Shamara (26 page)

Before she could answer, Vaden called out, "San Ranul."

Jarek turned toward Vaden. Sabin stood nearby, a weapon trained on her uncle. "What?"

Vaden pulled himself into a sitting position, spat blood. "I heard you killed someone, some seasons back. I want to know if it's true."

She felt the tension radiating from Jarek, sensed he didn't want to discuss such matters around her. "Who might that be?"

"Galen Kane," Vaden rasped.

Her chest constricted, and panic roared through her.
Galen Kane? My father? No, surely not
—

"Heard you blasted him in the back of the head, like the coward that you are," Vaden persisted. "That true?

"It couldn't be true! Her uncle was lying.

"It's no secret," Jarek admitted. "I shot Kane, seven seasons ago, on Saron. I'm not surprised he was a friend to the likes of you."

No, no! It wasn't true. She refused to believe it.

"So you admit to murdering Galen?"

"I just told you I killed him." Jarek turned to go. "And I do it again if I had the opportunity."

Eirene's whole world, already careening out of control, seemed to collapse right then and there. Jarek had killed her father. A man she'd only seen a few times in her life, but had always hoped would come for her, would take her away from Travan. She'd fantasized he wasn't like the other males on Travan. Outside her uncle and Rayna, he'd been the only family she had.

Her lover had killed him.

"Hear that, Eirene?" Vaden crowed, a twisted triumph ringing in his voice. "This man you've been traveling with, probably fornicating with, shot your father in the back of the head. Murdered him in cold blood."

*  *  * 

Eirene looked at Jarek, her horrified expression etching itself on his soul. The pain in her eyes, the betrayal—the revulsion—stabbed him like a dagger through the heart.

"You killed my father."

Damn! He'd had no idea Galen Kane was her father, had seen no reason to lie about something that was well known and had happened seven seasons ago. He couldn't rescind his confession at this point. Besides, it was the truth. "I didn't know—"

"Put me down," she demanded, struggling against him.

"No. You're too weak to walk." He headed for the hatch.

Sabin had used a stun gun on Vaden to give them time to get off Saron. The other men were also only stunned. Not that Jarek had an aversion to killing lowlifes, but he'd been afraid of Eirene getting caught in the crossfire and insisted they use stunners.

He took her off the ship, with Sabin, Radd, and Blake right behind him. When they’d first arrived at Vaden’s ship, Radd had sprung the mechanism on the hatch. Then he and Blake had searched the rest of the ship, ensuring there would be no surprises. They'd entered the meeting chamber just in time to hear Vaden's dramatic pronouncement that Jarek had killed Eirene's father.

Which he had.

"Put me down," Eirene insisted again, her voice rising. "Now!"

"I don't blame you for being upset.  But I am carrying you to my ship. Then we'll talk about this, and I can explain—"

"Explain shooting someone in the back of the head?"

His chest tightened with frustration. What could he say? She had saved his life a third time. He'd felt the energy flare right before the disrupter exploded in Vaden's hand. She'd come to his aid once more, only to discover he had killed her father.

Desperation washed over him, as he wondered if this wedge between them could ever be removed. Her
father,
for Spirit's sake!

She stopped struggling, but she refused to look at him or listen to him. He entered his ship and carried her to her cabin. Laying her on the bunk, he tried to brush back her hair and assess her injuries. She slapped his hand away and slid to the end of the bunk.

"Don't touch me," she hissed, her eyes flashing blue fire.

"You're distraught right now," Jarek tried to soothe her. "You've had a rough experience, and you're exhausted. I need to be sure you're not hurt."

The fire faded from her eyes, replaced by glistening tears. "It's a hurt you can't fix," she whispered. "Go away. Just go away." She drew up her knees, wrapping her arms around them and burying her face against them. The dejected slump of her shoulders said it all. Any faith she'd had in him, any trust, any feeling for him, had been destroyed by the fact he'd killed her father.

"All right," he said, feeling the weight of the universe crushing him, as his heart quietly shattered. "I'll leave you alone." He stepped into the corridor and leaned against the wall in utter desolation.

"How is she?" Sabin asked.

Jarek looked around at his friend. "How would you expect her to be? She won't talk to me. She won't let me touch her, or see how badly she might be injured. And she sure as hell isn't going to cooperate with any of my plans. I killed her father."

"You and I both know that's not the whole truth," Sabin argued. "Let me talk to her. Let me explain what actually happened."

Jarek thought back to that day, seven seasons ago, on Saron. Galen Kane was a vicious criminal who had sold the Controllers information on the location of a Shielder colony. His action had resulted in the murder of over two hundred Shielders, and Sabin and Jarek had been determined to seek retribution.

They'd gotten their chance when Galen tried to hijack one of Moriah's shipments. He'd murdered one of her women, and seriously wounded Lionia. When Sabin confronted him, he'd tried to kill Sabin. Sabin beat him to the draw, with a shot to the heart. Jarek, standing behind Galen, had acted instinctively to save his friend, and shot Galen in the back of the head.

Each was a kill shot. So, in effect, both Sabin and Jarek had been responsible for Galen's death. Jarek had no regrets. Galen was a mad animal, and had to be put away for society's sake.

Remembering this, he shook his head. "What are you going to tell her? That I only half-killed her father and you did the other half? Are you going to tell her what sort of man he was? I'd be willing to bet she doesn't know. Nothing you say will change the truth. I shot Galen Kane in the back of the head. I did it to defend you, but the fact remains that I did it."

"We
both
did it," Sabin protested.

Jarek ran his hand through his hair. "That won't change how she feels about me. Besides, if she doesn't know about your part in Kane's death, she might continue to talk to you. Would you go to her? Make sure she's okay, that Vaden didn't hurt her too badly. Please."

Sabin looked at him a long moment, indecision in his eyes. Then he relented. "All right. I'll go check on her."

"Don't do me any favors. Don't try to explain," Jarek requested. "It won't help anything. It might make matters worse."

"If that's what you want." Sabin strode to Eirene's cabin and sounded the tone. "It's Sabin," he called out. "May I come in?"

She must have refused his request, because his eyebrows drew together and he said, "I'm coming in anyway, so make yourself decent." He glanced at Jarek and shook his head. "Women."

Jarek couldn't even muster a smile in return. He watched his friend enter Eirene's cabin, and cursed fate.
He
should be the one comforting her, not Sabin.
He
should be the one to see to her welfare, to treat her injuries. He should be in there with her now, should be able to hold her in his arms when she slept. And when she awoke, he should be able to love her and replace all Vaden's cruel touches with tender caresses.

But he wouldn't be. He paced the corridor until Sabin came out. "Well?" he demanded impatiently. "How is she?"

"She'll be okay. Vaden didn't hit her, or let Turlock's men at her, because he thought there might still be a chance he could trade her to Gunnar. But he used an electrolyzer rod on her. Shocked her five or six times, she thinks. She has a lot of soreness and a headache. She hasn't had anything to eat or drink, so I suspect she's dehydrated. Her state of mind is pretty rocky."

Vaden used an electrolyzer rod on Eirene? His rage returning, Jarek wished he could be alone with the man. He'd show him just how much an electrolyzer shock hurt. "Are you sure she's not seriously injured?"

"As sure as I can be. Hell, I'm no physician. But her color is better, she's coherent, and she's moving around pretty well. No apparent injuries, just that large bruise on the side of her face."

"Derian did that to her when she got me off Turlock's ship. I tried to get her to heal it, but she refused. I suspect she's frightened of her abilities." Jarek paced a few steps, turned back to Sabin. "Do you think she'll talk to me?"

Sabin shook his head. "I'd give her more time."

Jarek felt like the sun had permanently set. His world, always heavy with responsibility, now seemed even darker and bleaker. He trusted Sabin's judgment, though, and yielded to it.

"All right. I'll leave her alone tonight. I've got Chase's concoction for stun trauma, and something for the headache. I'll replicate some broth, too. You can take those to her, and get her to drink some water. She should be feeling better by morning shift."

"Sounds like a good idea. So, what are you going to do now?"

Nothing had gone right so far, and Jarek knew he couldn't count on Eirene's cooperation, not now, probably not ever. His theory was full of holes, and the gold he had couldn't possibly purchase the equipment he needed. All the odds seemed against him. But he couldn't give up. Something inside, an inexplicable force that seemed to come from beyond him, wouldn't let him surrender.

"I'll head for Aldon as soon as Eirene is settled," he replied.

If Sabin thought he was deranged for continuing on, he showed no sign of it. His eyes grave, he clasped Jarek's shoulder. "Spirit go with you."

Jarek hoped the benediction held. Because now, more than ever, he needed that miracle.

*  *  * 

Jarek sat by Eirene's bunk, watching her sleep. Even with the bruise on her face, and the dark smudges of fatigue beneath her eyes, she was lovely. He could look at her forever; lose himself in her pale, silky skin, and her dark, glorious curtain of hair, flowing down over perfect breasts. But he knew when she opened her eyes, her loathing would impale his heart.

He had to let go of his personal feelings. He should never have allowed his involvement with her to go this far. Duty came before all else. Duty had brought him to her cabin now, when she probably needed more time to heal than he could give her. They'd arrive at Aldon in two cycles, and he needed to find a way to reach her and gain her cooperation.

He'd been up most of sleep shift, pacing and thinking. He had decided to try and explain his part in her father's death, without revealing Galen Kane's true nature. Not only would Eirene refuse to believe such information about Kane, but there was nothing to be gained from telling her that her father had been a monster. She appeared to have cared for Kane. Why hurt her further, when it would accomplish nothing?

Under normal circumstances, Jarek wouldn't have attempted to justify his actions. He couldn't defend killing her father. But the fate of his people could hinge on her cooperation, so he had to try and make her understand. He figured his best chance was when she first awakened, when her defenses were down. "Eirene. Wake up. We need to talk."

She stirred and shifted, her hair falling over her face. He reached out to touch her, thought better of it and withdrew his hand. "Hey. You need to wake up."

Her eyes opened slowly, and she brushed the hair away from her face. Her eyes shifted to him, quickly going from sleepy to wary. "What are you doing here?"

"I just want to talk."

"Get out."

"I will, as soon as we discuss a few things."

She sat up, pulling the cover over her chest. "I don't want to listen to you."

Jarek ignored her protests. "Thank you for saving my life yesterday. That's three times you've come to my aid."

Her hands clenched the cover. "There won't be a fourth."

"But for what you've done, I thank you," he said gravely. "I wanted to explain to you about your father."

"No," she said vehemently. "There's nothing to explain. You admitted to shooting him in the back of the head. I didn't realize you were so capable of violence. But I guess you proved it again yesterday, when you nearly killed my uncle. Get out."

"Your father drew a weapon on Sabin. I was standing behind your father, and I thought he was going to kill Sabin. I reacted without thinking, to save my friend. Please believe me, it wasn't in cold blood."

She closed her eyes, her energy fluctuating wildly. "I don't want to hear any more. I can't listen."

"I'm sorry this is painful, but I swear I would never kill anyone without just cause, or at least, what I believed to be just cause."

Eirene didn't move, didn't react in any way. It took all Jarek's control to keep from taking her into his arms and evoking the most primal of reactions. He leaned back in the chair, sighed.

"I'll admit I've done some things that might seem questionable, but always with good reason. I've been truthful about the Shielders and my plans. I didn't kill your father in cold blood, but in Sabin's defense. I'm just a man, with failings and shortcomings, but I try to live by a code of honor. I hope you know that."

She opened her eyes, but didn't look at him. Desperately, he searched for the words to reach her.
"Shamara.
Do you know what that is?"

Silence. He hadn't really expected her to answer. Her expression was cool and distant, as if she'd withdrawn from the conversation. From him.

"Shamara means sanctuary. Everyone should have a sanctuary. A haven, a refuge from the ugliness of our universe.
Shamara.
A place to seek the light of the Spirit, to live in peace. That place might be an oasis on a desert planet, or a shrine in a temple, or a quiet space within ourselves. Or for some of us who are more desperate, it could lie just beyond our reach, in another universe."

He rose and paced to the portal. Endless stars glittered against a midnight infinity.
"Shamara,"
he repeated softly. "That's all I'm seeking for my people. I know you hate me. I can't change that. But I need your help to find it."