Shatter (20 page)

Alec

I slept like shit.

I had such a bad headache that I wanted to crawl into a tiny dark hole and die, and
then I thought of Nat. I ran into the bathroom and heaved all the contents of my stomach
into the toilet.

This had to end. I had to end it. Mrs. Murray was right. She couldn’t fix me, but
I couldn’t keep going on like this. Carrying the weight of the world on my shoulders
and pretending that I had
a damn rainbow stuck up my ass.

Where to begin? I couldn’t just walk up to Demetri and say
,
“
Hey man, sorry for being caught in a compromising situation with your mom. Oh
,
and sorry about lying to you for your entire life.”

Saying it out loud just made it sound so much worse.

I heard my phone go off.

With a groan I walked into Nat’s old bedroom and snagged my phone from the c
harger.

WE NEED 2 TALK
.

It was Demetri.

Great. He was probably planning on running me over with his car. I’d welcome it at
this point. I texted him back.

GVE ME 15
.

I threw on
a pair of jeans and a t-shirt.

My phone buzzed again.

IN FRNT OF THE RESORT @ SEASIDE
.

I stuffed the phone into my back pocket and ran down the stairs to grab a granola
bar. I needed something to eat
since
I’d just thrown up whatever was
left
in my stomach.

Mrs. Murray was sitting at the counter, a cup of coffee in her hand. H
er eyes were glued to her iPad.

“Alec?” She looked tired
.
H
er hair was thrown into a messy bun. She took her glasses off and rubbed her eyes
. “
Is there something you need to tell me about Nat?”

Nothing that would make her feel any better about our relationship. “No. I
…
I love her. That’s about it.”

“And you’ll do anything to protect her?”

“Of course.”

“Even from things
like this?” She showed me her iP
ad and sighed
. “
What will you do when they do this to her in the media? I need to know you are on
her side.”

“I am.” My eyes scanned the article and the
n my blood ran absolutely cold.

Demetri and Nat hugging.

Demetri kissing Nat’s head.

Nat crying.

Demetri cupping her face.

“Son of a—
”
I stopped myself, set the iPad back on the counter and stormed out of the room. I
was going to kill him. What the hell was he thinking? He had Alyssa! He didn’t need
to be comforting my girlfriend! It wasn’t his
damn job,
it was mine!

A voice in my head said
I was acting insane, but possessiveness washed over me
.
W
ell
,
that and a mixture of insecurity
.
What the hell was wrong with me?

I ran as fast as I could to the resort in front of the bustling boardwalk.

Demetri was sitting on one of the park benches waiting for me.

He stood
, disapproval practically radiated
from
him. “So the prodigal returns?”

I
punched him in the face.

Demetri stumbled to the ground with a curse. I heard the clicking of cameras. Crap.
I knew better than to bring all our baggage out into public
,
but I couldn’t control myself. Anger pulsated through my body
.
I wanted to punch him again, to kick him, to make him hurt. He groaned, I flexed my
hand into another
fist and made a lunge for him.

He sighed heavily
. “
Do it again
,
man. Do it if it makes you feel better.” And then my irresponsible younger brother
lowered his hands and gave me the perfect opportunity to beat the shit
out of him
. Hell
,
he even turned to the left which he always cla
imed was his money
-
making side.

I was an ass.

I fell to the ground next to him amidst the cameras and whispers and fought for control
over my emotions. Everything felt so out
-
of
-
control
,
and it was in moments like these that I realized I was toeing the edge of self destruction.
I was one bad choice away from pris
on or hurting someone I loved.

“So
.”
Demetri rubbed his face as blood trickled down his cheek
. “
About that talk.”

I bit my lip and nodded. “Yeah, about that.”

Demetri was silent and then
. “
Let’s go see the seals.”

We helped each other up and walked
toward
the Seaside Aquarium
.
Ever
since Demet
ri
and Alyssa started dating, they made it a regular Saturday pilgrimage
.
S
omething about her reminding him of a seal
,
which I always assumed a girl would take as a fat joke, but she loved it
and he loved her, so they went.

Demetri also knew the owners so it was easy for him to get them to shut it down while
he and Alyssa visited, especially considering how crazy the p
aparazzi had gotten.

I tried to look happy as I walked along the boardwalk. People openly gaped, and for
the first time in my life it made me
feel
uncomfortable, vulnerable. As if bits and pieces of my soul were getting stolen away
from me with every snap
of a picture.

We arrived at the aquarium and went in, closing the door behind us. Demetri motioned
to the guy at the desk. He nodded once and put the
W
ill
R
eturn
sign on the door.

“Fish.” Demetri handed me a bucket full of fish. I took it and began throwing them
mindlessly into the water. The seals splashed and fought over the fish
.
G
reed
y
little bastards wanted more
,
so I kept throwing them, getting lost in my own thoughts as I wa
tched them happily swim around.

Damn. I was officially jealous of the seals. At least they didn’t have to worry about
anyt
h
ing
except clapping and looking badass
while people fed them.

I guess that sounded a lot like a retirement home or preschool. Hell
,
things were s
o much easier when I was a kid.

“So…” Demetri took the bucket from my hands and refilled it
. “
You want to go first or do you want me to?”

I snorted
. “
It’s like you’ve gotten a brain transplant or something.”

“Come again?”

Shaking my head I turned to him
. “
You
’
r
e
like my damn conscience, the voice of reason, the sane one. When the hell did that
happen?”

“To be fair, you did tell me to grow a pair last time I go
t
into trouble. I believe your words were,
G
row up, be a man…
you know
,
something
along those lines.”

“Karma
,
” I mumbled.

“Isn’t it great?” Demetri grinned.

I didn’t return his smile
. “
Not the words I would choose. But, for what it’s worth
,
I am proud of you.” I felt my throat close with emotion. I looked away and concentrated
on the
seals as they splashed around.

“I’ll go first
,
” Demetri said quietly, leaning his arms against the watery cement cage. “I’m sorry.”

“What?” Had I be
en
leaning any further o
n
the cage I would have fallen in from shock
. “
What the hell do you have to be sorry for?”

Demetri shrugged
. “
Taking so damn long to get over my shit.”

“
You were just a kid…
it’s not your fault…”

“And you’re not a kid? Damn, Alec, you turn twenty-one this year. You
’
r
e
still a spring chicken, man.”

“Because that’s what every guy wants to be compared to.” I bit down hard on my lip
. “
And it’s not your fault. If anything
,
it’s mine. In trying to protect you, in being selfish, I’ve lost everything, you,
Nat…
our careers.”

Demetri moved closer to me and concentrated on the wall in front of us where it said
:
“
P
lease do not touch the seals.”

“I want to tell you
,
” I said breaking the silence
. “
But I’m afraid to. I’m afraid you’ll never forgive me.”

Demetri laughed low in his throat shaking his head
. “
Did you sleep with my girlfriend again?”

“No.”

“Get her hooked on drugs again?”

“That would be a
no
.”

“Any future plans to do so?”

“That would be a
hell
,
no
.”

“So history isn’t repeating itself.” Demetri smirked
. “
And whatever happens from here on out, we can handle together. You didn’t abandon
me
.
I won’t abandon you.”

“Do you really mean that?” I felt my eyes well with tears as
I tried to keep my voice even.

“Absolutely.”

“I—
”
I pushed away from the cement cage and began pacing
. “
I screwed up.”

“With Nat?”

“With you
,
” I clarified
. “
I screwed up with you.”

“But you just said—”

“Before the fame, before everything…
w
hen dad died…
He made me promise, and I did promise him, but then I just felt jealous. Why is it
that I
’
m such
a selfish bastard that I
’
m jealous of everything? I
’
m jealous of the damn seal
s
right now!”
I pointed at the seals splashing around and kicked the cement wall.

Demetri laughed
. “
Well
,
they are badass.”

I shook my head, if I didn’t say it now I never would. “You’re adopted.”

The room fell silent. Demetri’s smile froze on his face and then he looked down at
his hands.

Someone kill me now
. It felt like ten years. I watched a series of emotions play across his face, not
one of them appeared to be shock.

“I know.”

“WHAT?” I yelled.

Demetri shrugged
. “
I was there.”

“You were a baby
.
T
here
’
s no way you would remember, man.”

“Not that
,
you ass.” Demetri rolled his eyes
. “
I remember dad telling you something important. I remember feeling like I wasn’t the
same as you but I never could figure out why. And then I heard that word. Adopted.”
Demetri folded his arms across his chest
. “
Granted, nobody’s ever actually told me. But I assumed it to be true. I mean
,
look at me
.
”

He pointed to his body and then pointed to mine. “We’re pretty different.”

“Not that different
,
” I said fiercely
. “
You’re still my brother.”

“Calm down
.”
Demetri laughed
. “
I know that. You think it would be that easy getting rid of me?”