Shiny Broken Pieces (16 page)

“
AS YOU ALL KNOW
,
THE
accident last year has been the subject of investigation for many months,” Mr. K says, waving his hands around dramatically. “But Bette Abney has proven beyond a doubt that she was not at fault. We welcome her back with open arms.” He claps, and the room joins in, but the applause is slow and light.

Everyone is still stunned. They've clumped up into little groups of shock and support, but I find myself standing alone and aside, friendless again.

Gigi is shaken, her mouth paused in a small pale-pink O. Her eyes are wet, though tears have yet to spill, and her hand grips Cassie's arm. She looks broken, devastated. Alec, too, seems tense, his shoulders stiff. He keeps a safe distance from both Gigi and Bette, clearly caught off guard, as if he didn't know about this surprise return. And Eleanor, well, she's deathly pale, panicked, like she's about to make a run for it. But
why? Are she and Bette still not talking?

I knew when Bette found that video that it would only be a matter of time before she returned. A few days ago, when we rehearsed at her place, she told me about her audition with Damien. It must have gone well for them to bring her back so quickly.

An odd satisfaction settles into my stomach. Now we can get back to normal, sort of. And for once, I have an ally. Who would have ever thought it would be Bette?

Bette does a little curtsy. She looks around the room, enjoying her moment, basking in it like a small, feminine version of Mr. K. “I'm excited to be back where I belong.”

We all wait for her to say more, but she just steps aside, letting Mr. K continue his speech. “Thank you so much for returning to the fold here, Bette. We're so glad to have you back.”

The whispers start then, like a strong undercurrent, threatening to pull the whole night under. I hear the words
Will
and
crying
and
gone
spreading throughout the room. Could it really have been Will? But he and Gigi were friends, so close. It must be a lie.

Mr. K turns his focus to the bulletin board, and that gets everyone's attention. “Now, the moment you've all been waiting for.” He flourishes his hands this way and that, like a confused magician. “I present to you the
Swan Lake
cast list.”

His assistant nods and walks over to the bulletin board, where she pins it up with a red thumbtack.

Dancers rush past me, bumping me left and right. A small crowd forms around the bulletin board instantly, but I can't
bring myself to move. My legs feel like lead, heavy and useless.

Bette appears by my side. Excitement radiates from her skin. “You ready?” Her teeth gleam as she grins, blinding like an unforgiving sun. “This is it!”

That's what I'm afraid of. My future is whatever's on that paper tonight. I'd almost rather not know. I catch Gigi's eye as Bette leads me away, and the look of devastation, of betrayal on her face when she sees us together sends my heart plummeting to the bottom of me, making my feet feel even heavier and more unyielding.

“C'mon.” Bette pulls me along. It's only a few feet, but it feels like miles, like slow motion, as I listen to others call out and cheer, to Alec whooping it up in the background while Henri rubs Cassie's back, comforting her.

Sei-Jin and Riho are whispering to each other when I get to the front. I hear them mention the Little Swans. “That's amazing!” Sei-Jin's telling Riho. “To get that when you're just a Level Six? You're on your way!” I can't help but wonder who else will round out the quartet. It's not a true solo, but given the footwork, the coordination, the synchronization, it's a challenging variation. It means Mr. K sees something good in Riho. They jump up and down with glee, and I figure Sei-Jin's happy with being a Little Swan, since this performance marks the end of the road for her.

Sei-Jin smirks at me as Bette and I push our way through, and she doesn't back away. She wants to see my reaction to the list. She wants to watch my future unfold, good or bad.

The single page pinned to the wall is already crumpling with the dashed hopes and dreams of many, and the beaming cheers
of so very few. Bette's head blocks it for the first few seconds, and I can't see anything but her golden halo. When she turns around, her cheeks are flushed and she's shouting. “I'm Odile! I'm the Black Swan. Can you believe it?”

Yes, I can believe it. It's the perfect part for her, capturing that dark, sharp edge that separates her from Adele, as much as they may look alike. She'll bring something to Odile that no other dancer here could—it'll be a career-defining turn. If she's Odile, that means Mr. K's cast Gigi as Odette. It will be a study in contrast, no doubt bringing him glee. But if the role was traditionally cast—with one dancer as Odette/Odile—who would've been chosen?

I finally work my way up to the front. I'm listed alongside Eleanor, Sei-Jin, and Riho as one of the Little Swans. I'm also cast as the Baroness, another semisolo turn that requires some skill.

“That's not bad at all.” Bette's looking at the list again, finally realizing that this moment isn't just about her. She nods at me with some appreciation. “I mean, it's not Odette or Odile, but you'll do well in those roles. You'll show them you can shine.”

But even as she says it, the truth echoes in my head, my future laid bare in black and white. I'm not in the top three here. I'm barely in the top eight. Most of the other girls who're cast as swans or lower will be smart about things and consider college, or set up auditions at other companies—Boston, San Francisco, LA—which will start right after the holidays.

Maybe I should, too.

Maybe this dream is over.

SWAN LAKE CAST LIST

Odette
:
Gigi Stewart

Odette Understudy
:
Eleanor Alexander

Odile
:
Bette Abney

Odile Understudy
:
Riho Nakamura & Cassandra Lucas

Queen (Princess Regent)
:
Cassandra Lucas

Prince Siegfried
:
Alec Lucas

Wolfgang (Siegfried's Tutor)
:
Eddie Rothstein

Von Rothbard
:
Henri Dubois

The Baroness
:
E-Jun Kim

Prince's Friends
:
Rebecca McAllister, Isabela Pereira-Carvalho

Benno
:
James Zhabin

The Cygnets
:
Eleanor Alexander, Sei-Jin Kwon, Riho Nakamura, E-Jun Kim

Two Swans
:
Ming-Lee Chang & Cassandra Lucas

Spanish Dancers
:
Svetlana Novikova-Chastain & Jin Park; Riley Washington & Ahmad Lawrence

Neapolitan Dancers
:
James Zhabin & Emily Stein

Hungarian Dancers
:
Christopher Griffin & Eleanor Alexander

Mazurka
:
Riho Nakamura & Zachary Lim; Fredo Martinez & Hye-Ji Yi; Sara Rosen & Thomas Cauman

Swan Corps
:
Level
6 & 7 Dancers

AT LUNCH THE NEXT DAY
,
all anyone in the café can talk about is Bette.

“I can't believe she's back.”

“She looks really good. Different, sort of.”

“How did she get a role without being here at school?”

“Do you think she's still evil?”

“She might not have pushed Gigi, but she's not innocent.”

Through every spoonful of soup I eat and in between every bite Cassie takes of her salad is her name. It gets louder and louder, like the rumble of the subway under your feet. It's all I can hear. Then there's an awestruck, curious silence as she walks right into the room with Alec and goes straight for the fruit bar.

Cassie pets my arm like it's the back of a cat. I try to focus on my carrot soup and the slice of toast on my plate. Bette's eyes flutter over me as she passes. She and Alec sit at an adjacent table.
She smiles and laughs, acting as if it isn't a completely huge deal that she's back.

“You okay?” Cassie says.

“Would you be?”

“No, and I'm not. I hate her just as much as you do.”

The
petit rats
whisper and smile in her direction. Some even venture over to say hello and welcome her.

“We should leave.” I start to pack my things.

“No, I refuse to do anything differently now that she's here. You should do the same. She'll get what she deserves.” Cassie says the word
she
loudly, and Bette looks in our direction for the shortest second. Her eyes seem even brighter, even bluer, like she hasn't missed one hour of sleep since she's been gone.

I snap the plastic spoon in my hand. Orange flecks shoot all over my tray and the table.

“Chill out. You can't let her see that she's getting to you. She gets off on it.” Cassie wipes up my mess.

Two of the new girls sit at her table—Isabela and Madison—and they fawn over her like she's a superstar. Maybe she is.

Alec looks up, and our eyes lock. I wish flames could flash in my pupils to let him know just how upset I am.

“Cassie, I don't know how you stay calm.” Anger bubbles up in me. I remind myself that it's not good for me, that it could affect my heart.

“You have to know what you want.” She sips her tea, unfazed.

What do I want? This was supposed to be my moment—I'm playing the lead in
Swan Lake
at the American Ballet Conservatory. Which means I have a chance at an apprenticeship. I should
be reveling in this. Instead, all I can focus on is
her
.

“I want her gone.”

“She will be. Trust me, Gigi. Her being back is the best thing. Because she'll do it to herself.” Cassie winks like she's the villain in some movie. “Have you talked to Will?”

The sound of his name sends a shiver through me. Bette spread the rumor that Will pushed me. She said it's the reason she's back and the suspension was revoked. I think about him crying and being dragged out of the building. I can't forget the look on his face. He won't respond to my calls and texts.

“No.” I flick the broken spoon around in my soup.

“I bet you it's true. He'll say she talked him into it. But that boy has a mind of his own.”

How can someone be talked into shoving another person in front of a car? My phone beeps. A text from Mama, who's still crashing at Aunt Leah's:
I'm downstairs. Mr. K's office. Now.

“My mom's here.” I swallow the last few spoonfuls of my carrot soup. I look over at Bette again. She waves at me.

I leap up. My chair bangs into the table with a loud thud. People stop eating and stare. I feel Alec's eyes on me, too. I slam the chair into the table and storm toward the café exit. I hear Cassie call out from behind. I take the elevator down to the first floor and march myself right to Mr. K's office.

Mama leans forward in her chair and wags her finger in Mr. K's face. Her necklace slaps against a picture frame on his desk. His eyes bulge a little, and I hope he doesn't think she's as completely crazy as she looks. I stare into my phone, texting Will a question mark over and over again. I've sent him an average of
three per day, but no answer.

“How dare you not have the common courtesy to inform me before announcing that girl's return. Gigi called me in tears. This is simply unacceptable.”

“Mrs. Stewart, I tried calling you several times. But I couldn't reach you or your husband. This is not something you leave on an answering machine. And I wanted to tell Gigi, but there just wasn't any time to set up a meeting. It all happened too quickly and—”

“And nothing, Mr. K. You didn't try hard enough.” Her tone gets louder and louder. “I want to meet with her. I won't be comfortable until we do.” Mama finally sits back in the chair with a thud. I try to touch her arm and get her to stop, but she brushes away from me. When her mind is set, it's an arrow, never veering off its path.

“I don't think anything that we do will make you feel comfortable.” He sighs and crosses his hands over his chest.

“Is my daughter's safety not important? And you split the role between the two of them, so they have to spend all this time together. Perfect for the girl to harass my child.” She rises from her seat again. Her anger stirs into mine. My heart races. My monitor buzzes.

“The role was always going to be split. It's a student ballet. We must give all our students an opportunity to be showcased. The Level 8 year is about exposure, especially for the company directors to see their talents. And since the roles are divided, they'll hardly be rehearsing together at all.”

“These two have history. Couldn't another girl have split the role with Giselle?”

“Mrs. Stewart, I assure you, this will be fine. We make our casting decisions based on the dancers' skill and what they bring to the roles. Giselle is the perfect Odette. Ethereal, light. Bette is her opposite. We took the opportunity to cast this ballet as it should be danced.”

“I want a meeting with Rebecca Abney. This is all ridiculous.” Mama slaps her hand on his desk.

“I can call her and see if she'd be willing to meet. That's all I can promise.”

“I'll be staying at my sister's in Brooklyn as long as Gigi needs me. So I can be here anytime.”

When Mr. K doesn't respond quite fast enough, Mama motions her hand forward at the phone on his desk. He sighs, picks it up, and dials Mrs. Abney's number from memory. In that moment, I know just how important Bette is.

I sink back in the chair. I plug my ears, pull my legs up into the chair, cross them underneath me, and try to get comfortable. I'm in my leotard and tights for afternoon ballet. I imagine the four of us in that little room—Mama and me and Bette and Mrs. Abney—and the shouting match it would trigger. The mean words and dark intentions and secrets spilled. I have my own secrets now. I have to protect myself.

“I don't want to meet with her.” I stand up.

Mr. K hangs up the phone. Mama grabs at my arms, trying to get me to sit back down.

“I just want to know how she got to come back, after, after . . . all she did.” I fight back a storm of angry tears welling just under the surface.

Mr. K leaves his desk and walks over. He takes my hand in his.

“This world of ours, ballet, is so—what's the word?—complicated.” He rubs his chin, and the sound the bristles of his beard make against his hand distracts me. “Bette Abney did not push you. That's what her suspension was for. A violent act. She already paid for the other things she did to you, the suffering she caused. Handsomely, as I understand it.” He lifts my chin up and wipes away one tear that's managed to escape. “So chin up,
moya korichnevaya
. You are strong. It will all be okay.”

“I've got to get ready for class,” I say. Mama kisses me, and I slip out of the room. I head for Studio A to drop my bag off and find a place to stretch. The studio's empty aside from one girl, facedown in a stretch. She looks up. It's Bette.

We stare at each other. I let my gaze burn into hers. I don't move until Morkie and the other dancers drift in. I want her to know I will always be watching now.