Shelter (6 page)

He headed into the small family kitchen where Bruce was sitting reading the morning paper.

“What are you doing here, anyway?” Caden slapped Bruce warmly on the shoulder, “Shouldn’t you be at the bar?”

“Sharon’s holding it down,” Bruce closed the paper, “thought I’d come and see mom.”

Their mom turned around, fingers covered in slimy breadcrumbs as she coated the chicken, “He’s just hungry, that’s what he really means.”

Caden had to admit, he was looking forward to his mom’s chicken as he sat at the table. Caden had never been able to find a chicken takeout in New York who could make it like his mom.

“I’ve just dropped off George’s prescription for you,” Caden said, “should be ready later today.”

“I’ll head to the doctor’s office later,” she nodded as she slowly started to lower each wing into the boiling oil, “how’s Doctor James?”

He knew she meant Ellie but he didn’t know why she was asking, “She’s fine.”

Caden almost stopped there but he took it as an opportunity to find out more about Elias before their next meeting. His mom hadn’t told him much but he got the idea she knew more than she was letting him know.

“Did you know the mayor had a son?” he asked.

“She does?” Bruce wrinkled his forehead as he sipped a glass of orange juice, “I thought she just had that yuppie daughter?”

“Yuppie?”

“Head so far up her own butthole that she’s coming out the other side. She’s come into the bar a couple of times with her husband and she always acts like she’s better than everyone.”

“That’s no way to talk about our town’s best doctor, Bruce, is it?” their mom winked over her shoulder, seeming to agree with him, “And yes, I knew she had a son. Not many do though.”

Caden poured himself a glass of orange juice, just like he would have done when they had been around that very table as kids. Bruce would always snatch up the bottle first, because in his words, he was the oldest and he deserved it more.

“Why’s she kept him so quiet?” Caden asked.

She carried on cooking, straining the chicken out of the oil before laying it on a sheet of paper towels. Caden knew she was avoiding his question. Whenever she didn’t want to answer something she would always pretend like she didn’t hear while she thought of how she could steer the conversation in another direction.

“Chicken!” she dumped the huge plate in the middle of the table, “Be careful, it’s still hot.”

Just like when they were kids, Bruce dived in and burned his fingers as Caden sat back and let it cool. He stared at his mom but she was diving in too, even though she was usually the last to grab any chicken. She was either really hungry or uncomfortable with what Caden had asked.

Deciding it would be better to wait until they were alone, he waited for Bruce to eat his chicken. As predicted, he kissed their mom goodbye, patted Caden on the back with a promise to hang out soon and headed straight back to his bar. They all knew he never trusted anybody to look after his baby for too long.

His mom glanced awkwardly to him before busying herself with clearing away the dishes.

“Mom, Elias. What do you know?”

“Does it matter?”

“If I want to help him it does.”

Carefully placing the dishes into the sink, she washed her grease covered fingers and turned around, folding her arms awkwardly across her green blouse covered chest. Caden knew what he was doing. His mom cared too much about the people her charity helped so she wouldn’t ignore Caden’s plea.

“This was the reason I wanted you to take Elias,” she sighed, “I know too much about him and his family.”

“What do you know?”

Pulling up a chair, she leaned her arms on the table and started picking at her nails. A quick glance to the chicken shaped clock over the stove let Caden know he only had twenty minutes if he wanted to get to Elias’ five minutes early.

“When you were a baby, I used to volunteer at the hospital. They usually put me in the maternity ward because I’m kind to folks. Most of the time, I’d try and reassure the ladies because I knew what they’d been through. You couldn’t have been out of diapers at this time. One night, in the early hours, the mayor came in wearing a huge black coat. Well, she wasn't the mayor back then but she worked at the town hall. She was still really important even back then. I was more shocked than anyone to see that she was heavily pregnant. I’d seen her a couple of months before at the Lobster Festival and I hadn’t suspected anything. I was in her room when she was delivering and out came twins. One boy and one girl.”

“Elias and Ellie?”

“That’s them,” she nodded, “but the thing is, she kept it so quiet. The next week she came into the hospital to open the new children’s ward with the mayor of the time, Steven Carlwright. Lovely man he was. Died of a heart attack a couple years later and Judy jumped straight in there. She was wearing another huge coat. I expected her to say something about her new babies but she never mentioned them. There was nothing in the paper about them and nobody was talking about her growing family. Like I said, even back then she was important. Folks knew her. I thought it odd but eventually, Ellie started appearing at functions with her in these adorable little dresses. It wasn’t until later that I started to notice Elias was never around.”

She left it there but he could sense there was more to the story. Leaning in closer, he nodded, urging her to carry on.

“I wouldn’t have thought anything of it until I saw him again a couple years later. He couldn’t have been any older than ten. You know how I go into the school once a semester to give a talk to the kids about substance abuse? Well, I spotted him straight away in the crowd, sitting next to Ellie. They’re the mirror image of each other and the essence of their mother. I stuck around for a couple of hours, going from class to class. When I came to their class I was struck by how different they were. Ellie was so well behaved and quiet but Elias was like a boy possessed. He ran around the class and you could tell his teacher was exhausted with him. I guessed that he was just a troubled boy but later on when I was up at the rehab center I saw him. He looked different. Skinny, pale. He didn’t look like his sister anymore, nor his mother. Ellie and Judy had turned into clones of each other. Same haircuts and everything, although I’m not sure whose idea that was. I wanted to say something to him but he didn’t know me. I was just a stranger who knew something the rest of the town didn’t know. I was walking by his room once and I saw him crying. People were always crying in that place. Usually they’d be howling out for drugs but Elias was sobbing so quietly, he was almost choking. His tears told a thousand tales that his mouth would never speak. It was then I came to my conclusions about his mother.”

“What conclusions?”

“She’s not a maternal type, like me. Some people just aren’t built for kids. I think she saw something of herself in her daughter. Something she could mold and shape. Her son on the other hand, I don’t think it was as easy for him to follow her. Some boys are like that but most grow out of it with love and patience. I was lucky having you and Bruce. You were my perfect little boys. Judy James pushes out this image as our loving mayor but I think it’s a different story behind closed doors. She’s pushed her son so far away from her spotlight because she’s ashamed of what he’s become and I think Elias feels that. You don’t turn to drugs for no reason. Most of the time, they’re just trying to hide something painful.”

Caden’s mind was racing. So many things were starting to make sense and the more he figured out, the more his heart broke for Elias. There was a wall built so high around him and he tried to push everybody away but he was starting to understand why.

“Why didn’t you tell me any of this?” he asked.

“Because sometimes you can go in knowing too much. I was hoping he’d open up to you and tell you this himself. I didn’t feel comfortable working with him because I’d want to mother him and that’s not what he needs right now.”

Caden stood up and grabbed his jacket, more than ready for his next meeting with Elias. Pulling the zipper halfway, he stopped and turned back to his mother.

“He was in rehab for cocaine addiction?”

She nodded.

“Alcohol, other pills, where does he stand?”

“Why? Has he been using? If he has, you need to report -,”

“No,” he jumped in, not wanting her to jump to conclusions about Elias, “I’m just wondering. Just in case.”

She narrowed her eyes, clearly not believing her son. Caden had always been a terrible liar. She had always said it was because he had a kind and honest soul.

“Everything needs filing and reporting,” she said, “this is serious. This is his fourth time in that place and from what I’ve heard he didn’t go in there willingly. Whatever it is, write it down, for his sake. Don’t let your guard down, Caden. Remember, you’re there to do a job. You’re there to help him and sometimes you have to do things you don’t want to do, especially if you like the person.”

“I know,” he nodded with an awkward smile, “is there any of that chicken left?”

“You still hungry?” her maternal eyes twinkled at the thought of being able to feed her son, “I’ll get it wrapped up for you so you can eat it on the way.”

Caden watched as she wrapped the cooling fried chicken in foil before placing it gently in a plastic box. Grabbing his bag with Elias’ paperwork, he slid it in gently, kissed his mom on the cheek and headed across town, more determined than ever to help the man he was learning more and more about.

Looking around his apartment, Elias wondered if he had time to quickly tidy up before Caden showed up. He didn’t know why he was suddenly bothered about it because he wasn’t last time. There was something about the way Caden had been rubbing his back and showing that he cared that had awoken something in Elias.

Calm down, he’s probably straight.

Scooping up a pile of laundry, he tossed it into the machine, not bothering to turn it on. When he was about to tackle the beer cans cluttering the place, there was a firm knock on the door. Stomach knotting, Elias quickly fixed his black hair in the reflection of the stainless steel fridge. Caden’s scribbled down phone number caught his eye. For a second, he thought about taking it down but he didn’t want Caden to know he had even noticed it.

“You’re early,” Elias opened the door.

“Thought I’d make up for last time,” a shaky smile filled Caden’s lips as he clung onto the strap of his canvas bag, “can I come in?”

“Yeah, right,” Elias stepped out of the way, “I didn’t have much time to clean up.”

Wishing that he had taken one of his sister’s ‘
calming
’ pills, he headed upstairs, leaving Caden to follow. When they were both in the apartment, they stood behind the couch, awkwardly smiling at each other.
Why are you being so weird?

“Coffee?” Elias asked.

“You’re offering me coffee?” Caden laughed, “I guess that’s progress on last week.”

Elias headed for the kettle and boiled the water, not bothering to wait for Caden’s response. Deciding that he was going to ditch the beer, at least for Caden’s visit, he grabbed two never before used mugs from the cupboard and scooped four large heaps of the dark stuff into his mug. He scooped two into Caden’s because he looked like the kind of guy who wouldn’t like his coffee strong.

“I brought you some chicken,” Elias heard the sound of foil and the rich smell of fried chicken filled his apartment, causing a rumbling in his stomach, “I didn’t know if you’d be hungry but my mom makes the best chicken in Havenmoore and I thought it would be selfish to keep it all to myself.”

“Thanks. You shouldn’t have,” Elias mumbled, dropping the sugar into the mug.

“It’s no problem,” Caden pulled the milk from the fridge and handed it to him, “I guessed it’d make a nice change from all of the pizza.”

Elias finished up the coffee with shaking hands, desperately wanting to grab a cold beer from the fridge. He handed the cup to Caden, who instantly slurped the dark liquid.

“Geeze,” he winced, “that’s a bit strong.”

“Oh, that’s mine,” Elias swapped the cups.

Caden took a sip of the less strong coffee with a wince but he didn’t say anything. Elias had hardly had much practice at making coffee. It’s not like he had lived in his own apartment to invite people around to before, not that Caden had been invited.
He’s here for the court
. Elias knew Caden was practically there to spy on him.

They sat on the couch and Caden brought the box of chicken with him. He set it on the trash covered coffee table in front of them, leaving Elias to eye it up hungrily. When his stomach growled loudly, announcing that he hadn’t eaten anything, Caden reached out and offered the box to him.

“Dig in,” he smiled, “I’ve already had mine back home.”

Elias plucked out a leg and wedged the coffee between his knees. The chicken melted against his lips, the mixture of the breadcrumbs and grease making his stomach happy. Caden was right, it was the best chicken he had ever tasted, even if it was going cold.

“Good, right?” Caden laughed, “I missed that in New York.”

Elias nodded, his mouth full of chicken. He wanted to know more about Caden. Elias had been in and out of Havenmoore his whole life, sleeping rough and couch hopping in between rehab stints. Looking at Caden’s face, he was sure that he had never seen him around town before.

“Why would you come back here after living in New York?” he licked his fingers and picked up another wing, “What does Havenmoore have that New York doesn't?”

Caden smiled softly and stared down into the coffee. Elias instantly picked up on the sadness in that smile, wondering if he should push it further. He didn’t want to open up a can of worms he wasn’t prepared to deal with, especially since that was supposed to be Caden’s job.

“I didn’t have much choice. I thought I’d be in New York for the rest of my life but I found myself in a position where I felt like I needed to come home for a while.”

Elias instantly guessed that he was talking about a break up. He imagined a professional businesswoman left behind in the big city broken hearted. Elias had always wanted to visit New York but he had never managed to get out of Maine.

“So you’re not sticking around here?”

“I’m undecided,” he said, “I thought I’d come back and clear my head so I could finally start work on my novel.”

“Novel? You’re a writer?” Elias was slightly impressed.

“Kind of. I’ve mainly been writing advertorials and tiny articles for magazines that nobody reads. I’ve hardly been living the New York dream out there. It’s a tough place to survive.”

For Elias, Havenmoore was a tough place to survive. Just the thought that his mother was around the corner was enough to put him on edge, especially knowing that she had her own key.

“What’s this book about?” Elias asked.

“You really want to know?” Caden laughed, leaning forward and pushing his coffee cup onto the coffee table, “It’s pretty dumb, really.”

“I scored the lowest SAT score my school ever got. Don’t talk to me about dumb,” he said, “go on, writer, what’s it about?”

Caden took a deep breath and stared up at the ceiling as if he couldn’t believe he was about to tell Elias. Surprisingly, Elias found himself wanting to know, if only to understand Caden a little better.

“Okay, so I had this idea for this story set in a medieval village. Have you seen Game Of Thrones?”

“Do I look like I’ve watched much TV in the last decade?” Elias arched a brow, “The mayor didn’t like to pay out for the rooms with the TVs in rehab.”

Elias meant it as a joke but Caden’s expression dropped and the sadness returned. This time, it looked like the sadness was directed at Elias. He didn’t look like he pitied him. It was more complicated than that. It made Elias feel comfortable, which in turn made him feel uncomfortable because he wasn’t used to it.

“Well, my idea,” Caden continued, “was about this tiny village where people trained dragons for war. The concept I had was the boys of the village are given an egg when they become teenagers and they have to look after this egg until it hatches and that's when they become men. I had this idea of a boy, about fifteen, waiting for his egg to hatch and feeling left out because his was the last one out of his peers. It all sounds so silly out loud.”

“It doesn’t,” Elias immediately jumped in, “I still feel like I’m waiting for my egg to hatch.”

Caden stared deep into his eyes, the corners pricking up as he smiled, “Me too.”

Elias put the syrupy leftovers of his coffee on the table along with the chicken. When he sat back, his arm reached across the back of the couch. It was dangerously close to Caden’s elbow, which was propping up his head as he stared at Elias. He wanted to pull it away but he knew that would look even weirder, so he kept it there, his body stiff as a board.

“Have you started writing it?”

“Kind of,” Caden shrugged, “I’ve been writing on and off for the past five years but the time has never felt right. I was hoping coming back to Havenmoore would give me more time but I started working for Helping Hands and I’ve been busier than ever. It's keeping my mind off -,”

Caden suddenly stopped mid-sentence and sat forward, staring at the blank TV awkwardly. Elias pulled his arm back and sat cross-legged on the sofa. He fiddled with the rings in his ear as he wondered what Caden was about to say.

“Your break up?” Elias offered.

“Was it that obvious?” Caden ran his hands across his light scruff, “Damn, man. I shouldn’t be talking about this with you. I’m here to help you.”

“This is helping,” Elias said, “I hate talking about my problems. People only ever want to talk about addiction. This is the most normal I’ve felt since getting out.”

Caden half smiled, glancing to Elias out of the corner of his eye. It warmed Elias to know that other people in the world had problems, even if they were different. He had grown up in a world where weakness and differences were actively discouraged.

“I haven’t really spoken about it,” Caden said softly, “my parents don’t really understand and all of my friends are his friends so it’s not like I can vent to them either.”

“His friends?”

“Yeah, my ex, Finn. I moved to New York and -,”

“Wait,” Elias cut him off, “you’re gay?”

Caden smiled awkwardly and shifted back into the corner of the sofa. Elias felt his entire body turning rigid as he stared at Caden, waiting for the answer.

“I am,” he nodded, “is that a problem, because if it is -,”

“No, it’s not a problem,” he interrupted again, “I just – I just didn’t know.”

“Do you want me to wear a badge?” Caden laughed awkwardly, “We’re normal people too.”

Elias could tell that Caden was joking but it didn’t stop Elias’ heart pounding in his chest.
Just tell him you are too
. The words were there, waiting to come out. He hadn’t actually spoken them to anyone before. They’d never been important, but sitting there with Caden feeling almost normal made him want to share that part of him with the world.
It’ll only make things even more awkward.

“Can I tell you something?” the words tumbled out of Elias’ mouth.

“That’s what I’m here for,” Caden turned back towards him, a friendly smile on his face.

Elias wanted to say the words, to finally confide in somebody. Would it be a relief? He had always had so many troubles in his life, this had been one that he had pushed to the back of his mind, only confronting when he needed to use it to his advantage to get what he wanted from people; usually curious and horny dealers.

“I – I -,” sweat poured down his forehead, forcing his shaky hands to wipe it away.

For once, he didn’t know if they were shaking from the need to use drugs or because he was actually feeling nervous.

“What is it?”

Elias could tell that Caden was urging him to speak. Did he suspect something too? Could Caden sense that Elias was gay too? Did it matter?
Why does it matter?
Elias didn’t think it did but he felt something else.

“I’m -,” he mumbled, “I mean – can we get this place cleaned up?”

Caden almost looked relieved but Elias felt like kicking himself.

“Sure,” he blinked slowly, “c’mon, many hands make light work. That’s what my mom says.”

“Right,” Elias quickly jumped up, heading straight to the bathroom to stare at himself in the mirror.

Elias wanted to know who the man was staring back in the reflection, but he didn’t. Elias had always been so busy distracting himself, he had never taken a minute to get to know the guy inside.

***

As they cleaned the apartment, Caden couldn’t stop looking over at Elias, who was silently collecting beer cans. He could feel there was something wrong but it was obvious that Elias wasn’t ready to talk about it. Caden knew he was supposed to wait for Elias to open up to him but he wanted to stick his middle finger up to the training. He wanted to help Elias, even more so since listening to his mom. He wanted to let Elias know that he had somebody who cared, but he didn’t want to overstep that line.
It’s bad enough that he knows you’re gay, you’ve just gone and made things totally weird with this guy.

“Elias, all of this drinking,” Caden broke the silence, “do you think you really need it?”

Shrugging, Elias tied up the trash bag and dumped it next to the front door. Caden could tell Elias had spent the last hour glancing at the fridge, wanting to grab a can of beer. Replacing one addiction with another just gave Elias a brand new problem to deal with.