Shrinking Violet (Colors #2) (18 page)

As we sat around the table eating Milly’s delicious pot roast, I noticed Navie seemed a little quieter than usual. She’d really begun to open up to everyone on the ranch over the past few weeks. However, as Bug kept everyone at dinner entertained with her story of playing in the pig pen earlier in the day—it took three washes to get all the funk off her little body—I kept the corner of my eye on Navie as she used her fork to slide her food around on her plate, not really eating anything.

She didn’t seem sad, really, just thoughtful.

Trying to speak quietly, I leaned over to get her attention. “Hey, sweetheart, you okay?”

Her eyes popped up from her plate. “Huh? Oh, yeah. I’m good.” She grinned.

“Then what’s got you so quiet over here? You haven’t said more than two words since you sat down.”

Navie’s fork clinked against her plate as she leaned in further, her voice a hushed whisper. “I was asked to prom today.”

My gasp of excitement was overshadowed by the loud clatter of Carson’s utensils dropping against his plate. “You were
what
?!”

Uh-oh
. Based on Carson’s reaction to seeing Navie in a bathing suit a while back, this was not going to go over well.

“Oh, my God, Carson. Will you calm down? It’s just prom.”

“Yeah, just prom, where sweet, innocent girls get drunk and taken advantage of. Oh,
hell
no. Not on my watch. You aren’t going,” he spoke with finality.

“Carson!” I shouted at the same time Navie exclaimed, “You can’t tell me I can’t go!”

“Just did,” he answered, crossing his arms over his chest as he leaned back in his chair. “I’ll be damned if my little sister loses her virginity to some douche-waffle in a cheap hotel room or, hell, in the back seat of a car. That’s all that happens at those things. Nope, nuh-uh. Not happening.”

I shouted his name again as Milly gasped, Kal chuckled, Navie yelled in frustration, and Willow asked, “Whas berginity?”

Navie shot from her seat, her fists firmly planted on her hips. “God! You’re so embarrassing!” She stormed out of the kitchen without so much as a look backwards.

“Oh, my,” Milly exclaimed with a small giggle as Kal’s chuckle turned into a full-on belly laugh.

“Where are you going?” Carson asked as I stood from the table.

I shot a glare over my shoulder as I headed for the back door. “I’m going to fix the mess you just made. I’ll deal with you later.”

It took well over two hours, but I finally managed to calm Navie down enough that I was no longer afraid of her stabbing Carson in his sleep. I followed after Navie as she walked from their little house, an overnight bag slung across her shoulder.

“Where’s she going?”

I turned to see Carson sitting on their porch swing, his booted feet crossed as his ankles rested on the wooden railing.

“I convinced her to have a sleepover with Doodle Bug tonight,” I answered, watching Navie’s shiny hair swish back and forth as she traipsed across the pasture toward the main house. “I didn’t trust her not to shank you in the middle of the night. Not that you don’t deserve it.”

I laughed at the annoyed grunt he let out as I walked over and took a seat next to him on the swing. Carson’s arm automatically shot out, pulling me flush against his side. I pulled in a deep breath, absorbing his fresh scent as I settled into him, resting my head on his chest. We sat in silence for several minutes, watching the sky over the fields turn into the most beautiful deep blue and purple colors. There really wasn’t a place on Earth more serene, more peaceful, than Willow Ranch.

It was in the quiet, still moments such as the one just then that I was able to fully appreciate the road my life had led me down. I couldn’t imagine a happier place to raise Willow. Coming to the ranch had truly saved me. Aunt Milly and Uncle Kal were my guardian angels. And something deep down told me the man at my side was going to be something really special. Him and Navie showing up at our doorstep had taken the bright spot in my life and made it shine more brilliantly.

Carson’s low voice broke through my musings. “What are you thinking about?”

I wasn’t sure how to describe exactly how I was feeling, how to do the lightness in my heart justice. “I’m just…at peace, I guess.”

His lips pressed against my temple. “I’m glad, sweetheart.”

The silence stretched before us for a few minutes longer before I spoke again, broaching the subject that desperately needed to be addressed. “You know, you really need to loosen the reins where Navie’s concerned.”

I could tell Carson’s head fell back as he let out a loud groan. “Come on, Violet. Don’t start on that—”

I pushed up so I could turn to face him. “No, you need to listen,” I told him firmly. Grasping the seriousness in my tone, Carson wisely shut his mouth and waited for me to speak. “Navie’s a smart girl, a
really
smart girl. She knows how to make good choices, so you don’t need to worry about her doing the same things every other stupid teenager does on prom night. Give her a little more credit than that.”

“I do give her credit. It’s not her judgment I worry about; it’s the guy’s. Trust me, I know what all those little pricks are thinking because I was thinking about the same damn thing at their age.”

“I’m sure you’re right, but the fact of the matter is Navie was really excited when Mark asked her to prom. Every teenage girl deserves to be able to go to her prom, but not everyone gets asked. Navie really likes this Mark guy, Carson. And she deserves to get to do this, whether you’re comfortable with it or not.”

His head cocked to the side, his eyes narrowing slightly as he focused on me. “Have I told you how unbelievably annoying it is when you’re right?” he grumped.

I leaned into him, wrapping one of my arms around his trim waist as I planted a kiss on the t-shirt over his chest. “Better get used to it, honey. It’ll be an ongoing issue.”

“That so?”

“Mmhmm,” I mumbled, snuggling further into his warmth as happiness flooded through me.

When my eyes began to feel heavy as the porch swing moved back and forth, lulling me into a blissful comfort, I knew I needed to get up and head home.

“Stay,” Carson said as his arm came around my waist, pulling me back against him.

“Carson, I can’t. I need to give Bug her bath and tuck her in.” I pushed against his firm chest, his hold loosening enough for me to stand.

“Come back after,” he said as he stood with me.

I wanted to…
really
wanted to, but I wasn’t sure. As much as my body craved him, I just didn’t know if I was ready for what a night with Carson would mean. I was already falling for the guy, there was no question about that, but I was scared of how I might react once we took our relationship to the next level. I hadn’t had sex with another man since Seth. I was afraid of what I’d be capable of doing once Carson and I became well and truly physical. I didn’t trust myself not to revert into that pathetic, insecure girl I was when I’d been with Parker and Seth.

“I don’t know…”

As if sensing my discomfort, he pulled me into his arms and pressed a warm, soft kiss against my lips. “We don’t have to do anything, baby. I just want you with me. That’s all, I swear.”

My mind and heart fought against each other as I stared up into his moss-colored eyes. Finally, my heart won out.

“Okay,” I whispered. My breath caught at the brilliant smile that stretched across Carson’s lips at my response. I couldn’t remember ever meeting a man as beautiful as Carson Langford. It still amazed me that someone like him could possibly want someone like me. I often had to remind myself that it was because he didn’t know about my past, how once he knew the real me, he wouldn’t be able to stand the sight of me.

But that wasn’t something I wanted to think about just then. As selfish as it seemed, I wanted to hold on to this amazing man for as long as I could. I wanted desperately to keep Carson in my life, even if it was just for a little while. No matter how painful the heartbreak would be when it finally did end.

For the time being, I was going to let myself feel something for the man who was too good for me. The man I didn’t deserve.

My stomach was in knots as I paced my bedroom. I told him I’d go back, and I would, but that didn’t mean I wasn’t nervous about it. He promised that nothing had to happen, but as the anticipation heated me from the inside out, I knew the moment I crossed that threshold it was inevitable—our relationship would forever be changed.

A million butterflies had taken flight in my stomach with every passing second I waited for the house to grow silent. It had been so long…
so long
. The giddy anticipation made me feel like a teenage girl all over again. It was as though it was my first time. The red numbers glowing from my bedside clock told me it was a little after eleven.

What if I had waited too long?

What if he was already asleep?

What if he changed his mind?

Different scenarios ran through my head, none of them good. After another ten minutes of internal battling, I finally managed to pull up my big-girl panties and head out the door.

Speaking of panties…I did a quick double-check to make sure my underwear at least matched before heading over to Carson’s house. The light blue lacy bra and panty set was definitely an upgrade from the standard plain cotton I always wore. The changes in myself from pre to post-Willow never ceased to amaze me. Back then, you never would have caught me in anything other than lace or silk. Nowadays, I was lucky if what I pulled on even matched.

I walked on my tippy-toes down the hall, careful to avoid all the creaky floorboards. A quick peek into Bug’s room showed her and Navie curled up in her bed, both of them sound asleep.

I held my breath as I made my way down the stairs, keeping my ears open for any potential sounds from Milly or Kal. Once I finally cleared the kitchen and pushed the back door open, I was finally able to release my breath, having escaped without anyone noticing.

It wasn’t until my feet hit the dewy grass that I realized how ridiculous I’d just been. A giggle escaped my lips, trailing through the night air. I was a twenty-two-year-old woman, for Christ’s sake. A grownup. A mother. I was allowed to leave the house whenever I wanted. Yet, I’d just spent a good five minutes doing a poor imitation of a stealthy ninja, creeping from room to room.

Pathetic
.

With each step I took, I sucked in a deep lungful of air, trying my best to calm the rapid beat of my heart against my ribs. As I climbed his front porch, my eyes were drawn to the porch swing where I’d sat, wrapped in his strong arms hours before. Just remembering how good it felt to be held against him was enough to fortify my desire and push the nervous energy back. I reached out a shaky hand, ready to knock when the door suddenly flew open. The sight of Carson standing there, wearing nothing but a pair of loose, black basketball shorts was enough to render me completely speechless.

“I was starting to think you weren’t gonna show.”

His words sounded calm and casual, but the worry lying deep within his penetrating gaze belied the easiness of his tone.

“I—” Before I got another word out, Carson grabbed me by my waist and jerked me to him, his mouth coming down on mine in a hard, desperate kiss. We moved backwards into the house. The sound of the front door slamming shut echoed through the otherwise-empty room. I was just to the point of near combustion when Carson ended the kiss, wrapping his arms tightly around me in a hug.