Shelter (12 page)

“Do you like it, Uncle Caden?” Becca held up the sheet, which she was already halfway through, “It’s a donkey.”

“It’s very pretty,” he ruffled her hair as he squinted, trying to see a donkey but only seeing a cat, “you’re so good. You’ll have to teach me how to color.”

“Okay,” she nodded proudly, “but mommy says we can’t color on the walls, even though there’s more space there.”

“Silly Mommy,” Caden winked at Lucy, “I think mommy should let you.”

“And I think Uncle Caden should stop trying to make my life a living hell,” she winked back.

When the entire family was in one room, there was never an awkward silence. He had been to dinners with Finn’s parents and it was like pulling teeth trying to search for conversation. The difference was, his family all genuinely liked each other, so there was always something to talk about. The problem was, they all liked to know each other’s business too intimately and he could sense that Bruce had told Lucy everything that had happened with Elias and she was itching to start quizzing him about the details. When Bruce promised not to tell anybody, Caden knew he would tell Lucy but that didn’t bother him.

“Caden, help me at the bar?” Lucy stood up, “Can’t have empty glasses on Buster’s birthday.”

He knew that if they called over their server, he would bring wine straight away but he wasn’t going to argue. When they stood at the bar, she ordered the drinks before turning to him and waiting for him to speak.

“What?” he laughed, “Is there something on my face?”

“You know what!” she slapped him on the arm, “Why didn’t you tell me about this new guy?”

Oh, God
. Elias was hardly the ‘
new guy
’. He was ‘
no guy
’, after what Caden had done. No matter how many times he told himself it was a pointless and dumb kiss, he couldn’t ignore the strange feelings the memory conjured in his stomach.

“Really, there’s nothing to tell. It was a mistake. I’ve drawn a line under it.”

“So, he was just a rebound?”

“I guess so,” that didn’t feel right.

“If he wasn’t, there’s no point saying he was,” sometimes Lucy could read him as if they were the ones who were actually siblings, “if you don’t grab love by the balls, it won’t grab you.”

Lucy clenched her fingers tightly together in a ball grabbing motion.

“Woah, hold your horses there,” Caden ran his hand over his beard scruff, “who said anything about love? It was one, ill-judged kiss with somebody I should never have kissed.”

“If you say so,” she rolled her eyes, accepting the bottles of wine and handing over the cash, “Finn is ancient history. If he’s what’s holding you back, let it go.”

Finn was the last thing on his mind. Caden arrived in Havenmoore expecting Finn to be on his case about getting back together, but he hadn’t heard a peep from him. He was glad of it and it only confirmed how bad they really were for each other. On paper, they should have worked, but when it came to it, distance only confirmed that Finn wasn’t the settling type.

“It’s bad timing. Timing is everything and -,”

“Listen to you,” she put the wine bottles back on the bar, “you’re trying to come up with excuses why you can’t date this guy. If there’s nothing concrete, I say go for it! Don’t try and talk yourself out of it. Even if you just have some great sex with this guy, what’s so bad about that?”

“It’s not that simple,” he couldn’t even imagine using Elias like that, “he’s troubled.”

“You’re scared of his past?”

“No,” he meant it, “I’m scared of what I’m going to do to his future.”

And there it was. The very words he had been searching for but he had been unable to say.

“The future is a book none of us have read. Stop pretending like you know what’s around the corner.”

“But what if I send him back to rehab? What if we kiss again and we keep kissing and then it gets more serious? What if that doesn’t work out? What if I break his heart? What if I push him so far over the edge that he breaks and –,”

“Like Frank, you mean? That wasn’t your fault. That was different.”

She really could read his mind.
I can’t lose another one
. Caden knew he wasn’t cut out for this job, not in the same way his mom was.

“Just consider this for a second,” Lucy picked up the wine bottles, “what if none of that happens and you just live happily ever after?”

She headed back to the table and Caden mumbled something about needing to go to the bathroom. Staring at his reflection in the bathroom mirror, he looked every inch the coward he felt. He had never been scared of the future until he found his boyfriend in bed with his best friend. He watched the future he had been so sure about, crumble before his eyes. He didn’t want to crumble Elias’ future. He wanted Elias to be the best version of himself but could he get there with Caden by his side, messing with his emotions?

“What do I do?” he cried at his own reflection, but it stared back blankly.

A surly looking guy appeared from a stall behind him, making Caden smile awkwardly like a fool. The guy gave him an awkward smile, before heading out without washing his hands, clearly thinking Caden was crazy. He quickly washed his hands and headed back into the restaurant. He was still in such a confused daze, he didn’t notice the woman he was about to walk straight into.

“Watch it!” she cried out, a cellphone pressed into her ear.

It took him a second to realize that he was staring into the angry eyes of Judy James, Havenmoore’s beloved mayor.

“I’m – I -,” he mumbled, her dark gaze burning into his pale skin.

She had Elias’ eyes, or rather, he had hers, but they were different. They were the same dark color, but they were devoid of the same vulnerability and softness. They were cold and shiny, like the exoskeleton of a beetle. She had the same smiling face of the woman who was on the front page of the newspaper every other day, but he suddenly felt like he knew her in a different way to everybody in the restaurant.

“You’re Elias’ mom,” he pointed at her, unsure of why he said that.

“I’ll call you back,” she mumbled down the phone, not taking her dead eyes away from Caden, “who are you?”

“I work with your son. I mean – I
worked
with your son. I do some work with Helping Hands Outreach and –,”

“If you’re about to ask for more funding, save your breath because I’m not working,” she cut him off with a wave of her manicured fingernails, “now if you don’t mind, I was in the middle of something.”

“Wait,” he reached out and grabbed her arm, which he quickly let go of when she looked like lasers were about to shoot from her eyes to slice off his wrist, “Elias, he’s -,”

“What? What about him?”

He swallowed hard, fear creeping up inside of him.

“How’s he doing?”

“Fine,” her lips pursed so tightly and he couldn’t ignore how much she looked like her daughter, Ellie, “why?”

Caden glanced back to his table but the wine was flowing and so was the conversation. They wouldn’t miss him for a couple of seconds. He knew he was playing with fire but he wanted to push Judy for some information. He was hoping to find a tiny glimmer in the woman that she cared for her son to ease his guilty conscience.

“How are things between you two? He mentioned that you haven’t been talking much.”

Her blood red lips practically vanished into her head and a tiny network of lines appeared on her upper lip, the only indication that she was old enough to have twenty-six-year-old twins.

“I don’t know what you want from me, but you’re not going to scare me,” she leaned in, “is it money? Is that what you want?”

“Money?” he was taken aback, “I just wanted to know if you’d spoken to your son this week.”

“What’s it got to do with you?” she looked at him from head to toe and he was surprised he didn’t burst into flames, “Who did you say you work for?”

Not wanting to get his mom into trouble, he kept his mouth shut and gulped down the rising fear as the mayor of the town gave him a look that would turn the strongest man to stone.

“It doesn’t matter,” Caden knew when it was best to retreat, “I must have my wires crossed.”

“You must,” she straightened up her suit jacket, “because if you start talking about my son to people, I can make your life hell on earth. Do you understand me? What did you say your name was?”

“Caden,” he left off the last name.

“
Caden
,” she gave him another once over, “my son is an embarrassment. Talk to the press, and they’ll ignore you. They know on what side their bread is buttered. He stays a secret. Do you understand me?”

His mouth and throat turned to dust as he stood, unable to do anything other than nod like a simpleton. She stared at him for long, drawn out seconds before snapping out of it. With each step she took away from him, she loosened up and became the mayor everybody knew and loved. By the time she made it back to her table in her figure hugging black svelte dress, a huge, beaming smile filled her face, hiding any hint of what she was hiding in an apartment around the corner.

“We were about to send out a search party,” his mom poured some wine into his empty glass, “I ordered the Carbonara for you. If you hurry, you might be able to change it.”

“Carbonara’s fine,” he tossed back a mouthful of the wine, which garnered a raised eyebrow from Lucy, who quickly did the same to Bruce, “Mom, y’know Elias James? Is it too late to switch back?”

“Has something happened?” his mom looked around the restaurant, “Mary’s not here is she? She knows she’s not allowed out after dark.”

“No, no, she’s not here. I just had an idea of how I can help Elias. I think we can work well together.”

His mom didn’t question him. Making a note of it on her cellphone, she said she would get it done. Bruce and Lucy looked at each other confused but Caden hid his ‘
plan
’ behind a wonky smile. He didn’t have a plan, just a feeling. He knew he couldn’t be like Judy James.

I can’t abandon him. I won’t.

A loud knock on the door rattled Elias from his restless dreams. The second he opened his eyes, he knew he had only been asleep for an hour or two. Swinging his legs over the side of the bed, he stepped in the melted leftovers of the chocolate ice cream. It didn’t help him sleep but Ellie was right about it making him feel a little better.

Picking up the nearest shirt, he sniffed it before pulling it over his head. It was a little tight, possibly shrunk in the washing machine. He couldn’t entirely remember how to use it and Claire wasn’t as ready to do the housework as Caden had been.

There was another loud knock on the door and he couldn’t believe how eager she was to get inside. Claire was the type of woman who thought she was amazing at what she did and she might be if the whole ‘
softly softly
’ approach works on some addicts; Elias wasn’t one of them.

“Alright, I’m coming. Jesus,” he cried when she knocked a third time.

Reluctantly dragging himself down the stairs wearing nothing more than his tight briefs and a t-shirt, he flung open the door, the harsh morning sun blinding him. When his eyes adjusted, he looked up, wondering if Claire was wearing heels because she was suddenly a whole foot taller.

His stomach knotted when he squinted at Caden’s face. The ice cream from the night before bucked its ugly head and the lack of sleep over the week was still playing heavily on his swollen eyelids.

“What do you want?” he spat at Caden, who was sheepishly standing with his hands clung to the strap of his canvas bag.

“I – I -,” the words stumbled out of his mouth, barely above a whisper.

Elias was about to order him away, not wanting to hear what he had to say. He was about to tell him that he didn’t mean any of those dumb things he had said outside of Caden’s house. His fingers brushed over the thick wounds on his knuckles, a constant reminder of how much confusion he had felt.

“What? What do you want?” he demanded.

Caden’s eyes brushed up and down Elias’ body, lingering on the tightness of his underwear. He readjusted them, wondering if he was showing more than expected. He wasn’t.

“I – just -,” he stumbled again, “I can’t.”

Elias thought Caden was about to run away. Elias thought Caden was about to leave him again. Elias thought Caden regretted showing up outside of his apartment. Elias was wrong.

The sheepishness and awkwardness vanished and the hands that gripped the strap of the canvas bag launched out, gripping Elias around the neck. Before he knew how to process the sudden movement, moist lips pushed against his. Their noses fought for space as their mouths worked over time. He clenched his eyes, giving in to the heat. Late morning wood suddenly sprung up, making the tight underwear feel even tighter. The grip firmed and the pressure increased, sending Elias back. He stumbled up the first step, falling onto his backside. The carpet yanked his underwear down, exposing his smooth cheeks and burning them against the rough, coarse thread on the step. Caden kicked the door closed and they were covered in darkness.

He had so many questions to ask but the kiss was too good. The way Caden’s tongue explored his mouth, the way the hands gripped delicately and firmly around his head, the way Caden’s clothes pushed up against Elias’, sending the tight t-shirt up his flat stomach, it was the strongest apology any man had ever received.

An unspoken agreement through the kiss called them upstairs. They didn’t break contact, their eyes remaining shut as they opened the door to the living room. He wondered if he was still dreaming and this was a cruel trick of the mind, but he could taste the minty freshness of Caden’s toothpaste, mixed in with what tasted like grits.

“I should explain,” Caden panted through the kiss.

“No,” Elias shook his head, their beards grating against each other, “no talking.”

“Okay,” he nodded.

Caden broke the kiss only to pull the bag over his head. He dumped it on the couch before pushing Elias up against the back of it. His hands travelled down to the small of his back, pulling him in firmly. It felt strong and safe. Elias’ firm shaft ached painfully against the thickness of Caden’s jeans. He reached out, fumbling with the clunky metal buttons. They popped open with ease, Caden’s baggy underwear springing forward. He felt around, his hands brushing against the coarse hair, leading below the waistline. He danced his fingers against the elastic of the underwear, wanting to savor the feeling, but Caden groaned in a pitch higher than anything Elias had heard leave his lips before, that he had to reach for it.

Fingers closed around a solid, veined shaft. It was warm and twitching under his grasp. He begged with his kiss for Caden to do the same to him, but his hands travelled lower into his white underwear. Short, clipped fingernails dug into his cheeks, squeezing them tightly. Nobody was even touching his cock and yet he felt fit to blow.

Caden’s hands left his cheeks and disappointment raced through him. He wondered if he had gone too far, going into his pants. He opened his eyes and Caden took a step back, only to start unbuttoning the crisp, blue shirt he was wearing. He exposed his well-toned thick chest and stomach. A light dusting of hair, a similar hue to that on his head, danced across his body, inviting Elias to touch it. The shirt was tossed on the couch, leaving Elias to admire the body in front of him as he still clung to the ever-hardening shaft in his palm.

Soft lips touched his forehead. The intensity of the kiss was gone but the passion was present. Caden’s fingers tugged the tight t-shirt over his head before dropping it to the floor. He reached out and brushed his growing, dark hair off his forehead. Elias bit into his lip ring, wanting to kiss him again, wanting to never do anything else but kiss him.

“This place is a mess,” Caden glanced over his shoulder.

“Kiss me again,” Elias closed his eyes and dove in, pulling Caden closer towards him by his cock, forcing Caden’s jeans and underwear to his ankles.

Their naked torsos pressed up against each other and Caden pulled him into a tight embrace, his arms firm and strong. It felt warm, but in a way Elias had never experienced. It was a place he would happily stay forever.

“Bedroom,” Caden whispered, kicking off his shoes, jeans and underwear.

Silently agreeing with his kiss, Elias started to walk backwards towards the bedroom. A pile of pizza boxes caused him to stumble but Caden’s strong arms were still wrapped around him, saving him from a naked embarrassment. They both laughed through the kiss and they were still laughing when they fell onto Elias’ bed. He wished he had known about Caden’s visit and he wished he had known what they were about to do in the bedroom. It smelled strongly of dirty socks and unwashed man with a top note of chocolate ice cream.

Caden’s tongue and lips crawled down his body, working over his chest and stomach, following the messy dark trail into the white underwear that was still containing him. Caden kissed his manhood through the fabric, teasing him for what felt like a lifetime. When he finally peeled the underwear back, his cock sprung onto his stomach and he caught a slight glimmer in Caden’s green eyes. He looked nervous and unsure but Caden was the one who had done all of this before. Elias had never gone beyond giving someone a quick blowjob in a car. Elias had met up with guys discreetly to go further but they were usually on drugs and things would never perform the way they should.

The un-sureness in Caden’s eyes vanished when he gripped it strongly, the dryness of his hands rubbing against Elias’ warm shaft. He worked it for a couple of minutes, watching as tiny droplets appeared on the head. Elias’ entire body clenched in an effort not to give in to the overwhelming urge to let go.

Caden’s tongue was followed by his mouth and Elias’ shaft was soon deep in his throat. He took it like a man who knew what he was doing. Elias imagined the boyfriend back in New York and how stupid he was for letting Caden go. It was like nothing he had ever felt and it made every sense in his body heighten. He could hear a customer downstairs asking how much the brioche was, he could smell the inviting fresh bread lingering up through the small gap in his window and he could feel every hair on his thighs standing on edge as Caden’s body rubbed up against him.

Caden didn’t question if Elias knew what he was doing, nor did he ask any questions. He kissed the top of Elias’ cock before rolling over onto his back. Elias thought he would want the favor returned, but instead he slightly spread his thighs, inviting Elias to do something he had only ever dreamed of.

“Don’t we need stuff? Condoms? Lube?” Elias was nervous.

“My wallet,” Caden was about to get up, “I’ve got some –,”

Before Caden could get to the end of the bed, Elias sprinted back into the living room and pulled a thick, brown leather wallet from the back pocket of Caden’s jeans. He wore 36” waist, Elias noticed, which was much bigger than his own 28”. Not wanting to open his wallet, Elias ran back to the bedroom, where Caden was sitting up slightly, nervous anticipation radiating from every inch of his naked body. Elias felt like he had the figure of a teenager who was waiting for puberty to bulk them out but Caden looked like a real man.

Caden opened the wallet and pulled out a small gold square, followed by a blue square. Elias caught a glimpse of two photographs in his wallet. One was of Caden’s parents and the other of Caden and a stranger, standing underneath what looked like the Empire State Building, grinning down at the camera as it pointed into the sky. It took him a second to realize he was staring at the man who had sent Caden back to Havenmoore. He was blonde, tanned and he looked like he was packing a worked out body under that tight tank top. Before Elias could study it any further, Caden was ripping open the first wrapper and before he could ask questions, he was sliding it slowly down Elias’ shaft, which fidgeted against the slimy, cold texture of the rubber.

He watched as Caden opened the second packet, which was filled with a clear liquid. That soon vanished in between Caden’s legs and Elias knew that if he wanted to go back, it was too late. He stared down at Caden, unsure of why he was even here, but also not really caring at the same time. He was there and that was all he really cared about.

“I’ve – I -,” Elias mumbled, staring down at Caden’s face, “are you sure you’re ready for this?”

Caden didn’t say anything. He closed his eyes and dragged Elias down to kiss him. Their bodies pressed up against each other’s and Elias lost himself so deeply in the kiss that he didn’t notice Caden’s thick thighs wrap around him; nor did he notice the hand guiding his cock into Caden.

They took it slowly at first. Elias was nervous and he didn’t want to hurt Caden. He enjoyed the feeling of his solid mass entering Caden, pushing deeper and deeper, the lube aiding them each step of the way. He wanted to take it slow, to savor every second of it, but the same hunger that had taken over Caden when he opened the door, suddenly consumed him.

Elias’ arms gripped around Caden’s wide shoulders, his tongue forced hungrily into Caden’s mouth and his hips thrust against Caden’s cheeks. At first, he was unsure if this was what he should be doing right away but the high-pitched moans and whimpers escaping Caden’s throat through the kiss only spurred him on.

Sweat instantly poured from his hairline to run down his body. He felt nails digging into the small of his back, edging him deeper and harder. It was unreal and unexpected. He had never done it because he never thought anything could compare to the drugs he was taking. He had been wrong; so wrong. It was better, stronger, and higher than anything he had taken. He bucked his hips, wanting the euphoria to last forever but knowing that the quicker he thrust, the sooner it would be over. He knew he should slow down, to pace himself but it was a double-edged sword. The more sensitive his cock became, the faster he wanted to go. The more Caden begged and moaned through his kisses and growls, the more ravenous the hunger inside became.

Gripping Caden’s shoulders like handles, Elias pounded himself into him, feeling every inch of the man beneath him. Face twisted and cock bouncing on his stomach, Caden looked like he was enjoying every second as much as Elias.

It felt like it lasted a lifetime and a split second at the same time. If he could have chosen, it would never have ended. He would have stayed in that place forever. When he tossed his head back, the veins in his neck ripe and ready to burst, Caden’s New York ex crossed his mind and he wondered how he could ever cheat on him when it felt like this. He felt his skin turn as hot as coal and then he saw a white blinding light, before it ended in a blur of fuzziness. For a split second, he was blind and deaf, no longer one with his body. His sight returned and he looked down to see Caden’s hand jerking his own cock. Still inside Caden, he brushed the hand away and did the job for him, helping him reach that same place. He felt something tighten around his own cock as he watched Caden cover his chest.