She's No Angel (9 page)

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Authors: Janine A. Morris

BOOK: She's No Angel
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Chapter 15
I
t couldn't have been more than a week that went by before it seemed as though she could barely face herself in the mirror. The more sweet and romantic Isaac was, the more that the guilt from not being up front with him was driving her crazy. She knew he deserved to know the life he would be signing up for if he married her, but she was afraid she would lose him if he knew. She wondered if he loved her enough to give up having a child. She knew no man would find that an easy decision to make, especially Isaac, who took so much pride in carrying on his sick father's name. She couldn't help but wonder if it was a punishment for all her sins and deceit.
She had discussed it with her sister and Jasmine, and they both understood her dilemma but didn't quite agree with the way she was handling it. They didn't know how long she was planning on trying to keep the truth from him. They agreed that for most guys it probably wasn't as big of a deal. However, since it was Isaac, one of the few men in this day and age that actually yearned for children, that changed the whole situation. It wasn't like if she never brought it up, he would never notice he wasn't having kids.
Charlene knew that they were right, she was just unsure about how to face him with it. She knew that it would crush Isaac, and she wasn't sure if he would work things out with her. He might want to go find a woman that he could definitely have his kids with. The sense of urgency was even more severe since his father was sick, and waiting around while trying to impregnate Charlene would probably not be something he would be too happy about. Charlene knew in her heart that Isaac loved her. However, if she told him the truth about why it was almost impossible for her to bear children, he would probably be just as upset realizing that she had told him some lies.
And Charlene knew that not only were Paige and Jasmine right, it was only a matter of time before Isaac would ask her to go get checked out if he started to realize his sperm weren't successful. So she realized that she was better off telling him now than later, since it wouldn't be at such a sensitive time.
It was about 8:00
PM
on a Saturday night and she was waiting on Isaac to come over to her house. She had planned on going by his place, but her car was acting up some and she didn't want to drive it any more than she had to until she got it fixed.
Isaac arrived at about 8:30, and as usual he headed straight for the couch. He was dressed in a navy blue Sean John sweatsuit and white Air Force 1 sneakers. Charlene liked it when Isaac dressed like that, especially since it didn't happen that often. It was a little nippy in her apartment so she grabbed a blanket from the linen closet and joined him on the couch. He went straight to one of his favorite television shows
My Wife and Kids
, and got engulfed in the story. He looked so happy, Charlene thought to herself. He really had the perfect life, at least for the most part. She started to feel guilty that the worst part of his life right now, besides his father being sick, was that he had a fiancée that he didn't really know. She used to be able to convince herself that the past is the past, and as long as he knew her today that's all that mattered. However, she realized after a while that he didn't know her today, either. He only knew a part of her, and the image of her. He couldn't possibly really know her, without knowing her past, because her past was so much of who she was today.
Charlene sat there trying to muster up the courage to tell Isaac the truth, or at least some of it. After his show was over he started flicking through the channels, and Charlene thought it was a good time to strike up a conversation while he wasn't focused on anything.
“So, how was your day, babe?” she asked.
“It was good. Business went well; I was home at a decent time. It was a good day ... How was yours?”
“My day was cool, too.”
He didn't reply. His attention got caught up in the channel that he had landed on, and he seemed to be checking out the program. Before he got too interested in it and she lost him completely, she continued.
“I have something to tell you, baby, and it's really not good news,” she said in an obviously nervous tone.
Isaac instantly looked over at her, right in her eyes. It was like he was searching for the truth before she could even say what it was.
“What does it have to do with?” he asked.
“Me and you,” she said.
“Something to do with Rich?”
“NO!” Charlene said pretty loud. “What would make you say that?”
“Just asking,” he said.
“What do you think, that I am cheating on you with Rich or something?”
“I didn't say that. Now, what is it?” he asked, sounding frustrated.
“Well then, why was that the first thing out of your mouth?” she asked, sounding equally frustrated.
“No reason, just a guess ... Now, what is it?”
Realizing there was no reason to harp on the topic and draw more attention to it, she went ahead and continued.
“Something Dr. Ginyard told me,” she said.
Isaac paused for a second, as if he was trying to imagine all the things that could come next.
“What did she tell you?” he finally asked.
After a moment of hesitation, she replied. “She said that I will more than likely have a hard time getting pregnant.”
“What's that mean?”
“Just that ... I may not get pregnant easy; we may have to work at it.”
“I don't understand, why is that?”
“She just said that I may not be that fertile, that I may have to work at it for a while.”
Isaac was looking down for a second as he listened to her news. Then he looked over at her and put his arm on her leg.
“That's fine, baby, then we will just work at it.”
Charlene didn't know how to react. She was surprised that he wasn't upset, and touched that he reached out to console her.
“Thanks, baby,” she said.
“You don't have to thank me. Millions of couples don't get pregnant right away. It's normal to take some tries,” he said.
“Yeah, I guess you're right.”
“Yeah, like they do on TV, they track when you ovulate and stuff,” he said, slightly giggling.
Trying to act normal, she giggled back. “Yeah,” she said.
“We will be fine,” he said, lightly rubbing her leg.
Charlene realized that her light version of the truth hadn't helped much because Isaac didn't seem to get it. Then again, how could he? She hadn't really told him. He is thinking that it would be the same difficulty that any of his friends would have if they were trying. He didn't know that he would probably never be successful. Charlene felt uncomfortable knowing that if she left the conversation where it was, it would have been a meaningless conversation because he still wouldn't know the whole truth and she wouldn't know how he would react if he did.
“I guess you're right, we just have to work at it ... But how would you feel if it didn't work?”
“Don't even say that, Charlene, we will be fine.”
“I know, I'm just asking. What if ... What if it turns out that we can't?”
“I don't even want to think about that, or talk about that. We shouldn't jinx that. You are young and healthy, and so am I. We will have no problem having our babies.”
His words just pierced Charlene's heart. How was she going to tell this man just the opposite, that she wasn't healthy and that they would have nothing but problems having them?
Charlene remained quiet. She took a moment to let it all sink in. She tried to figure out what if anything she could say to make it more clear without putting her foot in her mouth. Before she could think of another comment to make, Isaac interrupted.
“You OK, baby?”
“I'm fine. I just know how bad you want to have kids and I am worried.”
“Don't be ... This is everyday stuff, you'll see. If anything, I'll go with you to the doctor next time, and we will ask questions.”
Although it was very sweet of him, that was the last thing that Charlene wanted. She realized then that she had done all that she could for now. Her attempt at being honest may not have been the most effective, but it was a start.
“Let's go try right now,” Isaac said slightly playfully as he started to rub her leg again.
Charlene started to giggle some, realizing that this conversation was pretty much done. Isaac continued on to start their efforts, and Charlene went along with it.
“You ready to make our baby?” Isaac asked as he slowly kissed her neck.
Charlene didn't know what to say, but she also knew confession time was over even if her conscience did try to convince her otherwise.
“Yes, I am,” she whispered back at him as she fell deeper and deeper into his caress.
He slowly kissed her from her neck down to her chest. Once he reached a point where her scoop-neck shirt began to cover her bare skin, and he couldn't kiss any lower, he began to remove it. He lifted her shirt over her head and continued where he left off. He kissed lower, kiss by kiss until he reached the split in her chest. He started with her right breast, as he slowly and softly kissed all around her breast and nipple. Once he made her right nipple hard, and he had given it his undivided attention, he moved on to the left. He slowly and softly kissed and sucked on her left breast, while he softly caressed her right breast with his free hand. After he had succeeded at making both of her nipples nice and hard, and he could tell her body was yearning for more, he continued down his trail. Charlene just lay back allowing him to do his magic. That's one thing that Charlene never had a complaint about, was Isaac's foreplay. He always knew how to get her body nice and moist.
He had started to slowly lower her pants as he continued to kiss and nibble at her upper body. Once he had slightly lowered her pants, he ran his lips along her waistline slowly and gently. He didn't use his tongue, just his soft lips. The feel of his soft, plump lips lightly rubbing against her pelvic border was driving her wild. He continued to slowly pull down her pants, and with his assistance she wiggled out the rest of the way. The entire time he kept his mouth on her body, and once her pants were off he made his way past her panties. By this point Charlene was absolutely craving him. She was wet and overly excited. He had taken his time and remained so gentle that she was even squirming on the inside. After he had begun tongue kissing her lower set of lips, she just lay back and enjoyed every second of it. As she lay there, she started to fill with joy that she had a man that loved her so much and she felt lucky that he was so good in bed. What more could she ask for? She knew a man with his talents was hard to come by. Most men didn't know when and how to take it slow, but Isaac was definitely a pro.
Just as she drifted off into lust and happiness, he stopped and began undressing. It seemed he couldn't take any more of her moaning and wiggling, he wanted to join in. Usually he was a trooper, and always finished what he started but it seemed he had another goal in mind tonight. He climbed on top of her and entered her with one aggressive push. From the start it went from soft and slow to hard and fast. No complaints from Charlene, 'cause she was surely loving this, too. Especially since Isaac's package wasn't slacking by any means, so she loved a good pumping from her man. Everything was just great, she was moaning, he was biting his bottom lip, they were both in pure ecstasy. It was only a matter of minutes before Charlene was going to orgasm and begin her jerking movements. Sure enough after a few more pumps, she felt that wonderful feeling go through her body, and she tensed up, enjoying the moment. As her body convulsed with pleasure, she squeezed Isaac's back. He continued thrusting in and out of her, so he could then join her, now that mission number one was complete.
Charlene just lay there in bliss awaiting his nut. The best part of it all was that Charlene had actually forgotten what had started all of this in the first place. The whole conversation just slipped her mind really quickly. That was, until Isaac finally spoke again. Just as he began to tense up and hold himself inside of her with one stiff motion, he spoke into her ear.
“With your pussy, I can do this all day ... We will make a baby in no time.”
Charlene didn't respond. Isaac pushed himself as far inside of her as he could, as he, too, enjoyed the pleasure he had just given Charlene. That quickly, he drew her out of her trance and back to reality. If only he knew that they could do that all day, every day, but a baby would not come in no time.
Chapter 16
C
harlene was at the office, multitasking—talking on the phone and doing some data entry on the computer. The office was pretty quiet and calm and Charlene had spent most of the day online looking up information about damaged uteri. She surprised her own self that she was able to just face it head on and deal with this part of her life. It was as if just talking about it, and having it come up more in the past month than it had her entire life, had helped her grow up overnight. She realized that as rough as this had been for her, it was probably time for her to try her best to address this issue the best way she could. She had spent years burying it as deeply as possible, and still it had surfaced.
Charlene had started to fool herself. She started to believe her own “new life.” She liked it better being the Charlene she had become and it was hard for her to go back to that old place. So although she knew that it was a bit childish to create a new identity, it was the answer for her if she was to have any chance at a normal life. Her plan was to leave out some information about her life, and to pretend to most people to be somewhat of a Goody Two-shoes. It was only a matter of time until she had played the part so well she landed herself, Isaac and a lot of new friends who thought better of her than anyone ever had.
What woman wouldn't want a fresh start if she could have one? No judgments, no smart comments, no guys asking in front of everybody for one more jump in the sack, no girls trying to beat you up, no drama. Living life day to day like none of that had ever happened, Charlene became addicted to her new life and persona and she didn't think she should feel guilty about that. It had been a few years since she had first made her changes, or, as she liked to call it “the none of their business creed,” and life had been fine until now.
Still, Charlene wasn't going to let this ruin everything; she wanted to see if there was a way she could make it right. Maybe there was something she could tell Isaac so that he would never one day have to wonder why it wasn't as easy to have children as he was expecting.
 
 
“You told him?” Paige asked.
“Yeah ... Well, kinda,” Charlene replied.
“What's ‘yeah, well, kinda?'”
“I told him the doctor said that it may be difficult for me to get pregnant, but I told him it was because of my fertility, I didn't tell him the whole truth.”
“OK, I guess as long as he knows the important part.”
“Yeah, except I don't think he got the important part, either.”
“What do you mean?” Paige asked.
“He seems to think this is a normal case, and if we just try or have sex often enough we will still be having a baby as soon as we want one.”
“But the doctor said it's almost impossible, like a one-in-a-million chance, right?”
“Yeah, basically.”
“So, he doesn't know that part?”
“No, he doesn't. He also doesn't know that if I did miraculously get pregnant it would be a high risk.”
“Charlene! So what did you tell him?”
“I sort of told him that it won't be 1, 2, 3 to have a baby ... He at least knows that if it's not happening, he knows why ... I didn't lie ... I just left some facts out and downplayed the truth, but the result is the same.”
“If you say so, Leen,” Paige said, tired of arguing about it.
After Paige was done giving Charlene her opinions and views, they had hung up, and now Charlene was back to doing only her office work. A few coworkers stopped by to make small talk and drop off work to her. She sat at her desk for the remainder of the day working diligently and listening to Bugsy on 98.7 KISS FM. As she let him talk her troubles away with laughs she welcomed the end of the workday. The day had worked her emotions more than anything, and she was ready to head home.
Some days she would stop by at a coworker's desk at the end of the day, just so they could walk out of work together and say good-bye. But she wasn't in the mood for that today, she just packed up her things and walked out, and went straight to her car. After the great sex she'd had the night before, she should have been in a better mood, but between Paige's comments and her own guilty conscience, it was hard to be happy with her situation.
She got in her car and headed down I-95, toward her house. There was some congestion on the streets, and she began to get annoyed the longer it took her to get from one block to the next. She picked up her cell phone, and tried to call Jasmine, hoping it would pass some of the time away.
“Hey, girl,” Jasmine said as she answered the phone.
“Hey, J, what you doing?”
“Nothing much, you?”
“I'm driving home, mixed in with all these non-driving fools.”
Laughing, Jasmine replied, “I know, I just got home myself.”
“Well, you take the train, at least you don't have to deal with this nonsense.”
“At least you don't have to deal with people all in your personal space,” Jasmine replied.
“Yeah, I guess. They both suck.”
“That's the truth.”
“So what you doing for the rest of the day?”
“I'm about to head to the mall, actually, I have to pick up a navy blue skirt. Tomorrow we are having a party for the volunteers, and the party planners have to wear navy blue,” Jasmine said.
“Which mall are you going to?”
“Cross County.”
“I'll meet you there, I'm a few exits away. I would love to look at some things to clear my mind.”
“OK, I'll be there in about fifteen minutes.”
“See you there,” Charlene said.
She continued down the road in a better mood, knowing that she was about to shop. Her day was looking up already, it was better than going home to her empty apartment and just dwelling on things she couldn't control. She was happy that she'd called Jasmine, and even happier that she was free.
Charlene got off at the exit and drove into the mall parking lot. She picked up her Nine West bag and stepped out of her car. She locked up and began to walk toward the main entrance to the mall. She picked up her cell phone to get an ETA on Jasmine. As she dialed the phone number, she noticed a group of girls walking toward her. She paid them no attention while she waited for Jasmine to answer. As the phone rang, she could hear the girls getting closer.
“Hey, I just parked,” Jasmine said as she answered the phone.
“OK, I'm right in front of Macy's,” Charlene replied.
Right as Charlene was finishing her sentence, she heard a familiar voice say, “Yup, that's that bitch.”
Charlene was hesitant to look over at the girls, because she had a feeling that she was the bitch they were talking about.
“That's her, we should beat her ass,” one of the girls said.
Jasmine had already told her she was on her way, but Charlene was too busy focusing on what the girls were saying to respond.
“Charlene?” Jasmine said.
“Yeah, I'm here waiting on you,” Charlene replied, trying to remain calm.
“She trying to act like she don't hear us. If I go over there and knock her in the head, she'll hear me,” the familiar voice said again.
Charlene finally looked over in the girls' direction, and sure enough they were all standing there looking straight at her. There were only three of them, two of them Charlene knew. It was Takesha and Shareena with some other brown-skinned girl Charlene had never seen before. Takesha and Shareena were from Charlene's old way, and years back there was some beef between them that it appeared they felt was unfinished business. So it didn't take long for Charlene to realize what this was all about. Once she made eye contact, the street in her wouldn't let her just turn away, but she wasn't up for the drama. She looked directly in Takesha's face, because she knew that hers was the familiar voice popping all the junk.
“What you looking at?” Takesha asked as soon as Charlene looked in her face.
“Whatever,” Charlene said, rolling her eyes.
“You must not think that I will beat you down right here,” Takesha said, with her backup singers instigating, saying, “Must not.”
“Yeah, I must not,” Charlene said back.
Charlene knew deep in her heart that she didn't want to fight these girls. Mainly because she was too damn old to be fighting, not to mention she knew she wouldn't win up against three girls; and it had already crossed her mind how the hell she would explain it to Isaac. Besides, Charlene was dressed in a black button-up sweater, khaki slacks and black pumps. Except for Takesha's weave ponytail, the girls all looked street-fight ready in their sweats and sneakers. However, it wasn't hard to tell that Charlene didn't have the upper hand. Charlene hoped and prayed that the girls had also lost some of their street edge as they had aged, because she knew that if it had been some years ago Takesha and Shareena wouldn't have even wasted time talking.
The funny thing was, Charlene used to be right along with them, fighting and bullying chicks. It was ironic that these were the same girls threatening to jump on her. They hadn't moved since her comment, but they were still making smart comments. If Charlene hadn't said that she would meet Jasmine right at that spot she would've walked away to prevent things from escalating. However, she knew that the girls would think she was scared, and although she kind of was, the Mount Vernon in her couldn't let her go out like a punk.
Finally, after what felt like forever, Jasmine walked up. Recognizing the girls, her expression showed extreme concern about what was going on. Jasmine was dressed in a black Juicy Couture velour sweatsuit with all-black Diesel sneakers. She looked really cute, Charlene thought to herself, and she was dressed appropriately in case it went down. As she walked up, Charlene made sure to act very normal so that the girls watching and mumbling would see she wasn't stressing them.
“Hey, girl,” she said as Jasmine approached.
“What's up?” Jasmine replied as her hello.
Shareena said, “Oh, she called her little friend.”
“These girls are a joke,” Charlene said to Jasmine. “You ready?” she continued.
Charlene took a step toward the main part of the mall, letting Jasmine know it was time to go about their business. Jasmine, still a little confused and having heard the girls make mention of her presence, was already in defensive mode. So as she slowly took a step she was staring in the girls' direction. Jasmine was straight from 14th Street and White Plains Road, and was Mount Vernon to the heart. She wasn't even about to just let these girls feel big-hearted. So she had to make it very clear that they didn't want it with her, and not to let her cuteness fool them. Jasmine shot them all looks of death as she slowly followed behind Charlene.
“Whatever, I want to see if y'all so tough back around the way,” Takesha said.
“Bitch, you been locked up—your hometown is Upstate; Mount Vernon ain't around
your
way,” Jasmine shouted back.
Charlene looked back. “Come on here, Jasmine, ignore them. They ain't even worth it.”
She pulled Jasmine slightly by her arm. Of course the three girls were all yelling stuff like, “Watch yourself” and “I'll see you back home” and other random comments. Charlene was determined not to let them ruin her evening any more than they had. Hell, she was at a mall, one of her favorite places to be. After the distance between them grew, the smart comments trailed off and they were no longer within hearing range. As soon as they were far enough way, Charlene started laughing.
“Girl, you crazy,” Charlene said.
Laughing back Jasmine said, “I hate fake fighters.”
“Oh, yeah, I forgot about that one. Them girls who faking like they want to fight,” Charlene said, laughing.
“Yeah, they knew damn well if they wanted something they could of stepped.”
“Well, you know Takesha and Shareena ain't all talk, I'm surprised they didn't, actually.”
“I'm not. Takesha on probation, she ain't trying to go back. She only been out a year. She wasn't that damn tough in there.”
Charlene just laughed. She thought about how Takesha was once her friend. Shareena, like Jasmine, was just being a loyal friend, the beef was really between Charlene and Takesha. Back in the day Charlene and Takesha used to roll together. At one point a guy that Takesha was going out with, Kenny, tried to get with Charlene. Initially Charlene told him no thank you, and at the time it was because she wasn't interested. Charlene didn't know how much Takesha and he were dealing. Kenny was a hustler, he was flashy and handsome, just Charlene's type back then. She would have actually indulged when he first tried if she hadn't been dealing with a hustler of her own, one who was bigger in the game and she was more fond of. However, the more Charlene saw Kenny around the way, and the less she was dealing with the guy she had been messing with at the time, the more tempting Kenny looked. So it wasn't long before she started messing with him.

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