She Belongs to Me (38 page)

“Because I love you, Jordan,” she answered honestly.

He had no response and said nothing the entire ride. It was a long thirty minutes. Lorraine wanted to ask him the questions in her head:
Why was he putting up with Jaynee torturing him? Why couldn’t he see she had loved him since they were teenagers?
She had always been there, always given him advice. Why couldn’t she enlighten him now?

She stopped at an empty driveway at the bottom of the gravel road. Jordan turned to look at her, clearly sober enough to know they weren’t at his house. Lorraine shifted the car into park and then turned her
body toward Jordan. He was staring at her, his expression undistinguishable, but she knew if she didn’t at least try, she would always regret it.

Lorraine leaned in closer, feeling the heat of his breath wash over her face. And she felt something else, a longing, passions that needed filled. He wanted this too. She leaned closer, so their lips were only inches apart.

He opened his mouth to speak, and she shushed him.

He sat upright, alert. “I love her, Lorraine. I love Jaynee. I always have, and I always will. I’m sorry. We shouldn’t be here. Please just take me home.”

Lorraine felt as if he’d slapped her, but she shifted the car in drive and drove up the long road, pulling onto Jordan’s drive. She pulled close to the front door, still concerned with his walking abilities but offered no additional help as he exited.

S
he
’d
needed to
talk to
Jordan
about what she’d found
, but he’d sidetracked her when she
’d
called earlier. Deciding Jaynee was the one she needed to speak with, she pulled out of the driveway but parked down the street. She figured Jordan would probably crash, so she’d wait awhile and then send Jaynee a text.

Jordan struggled with his keys, attempting to unlock the deadbolt, but Jaynee opened the door.

She gasped as he stumbled through the entry. “Oh my heavens, Jordan, I’ve been so worried.” She touched his arm, and he jerked away from her. “I’ve been calling you for the last hour.”

Good
, he thought then remembered he hadn’t received a call. He peered at his phone. It was dead.
Lorraine must have been his final call. He tossed the phone on the coffee table.

Jaynee eyed the phone or maybe the way he tossed it. Then her eyes darted to his. “Are you drunk?”

He threw his head back. “What difference does it make? You don’t care, and you know what, Jaynee, I don’t either. You need to make a decision. If we’re finished and you plan to leave, you need to do it now. I can’t take this anymore. If I’m not what you want, release me and let me continue with my life. I cannot handle coming home, you not wanting me—”

“Jordan,” she exclaimed, cutting him off, approaching him, the closest she had been to his face in weeks.

He couldn’t find the strength to push her away again. She was dressed in his favorite threadbare t-shirt and smelled fantastic. He closed his eyes, attempting to suppress the feelings that rushed through his body.

She touched his arm again. “You don’t know what you are saying.”

He pulled away from her again and walked over to the sofa. His head was starting to spin. “I’m not that drunk,” he barked. “You finished college, so I guess you don’t need me anymore.” Despite his anger, his head dropped to his chest at his words and their revelation. “Just leave if that’s what you want. I won’t prevent you. I’ll survive, I’ll be okay.” He willed the words to be true. He knew he wouldn’t literally die, but he just didn’t see how he could go on living without her. He slumped onto the loveseat in the front room they never used—it was just for looks—wasted space like his life.

She sat down beside him. “Oh, God, Jordan, how could you consider?” She didn’t continue speaking; instead, she started kissing him. “Jordan, I love you. I’ve always loved you,” she whispered under her kisses.

Jordan didn’t believe her, but he was unable to stop himself either. He soaked up her kisses as a man would drink water in the desert—as if it were his lifeline. She kissed him, and he couldn’t resist kissing her back. He pulled her body to his,
savoring every feeling. He wasn’
t drunk anymore. He wanted her so badly, he couldn’t think of anything else. He stood up, taking her hand, but didn’t give her an alternative this time as he pulled her toward the stairs. She walked beside him willingly.

As soon as they entered their bedroom, he scooped her up and laid her on the bed. She still had not objected. In fact, her eyes burned with the same desire. He honestly just wanted to hold her, comforted by the fact she wanted him also. But she started undressing him, and he lost all control.

It was as though they
’d
never missed a beat, as if the last two months hadn’t happened. And when it was over, she curled up beside him as she always did.

Exhausted from the mental stress of the last few weeks, his eyes began to close. He stayed awake as long as possible, breathing in her scent. She smelled like the familiar vanilla he loved, the lotion she always used. Amazing how he’d missed just being close enough to smell her. He hadn’t thought such a trivial part would be so important, but the fact was, he’d missed everything about Jaynee. It was as if he couldn’t breathe when she wasn’t a part of him. She was as important to him as
food and water. He heard her sigh. It was a sigh of contentment, and it made him happy.

He lowered his head to hers, kissing the top of her head and breathed in her scent again, as if starved too long. “I love you, Jaynee,” he whispered. He didn’t want to mention anything negative when everything felt right, so he just uttered the truth. “Please don’t ever stop loving me.”

“I won’t, Jordan. I love you too,” were the last words he heard before he crashed.

Jaynee heard Jordan’s breathing change to a steady rhythm, indicating he was deep asleep.

She had been so beleaguered to see Jordan drunk but understood the reason. She never would have interpreted her standoffishness would lead him to believe she didn’t love him. It had been important
,
but tonight was the ni
ght she’d been waiting for. She’d
planned a romantic evening for them
,
and
it
surprised
her
when he didn’t come home. She’d called him several times and then called Bobby, who had no clue where Jordan was either. She hadn’t wanted to call John or Ronny; she never did feel comfortable around his other partners. Ronny always looked as if he hated her. And John, well…she didn’t know what to think of him, she just didn’t feel at ease around him.

So she’d waited by the door, looking for his arrival. Who was she kidding? It was her fault. She should have told him, but she wasn’t ready.

Jaynee watched Jordan sleep. She didn’t want to get up, but all that food was downstairs. She wasn’t thinking
about dinner when Jordan came home and started giving her ultimatums. She had thought about nothing but him and how she could never live without him.

She was afraid that he’d found out that Brian had contacted her and that was why he was so upset. But when she realized what he was thinking, she couldn’t force herself to be angry at his accusation. She’d just wanted to show him how much she loved him.

Jaynee knew she’d have to explain Brian’s appearance at the coffee shop where she went to study. She always was a creature of habit. Jordan had told her repeatedly not to stick to the same routine.

She thought back to the encounter earlier this morning. Brian had been at the coffee shop reading a paper when she slid into the same booth she did every morning.

“You always were predictable, baby,” he said, his tone mocking.

She started as she recognized the voice, choking on her first sip of coffee. “How did you find me?”

“It wasn’t difficult. I had Kenn
y checking your grandma’s mail
till he saw a letter from North Carolina. It really is amazing that not once did anyone question him. He’d been doing work for several of the neighbors, helping elderly people with their garbage, mail and newspapers since he was in the area anyway doing handyman work. Or, at least that’s what they thought. He even made a little money, so he didn’t complain. You know Kenny; he’s fairly simpleminded. He’s grown rather fond of your grandmother. I wouldn’t be surprised if he kept returning to help her.”

“He’d better not hurt her,” Jaynee hissed, not wanting to make conversation with Brian. Her eyes kept darting to the door. Jordan knew everyone in Stanfield. She could imagine if it got back to him, she was talking with a guy in their favorite coffee shop. Not that anything was happening. He was sitting at a separate table than she, merely two acquaintances talking. So why did she feel so culpable.

Brian waved her comment off. “Relax, Kenny wouldn’t hurt a fly.”

“Oh yeah, well he didn’t have any problem practically jerking my arm out of socket then shoving me to the ground. If it wasn’t for Jordan, who knows what he would have done to me?”

Anger flared-up in Brian’s eyes. Whether it was her comment about Kenny or Jordan, she wasn’t sure. “It wasn’t supposed to happen like that, Caycee. He was only supposed to warn you not to date anyone.”

“Well, that’s what happens when you order alcoholics to do your bidding. Please leave me alone.” She turned her head away, ending the conversation.

He started to stand up, but sat back down. “I’ve changed, baby, honest. I haven’t had a drink or any type of drug in almost six years, and I’m not going to start again. We were good in the beginning, remember?”

She turned and glared at him. “Brian, I’m married—happily married. Jordan is the best thing that ever happened to me, and I love him more than life itself.”

“But you’re mine, Caycee, you’ll always be mine. I was your first, and you were mine. That has to count for something,” he pressed.

Jaynee closed her computer, packing it into her satchel. This was ridiculous; she shouldn’t be having this conversation. She stood up with everything in her arms.

He grabbed her arm. “Please don’t go.”

She jerked away from him. “
Don’t you ever touch me again
;
you have no right.” She took a deep breath. “We had six months together, that’s all. The remaining time we were together, you were drunk or high or sleeping with other women. I haven’t loved you since I discovered your infidelity, and truthfully, I don’t think I ever loved you. I was immature and needed to escape my life. As it turned out, I stepped out of the frying pan and into a bonfire. I wanted to help you, but you were beyond help. Please leave and don’t ever come back. I love my husband.” She turned to walk away, but looked back one more time.
“And not that it matters…but you weren’t my first.”

After her outburst, she darted out of the restaurant. She would have to tell Jordan, she couldn’t keep this from him. She’d promised never to keep anything from him. It was terrible enough what she’d been doing to him for the past two months.

She’d tell Jordan about Brian showing up at the coffee house tomorrow she decided.

63

Chapter
Twenty-Nine

Jaynee stood in the kitchen, feeling wonderful after making loving with Jordan for the first time in two months.

She hated the thought of telling him about Brian, but she knew with the other news she had, he wouldn’t dwell on him.

The book she’d been writing was finished and she would graduate soon, something she’d been working on for the last five years.

She packaged up all the food; she could reheat it tomorrow. She picked up her cell phone out of habit to see if she’d missed any calls. She always kept it on silent; she hated being disturbed when she was writing. Her novel had been just as long of a struggle as school had been. As she neared the end, she found her days eaten up with her need to finish. Jordan didn’t know about the book or the sample chapters she’d sent in for review. She could imagine his surprise when he found out she hadn’t even graduated and someone was interested in publishing her book.

There was a text message from Lorraine requesting she call no matter how late. That was weird. Lorraine and she’d always gotten along, but they weren’t what she would consider friends. There’d always seemed to be
a strain in their relationship. She couldn’t be certain, but she sensed Lorraine was interested in Jordan. Jaynee never felt threatened by their working relationship, because Jordan never appeared to have the same feelings. He looked at Lorraine as indifferent as he did his sisters.

Not wanting to wake Jordan, Jaynee picked up her mobile and walked out onto the porch to return Lorraine’s call. Jordan had looked so tired this evening and still had to get up so early
;
she hoped he would quit soon.

As a last-second precaution, she picked up her gun she always left near the door. She hated walking outside at night without Boomer for protection. They lived deep in the country. Not that there were very large animals, but there was no light in the country, and you never knew what type of two-legged predator could be prowling the neighborhood. Standing on the back porch
,
directly outside the French doors, she called Lorraine. She didn’t bother closing the door, the cool air felt nice.