Shut Up and Kiss Me (21 page)

“
It has to be enough,” I pleaded. “Please, Will, it has to be.”

Will stared at me, the silence stretching uncomfortably between us until he suddenly let out a heavy sigh and all at once he seemed to deflate, both physically and emotionally. “Whatever it is, Mila, you can tell me…whenever you decide to. But for now, please promise me something.”

I took a step forward, hesitant, and then I stopped, not sure if his arms would welcome me anymore. He loved me, but did he still want me after this? We both stared at the other, a million thoughts and a thousand words left to say, yet I didn’t want to talk anymore. I was cold, and exhausted, and I ached to be wrapped around him, to feel his love for me.

Will stepped closer, his hands finding my waist and tugging me to him, and I knew that, at least for now, he didn’t want to talk either. I was forgiven for this moment, and this moment was what mattered.

“
What?” I whispered.

“
Say you won’t run from me again.” His fingers gripped my waist tighter. “I can’t lose you. Not now.”

I nodded and then he kissed me, long and hard, my hands on his back and his hands on my waist, holding me close. It said both goodbye to our old relationship and a hello to the new one we were embarking upon—this first step we were both taking together.

Will pulled away first, pressing his still damp forehead against mine, his eyes still squeezed closed. We stayed like that, both silent, barring our rapid breathing and our own thoughts. Will spoke first. He placed a soft kiss on my forehead and returned to resting his forehead against mine.

“
Promise me,” he said, and he sounded so worried, almost broken at the very thought that I would just up and leave. My heart expanded and crumpled all at once. I had caused this pain, but also this love in him. God, it was all so bewildering. And yet beautiful and breathtaking.

“
I promise.”

“
You won’t go?”

“
I won’t.”

Our foreheads still pressed together, I could feel the rain in my hair drip down onto my shoulders. “I’m so sorry,” I whispered, and I heard him release another large breath.

I didn’t know if what I was saying was the absolute truth or not. All I knew was that, right then, I didn’t want to leave. I couldn’t leave him.

There comes a moment in every relationship where the alpha steps forward and dominates the other, even if only in a small way. Yet with Will, I felt as if we were equals. He was just as lost in me as I was in him, and that only made me love him more.

Pulling away, I stared into his eyes, seeing worry, panic, love, and adoration—all of it inside their beautiful blue depths. I pressed my mouth to his once more, wanting to take the doubt away, and in some ways wanting to take my own away as well.

His mouth opened to me, and my tongue slid between his lips, moving over his teeth and tongue hungrily. Heat flared in my belly, my thighs clenching together as his hands cupped my backside and he pulled me to him. My hands roved to his chest, and as I tried to pull off his soaking jacket, he started laughing. And then so did I. We pulled apart with wide grins and helped each other undress, pulling off drenched T-shirts and jeans, jackets and underwear, and leaving them in a wet heap on the floor by the door.

Will scooped me up in his arms and carried me to the bedroom, my head on his chest I listened to the heavy thud of his rapid heart. He was still worried. I could almost hear the worry inside him, eating away, gnawing at him.

Inside my bedroom, he laid me down, my wet hair splaying out over my pillow and soaking it in seconds. He lay down on top of me, his body covering mine before pushing my thighs abruptly apart. His gaze never left mine, and without speaking he pushed the head of himself inside of me. Wrapping my legs around his waist, I closed my eyes as he entered me, gasping when he began to thrust.

His hand clutched my thigh, gripping it tightly as he slid in and out, each thrust a declaration from him that he was mine, and I took each one eagerly, each one a promise that I was his. Soon his movements became more urgent, and I was dragging my nails down his back and begging for release. His lips sought mine, traveling the length of my throat with soft kisses and small nips from his teeth until we were face to face, and I slowly opened my eyes and stared up into his.

“
I love you, Mila,” he said, a look of wonder slowly eclipsing his features, as if he had just realized the entirety of the statement and exactly what it meant for both him and me.

I squeezed my thighs around him and smiled. “I love you, Will.”

His eyes shone triumphantly and then his mouth crashed into mine, and in a tangle of breathless declarations and cries of pleasure, we both reached our pinnacle and leapt off the cliff together.

Will was still sleeping when I woke. My dreams had been nightmares, filled with twisted and wicked memories of breaking bones, blood—so much blood—and gut-churning screams.

I woke abruptly, sitting upright in bed and staring around in confusion until I gathered my wits and remembered where I was. I was home, my new home in New York City. Glancing down beside me I found Will, and my heart flooded with happiness. And with the happiness came anxiety.

Slipping out of bed, I dressed quickly and left the room, pulling the door shut behind me. Hurrying to the kitchen, I stood there in dark, my arms wrapped tightly around my waist just listening to the rain beat a steady rhythm against the window. The moon was sitting heavy and full in the sky, and I stared at it with a heart full of worry.

If I stayed, I put Will in serious danger. But to leave now would break both him and me. Guilt gnawed away at my gut, my feelings once again conflicted. No matter which way I looked at it, Will would lose.

I had always known, in the back of my mind, that my past would eventually catch up to me. I just never imagined I would fall in love right before it did. Or that, in having to run again, I would lose more than just my home and my friend. I couldn’t lose Will—not now. I loved him, and he loved me.

It was selfish and wrong, but…I wanted this, I needed it. God, I deserved it, didn’t I?

Standing just outside the door to bathroom, Will was quietly drumming his fingers along the doorframe, listening to the shower running, along with Mila’s sniffling. She was crying again, for the second time this morning—the first being when she’d thought he was still asleep. He’d been at a loss, much like he’d been the day before when he’d found her packed and ready to run off to…

He still didn’t know where, or why, or what had prompted the drastic move. They’d since declared they’d both fallen for one another, had spent the evening expressing their feelings with their bodies, and still had yet to actually talk about anything.

It had been juvenile to think he’d known all there was to know about Mila, being that he’d only known her a few weeks. Yet she’d seemed so genuine, so open, and maybe she was. Maybe he was reading too much into this.

Still…he couldn’t help but wonder what would prompt a woman to so drastically change her life path in the span of only a few hours. He knew Mila was hiding something from him. Something important. But what?

Yes, they definitely needed to talk. Only he didn’t want to come across as selfish. He wanted to give her the time she needed to process whatever it was before coming to him. And at the same time he was aching to help her through whatever it was that had prompted her to run.

The shower shut off and the sound of the vinyl curtain pulling open had Will taking a step back from the closed door. Fabric rustled, the faucet turned on and off, and then, along with a burst of steam freed into the hallway, Mila stepped out of the bathroom wrapped in a large blue towel, a smaller matching one wound around her hair. She stopped upon finding him there, and her bloodshot gaze lifted to his.

“
Can we talk?” he asked gently, extending his hand to her.

Mila’s eyes closed as a sigh slipped free, and instead of taking his hand she leaned sideways against the open door. “A friend of mine passed away,” she whispered, her eyes still closed. “I received the news yesterday, just after you last texted me, and I freaked out.”

Her eyes opened, her chin lifting, her pained expression focusing on him and causing his body to tense in response. She was hurting so visibly, it was paining Will to watch her without reaching for her again. But despite how much he wanted to comfort her, her body language, her expression, were telling him to let her lead this conversation and to remain where he was.

“
We’d been friends since childhood,” she continued softly, her glistening eyes glazing over, looking past him and seeing something Will could not. “We were like sisters.”

“
I’m so sorry,” he murmured, wishing like hell he had something better than standard and infuriatingly typical “I’m sorry” to say to her. Wishing he could somehow fix this, and put a stop to her heartache.

Several fat tears fell from beneath her lowered lashes, rolling quickly down her cheeks and off her chin. “I wasn’t always so…so…stable,” she said, shaking her head as she let out a tiny, humorless laugh.

It was an odd choice of words, and he knew that he should really be thinking more about it—stable. Yet, who was really stable these days? Not him, that was for damn sure.

Swiping at her wet cheeks with the back of her hand, she released another sigh. “She saved my life. And now she’s gone.”

After several seconds passed by in silence, it became clear to Will that Mila had said all she was going to say for the moment. Stepping forward he reached for her, sliding his palm up her bare arm. Moving away from the door, she came forward and into his waiting arms. As he folded her into his embrace, she seemed to sink into him, and as her body molded against his, the tears began to fall faster and harder, until she was sobbing more than she was breathing.

He still had so many questions. Who was this friend? And how did she die? And where had Mila been going? Back to Tennessee? To attend the funeral? Or had she been leaving for good? By the weight of her heavy suitcases, he had to believe it was going to be a permanent move. But he knew better than to ask his questions now, to interrupt her grief.

While she clung to him, nearly choking on her own sobs, he led her slowly back into her bedroom, settling her gently into bed before slipping in beside her.

“
Shhh,” he soothed, running his hand over her wet hair, smoothing it away from her face. “Breathe, Mila, just breathe…”

Eventually she calmed, her cries turning into hiccupping sniffles before she drifted off into a restless sleep. Will lay beside her for a long time, ignoring the incessant vibrating of his cell phone, ignoring his growling stomach, in favor of remaining by her side.

It wasn’t until he heard the apartment door open that he decided to finally move.

Walking into the hallway he found Nikki closing the door behind her, looking curiously at Mila’s stacked luggage beside the door. Her eyes found his, and she gave him a questioning look.

“
What’s going on?” Nikki asked, sounding hesitant and concerned.

Will’s eyes narrowed in confusion. So she hadn’t even told Nikki, her best friend and roommate, that she’d been leaving.

“
I was just going to ask you the same thing,” he said.

Nikki’s high-pitched laugh
was what woke me, and for a second I just lay there, listening to the soft voices coming from the living room. The light laughter, the deep laughter, her high voice, his deep voice.

“
Oh shit!” I hissed, jumping out of bed. Realizing I was still in a towel, I grabbed my Tennessee sweatshirt and stepped into some jeans, and then was jogging down the hallway toward their laughter while simultaneously dragging fingers through my tangled mess of hair.

“
Morning,” I declared loudly as I rounded the corner.

My eyes grazed over the two of them, both sitting on opposite sofas, coffee mugs clutched between their hands.

“
Morning, Mila,” Will’s deep voice greeted me. Getting to his feet, he came toward me, leaning down and placing a quick kiss on my lips. Everything about him—the look on his face, his body language—appeared relaxed. But his kiss had been tense. “Coffee?”

I nodded, and after placing another soft kiss on my mouth, he moved to the hallway, and disappeared into the kitchen. I turned back to Nikki, who silently mouthed something I couldn’t quite make out, and I quickly joined her on our small, chintzy sofa.

“
What, is going on?” she whispered. “You were leaving? And, Mila, who
died
?”