Shattered Dreams (8 page)

An encouraging seriousness shadowed his features and she slowly lifted her hand and placed her palm atop his muscled arm.

“You won’t regret your decision,” he said as if he knew the trust she was giving him.

They turned away from the house and took their first step further into the garden.

There was something magical about the harmonious way they moved. His gait seemed to fit with hers even better than Harrison’s or George’s, or any of her brothers.

With her cane in her right hand and his strong arm beneath her left, Elly could almost forget she walked with a limp. Could pretend she was whole, desirable.

They walked down one path, then another, and Elly could not remember a more perfect night.

After they walked a while, he led her to one of the small stone benches placed along the paths. She didn’t need the benches as places to rest. Her leg was remarkably strong. But she sat here in the garden often and read.

He helped her sit, then sat beside her.

“You haven’t completely answered my question. Why is it so important to prove your independence to your family? Because you are female?”

No one had ever put it so bluntly. “Yes, and because I am unmarried and refuse to be a burden.”

“If I may ask,” he said, suddenly seeming closer than he’d been before. “Why are you unmarried?”

Every defense she possessed snapped to attention. Was he serious? Or was he making fun of her? Suddenly he seemed no different than any other man she’d met and her temper soared. “Because I choose to be. Which is no doubt a better reason for remaining single than you have.”

She turned to face him squarely and found herself entirely too close to his towering strength. But she couldn’t back down. She never backed down. “Isn’t your obligation to assure an heir to the Charfield dynasty important to you? I would have thought you’d have found the perfect Countess by now and set up your nursery. Isn’t that what every nobleman is expected to do?”

She expected a retort. Instead he laughed.

“Touché,” he said, looking at her with a wide grin on his face. “Society says we both have an obligation to wed – you as the eldest daughter of the Duke of Sheridan, and I, as the Earl of Charfield. My reason for not marrying, however, is quite simple. I have a brother who has taken over that responsibility for me. Three sons at last count. Or perhaps it is four by now, since my dear sister-in-law is in a delicate condition once again and expected to deliver any time soon.”

“You do not want an heir of your own?”

Elly couldn’t believe it. Every titled peerage wanted an heir.

“It isn’t that I have anything against providing a Charfield heir. It’s the sacrifice one is forced to make to accomplish it.”

“And what sacrifice would that be?”

“Marriage.”

He spat the word out so solidly it almost seemed like a curse. “You don’t want to marry?”

He rose from the bench and took a step away from her. He turned to look out into the moonlit darkness and clasped his hands behind his back. “Were you acquainted with my parents?”

“I never met them.”

“But you heard about them.”

She felt her cheeks warm and was relieved he couldn’t see her discomfiture. Every time her family returned from London they had a new tale to tell concerning the Earl and Countess of Charfield. She’d been shocked at some of the lengths the two would go to disgrace the other. “Society has a habit of embellishing its gossip with each telling so I—”

Charfield’s bitter laughter stopped her words. “Oh, believe me. Nothing you heard concerning my parents needed embellishment. The arguments they had in public were legendary, as well as their indiscretions. Their words and actions had but one goal – to humiliate and inflict as much pain as possible on each other.”

“Many marriages are not based on love.”

“But most other couples do not put their dislike for each other on display for the world to see. And ridicule.”

“So you have decided not to marry?”

For several long seconds he didn’t answer. When he did, his voice contained a tone she couldn’t quite explain.

He returned to the bench and sat beside her. “I’m going to tell you something I’ve never told another soul. It isn’t marriage I object to. In fact, I see many benefits to having a wife. But when I marry, it will be because I have fallen in love.”

“And you have never fallen in love?”

She wanted to take her words back the second they left her mouth but it was too late.

“No.”

Her breath caught. She didn’t want to know that he’d never been in love. She didn’t want to know how seriously he took the sanctity of marriage. His words were another indication of how perfect he was.

How perfect the woman he married would have to be.

How lacking she was.

“Why did you tell me this?”

He smiled. “I don’t know. Perhaps because I trust you. Perhaps because it was something I finally needed to say out loud. Or, perhaps because it was something I wanted you to know.”

She was in uncharted territory and she wasn’t sure she was safe there. She quickly erected the wall she always kept firmly in place when threatened. “Your confession is safe with me. But it’s not necessary that I know your feelings.”

“Isn’t it?”

“No.”

She wanted to cut him off there but couldn’t. She couldn’t be so abrupt. Appear to be so unfeeling. So she added, “But I’m glad you shared that with me.”

He smiled then looked up at the moon as it appeared from behind a cloud. “So am I.”

Her blood turned to liquid heat as it flowed through her veins.

He turned to look at her. The smile was still on his handsome face.

“So am I,” he whispered again, then leaned forward and touched his mouth to hers.

His lips were warm and firm and he tasted of fine wine and something else she couldn’t explain. She’d never been kissed before so she wasn’t quite prepared for such an earth-shattering experience.

Every inch of her body tingled as if a bolt of lightning flashed from the sky and struck her. The blood pounded against her ears like the dull thud of a heavy clanging bell. And the heat...

Her face warmed as though she’d stepped too close to a blazing fire and her heart raced so fast she feared it might leap from her chest.

Emotion boiled inside her nearly to overflowing and she clutched her hands in the folds of her skirt to keep from lifting them. She ached to wrap her arms around his neck and hold him to her. And never let him go.

“Elly?”

She gasped when he lifted his mouth from hers and fought the urge to pull him back.

“Elly?”

“They’re calling you.” His voice sounded raspy and hoarse.

“It’s... George...,” she said, pulling away from him.

She wasn’t sure what had just happened. He’d kissed her and she should be shocked, embarrassed. Instead, she wanted him to kiss her again.

“Ah, yes. George.”

“I need to go back to the house.”

She slid to the edge of the bench and prepared to rise. He was on his feet in a second to stand in front of her just as he’d done before.

“Elly?”

“You’d better answer him or we’ll have all your brothers storming the garden in search of you.”

She nodded. “I’m here, George.” She tried to make her voice sound as normal as possible.

“Are you ready?” Charfield said, holding his arm toward her.

She looked at the arm she needed to hold to rise more gracefully and dreaded the thought of having to touch him. Not because she dreaded touching him, but because she found his touch disturbing. As disturbing as his nearness.

As disturbing as his kiss.

As disturbing as the thoughts his kiss elicited.

She needed time to herself. Time to forget how he made her feel. Time to rationalize what was happening.

Perhaps she was coming down with some malady.

But after she placed her hand atop his arm, she knew what was happening to her was worse than any malady from which she’d ever suffered.

Far worse.

Chapter 8

Brent pushed Danza as fast as he dared.

Just as she’d promised, Lady Elyssa had found the most challenging course he’d ever raced.

A copse of trees spanned the meadow ahead of them. According to her detailed instructions at the outset of their race there would be a series of small hedge rows just over the rise, then a narrow stream at the bottom of the hill, followed by a sharp incline before they reached another flat stretch. A stately old maple tree on the opposite side of the open meadow would mark the finish line.

For a fraction of a second, he contemplated letting her win - until he saw the stubborn expression on her face and the fierce determination in her eyes. He knew he couldn’t give her that advantage over him.

He looked to his right. Her horse raced neck and neck with his. She was a master horsewoman and exhibited complete control as she crouched low over the huge Arabian. Never before had he met anyone so amazing – male or female – and he knew one fact for certain.

He could not allow her to win.

He urged his horse to run faster and edged ahead. This race wasn’t about whose horse was faster. It was a battle of mastery. Of who could master whom.

There’d been fear in her eyes when he’d kissed her as well as confusion. It was obvious that last night was the first time she’d been kissed. The expression on her face when she pulled away told him that she didn’t understand the emotions that rushed through her.

Bloody hell. Neither did he!

The fear she experienced would no doubt prompt her to erect more barriers in an attempt to prevent him from breaching her emotions. Allowing her to win the race would strengthen those barriers and put her further out of his reach.

He concentrated on winning with greater determination.

His horse took the first hedge a length ahead of hers, then the second with perfect execution. Her Arabian landed nearly a full second behind his and he vowed he’d give Danza an extra ration of oats when they returned to the stable.

Danza took the stream in a clean leap. But so did Lady Elyssa’s horse. And the pounding of hooves seemed closer.

The hill at the top of the rise was as steep as she’d described and he felt his challenger breathing down his neck. He looked to his right and saw her racing beside him. The hardened look of determination on her face reminded him of the look he’d seen on many a rider’s face, the look that said she refused to contemplate defeat.

But to him it wasn’t defeat. It was equality.

An equality between the two of them.

He pushed Danza up the steep rise, knowing that when they reached the top there was only a meadow to cross and the race would be over.

Bloody hell, but she was magnificent. By this time, most riders would have reached the end of their endurance. But she rode as if she was barely winded.

Danza reached the top of the rise, his lungs pushing out great puffs of air as he charged to a run. When the two horses reached the flat land that stretched before them, both seemed to find a new burst of energy and raced as if they hadn’t already been pushed nearly beyond endurance.

Neck and neck, each horse and rider gave everything they had to be the winner in the race.

He leaned over Danza’s neck, asking his horse to reach deep down to find the reserve of strength Arabians were known to possess. And Danza did.

His amazing Arabian flew like the wind and reached the stately oak a mere second before Lady Elyssa’s horse. But there was no doubt which horse was the victor.

He pulled his horse to a stop beside her and wanted to shout aloud. “You were as magnificent as yesterday,” he said, facing her. “Absolutely, magnificent.”

He wanted to laugh. He wanted to shout. He wanted to reach out and hug her to him.

“So were you.” Her face beamed with pleasure. “Your Arabian is as magnificent as mine! They’re perfectly matched!”

There was no anger, or jealousy, or bitterness in her tone – just admiration.

And excitement.

Her cheeks held a deep rosy hue, both from exertion and excitement. She’d tied her hair back with a dark green ribbon but long amber wisps had come loose to float around her face in defiance of her attempt to contain them.

It was her eyes, though, that drew his attention. She should be exhausted, but there was a sparkle in her gaze that indicated that if he challenged her to repeat the race, she would agree.

Never before had he met someone so alive with such a pent-up zest for life.

“I hope you’re not disappointed that I didn’t let you win,” he said.

Not until then did her eyes flash with something other than elation.

“Do you think I am only used to winning, sir? Or that I would admire you more if you’d let me come out the victor?”

“No,” he said on a laugh. “Which was why it was so important that I win.”

“
Important?
Why was it important?” she asked with an honest frown on her face.

“Because had I lost, I think you would have thought less of me.”

A shocked look covered her face. “I would hardly have thought less of you.”

“Wouldn’t you have? Then what would your opinion of me have been?”

I’m not sure.” Her words came out slowly and were filled with contemplation, “But I wouldn’t have thought less of you.”

He smiled. He couldn’t have received a better compliment from her. “Let me tell you what I think. I think that had you won, I would have been easier to ignore.” He leaned a fraction toward her. “Be forewarned, Lady Elyssa. I don’t intend to make it easy for you to dismiss me.”

Her eyes widened and he continued before she had time to interrupt.

“I also think you’re a little bit frightened.”

“You think I’m afraid of you?”

“No.” His gaze riveted on hers as he finished his sentence. “I think you’re frightened of the feelings I force you to face.”

She lifted her chin several notches. “I don’t know what you’re talking about.”

The hint of defiance in her expression made him want to laugh. Instead, he swung down from his horse and walked over to her. “The horses are tired. Let’s sit beneath the tree for a moment and let them rest.”

The first hint of panic crossed her face. “I don’t have my cane.”

“You don’t need your cane.”

He lifted his arms to help her from her horse but he didn’t touch her. First, he wanted an indication that she would allow him to assist her. He stared into her eyes as a myriad of emotions played inside their gleaming ebony depths; emotions running the gamut from panic to fear to excitement to acceptance.

He almost thought she was going to refuse him. The slight movement of her head indicated she wanted to tell him she had no intention of falling into his arms and letting him hold her, lift her, help her. In the end, though, she leaned forward and rested her hands on his shoulders.

With his hands around her narrow waist, he slowly lifted her from her horse. He was suddenly aware of how small she was, how petite, and how light. Before, only her strengths had been noticeable: her courage, her endurance, her resilience. All the qualities he’d admired from the minute they’d met were inner qualities.

He held her close to him. The pounding in his chest and the thickness in his groin told him everything about her on the outside had the power to affect him too.

He kept her suspended in mid-air, her forearms resting on his shoulders. Her mouth formed a perfectly kissable O, and if he lowered her another few inches, her lips would be close enough to kiss.

He brought her down slowly, reveling in the feel of her body as it skimmed against his. When her toes touched the ground, he lowered his head and touched his lips to hers. He kissed her before she had time to gain her balance, forcing her to wrap her arms around his neck and hold onto him.

It was unfair to take advantage of her like that, but he wanted her at a disadvantage. He wanted her to
have
to hold onto him for support. It was important that she realized she could rely on him, and he would keep her safe.

Their lips met and held, the kiss more intense than the one they’d shared the night before, yet not so desperate as to frighten her.

He pressed his lips to hers more firmly, drinking from her, then he angled his head to deepen the kiss. Her arms tightened around his neck and she held him close.

Brent deepened his kiss even more, tasting the sweetness of her lips, reveling in the soft wisps of air that brushed against his cheek, taking in the small moans of pleasure that came from deep within her. It had never been like this for him before. He’d never kissed a woman who possessed the power this woman had over him.

And he knew, even if he searched the world over, he’d never find a woman to equal her.

He gave her a last brief kiss, then pulled away before his kisses took him so far he wasn’t able to separate himself from her.

Their gasping breaths came in harsh, ragged rushes and he looked into her face, not sure he wanted to evaluate her reaction to his kisses.

But when he did, his heart swelled with joy. The expression on her face evidenced more than he had hoped for. There was a dark glaze of passion in her eyes that told him he’d taken her to a height she wasn’t aware she could reach.

Then, at the moment he thought he could rejoice in his accomplishments, a look of confusion clouded her eyes.

“Are you all right?” He held her steady so she could keep her balance.

She nodded, then tightened her grip on his arm before she took a small step away from him. She would have walked away – or run if she had two good legs. He could read her desperation to escape in her eyes but she couldn’t walk unassisted. He held her close and let her lean on him, the same as she relied on her cane.

He knew to walk on her right side and led her to a shady spot beneath the giant oak tree that had been the finish line of their race. He helped her sit on the ground, then took a step back and looked down on her.

Her gaze hadn’t left his. She studied him as if he’d grown two heads and sprouted horns.

“Let me tie the horses so they don’t wander off, then you can tell me what’s bothering you.”

He tied the horses to a nearby hedge then walked back to where he’d left her and sat down beside her on the grass. “Now, why don’t you tell me what’s going on inside that pretty head of yours.”

She tilted her head and looked at him. She opened her mouth, then closed it again.

“Come on. Out with it.” Her hesitation caused the nerves to zing inside him.

She took a breath as if working up the nerve to answer him. Then, in a rush of words she asked, “Why did you kiss me?”

He couldn’t hide his surprise. “Why? Because I wanted to. Because it seemed the natural thing to do. Because I couldn’t pass up such a perfect opportunity when I had you in my arms.” His eyes narrowed as he studied her. “Why do
you
think I kissed you?”

She shook her head as if at a loss to find an answer. “I don’t know.”

Her cheeks darkened a deep shade of red and she lowered her gaze to her lap. He waited, knowing she had more to say.

“Did one of my brothers ask you to...to...kiss me?”

He couldn’t stop the bark of laughter. “Oh, Lady Elyssa. If Harrison or one of your brothers knew I’d just kissed you, I probably wouldn’t have any teeth left in my head. Or even a head left on my shoulders, for that matter. No,” he said in perfect honesty, “none of your brothers suggested I kiss you.”

“Then why did you do it?”

“Do I have to have a reason?”

“Of course you do.”

“Didn’t you like it?” he asked.

Her cheeks turned even redder. “You know I did.”

“Then don’t worry about
why
I kissed you but
when
I’ll kiss you again.”

Her gaze shot to his. “There won’t be another time. I won’t allow it.”

“You won’t?”

“No. I don’t want to be kissed again.”

“By me? Or by anyone?”

“By anyone. But
especially
you.”

“May I ask why?”

“I think you know the answer to that.”

“Perhaps, but humor me. Explain it to me.”

She hesitated, then licked her just-kissed lips. “What happens when you kiss me isn’t normal.”

“What if I told you it is?”

She shook her head. “You know it isn’t.”

“Very well.” Brent leaned back on his elbows and tipped his head to the sun as if he were completely relaxed. “If you believe it isn’t, there’s probably nothing I can say or do to convince you otherwise.”

She nodded, then looked at him. “How do you feel when we kiss?”

He slowly turned to face her. “As if the sun burst into flames above me and giant fireballs landed at my feet. As if the top I’m riding has refused to stop spinning. As if my legs are made of liquid lava and I’m attempting to climb a mountainside.” He turned his gaze and looked at her. “How do you feel when we kiss?”