Shattered (Alchemy Series Book #3) (20 page)

If Cormac were
here, he wouldn't like this meeting even a little, but he was out doing his own thing, who knew where. I had to stop worrying about what Cormac liked. Fuck Cormac.

Crash
smiled when I finally reached him. He straightened from where he'd been leaning against the doorframe and handed me one of the matching drinks he held.

I took the glass
with no intention of drinking it and I nodded my head outside.

"You don't mind the rippers?" he asked.

There weren't any hovering nearby right now but that didn't mean they wouldn't show up at any moment. Even though they couldn't get that close to the casino, people tended to avoid the balcony because of the rippers as much as the ruins.

I shrugged,
noncommittally, not sure if I should tell him I could make them heel, not that it mattered. I still hated the look of them and what they represented.

We walked over and I leaned on the balcony railing.

"You first," I said.

"He's got my daughter, Maggie
."

I was taken aback at his open omission.
"I'm sorry," I said, knowing nothing would be adequate or make that feel any better.

He
leaned next to me. "She's all I have left. She's what you people call the
changed
."

"So you joined him?"

He raised an eyebrow at me.

"I didn'
t mean it like that." I stared out at the ruins before I spoke again. "I get it. It's easy to be idealistic when you aren't the one making the choices. You sit back from your safe vantage point and say what should have been done. Then, one day, you’re the one making the tough calls and you don't even know who you are anymore. You just keep wondering what happened, how you got there. And maybe the biggest question, how can you get the hell out of this."

"The closer I get to him, the closer I get to Maggie.
Once I have her, I'll leave. There are settlements springing up in areas where the rippers don't like to go."

"Where is that?"

"Anything along the tornado wall. They hate being near it." He took a sip of what looked like scotch. "Your turn, why do you walk through the casino floors every day when you hate being there?"

"I used to stroll through th
e casino before everything fell apart. I liked the energy, the activity. Now I guess I do it to hold on to some part of what I used to be. If I start hiding now…" I swirled the liquid around in the glass but I wouldn't drink it. "If I hide now, I might never show my face again. Sometimes I feel like I'm a hair's width away from breaking." I regretted the words the minute they left my mouth. This guy was working for the other team and I'm telling him how weak I feel. What was wrong with me?

"You underestimate yourself."

I turned to look at him, mere inches away from me.

"People like you don't break." His fingers glided across the skin of my cheekbone. "You're like forg
ed steel; the wounds only make you stronger."

I looked into his warm hazel eyes. This man would never tell me to get out when he didn't get what he wanted. He wouldn't push me to my limits.
Being with him would be easy and the invitation was clear. Only thing was…he wasn't Cormac. And oh yeah, he worked for the senator. Was I really this desperate for someone that I'd even consider him?

And then, for someone like me who tried to swallow back their feelings at every moment, I realized what I was doing. I missed Cormac, and I wanted to fill the gaping hole he
'd left behind with anything I could find and stop the bleeding. I leaned against the railing, feeling more depressed than ever. All Crash did was make me want Cormac more.

I tensed suddenly when I saw Cormac through the opening of the balcony door. I didn't know that he ever came here or I never would have suggested the place. He'd probably heard I was here with Crash and wanted to know why I was fraternizing with the senator's man.

"You sure you know what you are doing with that one?
" Crash asked. "And don't look at me like that. It's very obvious there's something going on between you two."

"I'm not d
oing anything with him."

"
He's a hard man. He'll hurt you if you get in his way. You know that, don't you?"

I knew that better than
anyone did. I wanted to deny it, say it wasn't true, but I couldn't. So I said nothing

"You really want him?"
Crash asked.

"Yeah,
I do."

He smirked and took a step closer.

"I'm going to do you a favor." Crash's hand curved around my back.

"He's not going to care for those reasons
. He's done with me. He just wants to know what I'm doing out here with you."

"No one looks at
a woman like that if he's done."

"This isn't a good idea."

We were alone on the balcony and I took a breath and looked over to where I knew Cormac was standing by the door. But he wasn't looking at me at all, he was looking down at a pretty little cocktail waitress. 

"Humor me," he said.

Crash's hand pulled me the rest of the way into him and I let him. His lips feathered over mine in a teasing manner. He could be the best kisser in the world, but there was nothing Crash could have done that would've made me want him. There was no room left.

"Leave. Now." Cormac's voice was two feet away from us.

Crash opened his mouth to speak, took another look at Cormac and walked from the balcony. He looked back at me and winked right before he disappeared back into the bar.

He stared at me as if
he wanted to kill me.

"The senator's man?" he didn't say anything else, just stared at me like I was beneath his contempt.

The spark of hope that this was jealousy crashed and burned. Yeah, getting hot and heavy with a guy that was with the senator wasn't the best move, but no one had seen me but Cormac. I was too hurt to care if it had been stupid. It was a kiss and now at least I had my answer. He didn't care.

"Yes, the senator
's man. So what?" I knew it was a lame answer but I just didn't care right now. He was really through with me and the truth burned like a hole in my chest, making it hard to breathe.

"You're going to stand here and cavort with the enemy
, in my casino?"

He took a couple of steps toward me and I didn't move an inch. His body radiated barely controlled rage and I didn't care. I just wanted something from him. Anything other than the cold disinterested looks I'd started to expect.

"Sorry, I'll make sure to leave your casino when I sleep with him. It's just that we currently have a lack of hotels in business, and well, I'm sure you get the…" the words died as I watched his control start to slip. Oops, I might have taken it a little too far this time I thought as I belatedly realized that even Cormac had a limit, and I think I'd just hit it.

His hand wrapped around my wrist and he pulled me along after him through the bar. A path opened up in front of us as anyone
who looked at him for even a second skirted out of his way. Everyone watched us pass by and I thought I heard someone say, "Is he going to kill her?"

He dragged me after him into the stairwell and I tried to yank back control of my arm.

"Let me go," I yelled.

He ignored me and kept walking.

He didn't release me until we walked into the living room of the penthouse.

Dodd and Buzz were on the couch when we walked in.

"Get out," Cormac said, but it was unnecessary. They took one look at him with me trailing behind and they were already scrambling to leave.

I watched him stalk across the living room floor and I wondered
how long it was going to take before he spoke. I didn't have to wait more than a few seconds. The moment the door clicked shut behind Buzz and Dodd, he exploded.

He turned to me
, with anger pouring out of him. "I guess you don't care where you get it now?"

The words felt like a blow and for the first time,
I didn't want to yell. I didn't have it in me to fight with him anymore. If this was what he thought of me, it was over anyway. There was no point.

"He's not the senator's man." My
voice was flat and emotionless.

"Forget it." He shook his head and walked away from me. "You want to sleep with him
, then go do it. Sleep with all of them. You can leave with them too." He moved around the room and grabbed some papers off the table, ignoring me already.

I should leave. He told me to get out. I'd leave soon.

"And stop doing that," he said when he looked up at me and I was still in the exact same place.

"Do
ing what?"

"Look
ing at me like that. Like I rejected you." The anger was seeping back.

"
Haven’t you?"

"I would've
given you everything I had and you didn't want it." He turned away from me and walked to the bar.

I had no argument. What was there for me to say? I only
temporarily
rejected you? I didn't want everything but hey, I was willing to sleep with you?

"Get out," he said
again, not looking at me any longer.

He was so angry
. Maybe he had never stopped being angry. I could see it in his every movement. Self-preservation told me to leave. I wasn't built for a relationship, my childhood had beat that out of me, and a life with him would never be easy.

So why wouldn't my legs move
? Why did I have this overwhelming fear that if I left this time, it would be different, final? That if I ran from him this time, he'd just let me disappear.

"No." It wasn't an eloquent expression of love but I thought it got my point across. I hoped it did because I was having a hard enough time standing my ground.

I watched as he poured himself a drink. A vein pulsed in his neck. He threw back a glass and then another.

"I'm done
with the cat and mouse game." He looked at me, letting me see what he was thinking. He still wanted me and with an intensity that scared me to my core.

It was a final warning.

And I still didn't move. I'd rather brave the storm than lose him.

Our eyes met and held. He put his glass down on the bar i
n a slow and deliberate motion and started walking toward me.

Five steps away, four
, three…

He paused a mere inch from me.

"Last. Chance."

My mouth grew dry. I didn't say a word, just stood there.
I was scared of what being with him would mean but more terrified of not having him at all.

He was so close
but not touching me. His silver-grey eyes roved up and down my body as if I were a feast he was about to devour and a chill rushed through me. He laid his hands in unison on my waist and then slowly guided them upward, until they brushed the underside of my breasts, before they moved downward again. I was embarrassed because he'd barely touched me and my breathing was already heavy and my heart was beating rapidly in my chest. He didn't seem to notice or care.

His hands drifted lower
, following the contour of my hips and then lower until they reached the hem of my dress. His fingers gripped it, sliding his hands back upward, with the dress in tow, until it bunched around my waist.

His hands reached around and cupped my ass, pulling me up on my
tiptoes until I was flush against his erection.

"Do you think…"

"Shut up." His lips covered mine in an onslaught that made me forget what I even wanted to say. I was
drowning in sensations. A small part of me poked its head up and said he was overwhelming me on purpose. The other ninety-five percent was drowning in him and didn't care. He ground against me and the last coherent part of my brain shut down. 

I didn't even know we had moved about the room until I felt a co
ol surface of the bar underneath me and my hips were teetering on the edge, the pressure of Cormac against me, in between my legs, keeping me in place.

He pulled my dress over my head and pressed me back against its surface. Laying there only in
a thong, his eyes roved over me and I started to grow self-conscious.

"No," he said pulling my arms to
my side. "You don't get to hide after how long you’ve made me wait." His hands replaced mine as they cupped my breasts, taking one nipple into his mouth, then the other, until they were hard buds.

He leaned back, still looking at me as he started to unbutton his shirt.
He had the most glorious body I'd ever seen, all dark tanned muscles.

Once his shirt was remov
ed, he undid his pants and shed everything in one swoop. His large penis jutted out and panic shot through me as he stepped back in between my thighs.