Shifting the Night Away (30 page)

“Mara.” He smiled, but I didn’t return the expression. “I didn’t know you were here.”

“I was waiting for you out here,” I said, knowing that I was stating the obvious, but needing to gather my thoughts for a moment. “I met your… brother.”

An odd expression flowed across Riker’s face; it was one I didn’t recognize, but he seemed unhappy. “Jonathan isn’t my brother. Did he say that?” He shook his head, like he was shaking something irritating off. “Come on in, we can talk in the office.”

“Weren’t you going to go talk to him?” I motioned behind me, to where Jonathan had disappeared. “I assume that’s why you came out here.”

“Don’t worry about it, it doesn’t matter.”

I followed him into the stuffy office, my cheeks heating at the memory of what we’d done the last time I was in there.
Remember what you’re here for, Mara,
I reminded myself; it wouldn’t do to come all this way and not confront him about Danny. Glancing around, I noticed the blank space on the wall where a framed picture had hung.

“So.” Riker stepped close to me, his hand warm against my cheek as he pushed a stray strand of hair behind my ear. “What is it that you came here for? Because I can clear the desk off.”

Shaking my head, I backed up a step to put some much needed space between us. He let his hand fall from my cheek, the air between us charged with tension waiting to be released.

“I just wanted to talk to you.”

His eyes searched my face. “What did Jonathan say to you?” He sounded angry. “What is it that he said?”

“He said you’re brothers. He said you’re going to leave, that you’re coming home. He—” I thought about the tattoo; it seemed silly now to bring it up. “Actually, that’s not what I came here to talk to you about. I wanted to know if you had anything to do with what happened to Danny.”

“What happened to Danny?” Riker turned away, growing more and more distant from me by the second. “I’m not sure I know what you’re talking about.”

“It’s all over campus.” I couldn’t imagine that he hadn’t heard; it seemed suspicious. “He disappeared in the middle of the night. When his roommate came home, his whole room had been destroyed. And there’s no sign of him. No one knows where he is.”

Something flashed in Riker’s eyes. “And you think I had something to do with it.”

Raising my chin, I refused to back down from his anger. “I know it upsets you, but look at the circumstances. You
threatened
him. You almost assaulted him that day in class. And you wouldn’t tell me what you were going to do to get him to leave me alone. How do I know that wasn’t it?”

He didn’t respond, which was all the answer I needed.

“I tried to have a normal life,” Riker said, seemingly out of nowhere. “No matter what I do, I lose everything and everyone.” His voice sounded bewildered and small; I almost reached out and comforted him before I remembered how angry I was supposed to be.

“What are you talking about?” I could feel the tears burning in my eyes; I couldn’t believe it had come to this. “What the fuck is going on, Riker? What is all this? Why does that guy say you’re family if you’re not? And what—what does the tattoo mean?”

“Tattoo?” Backing away, he shook his head over and over again. “What tattoo?”

“Of the panther.” I could hear the hysteria in my voice as it gained volume, but I couldn’t hold my emotions in check. “You have matching tattoos. Who the hell has matching tattoos except gang members? Why don’t you own the apartment you live in? Who the hell are you?”

“Mara, I—” Suddenly he surged towards me, taking my arms in his hands and gazing deep into my eyes. “I can’t tell you. You wouldn’t believe me if I tried. But more than that, it would put your life at risk.”

Stupidly, angrily, I started to cry. I tried to hold it in, but even though the sobs didn’t escape my lips, a few hot tears rolled down my cheeks. “We’re over. I don’t ever want to see you again. Don’t call me.”

And I pulled myself away from him, turned from his amber yellow eyes, and walked away. I didn’t stop walking until I was home and I saw Nora’s face, and that was when all the withheld sobs and waiting tears caught up; I fell into her arms and cried until I couldn’t even hear my own voice anymore.

It was over. It was all over.

Chapter Seventeen

The Truth

It took everything in him not to follow her out the door, but Riker knew that the last thing Mara wanted right now was for him to follow her. He paced back and forth in the office, his thoughts swirling, emotions swinging between despair and hate.

The panther was angry. When he closed his eyes he could almost see it inside him: eyes narrowed, tail swishing, and lips peeled back from its teeth in a hiss. Riker thought of the panther as some
other
being, but in truth it was an undeniable part of him, like anything else.

She’s not coming back,
he thought, angry at himself for getting attached in the first place.
This is all Jonathan’s fault.

He tried to live a normal life. It had been his only demand before leaving the others in pursuit of his MFA: he wanted to be left alone.

They weren’t a gang, exactly, but they weren’t a family either. It was something altogether different. They’d gone into the cave together, and come out of it
different
in the same way. Their life on the streets had made them tough, so they survived where others died gruesome deaths. That one night had not only changed their lives but connected them to each other. Looking back, they’d been so young, street rats fighting for survival, turned into deadly supernatural beings. It was no wonder he wanted to break away from that life when he’d never been allowed to live freely.

When he closed his eyes and really concentrated, he could
feel
where Jonathan was, the way he could feel where his own foot was or the back of his hand.
Half a dozen bodies, one head.
The other werepanther was waiting for him. Riker prowled outside towards him, itching for a confrontation.

“What did you tell her?” he demanded, knowing that even from an unusual distance, Jonathan could hear him with his supernatural ears.

“The truth. Or as much of it as I could.”

Riker stopped a few feet away from Jonathan, his fists balled at his side. He wanted nothing more than to punch him in the face repeatedly, but he couldn’t start a fight out here in public. No doubt that was why the other man had walked out onto the campus where a hundred people could see them; he knew that Riker would be angry.

And he was angry. Angry enough, in fact, that he made a rash decision. “The deal is off. I’m not coming back to the clan. You can tell them.”

Shock registered in Jonathan’s eyes. “You can’t mean that. You know what it will do to you, being separate from us for so long. You’ll lose control of the panther inside. It’s already begun.” His voice was insistent, but Riker ignored his words, not wanting to acknowledge their truth.

“Panthers aren’t even a pack animal. And I’d rather be a lone shifter than a slave.”

“You wouldn’t be a slave, and you know that.” Out of desperation, Jonathan tried to seek out Riker’s mind, attempting to connect with him telepathically, but Riker resisted the link and forced him out.

“I want you to go.”

For a moment, it seemed like Jonathan would resist, but something in him seemed to fold up and he nodded. “I’ll go. But I can’t guarantee the others won’t show up here, too. We need you back, Riker. It’s been two years too long.” He turned, seemingly done speaking, only to turn back again. “And you’re not doing yourself—or that girl of yours—any favors by trying to control the panther alone.”

Then he was gone, and once again Riker was the only supernatural being on the BCAH campus. He tried to forget Jonathan’s warning, but it crept into his head for the rest of the day.

***

Crying my eyes out seemed to have helped. When I woke up the next morning I felt clearer than before, ready to face the day.

I also had hair stuck to the side of my face from crying into my pillow all night, but no one had to see me.

Riker.
My heart ached for a moment, thinking of him. Had it only been a short week and a half since we’d met? Somehow it felt longer, which was absurd if I stopped to think about it.

It’s not him I miss,
I tried to convince myself, determined to be strong.
It’s the idea of him more than anything. I don’t know him well enough to miss him.

Still, as Nora had reminded me last night, the strongest heartache can follow knowing someone for just a short time. The glimpse I’d had of a future with him had been torn from me; of course I would be sad about that.

I took a long, hot shower, scrubbed my face, and put on my best makeup to prepare for the day. The events of yesterday had gotten in the way of finishing my weekend homework, but I was determined not to waste today, too.

Of course, one of my assignments involved
him.

“I could drop the class,” I said to my reflection, thinking aloud. “Is that letting him win, though? I shouldn’t have to spend another semester at school just because of some lying jerk.”

Toying with my options, I decided that the best course now was to go forward. I’d never forgive myself if I let some guy I barely knew get in the way of my education. If that meant shading in the rest of Riker’s abs to turn in to my life drawing class tomorrow, so be it.

A note taped to the fridge let me know that Nora was out for the day, but available via phone if I needed her. Since I was alone in the dorm, I turned my music on and blasted it through the living room. Bright, poppy sounds distracted me from the ache in my heart.

I had other homework, but I knew I wouldn’t be able to get through it until I tackled the drawing. I pulled it out with a heavy heart, tacking it to my drafting desk and pulling the surface up to an angle so I could rest my hand comfortably against it.

The drawing was more finished than I remembered, but it still lacked contrast and dynamism. I wanted—no,
needed
—to start this class out right, to prove that I had what it took to be a professional artist. Human forms were the pinnacle of artistic skill, at least in my eyes. This drawing would set the bar for the rest of my assignments that semester, and I would be expected to improve based on how well I completed it.

Determined, I picked up my pencils and got to work.

***

Almost an hour had passed when I pulled back from the drawing, and I only knew how much time had gone by because my playlist started over at the beginning. I took a moment to stretch my hands and fingers, staring at the drawing so far.

It was
almost
there. If only I could see clearly, I would know what was missing. But like any artist, the point where I had to stop came before the point of perfection. If I kept going now, I knew I was just as likely to ruin the drawing as to improve it. With all hope, I’d at least get a good grade out of staring at (and touching) Riker’s nude form so much that I was able to draw it practically blindfolded.

Of course, I’d left certain areas to the imagination. There was no reason to share his endowment with the world.

A smile tickled at my face when I thought of our time between the sheets, but I banished it as soon as I felt it. I couldn’t let myself feel for him anymore—especially not when I had class tomorrow to look forward to. So I sprayed the drawing with sealant, slid it into my portfolio, and did my best to concentrate on art history instead of personal history.