Authors: Jean Ure

Shrinking Violet (6 page)

BOOK: Shrinking Violet

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Mauve blouses
Purple skirts
Brown shoes
Plum-coloured coats
and BERETS! (also plum coloured)

It is SO naff! Some rude boys in our road call us the Plum Puddings. Dad calls us the Lavendar Hill mob, which is the name of an old movie that he loves.

Do you like to watch TV? I don’t watch a lot, except for wild life programmes (where I always make ready to shut my eyes TIGHT if there is any killing as it upsets me to see animals torn to pieces) and also the soaps, which I am a big fan of, and especially Riverside. Do you watch Riverside? If so, who is your favourite character? Mine is
Tony. Last year I wrote him a letter and he wrote back and sent me a signed photograph.“To Violet XXX Tony”. it is on my bedroom wall, right opposite my bed, where I can see it first thing when I wake up in the morning. As you will probably guess, I am in love!!!

Besotted, is what my dad calls it. He loves to tease me, and I always go bright scarlet! It is for this reason that when I watch Riverside I like it best if my dad is not there. Otherwise I spend the whole time all boiled up like a beetroot!

You know I said I don’t like to see animals torn to pieces? It is one of my things and is why I am against fox hunting. I have a badge that says BAN BLOOD SPORTS. I got it off an animal stall at a summer fete and I signed a petition to the Government asking them to get it stopped.

I hope you are not a hunting person but if you are then I am sorry but I have to say what is the truth even if it makes you decide that you don’t want to be my pen pal after all. I will understand if you don’t only it is something I feel quite strongly about. I just felt that I had to say it. I hope you will not be offended as I don’t mean to be rude or anything.

I must go now as Lily has just got out of the bath and Mum is yelling at me that it is my turn. What time do you have to go to bed? I have to go at nine thirty in the week and half-past ten on Fridays and Saturdays. It is too early, if you ask me, but Mum says I will thank her for it when I am older. She says if you don’t get enough sleep you start to LOOK YOUR AGE. I don’t know about you but I would quite like to look my age. One of
Mum’s friends the other day asked me when my birthday was. She said, “And how old will you be? Ten?” It is SO insulting!

I do hope you will write back to me and not be angry at what I said about fox hunting. But please don’t feel you have to do it immediately! (Though it would be lovely if you did.) I am sure you are very busy, especially if you have lots of homework. We have OCEANS. I don’t really mind, except if it takes too long when I would rather be writing to you!

Love from your pen pal,
Violet

xxxxxxxx

PS Someone told me this joke at school the other day.

Question: What is green and Slithers and goes “hith”?

Answer: A thnake with a lithp!

PPS Here is a photo of my cat
Horatio:
You can keep it if you like.

I posted the letter on my way to school next day. The very minute that it plopped into the box I started to worry! Dad says I am a regular worry guts and I know that he is right. I don’t only make mountains out of molehills, I make them out of microdots! I just can’t seem to help it.

These are some of the things I worried about:

1. Fox hunting. Why did I have to go and mention it??? It is true that it is something I feel strongly about, but it is not the only thing. I feel strongly about lots of things! For instance: people starving, and babies dying of AIDS, and global warming, and land mines. To name just a few. I didn’t go and mention them! Now I had probably upset her and wouldn’t ever hear from her again.

2. The second thing was saying I’d gone to Francine’s party when I hadn’t. Not that I’d actually
said
that I’d gone, just made it read like I had. Telling her about the boys and how they’d ruined things, rushing around shouting and spoiling all our games. I was just repeating what Lily had said. She was the one that had gone to the party, not me! Why had I done it???

3. The third thing was saying how we had to wear those hideous berets and how our school uniform was naff. But I like our school uniform! Lily’s the one that thinks it’s naff.

I suppose I was trying to be cool. Which is truly pathetic! But going on about fox hunting, that was
really
dumb.
There’s a girl at school, Justine Bickerstaff, that in the hunting season she gets on her horse and gallops madly about the countryside with packs of hounds. She has even done this
revolting
thing called cubbing, where they tear dear little sweet innocent fox cubs to pieces. I hate that! I hate that so much. But Justine gets into this simply mega-rage if anyone ever says about banning blood sports. For all I knew, Katie could be the same. And I had gone and lectured her and now I had probably RUINED EVERYTHING.

I was just so relieved when I got her next letter. All that worrying, all for nothing! (It usually is, but I still do it.) I knew as soon as Mum handed me the envelope that things were all right. Instead of the little furry cat stickers there was one that said, STOP HUNTING WITH HOUNDS. So I hadn’t upset or offended her! She was on my side. Hooray!

“Is that from the Blob?” said Lily. “Are you going to open it this time?”

I said, “No. I like to read my letters in private.”

Lily tossed her head and said, “Letters! You’re so uncool. Why don’t you e-mail?”

“You could, you know,” said Dad.

He’s always trying to get me on the computer. I am not terribly awfully into them, to be honest. Lily is.
She is on it the whole time, whizzing about doing things, sending e-mails to all her friends. She sees them all day and e-mails them all night! When she is not text-messaging on her moby.

“Think about it,” said Dad. “It would be far more fun than scribbling on bits of paper!”

“But she might read them,” I said.

“Me?” Lily gave a hoot of laughter. “Who’d want to read what you and the Blob have to say to each other?”

Dad said, “Violet, I give you my word, nobody but nobody would read your e-mails. They would be for your eyes only.”

That’s what he says. But I bet she’d still find a way!

“Why not ask?” said Dad. “Ask her if she’d like to.”

I said that I would, ’cos I like to make him happy and it is true that most people seem to prefer sending e-mails to writing real letters. Maybe if I’d e-mailed Greta we would still be in touch.

As soon as tea was over, I rushed upstairs to my room. (Mum calls it my
burrow.)
I tore open the envelope and a whole wodge of paper fell out. Which is far more fun than e-mails, if you ask me!

Hi, Violet!

Don’t worry, you have not offended me! I HATE people that kill foxes. So does my mum. We have both filled in petitions against it. If I see a badge I will buy one and wear it.

I laughed over your snake joke! Here is one for you. A joke, I mean. Not a snake joke. (It is a knock-knock joke.)

Knock knock!

Who’s there?

Ivor.

Ivor who?

Ivor let me in or I’ll break the door down!

Har har!

Your school uniform doesn’t sound naff, it sounds fabbo! I love berets! Ours is just green. Green everything! It makes us look like gooseberries. And yes, we do have boys. Yeeurgh! You are so lucky, not having them. They are such a nuisance. Well, I think they are.

What will happen when you change schools? Where will you go? I will probably go to Friars Stile, which is just down the road. Mum doesn’t really want me to, she says it is too big and too rough, but all my friends would be going there. Will you be able to stay with your friends? Do you have lots of them? Do you like to party?

I laughed when you said about boys rushing round shouting! This is what they do ALL THE TIME. Susanna, one of my friends at school, is having her birthday party next week but she is not going to invite any. Boys, I mean! She is just inviting girls from our class. It will be such fun! I would go to parties nonstop if I could. I will tell you all about it in my next letter!

You asked if I like to watch TV The answer is … yes! But I like to draw and paint and read books as well. Riverside is my ace fave soap, and I think Tony is gorge! Even Mum says he is a hunk. I am so envious of you, having him on your wall! Do you kiss him goodnight before you go to bed? I would!

I am sorry it is not fun to be a twin. Mum said, “I told you so!” She also said what nice names you have. Lily and Violet. She says, “I hope they are not shortened to Lil or Vi, as this would be a shame.” Are they???

I am a bit like you, I would love it if Mum would have another baby but I don’t think she will as the only man friend she has is rather old and I cannot see that they would ever get married. He is called Arthur and has grey hair but is very nice. He is like a granddad. Mum enjoys going to the theatre with him, and sometimes we all visit places in his car.

You know you said that you and your sister are not identical? I have looked VERY HARD under a magnifying glass, and I don’t see how anyone could tell you apart!I hope you are not cross with me for saying this. I can quite understand that you are two different people, for instanceyour sister will not help your mum in her shop because of her posh friends. Whereas you do not mind about such things. Do the posh friends go to your school? Is it a posh sort of school?

I hope you don’t think I am prying or being nosy. Like I said before, you can ask me ANYTHING. I will not mind!

Bertie has just been chasing his cat nip toy. He is so sweet! He jumps in the air and claps his paws.

I am glad you like my drawings, and I do understand what you say about your hand not doing what you want it to. It is the same with me and singing. I can hear all the notes as clear as can be in my head but then when I open my mouth they just come out all wrong. Mum says I sound like a lovesick hen! She has to put her hands over her ears.

Here is a game. Close your eyes and do a scribble on a piece of paper, then send it to me and I will make a picture of it. Like this:

This is GENUINE. I closed my eyes and did the scribble, then I traced it (so you could see what it looked like) and then I made the picture. I play this game all the time, but it would be ever so much more fun to play it with someone else. It doesn’t matter if you can’t draw! Anyone can play the scribble game.

I’ll do one for you, if you like.

You don’t have to make a picture if you don’t want to! But if you do then I’ll make one as well and we can compare them. It will be interesting to see what different things we make! But only if you want to. I’m going to trace the scribble right now.