Shelter You (19 page)

My mind is made up by the time I walk through the front door.

“You’re back soon,” Logan says, looking up at me from the couch.

“I got a cramp.”

He starts to get up but I shake my head at him. “Are you alright?”

“Yes, I’m just going to take a hot shower.” I head upstairs and look around my room,
our
room. My heart hurts, thinking that this will be my final night here.

I’ll give myself one last night with Logan and when he leaves for work in the morning I’ll take my things and go. I just hope it gives me enough time to avoid my parents, but even if it doesn’t I don’t care. They aren’t the ones who I’m worried about; it’s Nick that scares me, it’s always been Nick.

I get in the shower and let the scalding hot water run over me. It should hurt, but it doesn’t. In fact, I feel nothing. My whole body is numb.

I search my mind for solutions, other alternatives that don’t conclude with me walking away from Logan. Would he come with me if I told him I had to go? Would he pick up and leave everything behind for me, to be with me and Lily? I can’t ask him to do that, he has a life here, a family that I’m going to miss. A family that I’ve learned to love and even though I’ve never admitted it, a family I’ve come to think of as my own.

There is no happy ending for us, no happily ever after, no other way out of my situation. The only option is take Lily and run, and I’ll keep running if I have to. I’ll never give up, never stop fighting for the right to have my daughter and Nick will eventually have to leave me alone. Maybe then I’ll finally be able to find peace.

I spend the rest of the day with Logan and Lily, pushing my sadness aside to try to make this night memorable for us. I pull him down on the ground and we lie there playing with Lily, trying to get her to smile and laugh. I know that in all my life I’ll never forget this night. I’ll look back on it and remember a time when we were both loved.

Logan is already in bed and reading a book by the time I get Lily to sleep in her crib.

“She asleep?” he asks, looking up at me.

I nod my answer and shut the door behind me. I stand there for a minute staring at him, taking in the sight of him because right now just for one more night he belongs to me and I belong to him. The knowledge that this is coming to an end makes my chest ache but I push it aside and walk further into the room. I lock my gaze on him as I push my pants and underwear down and step out of them. I can see the switch, the exact moment when his eyes get heated. They fill with lust quickly, and in response I pull the shirt over my head—tossing it into the now growing pile of clothes on the ground while he puts his book down.

It’s funny. I’ve been thinking all along that it would be Logan to break my heart when in reality it will be me doing the breaking, but tonight I need him to know how much I love him. I need him to feel that he’s it for me, that given the chance I’d spend my entire life trying to make him happy. I need him to understand it tonight so that when he realizes that I’ve gone away he’ll have this memory and know that it wasn’t all a lie.

I stand there a few seconds more, letting him take in the sight of me completely naked and aroused by him, for him. Desperately wanting him to understand that he is the only one that I could be this way with.

I walk over to the bed and pull the sheets off of him. His hardness strains against his boxer briefs, causing me to grin. I climb on the bed and hook my fingers into the waist of his boxers and tug them off easily. I grab hold of him in my hand and gently squeeze, his head falls back onto the pillow and immediately I’m loving the surge of power I have over him. The power to make him feel what I want him to feel and right now I want him to feel loved.

I look up at him. “I’ve never done this before.”

“You don’t have to.”

“I want to.”

“Then just do what feels right,” he says.

I lick the tip of his head then let my tongue run down the underside of his shaft and then up again before I close my mouth around him and take him in. Slowly, I move my head up and down, using my mouth to create a gentle suction.

Logan buries his hands in my hair as I find my rhythm. I take as much of him into my mouth as I can and use my hand at the base of him, stroking him up and down along with my mouth.

“Oh fuck, Mia.” He cries, releasing my hair and hauling me up his body. “I don’t want to come like that.”

I smile at him then lean over to the nightstand and grab a condom. He takes it from me and rips the foil wrapper, then he hands the condom back to me.

I’ve watched him enough times to know how to do it. I pinch the tip then quickly roll it on. I stroke him a few more times before finally positioning myself on top of him, straddling him with my legs. I slowly lower myself onto him until there’s nothing left of him to take. I throw my head back at the feel of him stretching me out. God he feels so good.

I look back at him, memorizing his face, burning it into my brain and fighting back the tears that threaten. “I love you so much. You know that right? I love you more than I ever thought was even possible.”

He reaches up and cups my face in the palm of his hands. “I love you too, Mia. More than anything.”

I pull his hands off my face and link my fingers with his, pushing our conjoined hands onto the mattress and slowly begin to move. I rock my hips slowly at first, savoring every single minute of this, knowing that this will be the last time I have him. He lets me have my control for a little longer before flipping us so that I’m on my back and he’s on top of me.

“I like this side of you baby,” he whispers in my ear, sending goose bumps throughout my body as he slowly enters me again.

I wrap my arms around his neck. “You make me this way. You make me brave,” I say softly, kissing the edge of his mouth.

His gentle thrusts start to become more hurried, more frantic. I know that he feels it too, the surge of chemistry in the air between us.

“Mine.” He declares, looking me in the eye.

“Yes, yours.” I whimper, rocking my hips up. “Harder baby.”

He takes my mouth with his, devouring it as the pace becomes more desperate, the orgasm building from deep within me.

I claw at his back, needing to feel him, having him as close as I can, screaming out from the overwhelming swell of sensations that shove me over the edge as my climax hits hard. I vaguely hear him calling my name out as his release hits. He continues to thrust in and out until his orgasm recedes, then collapses next to me in the bed.

“Oh shit baby.” He breathes out. “That was amazing.”

“The best,” I say, kissing him one last time before he gets up to dispose of the condom.

I close my eyes and roll onto my side, trying to block the tears that are pooling in my eyes. He comes back to bed and slides in behind me, wrapping his arm around my waist and pulling me to him so that my back is firmly secured to his back. He kisses my neck and my cheek.

“Goodnight chief.”

“Goodnight baby.”
Goodbye
I say in my head, trying to breathe through the very real pain that’s taking up permanent residence in my chest. I wait until he falls asleep then carefully disengage from his hold. I walk across the hall to look at a very peacefully sleeping Lily. I sit in her rocking chair, pulling my knees up to my chest and allow myself to silently cry. I let myself cry for the child I used to be, the girl I was forced to leave behind in order to become a mother. I cry for Lily, for having to take her away from this place, from a family who loves her. I cry for what I’m about to do to Logan, leaving him behind to wonder why I did it.

I pretend to be asleep when Logan leaves for work, there’s no way I could handle a conversation with him this morning. I heard him go into Lily’s room before he left, I turned to look at the video monitor and caught him just as he leaned over the railing and placed a kiss on her forehead, the same way he did to me moments earlier. My heart is breaking into a million pieces right now but this is my only choice. It’s the only way I can make sure I keep Lily and Logan stays safe. I wait for the sound of the car leaving the driveway and get out of bed. I go to the closet, grab my bags and start throwing my belongings into them. In the bathroom, I take my hair products, makeup and toothbrush, everything else can be replaced. Once I’m satisfied that I’ve taken the necessities, I go into Lily’s room and do the same, taking only the necessities.

I bring the bags downstairs, then I quickly feed and change Lily into warm clothes before bringing her downstairs too. I set her down in the playpen and hurry into the kitchen to grab a pen and paper.

I can’t just leave without at least leaving a note to let Logan know that I’m leaving. I’m about to start writing when the doorbell rings. The sound startles me causing me to drop the pen. I don’t even need to look through the peephole to know who’s on the other side of the door. I had hoped to avoid an ugly confrontation with my parents but clearly it wasn’t meant to be. My only hope now is to get them out of here as quickly as possible and somehow make sure that they don’t follow me when I leave.

I open the door and come face to face with my mother and father; the expressions on their faces are positively glacial. My father’s height is intimidating, he’s at least 6’2” to my mother’s much shorter 5’5” frame. My mother looks stunning, perfectly put together in a dark slacks and a white trench coat. While my dad, ever the business man, is suited up. Behind them is their attorney Felicia; evidently they’re wasting no time in trying to get Lily away from me.

“What are you doing here? What do you want?” I ask icily, my tone matching their expressions.

My mother glares at me before she speaks. “Mia. Is that anyway to greet your parents?”

“You’re right, how rude of me. Melinda, Michael, what the fuck are you doing here?” I spit out. I’m shocked by how very little their presence affects me. What it does do is make me realize that I’m better off without them.

“That’s quite enough young lady.” My father scolds. “We’ve come all this way to see you and the least you could do is invite us in.”

I hesitate for a moment, but decide that getting them in and out quickly is my best option for a clean getaway. I open the door wider and step aside allowing them to walk through the doorway. I shut the door behind them and quickly walk past them to pick up Lily. I don’t want either of them touching her.

“Is this our granddaughter?” My mom asks with very little emotion.

“No mother, I got rid of her a long time ago. This is a baby I picked up along the way.” I say hitting her with sarcasm in response to her very stupid question.

“Mia.” My father warns.

“Why did you bring your lawyer on a simple trip to visit your daughter?”

“Because this has gone on long enough young lady. It’s high time that you do the right thing. Sign that baby over to the adoptive parents that you promised her to and come home with us.”

“I didn’t promise her to anyone that was your doing. I made my choice when I left and there’s nothing you can say or do to make me give my baby up or go back with you.

“You will do what we say,” he says, getting in my face now.

I take a step back to put some distance between us.

“You will sign the papers, hand the baby over to Felicia, and she will make sure that she gets where she needs to go. Then you will get on a plane back home with us this afternoon.”

“Over my dead body.” Relief washes over me at the sound of his voice. I look over my shoulder to see Logan standing in the doorway, his face hard as stone. I have no idea what he’s doing here, but right now I’m grateful that he is. I don’t know why I thought that I could handle my parents on my own.

My father turns to face him. “Stay out of this Logan.”

Logan? How does my father know his name? Do they…
“Do you two know each other?”

My mom comes to stand by my side. “Logan paid us a visit a few weeks ago. Didn’t you know?” she asks, rubbing my obliviousness in my face.

My eyes go wide with anger. “You did
what
?”

“We’ll talk about it later. ALONE,” he says, and I know I need to stand down. The focus needs to be getting rid of my parents. “I spotted a car with dark tinted windows parked down the street and I had a feeling, so I pulled around the corner and waited. When I came back around, I saw the car in the driveway and put two and two together.”

He walks over to me and Lily and puts his arm around my shoulder.

“You can’t be serious, Mia.” My mother states with a scowl. “You would defy your parents because of this man?”

“This
man
has been nothing short of wonderful to Lily and me. I don’t know where we’d be right now without him but to answer your question mother, No. I’m not defying you because of Logan. I’m doing it for Lily because she deserves to have her mother with her whether you like it or not. This is not your choice, it’s mine. Just go back home, take your crew with you, and leave me the hell alone.”

Logan squeezes my arm. “Mia and Lily aren’t going anywhere with you. She said her peace, you came, you saw and now you can leave.”