Shepherd's Moon (21 page)

“We have bills to pay, and a family to feed, and you’re off chasing down creatures that you don’t know a single thing about!”

I guess Brock had passed along my request for information to Jace already. As much as I needed the data, I had no desire to anger Jace in getting it. Suppressing my urge to ask him what he had uncovered about the creatures, I took a deep breath and tried to relax. Better to wait and let him get it out of his system. His anger was only a result of the deep concern he had for all of us—as a family. Besides, I had put an unfair amount of work on him. Between caring for the jaguar cubs and keeping an eye on Modnik while running a household and searching out information for me—well, he deserved better…

“You’re right, Jace.” I pulled my hand through my hair. “I’m sorry. I should be home more often.”

“You
should
be home more,” he repeated. “We have two cubs and a half-wild jaguar living in our front room! Not a single council member knows what’s going on here, and you’re out collecting more creatures. It’s irresponsible, Alex. You have to start being more considerate of your pack…”

Suddenly all the pressure from the last few days built up and something snapped in me… he wasn’t saying anything I didn’t already know, but the way he said it — well, it was too much. The pain over my eyes grew sharper by the moment, finally bursting into bright lights as I felt myself losing what little remained of my calmer side.

“Shut up, Jace. Just shut up,” I growled. “I have more responsibility than you’ll ever know and I can’t take it anymore. I’m
tired
. Do you hear me? I’m tired.”

My words surprised both of us and he calmed as quickly as I had become angry. He reared away from me like a frightened mare as his first instinct, that of a horse, was to flee. But I caught his wrist and held it with a little more force than necessary as I pulled him towards me.

“Don’t accuse me of not doing enough, Jace.” My voice sounded low and dangerous even to me. But, his words and the pain that throbbed behind my eyes were just too much and I couldn’t stop the outburst. I looked him in the eye. “In case you hadn’t noticed, I don’t
want
to stay home and care for a bunch of freaks! I’m twenty-four years old. I want to be normal—I want to go out with friends. I want to learn new things, travel someplace I’ve never been. I want a normal relationship with someone whose thoughts I can’t read.”

I felt like a different person as the words spouted from me. I hadn’t ever wished for any of those things and my words surprised me as much as they did Jace. But, I couldn’t stop myself. And now that the words were out there, I couldn’t take them back.

“I didn’t ask for this, I inherited it. I never wanted to be in this mess. I never wanted to be a Shepherd…”

He stared at me incredulously, and I knew that my angry words had cut him deep. A raw pain shone from his eyes as he wrenched his arm from my grip and backed away, staring at me as though I were possessed.

At the moment, I wondered if I was…

The pain in his eyes brought the reality of the situation crashing down on me. I dropped his wrist as if it were a loaded gun, and staggered back, my eyes wide. “Jace — wait… I didn’t mean it.” I closed my eyes in regret. Once again, I had taken it too far. This time, I was too late to get myself in check. “Jace, I’m sorry!”

My words fell on deaf ears and a wave of energy passed through me as he shifted into a horse, lumbering down the long hall to find a dark room he could hide out in and forget my angry words.

“Goddamn it.” I stared after him for a moment, not knowing what to do, before finally stumbling into the kitchen.

Tonight I would let him lick his wounds. Tomorrow I would apologize in earnest.

But, how much truth was in my words? Did I really feel that way about my pack? They were what I lived for — what I cared most about. So, where did that outburst come from?

Brock stood at the counter pouring himself a large glass of milk — I had long ago broken the boys of drinking from the carton — and held it out to me. I shook my head and he placed it back into the refrigerator, turning his attention to his glass. A heavy silence filled the air, and I knew he had heard my angry words.

My jaw tight with frustration, I wondered who else had heard the outburst. In a house full of creatures with heightened senses, it wasn’t too hard to guess…

“Look, Brock. I didn’t mean what I said back there.”

Taking a long, slow breath, he turned, his eyes holding mine. “Alex, if you’re not happy, you shouldn’t be here. No one wants to hold you down. No one wants you to be miserable.”

I wiped at my eyes, brushing at the traitorous tears that threatened. Today was turning into a catastrophe. It was as if I had no control over anything anymore. Staring at the tile floor, I blew out a breath.

“I’m not miserable. It’s just that…” I struggled, at a loss for words. “Sometimes it’s just too much, you know?”

He took a drink from the glass, staring at me in silence, but I knew he understood and was waiting on me to work through it — just like a good alpha does for his pack. Brock has never run high on emotion. He’s a thinker, and that makes him a good leader. If I were smart, I would be taking lessons from him. Shoot, if I could — I would gladly relinquish any abilities I had to him. He would make a far better Shepherd than I ever would. The thought only spiraled me deeper into depression.

The fact remained that I had to get my act together. I needed to learn how to manage this pack, and how to handle my responsibilities in the house.

And damn it, I couldn’t start crying every single time things got complicated.

I tried to regain my composure. “I’m sorry you had to hear that.” I glanced nervously around the room. “Is anyone else home?”
Meaning, who else heard our conversation…

He shook his head and placed the glass into the sink. “Aida left a note—she’s picking up groceries. Modnik’s out back giving the twins a hunting lesson and I sent Billy to check on her. I had a feeling your conversation wouldn’t end well.”

“Thanks for that,” I mumbled.

He nodded, grasping my hands and pulling me towards him in a comforting embrace. Stroking my hair, he brushed his lips over the top of my head, breathing deeply. “Contrary to what you may think, you’re not alone in this. I’m here for you. We all are — especially Jace. He’s just looking for some recognition. And if you need to take a break from us for awhile, I can handle everyone for a bit.”

His voice was calm and reassuring. It made me
want
to get away from things, but I knew that would be impossible. Especially now that I had a Nephilim running around our property with a giant werecougar in tow, a corporation to spy on, and a stray cat to recruit. No matter what I might want in the future, this was my life now.

“Thank you,” I whispered, pulling away from him. For a split second, our eyes met and held. And in that second, I knew I wasn’t alone—that Brock would always be by my side… He hadn’t asked for his life either—none of his had—but we play the cards we’re dealt.

We both turned when the back door opened and were greeted with most of my pack stumbling in carrying what looked like enough food to feed an entire army.

“What was the princess so upset about?” Billy asked, reaching into a sack that Aida carried, ignoring her soft growl and pulling a bag of apples from it. He tore the bag open and held one up to me in a silent offer. I shook my head and he tossed the fruit to Brock who caught it with deft ease.

A sudden ache in my eyes reminded me of my headache. Searching the cabinets, I located a bottle of aspirin and another of acepromazine.
Great for the Weres, not so great for humans.
Sighing, I shook out four of the aspirin, not sure how to respond to Billy’s question.

Brock sensed my frustration and changed the subject. “Has anyone seen Bren today?”

Billy flashed me a sympathetic grin, leaning back against the countertop as he ate the apple. He was the picture of comfort and composure. “From what I hear, Bren stayed busy last night.”

“Cassie won’t like that,” I said, thinking of our conversation earlier today. I wasn’t sure I wanted to hear what the vampire had been up too, but asked anyway. “Do I dare ask?”

Bren is, after all, a part of my pack whether he liked it or not. Part of that privilege entailed letting me know where he was. I reached into the refrigerator and produced a cold bottle of water, washing the chalky remnants of the aspirin down.

Billy shrugged. “I heard he met up with twins at the Full Moon. I can only assume that things went well.”

“And you didn’t join in?” I asked, tucking a long strand of hair behind my ear.

“You know there’s only room in my heart for you.” He raised his hand to cover his heart, a mischievous grin lighting his face.

“Maybe we can swing by the club before work.” I placed the lid back on the bottle. “Speaking of work, we have a few things to discuss.” There… I was back to work already. Who said I wasn’t committed?

“I figured we might.” Billy jumped off the counter and maneuvered me to the kitchen table — our
boardroom
of choice. He pulled out a chair for me, then sat next to me as Brock took a seat across from us.

“Does it have anything to do with the lion king showing up last night?” Brock asked.

I shrugged. Brock was pretty even-tempered for the most part, but once something set him off, it would take a lot more than me to calm him down. What would he say when he learned I was offered a job with what I could only assume was a type of privatized army? He had a unique perspective on right and wrong, and covert operations from a private company most definitely made his ‘wrong’ list.

I chose to lie. “I guess my appearance at the crime scene last night caught his attention. He was curious.”

Brock caught Billy’s attention and lifted his eyebrows. “I’m not an idiot, Alex. And in the event you hadn’t noticed, I’m not deaf.”

Damn.

“Okay, well that’s one of the reasons he tracked me down. And I would get into the other things, but frankly I’m just too exhausted, so let’s stick with the highlights.”

“You know, I can’t help you if you don’t let me.” His voice was flat and filled with disappointment.

Great.
I thought, rubbing a hand over my tired eyes. I couldn’t deal with any more hurt feelings tonight. And Brock was really the only stable force in my life. But, even he had limits. I was growing weary of everyone being in my business.

Besides, whether I wanted the title or not, I was still the Shepherd of this household. While Brock’s words didn’t constitute a direct challenge, I could see that he disapproved. It was also a far cry from when Joseph ran the household. Not even the most powerful shifter or the oldest vamp would have questioned Joseph. Why did everyone feel the need to question me? Why were we all so out of sorts today?

“Let’s just resume this conversation tomorrow,” I snapped, suddenly frustrated. “I have a pounding headache.”

A swift shadow of anger swept over Billy’s face. “Sure. We’ll just wait around until you’re ready to discuss it, then.”

With that, he left the room. I cursed under my breath. It was turning into a hell of a day.

I went up to my room and grabbed a shower, letting the hot water batter the tension from my neck as I thought of all the things I needed to finish up this day. Thirty minutes later, when the water finally started to cool, I stepped from the shower feeling a little more human. Pulling on a pair of sweats and an oversized t-shirt, I sat by the window and ran a wide comb through my hair before finally moving into the office.

For the next three hours, I sat at the computer and checked the email that had begun to accumulate over the past two days. After mucking through half of the spam that sat in my inbox, I noticed an email from Cassie.

Requested information attached.

The words were the only indication that alerted me to the files I hadn’t expected to get until tomorrow.
Like her or not, she’s damn good at her job,
I thought, downloading the first attachment.

The database held details on every first time offense of violent crime in the vicinity of the college that had been filed in the past three months. From their name and home address to a copy of the police report, Cassie had included everything she could find in the neatly organized, hyperlinked document complete with headers and footers.

Flipping through the attachments, I opened the one titled ‘Tristan Cormac’ and scanned the document for anything unusual. The document was as dry and limited on information as he was. Everything in his life was closely guarded and the only connection I found was a former position he held at none other than the Parallax Corporation.

Interesting…

The victims’ files were just as unhelpful. If there was a connection between any of these people and those strange half-humans our mysterious Handler was creating, I couldn’t figure out what it was. There certainly wasn’t enough information included to help me find Azrael’s Handler, nor did it unravel any real intel on Tristan.

That told me one of two things — either they were not taken by the Handler I sought, or he was targeting specific prey.

Another dead end.

The files on Parallax and LUNA were a lot more straightforward and I waited for the information to print, then logged off and leaned back, studying the overviews intensely.

Just as my eyes began to close, I sensed someone watching me.

“What do you need, Billy?” I asked tiredly.

Silence. And then a soft voice, one that caused me to inhale sharply.

“The wolf told me to come up.”

“Daniel!” I gasped, quickly sitting up to face the chimera.