Sidelines (Wounded Hearts #1) (32 page)

“
This
Thursday?”  His eyes widen, a hint of fear in his eyes.

Wishing I had some water for my suddenly dry mouth, I just nod and pick up the menu again. The atmosphere crackles around us as we wait to place our orders. Once the kind waitress retreats to put our order in, I grasp at anything to pick our conversation back up, but all I’m drawing are blanks. Logan fiddles with the wrapper for his straw, wheels in his head visibly turning.

“So I’m not all that surprised this is where you wanted to have lunch.”

He looks up at me, my words lost on him for a second. “Why is that?”

“How many times have we had Maria’s since I’ve been in town?”

He grins bashfully. “But you see, Maria’s food has just the perfect balance of protein and the right kind of carbs.”

“And which kind of carbs are those, pray tell?”

His smiles stretches across his face, just like the truth he’s about to tell.

“The kind made with love.”

And just like that, he’s made me laugh.

“It’s totally worth the extra time in the gym.”

I sigh. “I’m not going to lie, I kind of miss your gym.”

His brows furrow. “Why’s that?”

“Ever since I saw that snake behind the inn yesterday, I don’t dare leave my room without being fully covered. And it’s way too hot to run in pants out here.”

This time he laughs, a rich, full belly laugh.

“It’s not that funny. You’ve instilled an overly-cautious—bordering extreme—paranoia in me.”

“Well, you know you’re always welcome to come to the ranch and use the gym whenever you like.”

His kind invitation breaks the easy-going feeling we were working toward and I almost sigh in relief when my phone buzzes in my purse beside me. I check it to see if I can just ignore it for the time being, but when Walt’s name peers up at me from the screen, something inside tells me I need to take it. I flash it to Logan and he encourages me to take it, so I stand and rush out the restaurant.

“Hey, Walt.” But he doesn’t hear my greeting over the coughing fit he’s having on the other end of the line. When he seems to calm down, I pounce. “Please tell me you’ve seen Doctor Estes since we last spoke?”

He clears his throat and I can practically see him shaking his head. “I’m fine, kiddo, just got something tickling my throat, is all. How’s my girl?”

“I’m worried about you. I’m going to be home in a few days and we’re going to have some serious words if I find out you haven’t been to see the doc by the time I get there.”

“Relax there, Allie Cat. I’ve got an appointment to see him tomorrow afternoon.”

“Good. And what are you doing to take care of yourself in the meantime?”

“Now, who’s the parent here, kid?”

“Apparently me since you’re not willing to take care of yourself.”

He harrumphs, causing another fit of coughs. Dread wads up like a snowball in me and I have half a mind to fly back tonight.

“I’m okay, I promise. I’ll go see the doc tomorrow and get me some good meds to kick this and we’ll take that trip out to the coast like you’re wanting.”

His confidence does little to comfort me.

“I could catch a flight out tonight. I’m pretty much done, just need to—”

“No, no. You stay put and get your article written. How’s it going anyway?”

“Oh, it’s going. We just met with his high school coach and I got some great photos of him playing with the guys that will be on the team this fall. We’re getting some lunch now and then I’ll head back to the inn and type up this part of the—”

“You’re having lunch with Logan? Right now?”

“Um, well, yes.”

“And why did you answer the phone?”

“Because it was you calling. And I answered because now I know if you don’t go to your doctor tomorrow—”

“Oh, give it a rest, Allie, and get back in there with that boy. Tell him, I said ‘hello,’ would ya.”

I roll my eyes. “Walt.”

“Listen, Allie Cat. I love you. More than I could ever express into words, but there will come a day when I won’t be here. And it’s every father’s dream to have his little girl find a man who can stand up for her and—”

“It’s not like that between us,” I repeat, feeling like a broken record at this point.

“Well it should be. I know few people who are as dedicated to the game as you are, and Logan sure fits that bill. Add in there that he’s a great player with great sportsmanship, and that speaks a lot about his character, Allie.”

“I know, but—”

“And you can’t tell me you don’t find him the least bit attractive.”

“Well, yes, but—”

“So get back in there an enjoy a date with that stud of a wide receiver.”

“You saw the post, didn’t you?”

He huffs exasperatingly. “You know I’m not on the up and up like you kids with your Face-notebook and instant-whatever.”

I don’t believe it. Not for a second. “Uh huh.”

“Besides, even if I did see a picture of him gazing longingly into your beautiful eyes, I’d still want you to be happy and I think he can make you happy. That is all.”

“Are you sure? Because I know his PR manager pretty well, and I’m sure we could find you some position on the ‘Let’s love Logan Lassiter’ campaign.”

“Go eat your lunch. You’re starting to sound grumpy.”

His banter makes me smile.

“I love you, Walt.”

“I love you, too, kiddo. And in case I haven’t told you recently, I’m awfully proud of you.”

“Thanks. I’ll see you in a couple of days, alright?”

“You got it. Now go fall in love with our boy.”

I roll my eyes as I hang up the phone. Of course Walt would be Team Logan.

When I get back inside, Logan is showing great restraint in not digging into his meal like I’m sure he would like to.

“I’m sorry.”

“Don’t be. Everything okay?”

Walt’s words fill my ears, bringing a smile to my face. “Yeah.”

“He see the post?”

I pick up my fork and dig into my enchilada plate. Logan does the same, not taking his eyes off of me. After a moment, he appears to decide to let the matter drop, apparently for a more pressing topic.

“So can I ask you a question?”

I swallow a mouthful of rice and eye him playfully. “Only if you’ll answer one in return.”

He purses his lips, not at all finding me funny. He sighs and asks his question anyway.

“What would you say has been your most memorable moment for this trip?”

Immediately our kiss yesterday comes to mind, but I push it away and consider everything else we’ve been through thus far. Everything from meeting his family for the first time to the cattle auction, to all the time I’ve gotten to spend with his sisters.

“Oh, I got it.” He perks up, a hopeful glint in his eyes. “The square dance.”

He eyes me considerately. “Which part?”

I can’t help the ornery grin. “You. Square dancing.”

“I’m never going to live that down, am I?”

“Nope. It’s going in the article.”

“No, it’s not.”

“Oh, yes. It is.” I flash him a very firm “I win” smile earning myself a glare.

“So what about you, what’s your most memorable part of my time here?” He sets his fork down and wipes his lips. He picks up his water and I’m afraid he’s going to say our kiss. Or worse not say anything at all.

“Watching you dance in the rain.” Those eyes bore into me, sending unspoken messages. I try really, really hard not to read into them, but how can I not. They’re taking my breath away and I can only hope that they’re more romantic than embarrassing.

“Thought I’d finally lost my mind, did you?” I choke.

“Thought you finally looked free.”

How could he know? The rain last night finally melted away years of feeling chained down by the dark spots of my past. I never in a million years would have guessed that I’d find people who’d make me feel whole and welcome and give me the strength to step out of the shadows. But I did in a little town in the middle of Texas.

“I blame your sisters.”

“For what?”

“For making me insane.” I try to force a joking smile, but it feels wrong. Those words feel completely and utterly incorrect. I do blame his sisters, but for bringing me out of my own personal crazy.

“Allie, you’re not insane. Far from it.”

If only I could agree with him. I’m sitting at a Mexican restaurant, once again, with a gorgeous man, trying to convince myself  this is a business lunch, but secretly hoping things could be different. Wishing that instead of a lunch to discuss the last of my assignment to make America fall in love with him, that we’d be on a real date where I could actually admit that
I
am falling for him. Having to ignore what my gut and heart are telling me is the hardest thing I’ve ever had to do and it is, quite literally, making me insane.

I’m too lost in my own inner turmoil to say anything else. We finish our meal and I have to fight him on allowing me to pay for my lunch. His chivalry only adds to the mess inside my head.

“Thank you,” I finally acquiesce. 

“You’re welcome. I’ve enjoyed having you around, Allie. I hope that the next time you’re in San Antonio you’ll allow me the pleasure of sharing some good Mexican food with you again.”

My heart skips a beat and I don’t know how to take his words. Was that a request for a date? Or just two friends getting the chance to catch up?

“I’d like that,” I answer without really knowing which.

Because if I’m being honest, even though I really hope it would be a date, I’d still settle on just being able to see him, even as a friend.

Chapter Twenty-Nine

The bell over the diner door jingles and a middle-aged lady with a pen stuck in the bun on top of her head smiles warmly at me as she crosses the room with a pot of coffee in her hand. It’s the quaintness of this town that has me dreading my return to California next week. At least that’s what I’m telling myself right now.

“There she is.” Drew smiles over his frosted mug and pats the vinyl covered stool next to him at the counter. I can’t help but grin by his warm welcome.

“Sorry, I’m late. I decided to walk and totally miscalculated how long it would take me to get here.”

He grins mischievously as he picks up his mug. “Uh huh. You’re saying my brother didn’t have anything to do with your tardiness?”

I try to fight, unsucessfully, the blush that wants to creep up my neck. We’ll just say I’m flushed from my early evening walk. “I actually haven’t seen your brother today.”

Drew scoffs playfully. “You mean you two are not attached at the hip?”

“Despite what the rest of America would like to believe, no we are not.” I shoot him a look before turning my attention to the eager looking waitress standing in front of us.

“What’ll it be for you, sugar?”

I glance at Drew’s glass questioningly.

“Lila’s homemade rootbeer. You haven’t lived until you’ve tried this stuff.” He brings the glass to his lips and downs the rest of its contents before comically pounding the glass on the countertop. “Woman, pour me another one.”

The waitress shoots an unamused look out of the corner of her eyes and he grins boyishly.

“Please?” he adds sweetly.

She shakes her head and rolls her eyes.

“I’ll have whatever he’s having, please.”

“Including the blackberry cobbler a la mode?” she asks daringly. She dips her chin and her eyes dart to Drew’s empty bowl before eying me like I wouldn’t touch the excessive calories with a ten foot pole.

“Absolutely.” Drew chortles loudly and slaps my back like I’m another one of the guys while the waitress grins approvingly and walks off to fulfill my order.

“I knew I liked you, Mooreland.”

“Oh really?” I turn to him questioningly.

“Well, seeing you and my brother all cozied up these last couple of weeks has definitely improved my impression of you.”

I just can’t get the red out of my cheeks no matter what I try to do to cool off, and he doesn’t miss it either. He leans in close, keeping eye contact and whispering over the dark, curly hairs that cover his face.

“Don’t worry, your secret’s safe with me.” He winks and I consider pushing him off his stool.

“What secret?”

The waitress places fresh mugs of the homemade brew in front of us and I start to reach for my own but Drew’s words halt my every movement.

“The fact that you two are more in love with each other than poor Disney could ever interpret in any of their convoluted princess movies.”

“You think Disney creates convoluted princess movies?” I ask.

“Don’t try and change the subject on me, Mooreland. I’ve seen the way you two are with each other. Old Walt Disney himself couldn’t even fathom a love as profound as yours.”

The pit of my stomach bottoms out and suddenly I’m in no mood for rootbeer or cobbler.

“It’s not like that.”

“I’m going to swear and call bullshit on that.” The waitress makes one more pass and slides a bowl of warm blackberry cobbler topped with a heaping scoop of vanilla ice cream in front of me and I feel the build up of tears in the backs of my eyes. He picks up his mug, but stops himself from taking a sip. “Listen, I understand the circumstances y’all face in this, but can we cut the crap and just look at the facts in front of us? You two have had a fire blazing between you since the moment that first interview was aired. I’m willing to bet that since the moment you waltzed into town, my baby brother has bent over backwards to do whatever he can to woo you while simultaneously hold you at bay. He doesn’t like people up in his business and he sure as the day he was born doesn’t like his dirty laundry aired out for all of the world to see.”

I take a bite of the delicious dessert, considering what Drew must be referring to.

“Is that why he doesn’t want your parents to know about what happened with Cassady?”

Drew visibly swallows and pulls his mug into his wide, calloused hands. “It’s more than that.”

I wait, picking up the spoon and forcing another bite of the cobbler into my mouth so I won’t be tempted to speak. I want to hear this out. I need to hear this half of the story. Not for any blog, but for me. 

“What happened with Cassady was a total mistake. I’d like to say I was in a bad place and she pulled me through it, but the truth is that I was lost and lonely and starting something with her just led me down a path I’ll never forgive myself for.”

“But Logan forgave you.”

He subtly shakes his head and smiles sarcastically. “Although I’m immensely grateful for it, it’s not his forgiveness I need.”

I watch as the memories of his past haunt him. He closes his eyes and a single tear slips down the side of his face before getting swallowed up by the hair on his face.

“I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have brought it up.”

He shakes the demons tormenting him away and gives me a small smile. “You know, Logan has every right to hate me. But he doesn’t. I wish that America could see that side of him, but he’s too kind to let even our parents think ill of me so…”

“You’re not a bad big brother, Drew. I think he does respect you, regardless of your past transgressions.”

He takes a long draw from his mug and nods to whatever affirmation is playing through his mind. “I ruined the most important relationship to him, and I can’t ever undo that. I’ve made some serious mistakes in my time, but my baby brother makes me want to be a better man.”

His admission makes my heart squeeze. I’ve witnessed enough of Logan’s goodness to know what kind of a man he is. He’s loyal and kind, hardworking and honest. Everything a girl could want in a man, especially an abandoned girl from the streets.

Drew watches me for a second before giving me a knowing smile. “Hmm…”

“What?”

“There it is again.” His eyes glint for second, just before his eyebrows wiggle up and down. “Been getting down and dirty on the ranch, have we?”

“What?!” I can’t help the nervous laugh that escapes me as I cover my face in my hands. “Oh no! You and I both know that is so not the case. Our…relationship—if that’s even a good word for it—is professional at best.”

His laugh is full and rich and I’m reminded of Fallon. Seeing him like this just further explains why she’s so smitten. Oddly though, everything about him reminds me of Logan. The deep roll of his laugh. The way he shows his emotions in his eyes. The way he naturally intimidates, but at times will try to put you at ease with a smile or a joke.

“Well, I did happen to have the privilege of watching you two at the hoedown—”

“Apparently people find that offensive,” I quote his brother.

“Ha! You sound just like him. Well, I saw you guys the other night at the farm, too. He’s weirdly comfortable around you. I’ve never seen him like he was around you. Not even with Cassady.” He gives me a look as if that should mean something. 

And to an extent, it does. I know that her betrayal wouldn’t have hurt him so badly if he hadn’t cared for her so much. To have Drew, who had to have known their relationship on a level no one else could have, say something like that. Well…it just adds to the guilt.

“Well, he is a good dancer,” I retort, hoping to disguise the twinge of pain in my chest.

Drew—not missing a beat—picks up his mug again and smirks. “Taught him everything I know.”

A laugh bursts out of my lungs in both relief and delight. This is one thing that is unique to Drew that I will forever appreciate. Knowing when a change of subject needs to be made, he can put anyone at ease with a lighthearted comment like that.

My laughter subsides when my phone starts to ring. I dig it out of my pocket and frown at the number on the screen.

“St. Mary’s hospital in San Jose?” Drew asks, confusion and concern churning in his tone and eyes.

Remembering Walt telling me his appointment was this afternoon, fear and dread settles in my belly like an anvil. “Um, I guess, I should probably take this.”

He nods and before he can say a word, I’ve slipped off my stool, taken three giant steps to the front door and have the phone to my ear before I can even pull it open.

“This is Allie Mooreland.”

“Yes, Miss Mooreland. This is Anna from St. Mary’s County Hospital. I have you down as an emergency contact for Walter Mooreland.” The tired tone in the nurses voice makes my heart stop and my blood run cold.

“Um, yes. That would be me. Is everything okay with Walt?” I feel the world stop turning and all the oxygen get sucked out of the air. My entire body decides to stop functioning, causing my knees to lock up.

“I’m sorry, Miss Mooreland. I’m going to need you to come in…” Blood rushes to my ears and I’m at serious risk of fainting right where I stand.

Before I know what’s going on, Drew takes the phone from my hand, bracing an arm around me. My will to stand escapes and the only thing to keep me up is his tall frame. I watch as he finishes the call and hangs up my phone. He hands it back to me before digging his own out of his pocket. Gently, he guides me to a bench and has me sit as he dials a different number. A bird lands on the sidewalk in front of me, but as if  someone has pushed the mute button, I don’t hear a thing. He’s not on long enough for me to gain my hearing back to know who he’s called. When he hangs up and runs a hand through his long, dark hair, his sad eyes turn to me, clearly unable to find any words that will help me understand what has just happened. When Drew finally sits beside me, he puts an arm behind me and pulls me to him. Before I know what is happening, quiet tears for the only man who’s ever really loved me just the way I am start to slip down my cheeks.

I don’t hear a thing until someone else takes a seat to my left and lays a hand over my hair. As if his touch could unravel the vines that hold me against Drew, I feel myself slip into the only arms I care to be in. His quiet shushing is the first thing I hear.

“It’s okay. I’ve got you.” He chants the words over and over again until I feel the sobs stop wracking through my body. Like someone pulled the plug to my soul, I feel everything drain from me. I abandon everything that has held me in place and let myself be comforted by the only arms that I know can comfort me in any way.

I don’t know how long we sit there, outside, on a bench in the middle of Walker on a quiet summer evening. But Logan makes no attempt to pry my fingers from his shirt or to push me away and tell me to dry it up. With the compassion I’ve come to know is second nature to him, he holds me tight, pressing gentle kisses to the top of my head as I grieve the only person left in my life.

***

“You don’t have to drive me to the airport,” I tell Logan for the fifth time. And for the fifth time, he rolls his eyes and ignores me.

“Yes, I do.”

“My flight leaves so late and I have to take my rental in. How will you get back to the ranch?”

“I’ll get someone from Inman’s office to come out and return it for you.”

Tossing the last of my clothes into my suitcase, I sigh as I zip it up. “Logan.”

In two long strides, Logan is all up in my space, with each of his hands holding a side of my face and his breath tickling the tips of my lips.

“Please don’t argue with me. I’m taking you to the airport. End of discussion.”

Wishing he would lean in the few extra inches, I let a timid breath out and find my voice to be barely a whisper. “Fine.”

He rubs a thumb along my cheek and instinctively, I lean into his hand. A moan escapes the back of his throat and before another heartbeat can pass between us, I’m swallowed in his embrace once again. He tucks my head under his chin and carefully tightens his hold. A million words float around us like specks of dust in afternoon light, all things we’d like to but are afraid to say. A part of me doesn’t want to leave this little slice of heaven, but every instinct within me is pulling me back to the west coast. As if answering the call, I loosen my grip on Logan and step away when his arms release me.

“We should probably get going then.”

His jaw clenches—a move that once infuriated me, but now has become so common it’s almost comforting—but he reaches around me and picks my suitcase up off the bed. He waits for me to exit the room before him and doesn’t speak another word while he loads me and my luggage into his truck. The silence blankets us, nearly to suffocating proportions, as he guides his truck onto the highway. Needing the distraction, I pick up my phone and start searching my email for my flight information. Before I can find it, I have to scroll through several emails from coaches, bloggers, reporters and various players I have the privilege of being acquaintances with, all with kind words of condolences. After reading about the third email, I feel Logan’s hand reach for mine. Grasping it, I cling to the hope that despite having lost the last person who truly knew and loved me, I might just make it on my own.