Shattering Halos (14 page)

I slept fitfully, probably because of my dream, in which two angels argued about my fate. Once the morning light leaked in, I couldn’t stay in bed any longer. I wandered down from my dorm and ended up in the cafeteria for a crack-of-dawn breakfast.

Between the dark angel and the earthquake, last night’s events had been intense. Seismologists now scoured for an explanation on all TV channels. I knew they wouldn’t find one. My heart clenched at the thought of Gabriel.

Absorbed in my thoughts, I didn’t notice who came strolling in until gasps from the surrounding tables alerted me. His golden eyes sparkled as he took the seat opposite mine.

“Morning, babe. Did you enjoy the smooch yesterday?”

“I did not!”

A furtive glance around confirmed my suspicion. A dozen gaping mouths showed the ladies not just following our conversation but unabashedly devouring him. I hunched in over my mug. Shouldn’t they all be asleep? It was 6:00 a.m. on a Saturday!

Unaffected by the extreme interest, Cassiel wagged his index finger at me. “Tsk, tsk. Didn’t your mommy tell you it’s wrong to lie?”

“What’s your problem, Cassiel? What do you want?”

Somebody groaned a couple of booths over, and I wished I hadn’t come down to breakfast.

My gut recalled how unpredictable he was. Judging by the air pressing in on us, Gabriel concurred.

Cassiel’s slight smile vanished as he leaned over the table. Cupping my chin, his stare darkened to a smoldering bronze and locked me in.

He was gorgeous. Insanely beautiful. I started to pull away, ignoring the sound of a girl’s body thumping to the floor behind me. Had she looked into his eyes and let herself be hypnotized without even being the target?

“Don’t…dazzle…”

“I’m not dazzling you,” he lied, irises easing into a lighter gold and pupils contracting. “Listen to me.”

My own lack of control exasperated me. “Fine! Just…don’t freaking look at me that way! I can’t think.” I was hissing at him.

“You’re entertaining, you know that?”

Breathy giggles from our rapt audience interrupted my scattered thoughts, but not his.

“Okay, here’s the deal. Ask me anything you want about Gabriel, and I’ll give you the answer. We hang out quite a bit.”

A low, sensual laugh erupted from his throat, maybe at the casual mention of their buddy time. A whispered “Oh, Lord,” escaped from a dark-haired girl in my line of view. I wanted to clamp my hand over his mouth and stop the intimate sound from invading the fantasies of every female in the room.

Cassiel waited as my wheels turned, until I finally grasped his offer. “Hey, why would you do that for me? And how do I know you’ll tell the truth?”

“Oh, blah-blah. Like you have a choice. Who else can tell you about him? I’m just being nice here, babe, but whatever.”

Right. What did he care if I believed him or not? From my standpoint, any information I could scrounge up on Gabriel—truths, half-truths, even lies—would appease this fuzzy need in me. I let my lungs deflate and relaxed.

“Is Gabriel okay?” I sighed.

Cassiel sat with me as the hours stole by. My surroundings disappeared, and the more I learned of Gabriel’s existence, the more my heart stirred in my chest.

What had I unwittingly put him through? Not once had he complained. Not once had he broken his promise of staying hidden as I’d asked. Throughout this whole time, he’d been grieving. Since he wasn’t human, the suffering never diminished. Angels didn’t forget.

Gabriel’s eyes had been lakes of pain when I’d begged him to hide from me in December.

“Yes, that pretty much covers it—him. He’s hurting. And Gaia, he doesn’t shimmer anymore.”

“Because of me? I made him lose his shimmer?”

“Yep. You rock at shattering halos, girl.”

The tears came and spilled down my face.

“Nobody believed in him. I was so confused.” I sniffled.

Cassiel nodded coolly, at ease with weeping girls and an entire cafeteria glued to our every move. He brushed a tear away from my lip with his thumb.

The move prefaced another thud, signaling his second casualty of the morning. The sound of cheeks being slapped followed. A body was stacked onto a couch somewhere behind me.

“Gabriel knows that, but the real problem is on a much bigger scale. The archangels will be on their way soon. This kind of suffering breaks the Rules. Since it resonates through the Heavens, you’re bringing down judgment—”

“The
Heavens
? How many are there?” I asked, hung up on irrational details.

“Ever heard of the Seventh Heaven, sweetheart?”

“Well, yeah…”

“That’s the last one. Anyways, this isn’t going to be pretty. Did I mention that you should be dead? Dead, dead, dead.” His smirk was delicious, and he suddenly scared the living daylights out of me. I swallowed.

The silence made the surroundings sneak back into my awareness. Too many students were gathered in the dining hall now. All the girls and even some guys were watching the glowing Adonis at my table in complete awe.

“Gabriel’s in serious trouble because I’m still alive…”

Aloof as a cat, he leaned in. He sustained the light grasp he had on my forearms. “Ah, yes. I knew you’d get my drift eventually. Such a clever girl.”

I couldn’t stop crying and needed to get out of here. I got up, and Cassiel placed a luminous hand at the small of my back as he walked with me to the door.

“How can you leave them this way?” I mumbled, glancing back at our audience.

Cassiel shrugged. “They’ll forget. A lot of me.”

“What’s that supposed to mean?”

“Well, they won’t remember most of how I look and what happened here.”

For a moment, he turned and roamed the clientele with a swift scan. The entire establishment held its breath for the second his lips shaped into a heart. The soundless kiss evaporated from his features as soon as he faced me again.

“Done deal.”

My heart thrashed in my chest. I hoped he would leave, but Cassiel was impervious to my get-lost vibe and followed me all the way to my Saturday makeup class.

The last truth from his well-shaped lips came on the doorstep. He paid zero attention to the student body frozen in our direction when he purred it into my ear.

“The only way this
might
work, I mean, since you’re not dying or anything—which would have been the only
safe
bet for Gabriel—is if you guys cut the bullshit and pick up the love again. Basically, you’d stand a better chance with the positive counterpart of your emotions. Who knows? It might offset future punishment if you’re happily dating.” He shrugged.

“I don’t understand. Whatever happened to sacrifice? Isn’t suffering what it’s all about? Not that I want Gabriel to suffer, but I thought we humans were supposed to?”

“Ha! I can’t believe you mortals bought that crap. I don’t know who came up with it, but it sure as hellfire wasn’t the Boss.”

“No way. What does the…um, Boss want?”

“Well, think about it, babe. When you have kids, do you want them to have a horrible time? Or do you want them to be happy? Would you be able to go about your life, do your job, etcetera, if you knew your kids were suffering?”

“You’re comparing me to the Creator now?”

“Yep, same difference. He made the angels—and you guys—in his image.”

“But if the suffering’s for a good cause?”

“Yeah, yeah, pain is fine and all if it’s for the betterment of a bunch of souls, but
this
kind of pain is not okay.”

“What’s wrong with this type?” I barely dared to ask now that a low, impatient growl rumbled in his throat.

“Well, damn, Gaia—it’s obvious, isn’t it?” Cassiel stared me down. “Humans and angels? No point of contact. And yet you? You made an angel of God
suffer
! You don’t even know. A Celestial’s sorrow at the hands of an Earthling and vice versa isn’t just frowned upon, but fucking unacceptable.”

Oh.

Got to give it to him—he had a way with words.

****

The class went by in a slow haze. My poor brain grappled with selfish jubilation over Gabriel caring for me and hysteria over the finality of my decision. If the archangels dove in after I’d made the wrong choice, the ensuing disaster wouldn’t be of the beautiful sort.

I shouldn’t have survived the accident. If I’d died, Gabriel’s existence as a Protector would have been restored. He’d be out there cradling a newborn in his love. Maybe I’d be spying on him from some afterlife now instead of never seeing him. All of this was my fault.

What if my death was the sole thing that could appease the Heavens? Strong and fast, the urge to be near Gabriel pulsated through my veins.

Darkness cloaked the auditorium when I looked up from my sketch. Buried in my musings, I hadn’t noticed as students and teacher filed out. The day had given me time to think, and I needed to talk with him. I called out his name the same way I had ages ago at home.

“Gabriel. Show yourself.”

His sadness brushed by then filled my senses.

“Stop this Gabriel. Please come.”

My gaze flitted over the room. To make a decision should be simple, but I needed to see him—speak with him. If I could only ask…touch…

I remembered suffocating under a duvet in Spring Hills the last time I’d done this, but we’d been through so much since then. Gabriel wouldn’t do that to me again, would he?

“Please. I love you.”

Those three little words. The stupid, humiliating ones I couldn’t take back if they weren’t reciprocated.

What did
I
know about angel minds and angel hearts? I might have misunderstood Cassiel. Or maybe he was playing a cruel game with me. I had no reason to trust him!

As a Celestial, Gabriel was made of love. If he’d loved me in that flawed, selfish, human way that I understood, he would have told me.

Gabriel didn’t need me the way that I needed him. He had no urge to appear for me. Of course—I got it now. To him, I was just an appealing assignment. He didn’t need me to keep breathing.

Not a trace of shimmer moved in the room. But hopelessness waited for me on a hook by the door—shiny, impermeable and ready to wear in the downpour.

A marker flew up to the whiteboard. A powerful, harmonious cursive appeared under its touch. It looped across the board, forming letters and words I couldn’t absorb.

I walked up to it. I touched the tip of the “l” and looked at my fingertip. Blue. The ridges of my fingerprint stood out through the ink. I couldn’t be dreaming. Again, I read what he’d written:
I love you more.

My laughter sounded too breathless, alien.

“Let me see you, Gabriel.”

The marker danced again.
My presence should not influence how you live your life. I won’t be selfish with you anymore.

“No, I was wrong! The options are running out. I’ve got to speak with you.”

Then talk. I’m here, always.

Chapter 16 — Death

Gaia

I hurried up the hill, away from the classrooms. It didn’t matter where I went. My empty stomach churned, but I had no time to waste.

I’d made up my mind. The other angel would help, I was sure of it. I called his name out into the crisp darkness.

“Cassiel. Show yourself.”

It was ironic how quickly he appeared after Gabriel’s reluctance. Lounging against a tree with arms crossed and a foot propped up, his beautiful glare narrowed at me in annoyance.

“Lovely. You summon me like a goddamn genie. And what’s with the associate protector job you’re pinning on me? Nobody needs more than one.”

I escaped his splendor by averting my stare. Still, I couldn’t avoid a glimpse of the enormous wings that swayed in facets of a pearlescent, bluish gray. Breathtaking. I heard him fold them away and waited until they were gone before I met his gaze.

“I’m sorry, Cassiel, but I need some help.”

He snorted as he ambled toward me. “Shocker.”

Seamlessly, he switched into mock servility. “You called, milady? How can I be of assistance?”

Skipping closer, he batted his eyelashes like the cartoon version of a puppy-dog. I would’ve laughed if the pressure in my chest hadn’t hurt.

“Where do you stay?”

“My apartment’s downtown. Why?”

He answered himself, delighted. “Oh, caving in to her desires, is she? Hmm, that took nineteen hours. I’m losing my touch.”

“Don’t flatter yourself, Cassiel. Let’s go.”

The air pressure changed around us, revealing Gabriel’s disapproval.

****

Situated at the top of the single, ten story high-rise downtown, his penthouse was stunning. Apart from a couple of storefronts, most of the companies I recognized were law offices and dental practices.

Strangely, his appeared to be the only residence, and I imagined how pleased he must be with the privacy.

As the elevator doors glided open straight into his apartment, I took in airy hallways clad in ivory-colored marble. They stretched on and on, narrowing until brought to an end by a gigantic balcony in the back.

I walked on without asking permission. Too late I realized that the immense glass doors that gave way to the terrace comprised an entire wall of his bedroom.

As I strode into Cassiel’s sleeping quarters, I faked detached confidence. No need to be bashful tonight with the plans I had. Gazing into the dark sky outside, I sensed him come up behind me.

His breath tickled my temple as he let a finger steal around to trace my jaw line. A mild vibration beneath our feet warned us of Gabriel’s agitation, and Cassiel laughed quietly.

“Anything to drink?”

“Sure, whatever you’ve got.”

Minutes later, he passed me a glass of champagne with a disturbingly crushed-looking strawberry drowning in its center. He leaned over my shoulder, his lips almost touching my ear. I seized the chance.

“Can you block him out?” My question was a breath meant only for him.

Cassiel didn’t answer, but the air instantly felt lighter. He scrutinized me with a face void of emotion.

“What are you up to, Gaia?” Glimmering eyes narrowed as he took a sip of his drink.

“Is he gone?” I whispered.

“He’s not, but he can’t hear us or break past the force field to the bedroom.”