make a resolution at a safe distance, but having to stick fast to that resolution while in close proximity would be more of a challenge.

“Hey,” he said when I sat down.

“Hey,” I said. I wanted to sound casual, but my throat had gone dry and the word sort of squeaked out. It felt like someone had turned up the dial on the thermostat. I blushed; I could feel myself beginning to sweat.

“Are you okay?” he asked. Was it really that noticeable?

“I'm fine,” I said. My voice sounded sharp and angry. I turned toward him, thinking I'd say something a little less harsh, but when I looked at him I caught a glimpse of a smug smirk on his face, which he quickly dropped when he realized I was looking at him. Stuck-up jerk.

“I think I saw your sister the other day,” Zach whispered a few minutes later.

“What?” My question came out a little loud. I looked up in time to see Mrs. Grimes give me a warning look.

“Does she work at the grocery store?”

“Mr. K's,” I whispered back.

“Yeah. I can see why people confuse you two. You do look a lot alike.”

“What's your point?” Again my voice was a bit too loud. I was something short of pleased to hear Zach telling me how much I looked like my sister. I didn't need him to tell me that. I'd been hearing it my whole life.

“Gracie,” Mrs. Grimes said, “can we please postpone our personal conversations until after the class is over?”

“I'm not Gracie,” I said. I could have left it at that. I should have left it at that, but something had been building in me all day, and now it burst forth. I rose from my seat. “My name is Barbara. Not Gracie, not Annie. Barbara! I'm sick and tired of people thinking they can just call us whatever name they want. I'm sick and tired … ” I paused long enough to give Zach a long, hard stare, though I was really thinking of Cameron Schaeffer when I said, “of people assuming we're interchangeable with one another!”

I'd always been the kind of person who went through school on cruise control. So shouting in front of my entire class? Not the sort of thing I usually did. I could feel everyone staring at me. My face grew hot. Mrs. Grimes stood there looking stunned, not sure what to say. I knew I couldn't stay there. I ran out of the room, and only when I was halfway down the hall did I realize I'd left all of my books back in class.

I stopped and rested against a wall in the empty hallway. I took several deep breaths and tried to relax, staring up at the random speckled pattern in the white ceiling tiles as if mesmerized. I figured I could wait here in the hallway until class was over, then go back in and claim my stuff, apologize to Mrs. Grimes. If I was lucky she might be understanding and not require me to serve two weeks in after-school detention or write a ten-page essay on the inappropriateness of my outburst.

“Hey, are you okay?”

I jumped at the voice. It was Zach. He stood there holding my books. I wondered how long he'd been there.

“I'm fine,” I said.

“You keep saying that,” he said, “but I'm having a hard time believing you.”

“I shouldn't have jumped down her throat like that,” I said.

“I told her you'd been under a lot of stress lately, a family thing. She bought it.”

I wonder if Zach knew how close to the truth he was.

“Thanks,” I said. It would have been easier to not like Zach if he wasn't such a nice guy.

“So, what is the matter?” he asked.

“It's just been kind of a crappy day,” I said. I could feel my resolve beginning to melt in his presence. I couldn't remember ever feeling so helpless around a guy. I didn't like the feeling. I wanted to feel in control. “I have to go.”

“Now? What about your next class?”

“There's just something I need to do. Off campus.”

“You need a lift?”

“It's something I have to do alone.”

He nodded, but it was a slow, hesitant nod, like he didn't really believe me. I guess it did sound like a made-up excuse, but I wasn't lying. There really was something I needed to do. It was an idea that had only occurred to me a few seconds before, but now I knew I had to do it. In fact, I couldn't believe that I hadn't thought of this sooner.

The bored cashier at Rite Aid looked kind of familiar, and my suspicions were confirmed when she said, “You're Gracie's little sister, aren't you?”

“Yeah,” I said.

“Of course you are, you look just like her.” I hoped I never had to hear those words ever again. “She's dating that new guy in town, isn't she?”

“He's not new,” I said. I guess she didn't know that Cameron used to date Annie. Maybe Gracie was deliberately trying to keep the weirdness of her relationship under wraps. The cashier was staring at me blankly. “He used to live here,” I explained. “He went to school with my oldest sister.”

“Oh,” said the cashier. She finally looked down at my purchase. “Midnight?” she asked as she read the package. “So you're like one of those goth-type chicks?”

“How much do I owe you?”

She finally got around to scanning my package. “It comes to $8.37,” she said. I paid her, and she handed me my change. “Hey, you can tell your sister that if she ever gets tired of that guy to let me know, 'kay? He's pretty cute.”

“Sure,” I said. I didn't have the heart to tell her that based on what I knew of Cameron's dating history, she wasn't his type. Who knows? Perhaps he'd be interested in trying something different. Better her than me, I figured.

Annie was dozing in front of the television when I got home. Gracie was still at work. I grabbed the scissors from the kitchen drawer and headed up to the bathroom with my Rite Aid bag. I soaked my hair in the bathroom sink, combed it out, and began cutting. I gave myself bangs, then I trimmed the rest of my hair until it fell just below my ears. It looked sort of cute, but I wasn't done yet.

I tore open the package of Midnight hair dye and read through the directions. I took a deep breath. Was I sure about this? What if I came out looking like a freak? I decided that even that would be an improvement. Maybe it would mean people would recognize me as being a truly unique person.

It might even make Zach finally stop chasing me around. I hesitated. I remembered Zach in the hallway, bringing my books to me like the chivalrous young man he was. I felt my heart rate increase at the thought of him. Did I really want to drive him away? Yes, I had to. It was for the best.

I opened the hair dye and began to apply it to my newly shortened locks. It needed to set for twenty-five minutes. The phone began to ring almost as soon as I'd coated the last of my hair with the dye. A few seconds later, Annie called my name from downstairs. I knew it would be Jenelle on the phone; she'd sent me approximately half a million texts demanding to know where the hell I was. I hadn't replied to any of them. I debated not answering Annie, but didn't see the point.

“I'm in the bathroom,” I yelled. “I can't come to the phone.”

After the twenty-five minutes, I washed out the dye and combed out my hair. I stared at the vaguely familiar-looking girl in the mirror. My skin looked so pale against the dark hair. It looked weird. It didn't look that good. I looked like someone who'd cut her own hair in her bathroom and then dyed it with cheap dye.