Shattered Puppet (Rag Doll) (3 page)

“I’ll buy you dinner and tell you more.”
What did he have to lose? He tried everything else he could think of, and violence wasn’t his game.

“I don’t want information, I want cash. I don’t want food. I want cash.”
Does he not get the ‘I want cash’ part?

Carter shook his head. “If you change your mind, you know where to find me.” He stood and left her room.

Cree followed him. “Wait a minute. You get to push into my room, bully me into giving you information, and you offer me dinner in return? Who are you and what do you truly want? Be straight with me and I’ll tell you what I know.”

Carter stared at the girl. They stood in the hallway, neither wanting to give an inch.

“I’m her brother.” He finally said.

“Then why
are you telling me all these other lies? Why not just say that?” Cree wasn’t buying it.

“She doesn’t want me to find her.”
He was running out of bullshit stories.

“Then why do you think I’ll help you.”
It was almost becoming fun to spar with him. She liked watching him make a fool of himself.

“She needs help.”
Carter glared at the girl.

“You’re a lying man. Don’t you think telling me the truth would have been easier?”
Cree shook her head and turned around.

“We’ve been searching for her…”
Carter’s frustration grew. This girl was impossible.

“You’re not her brother.” Cree stopped. “This conversation is over. Until you come clean, I’ve got nothing to say.” She turned and went back to her room, locking the door. She wedged a chair under the doorknob for extra security.

Carter let himself into his room. This wasn’t going to be easy. He thought…well, it didn’t matter what he thought. He was wrong. How could he tell her the truth? And yet, without Cree he didn’t have any other leads. He’d have to betray somebody, the question was who? He had a job to do, but maybe it was more trouble than it was worth. If only it was that easy.

He needed to find her. It would get his ass out of trouble. They said they’d let him off the hook if he found the girl. They’d caught him with his hand in the cookie jar.
They offered him a deal. She was more important to them right now. Crystal was an important key. Carter had no idea how to find the girl, but he had no choice. He was lucky to find Cree as it was. That happened by pure dumb luck.

Cree paced.
Who was Carter and what did he truly want? He was trouble; she felt it in her veins. In the dark of the night she slipped out of her room with a few belongings and headed up to her old embankment. She hadn’t been there in a while, but it was the one place she felt safest. She’d blow off work tonight and hide out. Security is what she needed more than anything right now. That and time to figure out what the hell was going on.

She only intended to stay for a day, but frozen to her false sense of security, she stayed tucked in the rafters of the overpass, just like old times. He’d get tired of waiting on her eventually and leave. She didn’t know who that guy was, but she didn’t trust him. Something about a guy who doesn’t know how to speak the truth left her uneasy.

Should she try to get ahold of Crystal? Did she know people were looking for her? Was any of what he said the truth? Or were they all lies. The drugs, she knew Crystal dabbled in drugs, but she used them as an escape more than anything. She’d clean up her act and then spiral into a depression. Once she hit a point of no return, she’d start using again. Cree was grateful that was one thing that she and Kendle never touched. They watched too many people get messed up, and promised each other they’d stay away from the drugs. They were easy access on the streets, but the lives they destroyed...isn’t that a joke. As if her life isn’t messed up enough.

Kendle. A smile spread across Cree’s face. At least she found some happiness. Graham ended up being a good guy. She was happy for her sister. I guess not all men were horrible. Most were. This Carter jerk was, that’s for sure. Who did he think he was anyway? All lies. Men lied. They hurt you, used you, and didn’t care who they stepped on. She was sure Carter was exactly the same.

And what did he want with Crystal? And how did he find her, or even know that she knew who Crystal was? She hated the not knowing, but it was better to let go. Pretend like none of it happened. She didn’t owe anybody anything, and she liked it that way. Cree slid down the embankment and headed to the local gas station. It’s been nice having hot water again. It would suck to have to get used to only cold water at the gas station again.

She felt like a hostage, unable to go back. It’s not like she couldn’t, it’s just that he was there. And he was trouble.

Carter rummaged through the few receipts he found in Cree’s room. She still hadn’t come back. He popped the lock and went inside to look around. She had to come back eventually.
Pulling the nightstand drawer open, he found a book and leafed through it. A battered piece of a picture fell out. Two girls, young, innocent…he recognized the eyes of one of the children to be a younger version of Cree. Who was that? Her sister? Maybe if he tracked down her sister, he’d track down Cree or Crystal.

It was his greed that pulled him down. He thought he could get away with it. He should have known better. It was a family business after all.
When they caught him with his hand in the cookie jar, he was cast out and threatened. Nobody skims from the top, nobody, not even family. He learned the lesson the hard way, pinned to the wall, his uncle’s arm pressed to his neck, a knife popped open before his eyes.

“You think you’re better than the rest of us? You think you earned that extra cash?
What are you, some kind of fool? I’m going to tally up how much you took. You’ll have a choice to make…you either pay back that amount with interest or you do me a favor. You find me someone. And when you do, consider the cash you’ve already stolen as your payment. Otherwise you owe me that much doubled, and I don’t think you have that much hanging around. You got that? And Carter, don’t come back without the girl. I don’t need the Feds breathing down my neck. Be lucky I don’t take you out right here right now. You may be my brother’s boy, but you’re no family to me…not anymore. You piece of shit. Stealing from the family.” His uncle dropped the knife down, but left his arm up on his neck. “There’s a girl. You find me the girl I’m looking for and bring her to me. Understood?”

…he didn’t know much more, but he certainly couldn’t go home without her.
It was him or Crystal, and it was going to have to be her.

Carter slipped the picture into his pocket and let himself out of
Cree’s room. She’d be back eventually. She wouldn’t have left one of the only personal things she had here. The room was definitely lived in, but you’d never know who lived there. There was no identification. There was nothing to say who she was, just a receipt from a convenience store, one from the second hand thrift shop, and another handful for take-out.

Who was this girl and where was she from? He knew his focus should have been on this other girl, Crystal, the one his uncle wanted him to find, but his mind slipped back to Cree instead. In his room, he took the picture from his pocket and examined it closer. She was a cute kid
, but something changed. Her eyes were hard now, not soft and dancing like in the picture.

Sometimes he wished he could just run away from it all. He had plenty stashed. It’s just that if he didn’t find the girl, he’d have to give that back plus more. He knew his uncle wasn’t fooling around though and
Carter couldn’t run. The family business didn’t work that way. Carter dropped his head into his hands. What was he thinking? He was a fool to think he could get away with it. It just seemed so easy at the time, like nobody would notice. Only they did. They knew where every penny went. They also knew who threatened the family business. Apparently, her name was Crystal.

She knew more than she should. She was just a drugged out hooker. It shouldn’t matter. She shouldn’t be credible, but she’d grabbed his
uncle’s list, snagged his information, names, numbers, accounts…he should have known better. Carter’s uncle should have never trusted that whore. It was his fault for having a weakness for street hookers and then getting hooked on one in particular, a young woman named Crystal. He promised her better things…instead she took his money, his drugs, and his list. He wanted to love her. She shit on him in return, betraying him. He should have never taken her home. He should have never threatened her that night…should have never told her he was in love with her. He was a fool. It was a mistake, one that would cost him dearly.

Carter fingered the ragged edge of the photograph. If he could find
Cree’s sister, he might find the girl again.

Cree thought she had the answers. She thought this was it. There wasn’t much more. It was hard to remember her past wants and dreams, the ones she thought of as a child. But maybe she could want more. Kendle did. Kendle courageously made a change. She seemed happier.

Cree ran her hand through her hair. How had so much time passed? When the
y hit the streets, she never thought she’d still be out here. It was just until they could get by, but then she got comfortable in the routine. It was ugly, but she was untouchable. It chased the nightmares of her father away some of the time. He couldn’t find her, he couldn’t touch her, and out of the house they were both safe. Kendle lived the same hell she did, their father coming into their rooms at night, doing things fathers shouldn’t do.

She was tired. Was this how she’d live the rest of her life? Would there be more? She dared to dream for just a moment, and then chased a fragment of hope away. It was too painful to think of what could have been if her life had been normal.

Now she was damaged good, worn out, had no future, and no clue how to make things better.

And this guy? Where did he come from? She missed her hot water and her room. She wouldn’t be bullied. That’s it
, she’s taking her space back. She’ll ask for a room change, the guy will never know. How did he find her? How did he know she’d been in contact with Crystal? Who is he?

Cree’s self-judgment was harsher than anybody else’s would be. She knew she was going nowhere fast. The question was how much longer could she live this way? Or even live at all. What was the point? Sometimes she wondered why she continued to suffer in silence.

Depression spiraled around her. It was a familiar feeling of unworthiness, drowning, taking her down and pushing her under. She was tired. So tired. Could she get out? Could she start over? Kendle did.

With a deep sigh, Cree slid down the embankment and started back to the hotel. She looked worse for the wear, barely having cleaned up or changed clothing. She only grabbed what she could carry in a small ba
g, expecting to go back. She just thought she’d go back sooner.

Walking down the highway, down the roads, cars whizzing by, she finally came to the hotel. She slipped in a side entrance, using her key for admittance
, and quickly climbed the stairs. Peeking around the door, she made sure nobody was in the hallway. He wasn’t there. That was all she cared about. Tip-toeing, she found her way back to her room. What she didn’t expect was to see him rummaging through her things.

“What are you doing?” She demanded on walking in and seeing Carter in her room. “And how did you get in here?”

Carter spun around. “You’re back,” was all he said. No explanation. “I almost had to give up on you. What took you so long?”

“Get out of my room.” Her lock. It meant nothing to her now. She felt invaded, vulnerable.

“Right,” he said, barely budging. “I’ve been waiting for you.”

“By going through my things
? You’re in my room. What is your problem? I’m going to report you…”

“Tell me about your sister, Kendle.”
Was his only response.

Cree froze. “How do you know her name?” Her eyebrow arched. She wasn’t certain if she was more curious or frightened of him knowing.

Cree sat. She didn’t have the energy for this. “I’m leaving. I won’t be back. If you follow me, I’ll go straight to the police station and report you for harassing and stalking me.” She glared and him and walked to the nightstand beside the bed. Flipping through the book, she scanned for the picture…furious, she turned to Carter. “Give it back! It’s all I have.”

Carter stood. “Here,” he said pulling it from his pocket. “It’s yours. Tell me about your sister.”

“I don’t know who you are, or what scary stuff you’re into, but you’ve broken enough laws already to land you in jail. I suggest you leave and pretend like you never met me. I know people.” Her voice climbed with each sentence. But she couldn’t hide the shake in her voice.

He laughed. “You think I’m afraid of
your
people? My people eat your people for breakfast.” And on a side note, he added, “And if I don’t find Crystal, they’ll eat me too, okay?” He shoved his hands in his pockets. “They aren’t fooling around. I’m in trouble. I need to find the girl.”

This was a new angle
. She sensed for the first time he was telling the truth. “What did you do? And what does Crystal have to do with any of this?”

Carter looked away. “I’m running out of time, okay? I just need to find her.”
It was none of her business what he got himself into.

“Now we’re getting somewhere,” Cree said.
She wanted to turn the tables, learn more.

Carter exhaled deeply and spun on his heel. “I’m sorry, alright? I’m sorry I went about this the wrong way. I’m sorry I lied. I’m scared, alright? I’m freaking scared. I need to find the girl, or I’m in some serious trouble. I don’t even know who she is. I just know she means something to the person looking for her and she disappeared. My finding her clears me. I owed them something.”
He hated to spill his truth, but he had no other choice. If he didn’t find the girl, he was afraid of what might happen to him.

Cree watched him move. The once confident walk, the light in his eyes; now his shoulders hunched forward like a burdened man and his eyes had burned to dark.
Something was different. He smelled of desperation, something she knew well.

“And I should care because…” she trailed off. She wanted to feel superior, but honestly she just wanted him out.

Carter dropped his head into his hands. “They’re bad news. It’s not like I can just disappear.”

Cree watched him speak. His entire demeanor changed.

“They’re involved in some crappy stuff. It’s not like I chose this life, I was born into it.” He got up and paced. “Listen. I know you don’t know me or even care what my problems are, but if you have any shred of decency, can you just send me in the right direction? My life depends on it.”

“Does hers?”
Crystal was her friend. She wouldn’t out her.

“I don’t know what he wants from her, but they’re caught up in some bad stuff.”
Carter shook his head. He didn’t even know why he bothered to tell her any of this.

Cree turned away. “I don’t have many friends. She trusts me. I’m sorry. If you could leave now, I’d appreciate it.”
Her voice softened.

“I get it.” He left the room, his tail between his legs, and on exiting he turned one last time. “They’re going to hurt me, I think.”
There was something in his eyes, fear.

Cree stared at the man; a shell of existence was all that was left. How had he changed this much in only a few days?

“I don’t know where she is right now. Sometimes you can find her on Twelfth and Elm.” She hated herself for sending him on a wild goose chase. Maybe if she gave him a shred of hope…and she’d have time to leave before he came back…it wasn’t the right thing to do, but it’s all she had left, the drive to save her own skin.

Carter looked at the girl. “Now you’re lying.” He turned and walked away.

“Carter,” she called out.

As he spun to look at her, she lowered her head. “Good luck, okay. I can’t help you, but I don’t want you to get hurt either. I know what that’s like, and it’s not any fun.”

He nodded and let himself back into his own room.

Maybe she didn’t need to leave after all.

Tossing the covers off, fighting the nightmare, Cree climbed out of bed. Would they ever go away? Shifting through the change on her dresser, she pulled out enough to grab a drink from the vending machine down the hallway. Peering out the peep hole, she saw the hallway was clear. The less people she ran into, the better.

Cree crept quietly down the hallway and plucked the coins into the slot. Pressing the button, a carbonated beverage rolled out of the dispenser.
Slipping down the hallway, she scanned over her shoulder, always aware. She kept waiting for Carter to stick his head out, but he never did. Did she want him to? Or did she want him gone?

At first all she wanted was for him to leave, and yet seeing him again…he felt familiar
, even though he invaded her space. She was angry at first, but then she recognized herself in his eyes, his desperation. Something touched her. Something she hadn’t felt in a very long time, empathy. She cared, even if it was just for a second. She hadn’t cared about anything or anyone in ages. To feel something, anything, other than resentment and fear meant something. It had to, right?

Cree curled up into a ball and rested her head on her arm. The chair
was square and stiff, not like comfortable furniture you’d find in someone’s home. This was meant to last and look decent for a long time. It wasn’t meant to sink into, to leisure on, to read a book in and get lost. It was still softer than the pavement. A bed, a chair…she didn’t know how much she missed them until she had them back.

What was going on with Carter? Not that she cared, but there was something going on there. He obviously had some backstory of his own.

Cree picked up the hotel phone and dialed her sister’s number.

“Hey,” she greeted on hearing her sister’s voice.

“Hey, how are you doing?” Cree asked.

“Good. We’re taking things slowly on the possible career thing, and getting to know each other.”

“That sounds smart.” Cree said agreeing.

“What’s going on?”

“There’s this guy.” Should she even be telling her this?

“A guy?”
Kendle’s curiosity peaked.

“It’s not like that.”
She was quick to shut her down. No need her thinking this is anything like that.

“What is it like?”

“I don’t know. He wants information from me. He’s poking around about Crystal. He says he’s in trouble, but she may be too. I told him I couldn’t tell him anything.”
Cree was frustrated with the entire situation.

“Good, watch your back.” She was worried on hearing somebody was poking around.

“Yeah. Kendle?”

“Huh?”

“I’m confused about some stuff.” Cree was hesitant to say much more.

“Like what?”
She wanted to help her sister anyway she could.

“I’m angry at this guy for being in my personal space, but when I saw this look in his eyes, I wanted to help him. I didn’t.  He’s staying across the hall from me. I think he tracked me down. He got my name from somebody.”

“Weird. Are you okay? Do you want me to come get you?” Kendle was getting more concerned. Where did he get Cree’s name and what had Crystal gotten herself into now?

“I’m fine. I don’t know what I want. I’m just tired, you know?”
Her voice trailed off.

“I know.”
She wished her sister would think about a different job. At least she was living inside again.

“I’m going to go to sleep. I think I want to breathe again.”

“Cree, that’s wonderful. When you’re ready…”

“Not yet, okay? I’m getting there.” She didn’t want to be rushed.

Hanging up the phone, she set her head on her arm again. She missed friends. She missed life. When she was younger, she’d have sleepovers with friends and go skating and play ball and go to dances at school. Now all that was left was day after day, trying to breathe. Only every time she tried, it felt like she was suffocating. Suffocating felt normal anymore. It didn’t even feel bad. It just felt vacant, like she was inside.

For the first time in a long time she didn’t want to suffocate.