Shifter (31 page)

“They dislike me because I’m human?”

“They see you as taking Dimitri out of our gene pool. At least for a little while. It isn’t against our laws to mate with a human, but our kind prefer purebloods, especially when it comes to our life mates and leaders. Now Dimitri is the youngest. It will be many, many years from now before he becomes alpha, if he becomes alpha. When he does, it will mean that any children he has will have the opportunity to become alpha. If, by the time he does become alpha, he has any children, and they are by a human woman, they will most likely be hunted down and killed. They’ll let them live in our community free of all prosecution until that time. They’ll allow them to have families and everything, but they will not allow one of them to be alpha.”

“This is too much. You’re talking as if Dimitri and I are married. As if we are in some kind of lifelong commitment.”

“Aren’t you?”

“Devan,” I say, giving him a look that says he knows his brother better than that. “He’s just here to keep me safe from Mave. She thinks he is in love with me, and until I can figure out a way to prove to her he isn’t, she is going to keep coming after me.”

“Why don’t you go to her then? Let one of the wolves take you to her?”

“Because even if I convince her he doesn’t love me, and she leaves me and mine alone, she’s just going to keep going after Dimitri, and I can’t have that.”

“You love him?”

I shrug my shoulders, not answering his question.

“But you don’t believe he loves you?”

“No, I don’t.”

“Why not?”

“Why would he?” Before Devan can reply, I continue. “Look, despite what the two of you may think, I’m not that stupid. Her spell wore off. He thinks it is because he fell in love with me. It’s not. I just happened to be the one who adopted his furry behind. I took care of him. He grew to depend on me. He may think he loves me, but he doesn’t. I’m just the only female who has been a constant in his life for the better part of a year. You can go home and tell your women that they don’t have to hate me. Once all of this is over, he will come home to them. They don’t have to worry about babies either. Yes, we are sleeping together, but I have a lovely piece of plastic inserted in my uterus called an IUD that prevents pregnancies. So there again, he will come home to them with no strings attached to me.” I say this last bit with a hint of bitterness.

“Devan, leave,” Dimitri demands. His voice ice cold. I spin around to look at him. He glares at me with so much anger I fight the urge not to crawl up under my desk and hide.

“Dimitri, she...”

“I said leave,” he almost shouts, slinging our bags onto the loveseat.

In a blink, Devan is gone.

“I am only going to say this one more time,” he snarls, walking toward me. I stand frozen to the spot, my laptop case barely hanging from my hand. “And I mean one more time. After this we will not argue about it again.”

He stands toe to toe with me. I have to force myself to look him in the eye. My entire body trembles in fear. I’m not scared of him. I’m positive he would never hurt me, but he is a supernatural. I’m not at all familiar with his world, nor am I familiar with how he normally behaves. What he thinks is normal behavior may not be normal for me.

“I do not think I’m in love with you,” he says.

I can’t stop them. The tears come out of nowhere and begin to flood from my eyes. A large part of me didn’t truly believe he loved me. I’m not the type of woman most men love. My past relationships have proved that much, but I had thought he would lie again. I force myself to continue to look at him even though I can’t control my tears.

His face, his body, and his words they all freeze when I begin to cry. “Damn it, Abby,” he snaps. “I’m trying to tell you that I don’t think,
I know
that I’m in love with you. I know it with everything that is in me.”

He pulls me to him, wiping away my tears. “Please stop crying. Please,” he whispers, lowering his head so that his forehead touches mine. “I love you. I love you. Do you hear me?”

I wrap my arms around him and nod very slightly.

“When this is all over, I’m still going to be here. I’m still going to love you. If my pack can’t handle that, then I’ll be without a pack. I’ll give up my alpha place. I’m going to love you next week, next month, ten years from now, twenty, one hundred.”

I freeze at this last bit. How is he going to love me a hundred years from now? I’ll be lucky to live another forty or fifty years let alone a hundred. Before I can comment on this, he says something that nearly kills me.

“I’ll love you the rest of my life even if you never love me.”

The tears come back. He has told me repeatedly that he loves me, but I have never said it back. I do, of course, love him. I have almost from the first moment I saw him. Since I have told myself enough times that I didn’t believe in love at first sight, I didn’t believe in how I felt.

The pain in his voice as he says this makes me hate myself. I let myself cry even harder, pulling him tight into my arms. I kiss his lips, his chin, and his throat. All the time letting my tears flow and ease. I kiss the spot right below his ear then nibble his lobe, and whisper quietly in his ear, “I’m in love with you, Dimitri. I love you with every piece of my soul, and I will love you for all of eternity.”

He pulls my head back from his neck and kisses me hard. In a blink, we are naked and lying on my sofa. He slides his hand down between us, flicks a finger over my clit a few times, causing me to moan, then grabs my left leg, pulling it up onto his shoulder. Once I’m in position, he takes himself in his hand and gently rubs his head over me, letting my wetness coat him. I gasp and beg him to enter me. On a down stroke, he leaves his tip at my entrance. I look up at him, impatience written all over my face.

“Say it,” he demands.

“Say what?”

“You know what. Do you want me inside you?”

“More than I want anything.”

“Then say it.”

I’m not sure what he wants me to say, but I know what I want to say. I reach down between us and take hold of him. Very slowly, I guide him into me. With every inch of him I take, I say, “I love you.”

Chapter 29

~~~Abby~~~

“What the hell took you so long?” Carrie demands when we enter the cabin an hour later.

“We were detained,” I say, giving Dimitri a knowing look.

“Devan said you guys were fighting. Are you all right?” she asks, looking at us befuddled by the lack of tension between the two of us.

“We’re fine. The fight didn’t last long. The making up took longer.” Dimitri kisses me on the forehead and vanishes. He told me before we left my house that he wanted to check in with his father as soon as we arrived.

Carrie rolls her eyes at me and walks away.

“Where are the kids?” I call after her.

“The baby is asleep. James and Katie are outside playing.”

“Outside? Do you think that is safe?” I ask, following quickly behind her.

“One of the, what do you call them, pack members, took them out. They were getting on my nerves.” Carrie goes into the living room where Devan is waiting.

I look to Devan who is sitting on the sofa watching some sports program for reassurance.

“Go check on them if it will make you feel better. But I promise you, pack territory is the safest place for them,” he says, hitting the mute button on the remote and turning to look up at me.

I want to believe him. I just don’t like taking chances when my babies are involved.

“They are out in the backyard playing kick ball with two other kids. Go see for yourself,” he says, when he sees that I’m not convinced of their safety.

I do as he says. I watch them for a few minutes, reassuring myself that they are all right before rejoining him and Carrie in the living room.

Over the next few weeks, I begin to question the necessity of our precautions. There has been no sign of Mave or the wolves. None of the patrols have encountered any problems. Everything has been quiet. To me, it seems as if Mave has decided to let Dimitri and I go; at least this is what a part of my brain, the part that thinks it is being rational, keeps saying. Dimitri, of course, completely disagrees. We’ve spent more time arguing over this fact than we’ve spent doing anything else.

My attitude comes more from the fact that I know I can’t stay with him despite our declarations of love. I know that our relationship is going to end as soon as the Mave problem is solved. I’m not a shifter and his pack doesn’t seem willing to accept me. This knowledge is part of the reason that I keep suggesting that Carrie, the kids, and I go back home. If our relationship is going to end, I want it over with now. The longer we are together, the more I love him and want to stay with him. 

I’m the only one who feels as if we are waiting for something that isn’t going to happen. Everyone, even Carrie, now that she knows the entire story, is convinced that at any moment Mave is going to attack.

“You know what, I’m done. I’m going for a walk. I’m tired of staying in this house day in and day out waiting for nothing,” I bellow from the bedroom Dimitri and I have been sharing. We are arguing again, and I am tired of being cooped up in the house.

“Abby,” Dimitri begs, reaching out for me. He thinks if he can pull me into his arms and start kissing me that I’ll forget our conversation, and he is right.

“Don’t ‘Abby’ me. I’m going. I’ll stay on pack land,” I say, jerking away from him.

“I’ll go with you.” He sits down on the bed and starts to put his shoes on.

I contemplate this for a minute then shake my head. “No. I need to be alone.”

“Take one of the guards with you,” Carrie interjects. The cabin is small and our open bedroom door leads right into the living room.

“What part of alone don’t you guys get?” I shout, turning to look at her.

“Don’t snap at me,” Carries says angrily, making me regret my tone of voice.

“Aunt Abby?” Katie interrupts, coming to stand between her mother and I.

“Yes, baby?” I say, leaning down to look at her.

“Can I go with you?” She is too cute to refuse. I had wanted to take the time to work through how I should go about separating myself from Dimitri. I need to do it soon, but I haven’t been able to figure out how to do it. A part of me also wants her to stay within the confines of the house. However, if I want to prove my point that we were safe and that I am sure Mave has given up on us, what better way to do it than to take one of the kids. Everyone here knows I wouldn’t risk their lives.

“You can,” I say, taking her by the hand, regretting it the moment I say it, but I know I can’t take it back. “As a matter of fact, you can take me to that creek you were talking about the other day.”

“The one where Mr. Daniel taught us to fish?”

“That would be the one. Go get your jacket.”

“I’ll help you get ready,” Carrie says, taking her daughter from me. Carrie looks at me for a long moment, and I know she is wondering if she should trust this or not. I smile and nod my head, letting her know that I’m positive she will be fine.

“Abby, come on,” Dimitri pleads once my sister and niece are no longer within earshot.

“Look, you’re the one who keeps saying we are safe here. If we’re safe, then let me go for a walk, alone. I know we are all tense, and I do believe that Mave still wants you. I just don’t think she’s going to come into enemy territory to get any of us. I need to get out of the house for a while. To think.”

A pained look spreads across his face at my last words. I know what he is thinking. He is worried I’m rethinking us, and he is right. I am. I don’t say anything else to him. I simply stand on the tips of my toes, place a hand on his cheek, and kiss him until a loud “ew” interrupts us. Katie is standing behind us, feigning disgust at our public display of affection.

“Come on,” I say to her, pulling the hood of her jacket over her head.

We walk for nearly five minutes in silence. That is what I love the most about Katie. She isn’t a normal child who has to be constantly chattering about something. From the moment of Katie’s birth, people said she might as well have been mine. She looks a lot like me and has my personality—quiet, contemplative, and observant.

“Are you and Mr. Dimitri going to get married?” she finally asks. We are half way to the river and out of earshot of the house and any known pack members.

“I don’t think so, sweetie,” I answer unable to keep the sadness out of my voice.

“Why not? Don’t you love him?”

“I do. Very much.”

“Then why aren’t you going to marry him?”

“Mr. Dimitri and I don’t belong together. We are too different.”

“Is it because you are human and his is better than we are?”

“Who told you that?” I ask, pulling her to a stop and kneeling down in front of her. If some of the younger pack members are being mean to my babies, I will leave this damned place.