Silver Lining (20 page)

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Authors: Wanda B. Campbell

BOOK: Silver Lining
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Tyson handed her his handkerchief and waited for Marlissa to clean her face and blow her nose. “Marlissa.” Tyson's tone was soft. “Please come back inside. If not for Kevin, then do it for me. The second Kevin gets into the car you can wring his neck, but please don't leave him here alone. It's bad enough that his mother isn't coming, you and I are all he has.” Marlissa didn't respond. Tyson continued. “Just for the record, Kevin does care.”
Marlissa walked in circles, debating Tyson's request. Could she go back inside and act like nothing was wrong? Right now she hated herself for loving Kevin so much, and despised him for not returning her love.
“Tyson, when will the divorce be final?”
Tyson closed his eyes. His lips moved, but no words materialized.
“This is not the time for prayer!” Marlissa exclaimed. “Tell me when I should expect my freedom papers.”
“I'll pull the file and contact you on Monday, but only if you come back inside.”
Marlissa paced some more before she agreed to Tyson's pleas. “Where's the bathroom?”
Tyson held the door open for her, and then followed her inside. “Are you going to follow me inside?” she questioned when they reached the restroom sign.
Tyson offered a stiff smirk. “No need, I'll wait out here. I don't want to take a chance on you performing a disappearing act.”
Marlissa rolled her eyes at his imitation of a watchman on the wall.
Dinner was being served when Tyson and Marlissa returned to the table, but Kevin wasn't eating. Tyson's words had stung him and, quite frankly, frightened him. His heart rate slowly settled back to normal when Tyson and Marlissa returned. Marlissa reclaimed her seat next to him, but he wouldn't make eye contact with Tyson.
“Where did you go?” Kevin asked Marlissa.
“Outside.” Marlissa placed the gold cloth napkin in her lap and started on her salad.
“Are you all right?”
“I needed some air.”
“I hope you feel better.” Kevin kissed her cheek and she flashed him a quick smile then continued eating. Kevin knew then that something was very wrong. Her beautiful smile was void of its usual radiance, its usual warmth. What presented itself now was cold and rehearsed. Finally, Kevin looked over at Tyson, who had placed four quarters on the table to remind him of his lack of common sense. Kevin narrowed his eyes at his friend, and then attempted to eat his salad.
Marlissa felt Kevin's gaze burning her skin. She could hear the stress in his breathing. Marlissa glimpsed out of the corner of her eye. Kevin subconsciously rubbed his freshly cut fade. The hot anger waned to lukewarm against her compassion. Marlissa felt sorry for him, and placed a hand on his leg to alleviate his fears. Immediately his hand covered hers and rendered gentle strokes.
As always, Kevin shared his prime rib with her and Marlissa shared her grilled salmon with him, although now she transferred the meat onto his plate instead of feeding him. There were moments when the urge to break down threatened to overtake her, but she held on, determined to play the role of the supportive wife, date, girlfriend, or whatever she was supposed to be, even if it was only for the night.
Marlissa clapped for every word of praise directed toward her husband. Then, like a good woman, she laughed at every joke. When the hospital administrator and medical director presented Kevin with Sutter Hospital's Physician of the Year Award for his outstanding work in corneal transplants and repair, Marlissa was the first to stand and applaud.
“Congratulations, Dr. Jennings,” Marlissa whispered in his ear when he hugged her before accepting the award. Marlissa's heart swelled with both pride and sorrow as she listened to Kevin humbly orate his acceptance speech. “I am going to miss him,” she mumbled during the final applause.
 
 
Kevin and Marlissa walked into the house quietly, each going in a different direction. Kevin went to the kitchen for something to drink. Marlissa went to the bedroom. Kevin remained in the kitchen, praying long after he finished his apple juice, praying that what he feared the most was not about to come upon him. Tyson's words and Marlissa's sudden change in attitude haunted him all the way home. He finally admitted to himself that Tyson was right; he had handled the situation all wrong. He should have leveled with Marlissa a long time ago. He'd yielded to fear and now payday had arrived.
Kevin somberly walked to his bedroom and plopped down on his bed. He had just removed his tie and cummerbund when Marlissa stepped from the bathroom carrying her travel bag. “Where are you going?” he asked, although he knew.
“Home,” she answered, without bothering to face him.
“We're at home.”
Marlissa continued to remove her clothing from the drawers. “No, Kevin, this is your home. My home is a two-bedroom apartment on Piedmont Avenue, for now anyway.” Before heading back to the bathroom for her toiletries, she added, “Dates go home at the end of the evening.”
Kevin lowered his head and rubbed his temples. “So that's what this is about. You're upset because I introduced you as my date?”
Kevin's blasé attitude infuriated Marlissa, and she lost her reserve. “What do you think? Is that what we have been doing here, dating?” Marlissa screamed as she yanked clothes off hangers.
“Marlissa!”
“I am a little rusty, maybe you can explain this to me. Since when did cooking, cleaning, waiting on you hand and foot, and giving you free access to my body become a part of dating?”
“Baby, I'm sorry. I—”
“Yes, you are sorry,” she interrupted. “Just tell me this, why did you lead me on if you didn't have any intentions of reconciling? And why on earth did you make love to me when you don't love me?”
Kevin walked over to her and attempted to stop her from packing. He reached for her forearms. “Marlissa, please!”
“Please what?” She yanked away from him. “Do you know how cheap you made me feel tonight?” Kevin looked confused. “Kevin, you used me just like Darius did. The only difference is that you paid for it!”
Those words knocked the wind out of Kevin. “Marlissa, that's not the same thing. We're married.”
“Really?” Marlissa's voice dripped with sarcasm. “Here behind closed doors we're married, but in public, around your prestigious colleagues, I am your date or an occasional sister!” She glared at him. “In most states you could go to jail for doing to your sister what you have been doing to me!” The travel bag was full and Marlissa was angry at herself for being stupid enough to think she had a chance to redeem herself. She was angry at herself for causing the problems that put her in this situation in the first place. Angry because she didn't follow Mother Scott's advice, and had yielded to him without a commitment. But what disgusted her most was she had allowed another man to make a fool of her.
“Kevin, you and Darius are one in the same. He filled my head with all kinds of wonderful crap, then joined his friends in abusing me. You did the same thing. The only difference is, you didn't take it by force. I freely gave myself to you because I trusted you. I thought you had integrity.”
By the time Kevin collected his thoughts and found his voice, Marlissa had left the bedroom. “Marlissa, please don't leave. I am not like Darius. We need to talk.”
Marlissa stopped abruptly and shook her head. “No, we don't. Your actions tonight spoke volumes. Tonight you expressed what's really in your heart, and it's not me.” She looked around the room and tried to erase all the memories. “I'll be back for the rest of my stuff later. Don't worry about the money for an apartment, I don't want your money. I don't want anything from you but the one thing I can't let go of.” Marlissa turned to leave, but then stopped again just before she opened the door leading to the garage. “Kevin, you are just like your mother. You can't handle the humanity in people. You expect people to be perfect, and when they don't live up to your high standards, you don't know how to forgive and move on. You only love when it's convenient for you. I took the same vows you did and if the situation were reversed, I would have forgiven you. I wouldn't hold your past against you, and under no circumstances would I have led you on and used you the way you used me. You should rejoin your mother's church. You and Pastor Jennings are made for each other.” This time she didn't turn back.
Chapter 27
M
arlissa lost track of time sitting in the parking lot of the twenty-four-hour Quik Stop. The clock on the console of her Lexus read 11:58
P.M.
, but that was before the last round of crying and wailing. That was before her head began throbbing and her facial muscles began flinching involuntarily. The clock now read 12:46
A.M.
It was after midnight in her life in every sense. The darkness and demons that had tormented her in the past had quickly returned, invading her mind and spirit with a vengeance. For the first time in over a year, Marlissa wanted a drink. She needed a drink. Just one drink would numb the pain and torture of Kevin's rejection.
She craved alcohol to the point where she licked her lips and imagined that the familiar fragrance had filled the car. She moaned, longing for the temporary comfort her old, warm liquid friends could give. “I need this,” was what she'd told herself when she pulled into the parking lot over an hour ago, but she still couldn't bring herself to open the car door. If Marlissa went inside, she would do more than throw away months of sobriety. She would give Kevin power over her life and prove Pastor Jennings's judgments about her to be true. All that mattered, but what kept her confined to the security of her vehicle, was the knowledge that one drink could harm the unborn child she carried; the child Kevin would never know about.
“I can't do this.” She sniffled as fresh tears formed. “God, please help me.”
Without consideration of the time, Marlissa grabbed her cell phone and called the one person she trusted to see her fragility.
“What's the matter?” Leon didn't waste time with pleasantries. If Marlissa called this late, something was definitely wrong. Marlissa attempted to tell him, but her sobs distorted her words. All Leon could make out were the words “Kevin” and “divorce.”
“Where are you?'
“At the Quik Stop near the apartment,” she managed to enunciate clearly.
“Marlissa,” Leon asked guardedly, “did you go inside?”
“No.” She heard Leon exhale. “But I want to. I really want to. I want the pain to stop. Just one drink is all I need.”
Leon immediately started praying. Marlissa could hear Starla in the background praying with him.
“Tell her to get over here,” she heard Starla say at the close of the prayer. “She shouldn't be alone tonight, not like this.”
Marlissa cried again, this time grateful for friends like Leon and Starla. “Okay,” she answered before Leon could make the offer.
Leon stayed on the phone with her until the headlights from her Lexus were visible from his living room window. He then went out to meet her.
“I am glad you didn't get out of the car this time of night dressed like that,” Leon said after she stepped from the car. She was still wearing the dress Kevin had bought her. In her haste to leave, she'd forgotten to change. Visions of the evening's earlier events flashed, and Marlissa fell back against the car and broke down again.
Leon carried her inside and placed her on the couch. Once Marlissa settled down, Starla handed her the cup of hot instant chai tea she'd made while Leon comforted Marlissa. Allowing Marlissa to take the lead, Leon and Starla remained silent.
“I am so sorry for disturbing you guys, but I couldn't help it,” Marlissa said after a few sips.
“That's what friends are for,” Starla replied. “Do you want to tell us what happened tonight?”
“Not the gory details.” Marlissa took another sip. “Kevin and I aren't reconciling. I'm not sure exactly when, but in a few days I'll be a single woman.”
The announcement stunned Starla. “I can't believe it. Why?” Leon didn't say anything.
“Kevin doesn't love me.” Marlissa sniffled.
“Of course he does.” Starla refused to believe any different. “It's written all over his face. Trust me, you hold that man's heart.”
“No. Kevin doesn't love me,” Marlissa said sadly, shaking her head.
Leon finally spoke. “Did he tell you that?”
Marlissa wiped her face. “Not verbally, but his actions were crystal clear. Funny how your hindsight vision is twenty-twenty.”
“What are you going to do?” Starla asked.
Marlissa attempted to answer, but her emotions got the best of her again. Both Leon and Starla put their arms around her. “My life is a mess!”
Leon shushed her. “We don't have to figure it out tonight, we have tomorrow and the day after and the day after that.”
 
 
Sunday morning, Marlissa awakened to the smell of bacon and eggs. Normally she found the scent tantalizing, but today it was nauseating. She held on as long as she could before the smell caused her to sprint to the bathroom.
“Mommy, Auntie Marlissa is sick!” Montel yelled over the retching.
Starla raced from the kitchen and found Marlissa on her knees with her face in the toilet bowl.
“Is she going to die?” Jaylen asked, hearing her gasp for air.
“No, Jaylen, she's not going to die. She's just not feeling well today.” Starla sent the boys to the kitchen for breakfast, then attended to Marlissa. Leon had already left the house.
“Thank you,” Marlissa managed after she placed the cold towel from Starla over her face. “Sorry, I messed up your rug.”
“That's what the washing machine is for.”
Starla's words were meant to be calming, but that one sentence set Marlissa up for another wild ride on her emotional rollercoaster. After being with Kevin, the household appliance held a dual meaning for her. “My life is a mess,” she bawled.
“It won't always hurt this much. Trust me, I know.” Starla rubbed the back of Marlissa's head.
“You don't understand,” Marlissa insisted. “My life really is a mess. I need a second job. I have to find another apartment. I don't have a husband. And I'm pregnant!”
Starla ceased rubbing. “You're what?”
“I'm a step away from being single and homeless. I'm going to have my baby all alone!” Marlissa wailed. “We're going to have to live in a shelter or in my car!”
Starla stood up. “Marlissa, you're putting
way
too much on it. No matter what happens with your marriage, Kevin is not going to allow the mother of his child to go homeless. He's not going allow his child to live in a shelter while he sleeps in a mini mansion.”
“He doesn't have a choice,” Marlissa said, slowly standing, using the toilet for support.
“What do you mean, he doesn't have a choice?” Starla questioned. “Does Kevin know you're pregnant?”
Instead of answering, Marlissa leaned over the sink and rinsed her mouth.
“You are going tell him, aren't you?” Marlissa still didn't answer. “Girl, stop playin'!”
Marlissa gargled, then finally answered. “No, Kevin doesn't know I'm pregnant. I just found out two days ago.”
“When are you going to tell him?”
Marlissa wanted to tell her friend she wasn't going to tell Kevin about the baby, but Starla wouldn't understand, not with her daddy issues. Marlissa wasn't sure that's what she really wanted anyway. She understood firsthand the effects of not having a father. In her heart she didn't want her child to experience that, but Kevin had hurt her. “I don't know. Right now, I can't stand the sight of him.”
Starla placed her hand on Marlissa's shoulder. “Don't wait too long. That's not something you should keep from a man, especially one who wants to be a father.”
“You're right. Tyson said he would contact me tomorrow, I'll decide after that.” Starla left Marlissa to check on the boys. Marlissa was relieved when Starla didn't press her. The last thing she needed in her life right now was for her only female friend to take sides with her estranged husband.
Marlissa surprised Starla when she glided into the kitchen and announced she was going to church.
“Are you sure? Kevin might be there, he is a member now.”
“Oh, yeah.” Marlissa had forgotten that minor detail. “So what, I'm not going to allow that jerk to steal my praise.” She prayed that her voice sounded stronger than she felt.

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