Shampoo (25 page)

I was so ready to push him
away.

And yes, I did not like a guy
trying to control me.

So I started stirring him up,
hoping to piss him off so he’d unwrap himself from me, asking
things like, “Why don’t you want to have a relationship??” and “Is
it me?” and “Do you think you’ll ever want a real
relationship??”

“
I know what you’re
doing, woman.”

“
What am I
doing??”

“
You’re trying to get
me to let you go.”

“
You normally drop me
like a sack of potatoes soon as I say ‘relationship.’”

Ever just held me closer to his
chest.

“
Don’t you think it’s
funny I know you so well?” I asked.

Squeeze. “Kind of.”

“
So why don’t you want
a relationship?”

“
I don’t want a
relationship with you, no.”

Well that backfired on me. Knife
to the heart.

“
You can let me go
then.”

“
I hope you pick a guy
that will treat you better!!” he snapped into my hair.

I raised my head off his chest to
look at him; he still had me wrapped in his arms. “Seriously,
Everard, you can let me go now.”

“
I don’t want
to!”

“
Oh my God!! Do you
listen to yourself??”

“
Yes, I can hear myself
quite well.”

“
Then you know you
sound mental??”

His face was set in his stubborn,
pissed off expression. I sighed. Part of me wanted to remain in his
arms, but part of me wanted to get the hell out of
there.

I was so over this game with
him.

“
It would mean no more
you and me if I picked another guy,” I said.

“
We could still have
sex.”

I struggled then to get out of his
arms. He wasn’t having a bar of it. He just held me
tighter.

I gave up. “Look, I’m happy just
having sex with you now, but I will want more soon, and there’s
other guys offering me more – ”

“
So go with
them!”

“
Then let me go! Just
let me go, Everard!”

He didn’t seem to want to. I could
FEEL the vibes coming off him. So why say that crap
then??

“
I don’t want to,” he
said, stubbornly.

(oh he does stubborn so
well)

“
Then stop saying that
shit!!”

“
I can’t help
it.”

“
I know you can’t.
There’s something wrong with your head.”

“
Around you,
yes!!”

I grabbed his shirt, in fistfuls.
“I want romance, Evvy! That’s all I want! Hotel rooms and pink
champagne and strawberries – ”

“
What does all that
crap even mean?? It means nothing!”

“
It means everything to
me!”

“
Then you need to go
with these guys who’ll give it to you!”

“
Fine! Then just let me
go!”

“
If I let you go,
you’re not coming back, are you?”

I thought about denying it, but I
was done. Almost. “Probably not, no.”

“
Then I’m not letting
you go.”

My head dropped to his chest
again, and he held me tighter to him. There was something so
incredibly romantic and heartfelt about the moment.

Romantic and FINAL. We could have
been REALLY OUTSTANDING together. If he’d just let the fuck go and
allow himself to FEEL LOVE for me.

I could smell the break up in the
air.

“
I don’t want to give
you romance!” Ever finally cried.

It was like a slap in the face to
me. “I mean it, Ever, let me go. I am beyond pissed – ”

His arms suddenly dropped from
around me. I jumped out of his bed, didn’t even look back when he
called out, “Bye!!!!” in his smartassed manner.

I got in my car, started the
engine, and drove away with a roar

(thank God for Holden Commodores
for dramatic effect),

and promptly burst into
tears.

I was crying so hard I put the
windshield wipers on, not understanding why I couldn’t
see.

That is the last time I cry over
him. He doesn’t think I’m worth it.

So HE is not worth
ME!!!

Julia wasn’t at work today, so I
was really busy.

I also had the foresight to call
her and check on her, after her Spew Madly incident Friday night.
Apparently, it was still spewing madly.

(ahhh, alcohol, the gift that
keeps on giving)

I missed her heaps today. Work is
so much more fun and funnier with her beside me.

I rang Julia tonight when I got
home, to check on her and tell her I miss her, then rang Richie. He
wants to cook me dinner Friday night, but I’ve got ‘sort of’ plans
with Graham. So I said, “We’ll see.”

I am so going to bed in this
lovely peace and quiet (Nat and Dan aren’t here).

Friday 29 September
2000

12.52am

I just got in from my
‘date.’

Was supposed to be my date with
Matt, but he bailed.

I am up so late lately, every day
is merging into the other.

Thursday

(today still, for me, since I
haven’t gone to bed yet)

at work was SO BUSY. I got up at
the crack of dawn

(there’s Dawn’s Crack
again),

to cover Julia’s shift and mine,
and worked 6.45 till 5.45pm, and I was FLAT OUT all day. I didn’t
move from my desk. At 5.45pm, I ran to the upstairs kitchen and
drank cup after cup of water, I was so parched like some pink camel
that can’t store water.

And Matt stood me up!! Can you
believe??? Cause I fucking can’t!!!

He didn’t show up for work, and I
figured he’d ring me during the day to let me know if he was well
enough or not, but he didn’t ring!

Meanwhile, Evvy

(I repeat, EVVY)

rings at home at 5pm, then Dan
rings me at work to tell me Evvy called asking for me.

(God he’s good as my little
secretary)

I just about fell off my seat at
work.

I didn’t ring him back. One for me
in this round!!!

(this Round of Stupid)

When I got home after 6pm, I rang
Matt, and he was totally MONOSYL, saying he’s not going, and I just
put on my chirpy, cool chick voice and said, “That’s
cool!!!”

So then I was FORCED to ring Ever
back, cause the suspense was killing me, and I didn’t have my date
to go leave on now to distract me and stop me calling
him.

So I ring Everard back, and we had
a MASSIVE I don’t know what you’d call it. It kinda went like
this:

“
Can you come over?”
Evvy.

“
Nut SORRY.” Oh, I was
so pissed.

“
Sigh. I see you’re in
your DIFFICULT mood.” Stupid Everard.

“
Ha! Me?? Least I
wasn’t BORN DIFFICULT.” Me. Oh so smart a comeback.

“
Here we go.” Evil
Spawn.

“
NO, no here we go. I’m
over it!” Most perfect pink Angel on earth.

“
What are you over?”
Dumbass.

“
This!! You! Your
crap!” Angel. Still.

“
Ugh. Like you’re a
stroll in a park!” Asshole!!

“
Indistinct murmuring
by me.” I’d lost it.

“
You’re like a FREAKIN’
ROLLERCOASTER RIDE, after you’ve EATEN THREE HOTDOGS and a PINK
FUCKING MILKSHAKE, and you don’t know whether to FUCKING LAUGH, or
FUCKING HURL YOUR GUTS UP – ” Mega Asshole!!!

“
HO HO HO HO HO!!!! I
guess that would seem LIKE A ROLLERCOASTER, for a guy that CAN’T GO
OUT ON A SUNDAY EVER, cause he has WORK THE NEXT DAY!!!” Angry
Angel.

“
Ha ha ha, WHATEVER
WOMAN – ” Devil. 666. He was seriously laughing!

“
You’re like TWO – ”
Pink Angry Angel.

“
If I’m two, YOU’RE
THREE – ” Doesn’t even make sense, this comeback.

“
Wait, why am I
suddenly OLDER – ”

Ever laughed some more. “I’m not
sure – ”

“
Do you have ANY IDEA
how close I am to walking away from this? Picking one of these
guys?”

(complete turnaround from a few
weeks back, when I pondered Ever’s Ten Guy Theory. Now it was
suddenly coming true)

Silence by Evil Spawn.

“
You’re the one I’m
sleeping with, Everard!! You’re the one who’s supposed to care
about me, not them!!”

“
I know.” UGH, he’s so
awful – wait, what????

I sighed. Slumped against the hall
wall, slid to the floor. I felt defeated. A loss so big my heart
was heavy with it. “I never planned on seeing you again after last
Sunday,” I near whispered.

“
I know.” His voice was
hoarse and full of heavy emotion, too.

Damn it was sexy.

“
I know, Karina. I
know.” God, the way he says my name!! Makes me melt, and break out
in goosebumps at same time. “What can I do? How can I make it
right?? How can I…keep you?”

My whole body shook. He has never
EVER talked quite like this before.

I could listen to him talk like
that to me every moment of every day, and never tire of it. I
wanted to bath in it, it felt so good.

“
What are you doing
tomorrow night?” I managed to get out.

“
I’ve got soccer till
eight.”

“
Well, I’m going down
the coast straight from work to stay on my own in a motel…do you
want to come??”

(wait for this, GET
THIS)

“
I’ll be too tired
after soccer.”

If I could have broke the phone
with my bare hands, I would have!!

I was giving him this chance,
after he ASKED ME what he could do to keep me, and this is his
response!!!

Well this was the point in the
story that I seriously lost my shit.

I barely remember what I said, I
just fully lost my temper. It rose up in the air like some angry
pink balloon, and popped!!! Causing bits to go
everywhere.

(doesn’t happen often, me losing
my temper, but when it does BOY. WATCH OUT)

I do remember screaming, “THAT’S
IT!!! I’M DONE!!!” and “You can’t even go for SEX ALL NIGHT with a
GORGEOUS GIRL!!!”

(oh my God, I can’t believe I
described myself as gorgeous, what has happened to me!! What have I
BECOME??? I’m like a RELATIONSHIP MONSTER!!)

I also remember shouting, “IT’S
OFF!! WE’RE FINISHED!!”

Instead of saying fine, like he
normally would, Ever yelled, “ALRIGHT!! I’LL COME
DOWN!!!”

“
Ugh!!”

“
But I don’t want
to!!”

“
Oh my God –
”

“
I’m doing this for
you!! To not – ”

“
Don’t do me ANY FAVORS
EVERARD!!”

“
I’ll see you tomorrow
then.”

I slammed the phone down before he
could.

Then picked up the phone again and
dialled Graham.

Graham had emailed me three times
at work, asking if I wanted to do something with him, but I had the
plans with Matt.

So I rang him, told him Matt
cancelled, showered, and picked him up! We went to Garden City
again, went shopping. I had so much fun as usual. We saw the 9.20pm
session of ‘High Fidelty,’ which I LOVED.

(John and Joan Cusack are THE
BOMB!! Absolute legends!! 80’s ROCK!!)

So I’m only just getting in now,
at this hour, after driving Graham home and him hugging me forever,
and refusing to let me go. It was getting to the awkward stage
actually. I felt like saying, “Dude, back off already.”

OMG I need bed.

Sunday 1 October
2000

7.33pm

Friday I was flat out at work.
Jules was finally back!! I missed her so much.

John Cash cracked, “Apparently
Girls Night Out was SO GOOD last week, you had to have a week off,
Julia!!”

Oh God, was funny. Julia didn’t
find it particularly funny.

On my half hour break, I sat
downstairs in the break room with Lachie, and we had a big old
chat. I told him Matt cancelled, and Lachie was like, “That’s so
weird, he’s been so into you for years!”