Silent Night: Vampire Holiday Romance (The Night Songs Collection Book 4) (15 page)

What could I tell her? That the man I was living with, and who might be a little obsessed with me in a not so healthy way, just told me that he thought he was a vampire? I’d be under psychiatric evaluation before I even finished saying it. So instead, I smiled as genuinely as I could manage, because I really did appreciate the gesture. “I’ll be all right. Just a really bad day.”

“Do you have someplace to go?” she asked. “It’s not safe for you to be alone like this.”

It wasn’t safe for me to be anywhere. I nodded. “I’m headed home now.”

My answer satisfied her, and she patted my arm before making her way down the street, cane in hand. “Careful, it’s slippery,” I called after her.

What that lady didn’t realize was that her simple show of concern ripped me in two. She made me realize how much I needed Memere right now. If she knew this was happening to me, she’d do anything to stop it.

It had been a long time since I’d asked God for anything, but I needed a miracle.

Aidan’s words. I wanted to cover my ears to shut the volume off in my brain. My legs moved again, retracing my steps back to the house. Maybe God did send us just what we needed. No one else had stopped, just that woman. Why? I could be reading too much into it. All of it.

I needed to give Aidan the benefit of the doubt. It was the least he deserved. There had to be more to this than I’d given him the chance to explain.

Soft yellow light glowed from inside the house. I stood on the porch, once again paralyzed. The front door key was in my hand, which was still balled into my jacket pocket. From the narrow window by the door, I could only see the foyer and a sliver of the living room. Just a motionless line of books on a shelf.

Taking a step to my left, I hoped to see Aidan’s silhouette, obscured by the curtain. I just wanted to catch him doing something candid and normal. Human.

I jumped when the door opened. “Are you going to stand out there all night?” Aidan looked annoyed, and either sad or tired. I couldn’t tell in the light of the porch. He still hadn’t got dressed or combed his hair.

“I didn’t know if I was welcome.” I puffed myself up, trying not to lose my nerve as I made my way through the door. I had to brush against him to get by. Touching his skin made all the reason in my brain scramble.
No, you can’t let lust overrule reason
, I told myself.
You can’t let a fairytale obscure a nightmare.

“You know you’re welcome here, Kyndra.” He exhaled, his words matter of a fact. We stared at each other as I stood in the middle of the living room. “I want you here. Are you going to take off your coat and stay awhile?”

“I haven’t decided yet.” It was the truth. I sat, but didn’t take off my coat. I was shivering from my wet pajama bottoms.

“Why not?” Aidan was interrogating me? Like I was the one who insinuated I was something other than human?

My eyes darted to the corner of the room with the TV in it. I couldn’t look at him. “Listen, I understand how painful it is to lose someone. I didn’t want to believe that Memere wasn’t coming back. I wouldn’t leave our apartment. The people at the office had to actually threaten me with arrest to get me out. And I wasn’t prepared. So in trying to keep everything just the way it was, I lost everything.” I had to stop and catch my breath. Aidan nodded slightly. “And every once in a while, God gives me a sign that she’s still with me. That night in the church. She made sure I wouldn’t be alone on Christmas. Tonight, when I ran out, an old lady stopped to check on me.”

“But she’s still gone.” Aidan punctuated my statement.

I nodded. “That lady made me realize, or remember, that you’re going through the exact same thing I am, with Marielle.” My eyes started to fill again with tears. “Your words, I never thought anyone could say things like that and mean them about me. I didn’t think I was worthy of that. But, I know that I’m just the middle man. I know that you didn’t get to say goodbye to Marielle. I know how much it hurts.”

The last words barely made it past my lips. Elbows on knees, face in hands, I sobbed for the loss of something I apparently never had.

I felt Aidan beside me. It seemed like forever before he touched me, his hand finally touching my back so lightly I might have just imagined it. Once I settled down, I turned my face, wet and undoubtedly red, toward him.

“You should change out of those pants. They’re soaked.”

I burst out laughing. “Really? That’s all you have to say to me?”

“No, but I can tell you’re uncomfortable.”

“You think wet pants are the reason I’m uncomfortable?” Maybe he
was
crazy. “Did you just get here or something?”

“Actually, when I arrived, you were going through things that didn’t belong to you.”

“Aidan, I’m sorry.” How many times did I have to say it? “But you don’t need to try to scare me away from you. That book is going to go out to the world. I would have read it eventually.”

He rubbed his hands through his hair, screwing it up more. “This was a bad idea.” His voice sounded different. Mean, almost.

“What was?”

“All of it!” He raised his voice again, his hand slamming down on the pillow. He got up and started pacing around the living room.

“I told you I was sorry, and I told you that I understand what you’re going through.” I shouldn’t have come back. He was right; it was all a bad idea.

“You have no idea--” His words seemed more heavily accented than usual. Maybe that happened when he got mad. He’d never been mad at me before. “—what I am going through.”

He was talking in circles and it was making me crazy. I watched him, still pacing like an angry lion in a cage. “Then just tell me. I want to understand.”

Aidan sat down, his legs spread wide and still tapping. He looked down at his feet and pressed his fingers together. Whatever he had to tell me scared him. I held my breath waiting for him to speak.

“I don’t want to lie to you anymore,” he started, still looking at the floor. “But the truth isn’t going to be easier for you to hear. All I can ask you to do is listen with an open mind.”

“I can do that.” At least, I was sure as hell going to try.

“The Allison Duprois books are a franchise. Many people work to make these successful. I have editors, proofreaders, publicity people, an agent, artists, lawyers, and a whole team of people working to put the final product into the world. But only one person writes the books, and that’s me. It’s always been me. I started writing these books as a memoir, just for myself. When a friend picked one up, much like you did, she suggested I try to have them published.”

It sounded so rational, but it didn’t make any sense. “When I asked you how old you were, you said you were thirty-two. You’d have to be at least fifty, if not sixty to have accomplished what you said you have. Even as Allison.”

Aidan looked so sad. I wanted to hold him, but he needed his space. “When I died—“

“When you died?” Flabbergasted didn’t even begin to cover how I felt. “What the hell are you talking about?”

“Are you going to listen to the whole story?” he asked.

Keep an open mind, Kyndra. You can do this. It’s all he asked. There has to be a logical conclusion to this story.
“It’s just that, okay. I’m trying Aidan, but your story is just a little out there.” I knew I’d said the wrong thing as soon as the words came out of my mouth. “I’m sorry. This isn’t easy for me, either.”

“I know it’s not, and I’ve dreaded this day ever since I first saw you sitting in the church. I knew that night that our lives would be forever intertwined, and for that to work, you needed to know everything about me.” He stopped to check my reaction. As far as I was concerned, he was still speaking in riddles, and it was still freaking me out. But I needed to let him finish if we were ever going to move on.

“As I was saying, I was thirty-two when I died. Quebec City was in a state of unrest. Canada wasn’t a country yet, it was New France, and the colonies were New England. My mother was Algonquin, one of the aboriginal tribes of Canada, and my father was a fur trader from France. The French worked with the native people surrounding the rivers, their knowledge making them stronger. I could pass for white, so I kept it quiet that I was a Metis and had native blood. That let me rise ranks in the military. They found out, but I was a skilled soldier, and the officers agreed to keep my secret. Not everyone was happy about that, and I was no stranger to attacks from cowards. I was strong enough to hold my own, and that got the attention of the wrong people.

One night, I headed back to the barracks from a tavern. I’d had too much of a good time, and I wasn’t as aware of my surroundings as I should have been. I knew I was in trouble when I couldn’t overpower one attacker, but I never imagined
this
would happen to me.”

I still having a hard time believing this story. Sure, it sounded pretty solid. So many books sat on the shelves. He could just be reciting words from one of them. How would I know the difference? I didn’t know anything about Canadian history or vampires. One thing I was sure of was that Aidan believed it.

“What happened?” I asked, in case he needed a green light to continue. My disbelief was probably written all over my face.

“My attacker dragged me away from the main street, the city was little more than a village by today’s standards, and beat me worse than ten men could have. I remember trying to fight back as he licked the blood from my wounds, laughing as he caught my arm and broke it. Even talking about it now, I can feel the bone snap.” He stopped, shuddering. “I continued to struggle, and he told me that I was perfect, and he had a place where I would belong. While I was relieved he wasn’t going to kill me, or so I thought, I knew he meant to capture me in some way, and I probably thought the same thing that you are right now: that he was a lunatic. Licking my blood! Somehow, I still thought I’d be able to go home again. And that’s why I kept fighting. When I finally exhausted, he sunk his teeth into my neck. I could actually feel the life leaving my body, I could almost see it floating above me, dispersing in to the night sky as I lay there, too weak or helpless to do anything.”

“And then you were a vampire? Just like that?”

“No. The transformation took a few days. My body had to regenerate, and now I know my attacker, who became my creator, had to get me to ingest his blood as well. I woke up in a dungeon, chained to the wall like the prisoner I was. Gilles, my creator, planned to create his own militia, and that’s why he wanted me. I knew the countryside as well as the city. Like many of the new settlers, he was looking for a better life. His vision was to create the smartest, fastest, most ruthless clan. He wound up creating a line of very successful vampires, but not in the way he intended. His greatest disappointment is that we still have to live in shame, in the shadows.”

“How many other vampires are there?” The question felt foolish coming out of my mouth. “And what do they do?”

Aidan took a moment to think about his answer. “Worldwide? It’s impossible to know for sure.” Of course it was. “But in my clan, maybe about fifty at any given time.”

“You have your own clan?” I’d never met any of Aidan’s friends, which never seemed disturbing until this very minute. He was a writer, so I chalked his solitary ways up to being an introvert. Now I wasn’t sure I wanted to know his friends.

Aidan had encouraged me to walk away from my friends as well. It didn’t seem so alarming before. Now he had me right where he wanted me.

Alone.

“I gave up the reins years ago, and passed them to Talis, the one you read about in the book on your nightstand.” He nodded and I thought my eyes were going to pop out of my head. “Women vampires are created to be leaders, something I didn’t understand when Gilles explained it to me. Talis was the first vampire I ever created, and we shared a special bond. She didn’t want me to have anyone but her, even if I couldn’t love her in the same way. I created a mate for her. She tortured him. I tried to create other females, to show her I moved on. She destroyed them.”

“So you have me here,” I could barely hear my own voice. “Is she going to come for me now, too?”

“No,” he said sadly. “She’s been destroyed. Recently.”

“I’m sorry.” Was that the right thing to say?

“I loved her, but when I heard the news, a part of me was relieved. I didn’t have to worry anymore about the day I found you.”

“Aidan—“

He stopped me, getting up to approach me. I crawled back into the cushions and hated myself for it. The look of hurt on his face killed me. I froze, keeping me from moving. Aidan’s determination didn’t waver, he still placed his hands, so cold, on my cheeks as I resisted the urge to push him away.

“Don’t,” he hushed me, curling up beside me and pressing his head against my forehead. My body shocked me by relaxing, going into autopilot at Aidan’s touch, melting against him. I wanted his story to have a happy ending. Because it meant mine did, too. But no matter which adventure I chose, I couldn’t see how we were going to get there.

“I know that your mind can’t process what I’m saying right now,” he continued, still leaning against me. “You think what I’m saying isn’t possible.” His lips brushed against mine, and I opened my mouth to accept his kiss. But he left me hanging, my mouth open as he ran his tongue along my neck.