She flies with her own wings (12 page)

“I’m so proud of you.” She turns as she hears her voice being called.

“I have to go, are we still on for Thursday?”

I nod, just glad that she’s leaving now. My cheeks are flushed, and I’m thankful for the five layers of make up, hiding my hideous red blotches, which have no doubt broken out on my face. Will grins at me.

“Carmen Mendoza is the best therapist for sexual abuse…” Miranda starts and then stops suddenly, looking appalled. I feel Will’s grip tighten around my waist, and I don’t trust myself to look up because there’s an extremely awkward silence.

I feel Will’s hand on my cheek as his eyes search out mine. He looks at me, distraught. I swallow and nod slightly. His eyes blaze and for a moment I wonder what I’ve done wrong. It takes a second for me to realize it’s not me he’s angry at. I cover his hand with mine.

“It’s okay, honestly. It was a long time ago, and Carmen’s really good.”

“But if you’ve been in therapy for ten years…”

I smile at him. “She told me seven years ago I didn’t need her anymore. Five years ago she told me I was healed, but I’m blindly loyal and stubborn. She’s kind of become a life coach since then.”

He doesn’t look convinced, and a horrible thought goes through my mind.

“You don’t think I’m damaged goods, do you?” I ask, and he pulls me to him, kissing me softly on the lips in front of his parents. Again.

“How could you think such a thing?”

I feel the relief pour over me.

“Good,” I say, and he smiles at me sweetly. It reminds me of what his mother said earlier and I’m filled with a warm feeling.

As he lets go, his mother pulls me into a hug. “Thea, darling. I’m so sorry. If you need anything, if I can help in any way, if you just need someone to talk to, call me.” She turns to her son. “William, put my number in her cell.” She hugs me again, and as she breaks away, I see worry and affection in her face.

I don’t know what to do. It’s not a secret, but I don’t exactly share the information either. Now Will and his parents know and it’s a strange feeling, even a bit uncomfortable, but I can’t really describe it. I wonder for a moment if I should be feeling embarrassed, but I shake my head resolutely. I’ve got no reason to be ashamed. If anyone should be, it’s that asshole, Connor McCreepy. It’s taken me a damn long time for me to view my body positively. I needed years before I would allow myself to be touched by another man, and I’ve never given my heart or soul to anyone.

Even though it was a long time ago, I still remember every detail. It was painful to talk about and hard to stop blaming myself. I haven’t forgotten, but I’ve learned to cope with the pain and accept that he has no power over me. It’s a part of me just like a thousand other things. It’s an important part but it doesn’t define me.

If I ever see Connor McCreepy again, however, I will cut off his balls and make him eat them for breakfast.

Will takes my hand, and we enter the dining hall. He leads me to our table, his eyes fixed on me. He doesn’t notice the admiring glances he seems to be attracting.

“If you want to talk about it, Thea, I’m here for you. If you don’t, that’s also okay. Either way, no pressure, baby.”

My sweet Will. I squeeze his hand and gaze into those beautiful blue eyes. “Thank you, baby.”

“Oh, now I’m your baby, too?” He looks at me, surprised.

“Always.” Crap. “I mean…you know what I mean, you know, if you want?” My words seem to fall over each other.

He kisses me softly.

“That’s what I want,” he says. I know, I know, I must be cracked. But somehow, this stupid exchange was one of the most romantic things I’ve ever experienced. In a geeky way.

The rest of the evening is a blur. I’m not drunk; it’s just that so much happened that it’s all a hazy memory. We ate (the filet mignon was simply heavenly, and the chocolate mousse, a dream), we danced (Will is an amazing dancer, and the only time he didn’t dance with me was to dance with his mother while I danced with his father), we talked (the only other woman he talked to, was, again, his mother. It’s not as if he wasn’t allowed. God, am I already becoming possessive?) and gazed longingly into each other’s eyes (I could do that for hours and never get bored).

The evening is perfect. Will is perfect.

But I’m caught between a rock and a hard place. Matt, Will. Will, Matt. What am I to do?

When we get home, we make love, slowly and gently while he strokes my back. His could quickly become my favourite touch.

When I wake up, Will is still asleep. My head rests on his chest and our limbs are locked. He looks so peaceful, his hair is mussed, and there’s a small smile on his lips. I wonder to myself what he’s dreaming about. I disentangle myself, careful not to wake him. Just when I think I’ve succeeded his hand grabs me and pulls me to him. His arms and legs wrap around me, and I’m trapped. He continues to feign sleep, and I giggle.

“Let me go, baby.” He strengthens his grip.

“I have to go to the bathroom.” No chance.

“I’ll make breakfast for us.” He doesn’t care.

Perhaps he does care for something after all, as his fingers close around my breast and begin to knead. I groan lightly as his thumb and finger pinch my nipple, and I arch against his hands. He continues to squeeze my breasts harder. His mouth finds my neck and bites the soft skin on my nape. I lower my head to give him better access. His lips move to my earlobe, and his tongue probes my ear. While one hand roughly kneads at a breast the other wanders between my legs. He rubs over my pubis, pushes two fingers into me, and thrusts in and out. My breath comes in starts while his other hand moves over my neck. My fingers claw at his arms, and I moan loudly while he finger fucks me. His hand on my neck gets me excited. It’s only lying there but the idea of what he could be doing makes my adrenalin soar.

“Oh, Will,” I whisper hotly.

He turns me onto my back and rolls onto me. He bites my nipples and covers my breasts with little love bites. Oh God, how am I going to explain these to Matt?

He kisses his way down to my belly button and takes his time playing and dipping his tongue into it. He kisses my lower belly and moves down, licking over my clit, and positioning himself between my legs. He licks along my opening slowly, nibbling at my lips and sucking them into his mouth. His tongue flickers against my clit, and I almost lose it there and then. I come in seconds, and Will does nothing this time to stop it happening.
Good boy
, I think. For goodness’ sake, I tell myself off. If that’s not equally as chauvinistic, I don’t know what is.

Will sucks my clit hard, and I arch against him and try to close my legs, but he holds them open, wanting me to feel everything he wants me to feel, rather than being able to relish the sensation when I close my legs. I thrust my hips at him, begging him to continue. He licks along my lips one more time before letting his tongue glide into me. Oh God, this is incredible! I cry out quickly and feel his smile against my pussy. He pushes two fingers into me and begins to finger fuck me again. He sinks his lips onto my hard bud and presses them together, making my clit throb and pulsate. My pussy contracts around his fingers, but he doesn’t stop, and he fucks me faster, in an out.

“Will, please, don’t stop, don’t stop,” I plead. His fingers wander from my pussy to my ass, spreading the wetness to my anus. He lets go of my neck and pushes two fingers into my rear while the other hand works my pussy. He then starts a rhythm while sucking on my clit, and I explode as my orgasm comes hard. He doesn’t stop but fucks and licks me to my next high point, which isn’t far behind.

He then turns me over and pulls my hips up to him while his fingers play with my anus.

“Has Matt had three fingers in you yet, baby?” he asks, and this conversation makes me feel uncomfortable. I try to hide my face.

He laughs quietly. “Come on, baby, don’t be shy. Tell me,” he says and kisses me on the cheek.

I shake my head. Will pushes three fingers into my pussy—the fingers that haven’t yet been in my ass—to make them wet and then pushes them carefully into my back entrance.

I feel filled. He keeps stopping and gauging my reaction, but I want it and push towards him, I want to feel him deep in me. “Yes, please, please.”

“What do you want, baby? Tell me.”

“Take me now. Please!”

“You want my cock in your ass?”

Why am I so damn shy when it comes to anal? And why am I so shy when I have to talk about sex with Matt or Will? I can normally chat about it forever. Well, ‘forever’ might be a slight exaggeration. I just seem to be a bit ‘closed’ around these two, and especially when it comes to my ass. Hasn’t it always been a bit taboo? I mean the most practiced taboo, but it hasn’t really been generally accepted yet.

I have always thought that I was quite open about my sexuality, but now I blush if a hot man asks me if I want his cock in my ass.

Will senses my uncertainty and pulls his fingers out and disappears quickly to the bathroom. He returns moments later and we lie on the bed, face to face.

“Okay, baby, what’s up?” he asks.

I close my eyes, thinking this might be better.

“Baby, look at me. Talk to me.”

I open my eyes, my brown ones looking into his beautiful blue ones. “No idea, Will. Somehow you guys make me nervous.”

“How come?”

“Oh…I…” God, finding the right words is impossible.

“Okay, starting from the beginning. I’ve always thought I was clear and comfortable about my sexuality but somehow—and believe me, I had a long internal debate about it—anal makes me kind of nervous. Not the actual act, I don’t think. But I kind of think of it as taboo—and every time the subject comes up I turn red,” which is what I promptly do.

Will laughs quietly. “Haven’t you had this conversation with Matt?” he asks and I shake my head.

“Not really. He said, several times, that he wanted it and it turned me on, the idea of doing something forbidden.”

“It’s not forbidden, baby.”

“I know. Will, tell me something, why do you want it? Why does Matt want it? Why does any man want it?”

He grins at me. “Well, I can’t speak for all men, but I like it because it’s different. Don’t get me wrong; I love my cock in your pussy…that’s my favorite.

“Even more than a blowjob?”

“Oh, you’ve found out that I love fucking your mouth?” he jokes and kisses my lips.

“Hard to overlook…” I say, and he grins again.

“Like I said, I love vaginal sex but it’s nice to have a little variety. It’s tighter and wider at the same time. It’s difficult to put into words. The anus is very tight, and it feels amazing when it’s tight around my cock. There’s more friction.”

“Did you already do it with lots of women?”

“Yes.”

“I…I mean, isn’t it more, you know, intimate than other sex?”

“Not for me.”

“What about for women?”

He strokes my cheek gently. “Do you think it’s more intimate?”

“Somehow yes. I mean…I wouldn’t do it with just anyone. I’d never had a finger in there before you and Matt. And yes, it’s something I’d like to try with someone I trust. I’ve just never let anyone get that close.”

“Apart from us.”

“Apart from you. And it’s happened pretty quick.”

“Do you trust me? Do you trust Matt?”

I nod. “Completely.”

He smiles at me and kisses me on the mouth. “You know we wouldn’t do anything that would hurt you.”

I nod.

“Cool. Do me a favor.”

“Anything.”

“Actually two favors,” he grins.

“Still anything,” I answer honestly.

“First, talk. You have to talk to us, tell us what you want, what you don’t want. You must be honest with us and tell us if something isn’t right. And, this is really important, you must tell us when you’re hot and you want sex. It’s not just about us. Your needs are just as important.”

“Noted but I can’t promise anything. Somehow I get nervous around you two sometimes.”

His eyebrows draw together. “How come? You trust us, don’t you?”

“Sure, but…oh God, I’m going to go red…you’re both so hot, and you both turn me on so bad,” I whisper.

Will laughs and pulls me to him. “You’re so hot and turn me on.”

“I’m being serious, Will.”

“Me too.”

I don’t believe him for a minute but let it go.

“Okay, what’s the second favor?”

“Promise me you’ll be open. Don’t shut yourself off to things just because you think it’s the right thing. Let us find out for ourselves, what the right thing is.”

I look at him doubtfully. “What do you want to do to me?”

He laughs. “Nothing definite, just in general.”

I snuggle up to him. “Okay, I’ll do my best, promise.”

“Thanks.” He kisses me, his tongue pushing into my mouth.

“What do you want to do now?”

“Let’s try that cock in the ass business,” I say with only a little blushing.

He grins at me. “You have no idea how much I’d like that, but Tom would kill me.”

I frown. What does Tom have to do with anything? I’m confused. “Tom?”

Will bites his lip as if he’s already said too much. “I meant Matt. Matt would kill me.”

I don’t understand anything anymore. I’m pretty sure it wasn’t a slip of the tongue. And how come someone gets to say what we do in bed or not? If I want anal sex with Will and not with Matt, they’ll have to deal with it. I mean, just because I do something with one of them doesn’t mean I’ll want to do it with the other one, does it?

I promised Matt he could use the riding crop, but I don’t want Will to use it. Not because I don’t trust Will but because it’s something between Matt and me. Anal sex might be what Will and I have. Well, I’m not sure it will be but what the hell does Tom have to do with anything?

Tom also flirted with me, sure, but it never came to anything, not like with Matt, or Will if I think about it. Does this mean that Tom wants to sleep with me, too? Am I expected to spread my legs for all three of them? Oh my God. Were they looking for someone very specific to rent the fourth room, someone they could all fuck? Am I the only one who has actual feelings here? Am I imagining things?

I’m confused and hurt and strangely turned on by the idea that Tom wants me, too. I also feel used and humiliated while lust blooms in my belly as I imagine Tom being as good in bed as Matt and Will.

“Thea, talk to me.” Will’s voice has a tinge of panic. “What’s the matter?”

“I…I need time to think.”

I let go of him and sit on the edge of the bed, my elbows on my knees, and my head resting in my hands.

Will’s arms come around me. “Thea, whatever you’re thinking, it’s not like that.”

I sit up and lean against him. “I think that room was for someone who’d fuck all three of you.”

“Perhaps it’s exactly what you’re thinking, after all.”

I close my eyes. “I think you had someone very specific in mind, and if it hadn’t been me, it would’ve been someone else.”

He breathes in sharply. “It’s not like that. Not completely. Over the last three years, around 150 women have looked at the room and not one of them clicked for us. Tom knew you were the one as soon as you walked in. He didn’t want to risk losing you, which is why he gave you the contract to sign there and then, even though we’d agreed to make the decision together.”

I hunch my shoulders. “How many arrangements like this have you had?” I ask, haltingly.

“None, promise.”

“Why did you even want to do something like this?”

“We didn’t, Thea. When we moved in six years ago, we thought about what we’d do with the spare room. It was empty for years. At some point, we joked that a woman we’d all want to fuck should move in. But we didn’t take it seriously, well, perhaps a bit, but we never thought we’d find someone. Because we like different things in women. There’s only one thing that we all like…big tits.” As if on cue, he starts kneading them. “And yours, baby, are perfect.”

I push my breasts out and into his hands. He bites me softly on my shoulder, leaving more marks, and I moan quietly.

“Am I just a pawn in this game? Have you played me? How come Matt came on to me first? Am I supposed to just let myself be fucked by Tom? What if I don’t want to? What if I only want to sleep with one of you?’

“Okay, okay, baby, one question at a time. We haven’t played you; it’s your decision. Matt came on to you first because that’s what we agreed. And, yes, Tom wants to fuck you, but that’s your decision, like I said. If you don’t want to sleep with him, that’s cool. And to answer your last question, don’t be silly, it’s already pretty clear that you want to fuck at least two of us.” He pinches my nipple and I scream.

“What about jealousy?”

“Of course we’re jealous. You can’t sleep with anyone else apart from us. I don’t want you even looking at anyone else.” He grips my breasts and presses them roughly.

“Oh Will,” I scream out as my head falls back. “What if I don’t want to sleep with Tom?”

“Don’t you want to sleep with him?” he asks me while he’s biting my neck and shoulder.

“I don’t know.”

“Don’t you think he’s hot?”

“Sure, but it’s not just what’s on the outside that counts.”

“Okay, well spend some time with him, get to know him, and then decide.” He carries on kneading my breasts, pinching my nipples. He’s making me lightheaded. I’m so turned on that I want him in me right now, but I still want answers from him. I have to know if it’s just sex or if there’s more to it.