Shampoo (63 page)

(oh my fucking God. I’m Everard. I’m Everard in
this relationship)

He softened towards me. “I also couldn’t pass
up the opportunity of you being drunk and vulnerable at Gemma’s. My
bed’s gonna get a workout tomorrow night!”

“
Maybe I won’t go – ”

“
Don’t you dare threaten that
crap!”

“
Maybe I won’t drink then. Stay
stable and sober.”

“
Now you’re just frightening me –
”

“
Be all responsible and grown up –
”

“
I won’t know who you are then –
”

“
You need something done to you, for
last night.”

Matt leaned in close, put his arm around the
back of my chair. “Baby, you get me back – FOR OTHER GUYS’ FUCK UPS
– each and every day of my life. Give me a pass for last night.
Please.”

I considered it.

(damn his logic!)

“
Okay then. You get me. And you get
me drunk and vulnerable – ”

“
YES!! I fucking LOVE YOU drunk and
vulnerable. It’s the only time you let your defenses
down.”

Saturday saw Matt wake me up, and cuddle me in
bed. Jules arrived just as Matt started stripping off all my
clothes.

“
No,” he started groaning. “No no no
no NO!”

“
Isn’t it supposed to be screams of
yes from in there?” Julia called out.

“
Did you plan this?” he accused
me.

“
No,” I laughed.

The three of us grabbed lunch at Subway, then
saw the 2pm session of ‘What Women Want.’

I bawled my bloody eyes out in the movie. The
ONLY one who did. So embarrassing.

There’s a bit where Mel Gibson goes to Helen
Hunt, something about because of her ex being stupid, she’s scared
to love. I felt Matt turn to me in that scene, and I literally
burst into tears.

“
Aw, K,” Jules murmured/laughed,
patting my back.

“
Come here, baby,” Matt said
gruffly, and pulled me to him. I sobbed into his chest. In a
romantic comedy. In a Mel Gibson movie.

I think I need therapy.

“
Save the mental breakdown for
later,” Matt growled into my ear. “For when I can make sweet love
to you. And fuck you, too.”

When we got back home, Mark and Josie were
here.

It was kind of awkward. Matt and I stumbled in
the door, arm in arm, pissing ourselves laughing over something,
then I spotted Mark and Josie and stopped laughing in an instant
and froze.

Just cause they were a reminder of
Everard.

You could tell Mark and Josie were impressed by
Matt

(Karina’s got a hot guy! A nice guy! That loves
her, actually loves her!)

and really happy for me, and feeling disloyal
to their best mate Ever, that his girl

(ha! What a joke. I was never his
girl)

had moved on so quickly from him.

It was just a bit weird.

Except Mark came up to me in the kitchen,
checked behind his shoulder that Matt was busy playing Playstation
with Dan, and said, “Evvy’s a dick for how he treated you, Karina.
I’m so glad to see you happy with this guy. Evvy never deserved
you. You were always too good for him, Karina.”

I reached out and hugged him. Choked on a sob.
“Thank you, Mark. I miss you guys.”

Mark hugged me back gruffly. “We miss you, too.
Tom especially misses you. He doesn’t stop talking about you to
Ever. Telling him how badly he fucked up with you.”

Oh God. I want to marry Tom Richards right
now.

He always had my back.

My heart hurts. I miss the Scooby
Gang.

Nat had her kayak box out on the floor in the
kitchen for some reason. Jules and I took one look at each other
and jumped into it.

We were in stiches as we kayaked around the
kitchen floor. Or pretended to.

“
These two get around each other and
go completely nuts,” Matt laughed, watching us.

Julia and I continued our fun-loving antics and
girlish laughing and giggling together at Gemma’s. We had a great
time.

And Matt and I were our usual loving selves,
like we are everywhere but at work during the week. I seem to be
calm on weekends and holidays with Matt, and freak out when it’s
our every day life and working life and trying to handle him and a
full-on relationship on top of working.

I seem to have figured that out…but how do I
survive it now? Being alone is my comfort at the end of the day.
It’s how I make it through life.

But Matt is rapidly becoming someone I need
very badly.

We made love all night after Gemma’s. We
couldn’t get enough of each other.

“
I love you like this,” Matt said,
kissing me, exploring me.

“
Like what?”

“
With me, properly.”

“
Oh, God – ”

“
I heard that guy today,” he said,
kissing my neck, my jaw, my lips.

I groaned and clung to him. “What
guy?”

“
Mark, is it?”

“
How did you HEAR him? From the
lounge room?”

“
Boyfriend ears. I hear and see
everything.”

“
I don’t think most boyfriends are
this in tune to everything their girlfriend does…”

“
They are if their girlfriend keeps
them on their toes as much as you do me!” He crushed himself to me
and kissed me senseless.

“
Oh God, Matt – ” He’d thrust
himself inside me.

“
Sounds like he was in love with you
– ”

“
What?”

“
This Evvy guy. He was in love with
you.”

“
Definitely NOT. That’s the biggest
understatement of the year – ”

“
I can tell. He was. Is.”

“
Can we please not talk about him?
Like ever again?”

“
It’s just not possible to not be in
love with you. Is all I’m saying.”

“
Ah, tell that to the guys who BEAT
ME – ”

“
Oh God, I can’t handle even
THINKING ABOUT THAT – ”

“
Long as you love me,” I
gasped.

“
I love you more than
air.”

Saturday 20 January 2001

12.55pm

I’ve either stayed at Matt’s every night this
week, or he’s stayed here.

We had dinner with Beth Monday night

(Matt brought me flowers his mum had made –
yes, she’s a florist. I know. I know. The universe can’t give me
any more signs that Matt is perfect for me. It will start landing
bricks on my head soon, if I don’t wise up),

then went to Gemma’s for a BBQ with Andrew and
Seth Tuesday night. Wednesday night I was back at Matt’s. Thursday
night I was back at Matt’s.

(why don’t I just move in??)

And Friday night, Jules and I drove down the
coast after work and spent Friday night staying with Joy and Isaac
and Pheebs at John Cash’s unit.

We had such a great time.

The four of us went to Shooters, and danced and
drank there. Then, at 12.30 in the morning¸ we sat down in a
restaurant and had a meal!

Only in Surfers Paradise! I love Surfers. It
was like daytime there in the middle of the night, all these people
wandering around, everything lit up.

As were were walking through Surfers after
dinner, we were all laughing so hard, at all the wolf whistles and
beeps we were getting.

“
I think they’re for Isaac,” I
cracked, and Joy said, “No, they’re for you two gorgeous
things!”

Then the heavens suddenly opened on us, and we
ran screaming and laughing through Surfers to Joy’s car.

WAS SO FUN!!

We all had hot showers once we got back to the
unit, and Jules and I jumped into our pajamas and jumped into bed
together.

It was still raining. Was heaven, being in this
stunning penthouse type unit while it poured down.

With Julia! I love her.

We left the balcony doors open, so we could
feel and smell the rain.

Today Jules and I went to the secondhand
bookstore at Nobby’s Beach, then drove home.

(I drove Matt’s car down there. I love having
him as a boyfriend!!! When I’m not freaking out)

Matt rang Julia on her mobile

(yes, I left mine at home. I will never
learn)

and said, “When’s my girl coming
home?”

Julia laughed. “Are you wanting your girl or
your car home?”

“
I couldn’t give a FUCK about my
car! I just want my girl.”

Jules got off the phone, laughing. “He loves
you sooo much.”

I feel loved. It feels great!!

Today.

Monday 22 January 2001

Saturday arvo, Matt and I went and saw the
4.45pm session of ‘Blair Witch 2.’

Ugh. It was awful. Put me in such a bad mood. I
could feel myself getting grumpier and grumpier and tireder and
tireder.

These are the times when people need to run
from me. When I need my bed.

After a perfect week together, sleeping in each
other’s beds wrapped in each other’s arms every single night barr
Friday…

We fell apart Saturday night.

He made me cry.

I made him cry.

It was awful.

He got upset cause I was TOO TIRED to go to
Andrew’s for drinks. I’d barely slept the night before. I was worn
out.

“
You can go, without me!”

“
I don’t want to go without
you!”

“
I’ve been PERFECT, all week –
”

(oh my fucking God. I sound like EVERARD. Now I
suddenly find myself with a bit of sympathy for the
fucker)

“ –
I’ve been with you every night,
I’ve kept my freakouts to a minimum – ”

“
So you have to have one fucking
now?”

“
No!”

“
You can’t go ONE FUCKING WEEK
without pushing me away – ”

“
That’s NOT TRUE – ”

“ –
and trying to FUCKING SABOTAGE
THIS, so that I break up with you!” Matt choked up. I burst into
tears. “Oh, go on! Tell me that’s not what you do!”

I snatched the blanket back off him, covered
myself up. “Then why don’t you just break up with me then,
Matt!”

“
You’d like that, I
think!”

“
You’d be happier without me, I
think!”

Matt crumpled. “No. That’s not
true.”

“
You’re so unhappy with me –
”

“
Not all the time – ”

“
MOST of the time.”

“
No! We had a great week together! I
just want you in my arms every night!”

“
You can’t flip out cause I want one
night to myself!”

“
Yes. I CAN – ”

“
I don’t even WANT the night to
myself, I just don’t want you to miss out on going to
Andrew’s!”

“
But you actually do! You’d be quite
happy if I left now!”

“
No, I wouldn’t!”

(when the sad truth was, I probably would have
been. Just to be alone)

Matt threw the quilt back, stood up and got
dressed in a hurry.

“
Matt, don’t leave – ”

“
I’m just so done with you hurting
me right now.”

I cried harder. “What about what you’re doing
to me?”

“
I’m trying to LOVE YOU!”

“
Then FUCKING LOVE ME!”

“
I need to just GO right now –
”

“
Matt, don’t go, PLEASE don’t go –
”

(I’d never begged a guy to stay before. If they
want to leave, fucking leave is my normal mentality)

He was gone, half dressed.

I cried for hours.

Matt woke me Sunday morning. He burst
in

(like the tornado he is)

closed my door, and started stripping while I
watched, on one elbow, rubbing sleep from my eyes.

“
I want to be naked with you,” he
said softly, climbing in beside me.

(I was still naked from the night before with
him)

He wrapped me in his arms and kissed me. “Baby,
I’m so sorry for last night. I just lost it for a bit there –
”

“
Me, too. I’m sorry I’m like this –
”

“
Shh, baby, don’t cry again. I can’t
bear when you

cry – ”