Silence Of The Hams (11 page)

When they were back in the car, Shelley said, “So what’s the goofy reason for making a natural death look unnatural?”

Jane eased into traffic and headed toward the library. “To make Conrad look bad. To try to hurt his business by linking him to Stone-cipher’s death.“

“But there’s no reason to think Conrad did it just because it happened at the deli.“

“I know. But if somebody like that Foster Hanlon person found Stonecipher dead and was still steamed about losing the battle with Conrad and what he imagines is the lowering of property values, he might figure that making the deli look like a dangerous place might hurt Conrad’s business enough to shut him down. It doesn’t make sense, but it could be the way a nasty old thing like Hanlon would think on the spur of the moment. I admit it’s pretty thin, but the fact is I was frantic about Mike working there when I thought it was a murder. Other people might avoid going there for the same reason.”

Shelley nodded. “It’s possible. Or maybe Conrad had some other enemy who’d like to see him fail. For that matter, maybe Sarah or even Grace was the target, so to speak. I can’t imagine disliking either of them. The old Sarah was very well-liked and the new version of her is as bland as a mouse. But I didn’t know her well when we were young and don’t know her now either. The same goes for Grace. I like her, but really don’t know much about her. She mentioned a nasty divorce. Her former husband could be a real vindictive sort.“

“But since it’s not murder anymore, I don’t suppose we’ll ever know,“ Jane said.

She got out of the driver’s seat, opened the back door, and gathered up her library books from the floor of the station wagon. “You need anything here? Are you coming in?“

“No, I’m going to sit here and think. You know, Jane, instead of losing interest in this now that it’s not a murder case, I find my curiosity piqued. Why risk being hauled in for an imaginary murder? I can’t fathom it.“

“Me neither. If the autopsy guy hadn’t been up to par and it went on the record as a murder, somebody would have been in a lot of trouble. They’d have probably been convicted of a murder they really didn’t commit. It was a huge risk. I’ll only be a minute. One of these is overdue and I have to pay the fine.”

When Jane came back out of the library, Shelley was standing by a trash barrel, the now-empty car ashtray in her hand. She was staring into space.

“You just can’t resist cleaning up things, can you,“ Jane said, jiggling her elbow.

Shelley got back into the car and fitted the ashtray into place. “What if making his death look like murder was meant to get someone else in trouble?“

“Like how?“

“I’m not sure. The idea’s still coming together.“ She thought for a minute. “Okay. How’s this? If I really disliked somebody at the deli opening and in innocently wandering around, looking the place over, suppose I came across a dead Stonecipher. I might think, ah-hah! My great enemy Suzie Q is out there wearing that sweater that sheds all over the place. If I push this rack over and make it look like Stonecipher was killed and then shove some of that sweater fuzz under the rack, maybe the police will think she killed him and she’ll be in a lot of trouble.“

“How would you know how the dead Stonecipher had died? Or even that he was dead, and not just in a faint? And why would you risk being seen coming out of the storage room not only once, but twice?“ Jane asked. And then she laughed. “Not to mention having to go pluck Suzie Q’s sweater in full view of a crowd of people.”

Shelley didn’t look chastened. “Hmm. Guess that one won’t fly. Where are we going next?“

“Shoe repair.“

“Not the taupe heels again. Jane, why don’t you break down and buy new shoes to replace them?“

“Because I love those shoes. If I could get exact duplicates, I would. You know that commercial where the women are playing basketball in their high heels? I could do that in these shoes. If I ever had the desire to play basketball. Which I haven’t.“

“I did that once,“ Shelley said.

“Played basketball?“

“No. Got smart when I realized I loved a green plaid blouse better than I’d ever loved a piece of clothing. I went back to the store and they still had one in the same size. I bought it, put it away in the cedar chest, and wore the first one for a couple years until it was almost in tatters. I finally threw it away, feeling terribly smug that I had a replacement. But when I got out the next one, I discovered that it had aged just as fast as the one I’d worn. I wore it twice and it fell apart in the wash. I was crushed.”

When Jane had once again entrusted her beloved shoes to the repairman, they headed for the giant discount store where Jane intended to buy a lampshade to replace the one the cats had clawed. But the Saturday parking lot was so full they gave up. “Did you see those perfectly healthy, agile yuppies park in the handicapped place and bound out of their car?“ Jane fumed.

Shelley grinned. “My mother gets so mad about that. She had some little cards printed up that she puts under the windshield wipers of people like that. The card says: ‘The handicap is mental, I assume.’ “

“We must have some of those made up!“ Jane exclaimed. “If we can’t shop, we’ll have to eat, I guess.“

“Sad but true. Where?“

“The new deli would be great, but we couldn’t talk freely there. How about that little salad shop next to the mall?”

When they were seated at a table at the back of the salad shop, Jane said, “I have a real treat for you. A gift from the gods. You know who Patsy Mallett is?“

“Of course. The amazing woman who runs the graduation party.“

“Yes, the gift is from her. But I’m afraid there’s a bit of a price.“

“What kind of a gift comes with a price?“ Shelley said, studying the menu.

“Most gifts, I’ve found,“ Jane commented. “Anyway, here it is—“ She told Shelley the Henry-VIII-and-his-paired-ambassadors theory of committee management.

Shelley was so stunned that she just looked blankly at the waitress when she arrived at the tail end of the explanation.

“What’ll you have?“ the young woman said.

“I—I don’t know. Anything,“ Shelley said.

“She’ll have the chicken Caesar, extra Parmesan,“ Jane said, “and I’ll have the taco salad, no guacamole.“

“Jane, this is wonderful! A real forehead slapper. So that’s how she accomplishes so much and keeps tabs on everything. Wow! I can’t wait to try this out. I need to sit at this woman’s feet—“

“That’s the payoff part. You’re going to. I volunteered us to work on next year’s graduation. You choose the committee. She’s calling me Monday to set up a time for us to meet her and talk about it.“

“It’ll be worth it. How’d she happen to tell you this?“

“She wanted me to pass something along to Mel. About Emma Weyrich. But I’m getting ahead of myself. Quit rubbing your hands together that way about the Domineering Woman’s Guide to Bossing People Around and listen to me.“

“Okay, okay. I’m with you.“

“When the graduation ceremony was over, Emma Weyrich made a point of grabbing me and saying she wanted to talk to me.“

“What about?“

“She wouldn’t say. All very hush-hush. I said I was sorry about her boss dying and she just brushed it off, which I thought was strange then. Anyway, I didn’t know then- and I’m certain she didn’t either—that Stonecipher had died of a heart attack. I thought later that she might have wanted to talk about someone she suspected of killing him. Either that, or she was trying to beat us into shaping up again. She was real rude and abrupt and told me to come to her apartment at four o’clock today, just like it was a dental appointment or something.“

“You’re going?“

“I don’t think so, but I am curious. Especially after hearing what Patsy Mallett had to say.“

“Which was?”

Jane started to explain about Patsy overhearing the fight between Emma and Stonecipher and broke off when the waitress arrived with their salads. When they were alone again a moment later, she continued, “Patsy suspected Emma, but didn’t want to be a gossip,“ she said. “Of course Patsy didn’t know either about the heart attack and I didn’t say anything.“

“Do you think Emma wanted to confide about this affair in your shell-pink ear?“

“I wondered. But it seems so unlikely. I don’t even know her except for having taken that one class. We have virtually nothing in common, so why does she want to talk to me at all? And why was it all so abrupt and almost businesslike? It wasn’t a case of her appealing to me for ‘let’s talk sometime, I need some advice.’ It was very much an appointment. A summons, really.“

“That is weird,“ Shelley said, critically examining a piece of the chicken in her salad. “But maybe it’s just her manner. I don’t recall her being notable for her social grace. And according to Patsy Mallett, Emma had good reason to be pretty badly disconcerted. You know, I think she turned up in town about the same time the Stoneciphers did. She might have come along because he was moving here. Who knows how long this affair has been going on? To have her hopes of marrying him blow up in her face just when she thought she’d finally gotten what she wanted—and then to have him die the very next day—well, it would be a rare person who didn’t get badly rattled.“

“True, but it still doesn’t explain why she’d want to talk to me, of all people, about it. Surely she has friends of her own. I’m barely even an acquaintance. You’d think she’d even know Patsy better. She sees her every week. And if I needed advice, I’d choose Patsy over me any day.“

“I think we should find out what it was all about,“ Shelley said.

Jane broke off a chunk of the taco shell her salad came in and grinned. “Good. I like that ‘we’ part. You’ll go with me?“

“Sure. I’m as curious as you are. Maybe she’ll tell us something interesting.”

But when they got to Emma’s apartment, they discovered that she wasn’t telling anybody anything.

She was dead.

11

The apartment complex was a large, modern one, laid out and landscaped with lots of trees and ferns and winding streets in an elaborate way that made it look more cozy and private than it actually was. When Jane and Shelley noticed the ambulance and police car, they assumed at first that there had probably been an accident at the pool. But as they approached the building Emma lived in and saw two suited men who were obviously official at the door of the building, they cast quick, alarmed looks at each other.

They were stopped at the door of Building Three.

“What’s happened?“ Jane asked.

“Are you residents?“ the taller man asked.

“No, we’re visiting someone who lives in this building,“ Shelley replied. “Emma Weyrich in 308D.“

“Would you wait here, please,“ the plain- clothes officer said firmly. He gave the other man a quick glance that clearly meant
Make sure they do.

“
Is Mel VanDyne here someplace?“ Jane asked. When nobody replied, she added, “Tell him Jane is here waiting to talk to him.”

Mel appeared a minute or two later. “Funny, I’m not surprised to see you here,“ he said, half disgusted, more than half angry.

“Is it Emma?“ Jane asked.

He nodded.

“Dead?“

“Very,“ he said. “A neighbor called half an hour ago. Said he found her cat out in the hallway. Took it home and found the door ajar. Went in and found her.“

“How was it done?“ Shelley asked quietly.

“A smack in the head with a small barbell-type thing. Prints wiped clean. Very tidy. No struggle. No blood. You’ll have to explain yourselves, but not to me.“ He addressed the officer who’d fetched him. “Smith, will you take statements from these ladies? Mrs. Jeffry and Mrs. Nowack. And don’t let
them
interview
you.”

He went back into the apartment building, and Shelley and Jane gave their statement. Jane explained that Emma, whom she knew only slightly, had approached her, setting up an appointment to meet at this address at four.

She turned over the slip of paper on which Emma had written her address.

“If you didn’t know her, why did you come?“ the officer asked.

“Plain old curiosity,“ Jane admitted.

“And you, ma’am,“ he said, looking at Shelley. “Were you invited, too?“

“No, I just came with my friend Jane.”

“What was this appointment about?“ he asked.

“I have no idea,“ Jane said. “As I told you, I hardly knew her. But her boss died at the deli where my son works. I was present at the time. Maybe she wanted to ask me about it. Or just have someone sympathize. I don’t know.“

“Sympathize?“

“It was a small office. She might have been out of a job for all I know,“ Jane said. She’d promised Patsy she’d tell Mel about the argument Patsy had overheard, but she felt she should tell Mel directly. “If you’re through with us, I need to get home,“ she added.

“I guess VanDyne knows where to find you?“ the officer asked.

Jane didn’t like his wink-wink-nudge-nudge tone, but decided she wasn’t in a strong position to get huffy. “I think so,“ she said stiffly.

She and Shelley went back to the car in silence and Jane drove out of the apartment complex and straight through the drive-up lane of a fast-food restaurant on the next corner. She ordered two coffees and pulled over under a shade tree a block away.