Shelter: Book 2, A Long Days Night (2 page)

Jay’s wife, Lacy spends most of her days watching and following Jay, she’s tried everything she can think of to reach him, to make him see he has nothing to feel guilty about. She knows her soulmate is suffering from the guilt of the wounded and the dead. As Jay’s soulmate, she’s sharing his suffering. Lacy’s eyes haven’t stopped tearing since Jay woke in the middle of the second night in the shelter, he sat up in a daze, got dressed and started walking the halls. Lacy tried to stop him, only to have him break away from her. She stands in the hallway watching the love of her life walk past with a dead look in his eyes. She doesn’t know what to do, she prays she hasn’t lost him forever. She’s lost in her thoughts when she jumps because someone touched her shoulder.

Tony, their beloved family friend & local Mafia Boss, had silently walked up behind Lacy, he touched her shoulder to get her attention, “Hi.”

Lacy jumped, she was about to scream, she didn’t hear or sense Tony walk up behind her. “Tony, that wasn’t very nice, you scared me. What do you want?”

Tony hugs Lacy, he looks into her bloodshot tear filled eyes, “How is he?”

“The same, I think he’s slipping away, he’s somewhere deep inside his own head. He’s torturing himself. Tony, I’m afraid I’m losing him. I can’t get through to him. He’s most likely living in his own reality, I wish I knew what that reality was.”

“Have you suggested he see the doc?”

“Tony, he doesn’t want to chat, he doesn’t talk, all he does is nod, I don’t know if he hears me or not. He spends his days and most of the nights walking the halls of the shelter. I think he’s going to wear the floors out. I’m worried about his health, he’s not eating and hardly sleeping. He’s gone a few days without even taking his meds. I can’t get through to him.”

Tony holds Lacy whispering, “He thinks he’s responsible for us being in the shelter versus our homes. It’s a perfectly normal reaction. I didn’t think he’d carry the guilt for so long or so deeply. The entire time I’ve known him, he’s been strong and self-confident. I’m starting to get concerned that he hasn’t snapped back to normal already.  The downside of having a conscience is feeling guilt. That’s one advantage I have over him, I have no conscience. I’m a pure asshole. I never lose sleep over what I’ve done. At Jay’s core, he’s a good guy which is his weakness. He ‘feels,’ I don’t, I have ice water in my veins. I have no heart, he has one of gold. He’s suffering from survivor guilt.”

“Tony, you’re not half as bad as you think you are. I know you have a good heart. If you didn’t, Nancy wouldn’t have stayed with you. You wouldn’t be here without a heart, I don’t think Jay would have been your friend if you had no heart.”

Tony smiles shaking his head, “Lacy, don’t tell anyone I have a heart, it will ruin my image.”

Lacy turns serious, “Tony, how are we going to get him back to the old Jay?”

“Lacy, we’ll find a way. Trust me, we’ll find a way. The community needs him. He’s the leader of our little group. Everyone followed him, everyone thought he had all of the answers. Many are depressed because they’ve started to lose hope we’ll ever return to the surface. We need him to be himself.  If everyone thinks he’s gone, their morale will sink even lower than it already is. Let me see if I can get through to him.”

Lacy’s eyes are filling with tears, “Tony, please do something, you have to find a way to break through his guilt formed shell. I need him, we all need him. I’m so worried, I don’t know what I’d do if something happens to him. I need him so much, as do the kids.”

“Lacy, we all need him back to normal. Everyone has noticed his mood, how he’s withdrawn from the world into himself, everyone is feeling his depression that has spread to the others. If he doesn’t shortly snap back to his old self, we’re going to have to figure out how to deal with thirty-nine cases of depression.  People want to know when they can go home. Everyone looks to Jay for having the answers. Right now all we have is questions. They try to question him as he walks past their rooms, he ignores them as if he doesn't even see them, which makes them even more concerned.”

“Tony, can’t you step into his shoes? Can’t you be the leader until Jay snaps out of it? Maybe seeing you assume his position will help him come back to us.”

Tony smiles saying, “He may assume he doesn’t have to come back. I’m going to see the doc, I think I can maneuver Jay into the medical facility. I’ll tell him one of us got hurt. He deeply cares for everyone in the shelter. He feels responsible for us being here. I think he’ll follow me to the medical facility if he thinks one of his flock is hurt.”

Lacy, with tears still in her eyes whispers, “Tony, he saved us. His foresight in building the shelter saved our lives. He didn’t hurt us, he saved all of our lives.”

“Lacy, he doesn’t see it that way. He thinks he’s responsible for the loss of our homes, for the wounded and of course for the two who didn’t make it.”

“He didn’t lead the mobs of homeless or bring the bikers. If we didn’t have the shelter, we’d most likely be dead, with our young girls taken as sex slaves. Tony, please do whatever you can to bring him back.”

“Lacy, I will. By the way, have you seen Todd?”

“He spends most of his time with John in the security room.”

”Thanks, I’ll find him, he can’t have managed to go very far. There aren’t many places anyone can hide here.”

Lacy nods saying, “I’m amazed how large the shelter looked from the outside looking in and how small it feels once we’re living inside here.”

“That’s because you were looking at the large hole in the ground and the empty space. Once the rooms and walls were added, and, of course, all of us, the space seems much smaller. Lacy, remember there're forty of us and tons of supplies jammed in here.”

While Tony and Lacy are talking, Fred and Cheri, their friends from their above ground compound walk over, Fred says, “I thought I heard your voices down the hall. Are you waiting for Jay to complete his current lap?”

Tony smiles asking Fred, “Are you keeping track of his laps?”

“Well, there's not much else to do with my arm still in this damn sling. There’s not a lot for a farmer to accomplish when we’re living under our fields. We’ve watched Jay walk laps around the shelter for a week now. He seems to be in the twilight zone or outer limits. My attempts to contact him are met with just a faraway look in his eyes.”

Lacy and Tony nod in agreement. Fred continues, “Sometimes I walk with him. I wait till he reaches our room, then I just tag along beside him. I try speaking with him as he walks, he either ignores me or he doesn’t hear me. A couple of times I’ve tried to steer him to the medical shelter which is the one area he avoids.”

Cheri adds, “It’s as if he blames himself for those of us who were wounded or killed in our last battle. He doesn’t want to go near the medical lab. I think he’s afraid of coming face to face with the bodies and the wounded.”

Tony lowers his voice so anyone trying to overhear them can’t, “Didn’t the medical staff remove the bodies?”

Fred whispers, “Yes, they are in body bags and kept in cold storage. I can’t believe Jay included a cold storage area for bodies. He thought of everything.”

With tears running down her face, Lacy responds, “He thought of everything and he blames himself for everything.”

Cheri responds, “He saved all of our lives, we’re not upset with him, we’re happy he gave us a second chance at life. We know it’s only a matter of time before we go home again. We’re sure he has a plan to take us home. He wouldn’t have built the shelter without a plan to take us home.”

Fred whispers, “While he saved most of us, he doesn’t seem to be able to save himself. Lacy, have you thought about sending your grandkids after him? I bet he’ll respond to them.”

“He doesn’t respond to me, what makes you think he’ll respond to them?”

“They’re his grandkids, I bet you he’ll respond to them. Adults and especially grandparents react differently to children than we do to other adults. Most of us don’t even realize we do it. Our minds seem to always keep a channel open for them. Lacy, do us all a favor and send the little ones after their Papa. Send the two youngest, I know he has a special place in his heart for Bianca and Linda. I bet if they go to him he’ll respond.”

“I have nothing to lose and a lot to gain, I’ll find Shelly and Sammi to get the girls to chase their Papa.”

“Whatever you do, don’t let Ricky go near him, I don’t think there’s much love lost there.”

Lacy laughs, “Got that right, Ricky’s been pissed about being forced to be underground and in a small room. He thought being Jay’s son-in-law would get him a suite and give him special privileges.  I’ve tried to explain to him that all of the rooms are the same size. Jay laid out the shelter with all of the bedrooms the same size so no one would think there was any favoritism. Ricky doesn’t believe it. He thinks we have a special room hidden away from everyone. There're times I find him searching for our hidden room. It’s almost funny.”

Fred smiles saying, “Let him waste his time searching, it keeps him out of our hair.”

Lacy smiles, “I’ll find the little ones, I’m sure they’ll be happy to run around chasing their Papa. I’ll tell them it’s a special game of hide and seek.”

Tony smiles, “I think Fred may be onto something. It’s worth a try, what do we have to lose?”

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I’m near the far right-hand end of the shelter.  My mind keeps replaying the battle, I can’t stop it. I think I’m doomed to relive the last battle forever. I think God’s punishing me for my sins. He’s going to torture me for the deaths of my friends. He’s punishing me for all of the people I’ve killed. I want the memory to stop. I wish I could stop my feelings. My body feels like we’re still fighting the invaders. God, please STOP torturing me, if I wronged you, if my sins are so large, then take me. I’m ready to pay for what I’ve done. I’m ready to stand in front of you and answer for my sins.

We’ve become a community of moles. Two groups of refugees and an outlaw biker gang overran our property. They have our homes while we’re living underground. There were over a thousand of them versus the forty-two of us. We had a barbed wire fence that surrounded our property. We welded the gates to our driveways shut. We dug thousands of small punji pits and spread hunting traps to slow down and hopefully stop any group of invaders. We dug covered trenches in our driveways so any vehicles driving on them would drop nose first and get trapped. We had a fighting trench that went around our homes, we dug it five feet deep, it was lined with wood and cement. We piled up dirt and debris in front of the trench. We had fighting holes so we could fire from our trench while still being protected. Each of us wore US military body armor, we had fully automatic M16s, M4s, and Uzis. For close in defense we had 12 gauge shotguns. We had over 100,000 rounds of ammo, hand grenades, and four RPGs. We’d built toss-able pipe bombs and we made our own Claymore mines which we laid along our front fence. Yet the only thing our defenses did was slow the attackers, slowed them! But even with all of our defenses and firepower we couldn’t stop them. We fired our rifles on full auto until the barrels changed color and smoked. We set off our Claymore mines which spread thousands of steel BBs and nails towards our attackers. We killed hundreds of them, our lawns turned red from the blood of the dead and wounded. We could have filled a river with the blood, theirs and ours mixed together. The wounded in front of us screamed in pain, they begged for mercy. Bodies and body parts lay everywhere. It was a scene straight out of hell. The empty brass in our fighting trench was up to our ankles. Our teens were grabbing empty magazines, refilling them and bringing full ones to us so we could continue to kill those who were trying to kill us.

The last battle replays through my mind like I’m watching a war movie. I feel it like it’s still happening, Tony’s M4 jammed, he tried clearing the round, no matter what he did, his rifle failed to eject the spent brass, he looked at me, I nodded in silent agreement. He tossed the M4 over his shoulder while picking up the Thompson that hung on a sling around his neck. The big ‘Tommy Gun’ barked and spit out large 45 caliber bullets, Tony was firing a mix of JHP and FMJ rounds. The impact energy of the fat 45 slugs stopped every attacker they struck in mid-step. The ‘Tommy Gun’ was a bitch to control. When Tony tried to fire the submachine gun on full auto, it took on a life of its own. It wanted to climb and send rounds to heaven. When the invaders got closer, I dropped my M4 letting it hang on its sling and picked up my shotgun. For close range fighting, I liked the shotgun. Firing buckshot, it was deadly at close range. I fired as quickly as I could pull the trigger and pump the gun. Six rounds and reload by pushing new shells into the bottom of the gun. In hindsight, I should have bought shotguns that held more than six rounds. No matter how many bullets and buckshot balls we sent down range, the invaders kept coming. No matter how many we took down, in the end we lost. In the Cold War, the Russians said that quantity is its own quality. I sadly learned how right they were. We shot through thousands of rounds, there are bodies stacked up from our street to our fighting trench and still they came. There was no stopping them. They tried to swarm over us, they would have killed all of us had we not retreated into the shelter.