Silver Wedding (28 page)

It was extremely irritating but Deirdre would not lose her temper. Years of being reasonable and refusing to raise her voice had meant that there were few arguments in Rosemary Drive.

Deirdre had always prided herself on that. It was something to show for all those years and all that had happened.

Mother was sitting in a corner of the big oak-panelled bar as if she were a regular. She looked very well, she wore a fawn linen jacket and skirt with a cream-coloured blouse beneath, her hair had been freshly done, in fact she must have spent the hour that her daughter used to struggle in to central London sitting peacefully in a hairdressing salon. She looked relaxed and at her ease. She was reading a newspaper and unless she was putting on an elaborate act she seemed to be reading it without the aid of glasses.

A woman of sixty-seven and she looked somehow younger and fresher than her own daughter.

Eileen O'Hagan's eyes looked up just at that moment, and she smiled broadly. Deirdre felt her movements somehow stiffen as she walked across to meet her mother. They kissed and Mother, who was already on friendly terms with the waiter, called him over.

'Just a glass of wine and soda,' Deirdre said.

'Nothing stronger to celebrate your old Mother coming to town?'

'You're never this lady's mother, seesters yes . . .' the waiter said on cue. But it had a ring that was altogether too truthful for Deirdre.

'Just wine and soda,' she snapped.

'Let me look at you. . .' her mother said.

'Don't, Mother, I look badly, I wish you'd told me . . .'

'But if I had then you'd have gone to an immense amount of fuss and worn yourself out. ..' her mother said.

'Then you admit you didn't tell me, that it didn't just slip your mind.'

'It was out of kindness, Deirdre . .. you were always one to go to such efforts, that's why I didn't tell you.'

Deirdre felt the tears sting in her eyes, she fought to keep the hurt tone out of her voice.

'Well all I can say is that it's a pity. Desmond would have loved to have had you to the house, and the girls will be very sorry they've missed their Grannie.'

'Nonsense, Deirdre, Anna's at work. Helen's at prayer.. . Desmond is up to his eyes . .. Why create a great fuss?'

There it was again, that hated word Fuss. Deirdre clenched her fists and saw her mother glance at her whitened knuckles. This was very bad, she had vowed that there would be no argument. She must keep to that.

'Right, well here we are anyway,' Deirdre said in a voice that sounded to her own ears curiously tinny. 'And Mother, you do look remarkably well.'

Her mother brightened up. 'This suit has been a godsend, you know I bought it three years ago in Maureen's shop. Maureen always had great taste, I used to wonder why some of her clothes were so expensive, but her mother always said you paid for the cut and that they never really went out of fashion ..."

Mother patted the skirt of her outfit with pleasure.

'It should be just the thing for a cruise.' Deirdre tried to sound enthusiastic.

'Well yes, I didn't think there was any point in getting all those floral silks . . . leisurewear, cruisewear they actually call them nowadays. Better to bring something suitable, something familiar, and I have a few cotton dresses for sightseeing.' She looked animated and excited.

'And what possessed you to take off on something like this?'

Even as she spoke Deirdre knew that hers sounded like the voice of an older woman remonstrating with a difficult daughter rather than the enthusiasm that there should have been for a self-sufficient parent capable of enjoying herself on her own.

'As I told you, it came up, and I have a friend who was also free at this time, so it seemed only sensible

'Oh good, someone's going with you.' Deirdre was pleased. Two old ladies on board ship would at least have each other to talk to at the time, and be able to share the memory afterwards. She tried to remember which one of her mother's bridge cronies would have been likely to be accompanying her.

'Yes, and I thought I'd seize the chance of letting you meet each other, not for lunch, we'll have that on our own, but Tony said he'd pop down and say hallo . . . Ah, there he is ... what timing!'

And as Deirdre felt the base of her stomach fill with lead she realized that her mother was waving at a florid-looking man with a blazer and a red face who was coming across the room rubbing his hands delightedly. Mother was going on a cruise with a man.

'This is nice,' Tony said, crushing Deirdre's hot hand in his own, and telling the waiter that he'd like a large G and T, Cork and Schweppes, ice and slice.

The waiter was puzzled. Mother said affectionately that Irish gin-drinkers were fanatically partisan and only drank the home brew as far as gin was concerned.

'But we're very democratic, we drink the English tonic,' Tony said, beaming around him. 'Well Deirdre, what do you think of all this caper?'

'I've only just heard about it this moment,' she said, hardly able to find the words.

'It should be a great old jaunt altogether,' he said. 'No decisions about whether to go and see places, they come to see you instead. Perfect for the lazy man. And lazy woman.' He actually patted Mother's hand.

'Were you afraid to tell me this too in case I'd fuss?' Deirdre asked, and could have bitten off her tongue.

Tony weighed in before Mother could answer.

'Oh, there you are, Eileen, she's as jealous as the others. Barbara nearly went mad when she heard that her mother was taking me instead of her, and Gerard said that in all decency your mother should take her son instead of a toy boy like myself.' He threw back his head and laughed heartily, and Mother laughed with him.

Deirdre thought, he knows Barbara and Gerard. Why had neither of them said anything about this to her? How dare they keep quiet about something as big as this? And was he serious about Mother taking him, Mother could not possibly be paying for this loud vulgar man. Or was this a joke too?

Mother seemed to read her face. 'Don't worry about a thing, Deirdre my love, it's only his way of going on. Tony's not after the deeds of the house.'

'Fat chance I'd have if I were after them,' he boomed. 'Your mother will live for ever, I'll go for the chop one of these days. Hopefully not on the cruise, though a burial at sea would be something to remember, wouldn't it?'

Deirdre felt a genuine sense of nausea. This man who must be almost the same age as her mother, was a serious part of her life. And until this minute nobody had been able to tell her.

She forced the smile back on to her face, and saw her mother's approving glance. She found her mouth dry and bitter as she searched for some suitable words.

But Tony was not a man who would allow silences. He had had her glass refilled, he had commandeered a dish of olives and a bowl of crisps on the ground that one had to have all the trappings. He had assured her that he would take great care of her mother on the cruise, squeezed her hand hard again, and said he would leave the key at reception. The key. The man wasn't even pretending that they had separate rooms. Deirdre felt a sense of unreality wash over her, and she hardly noticed that he had kissed her mother goodbye on the cheek.

Mother had booked a nearby restaurant. It was small and French and expensive. The napkins were thick, the silver was heavy, and the flowers on the table were real and plentiful.

In her twenty-five years living in London Deirdre had never eaten in a place like this and here was her mother, her mother from a small country, a small city compared to this one, ordering as if she were used to it.

She was glad that Mother was making decisions, not only could she not understand the menu but she would not have been able to order, so confused and upset did she feel.

'Why didn't you tell me anything about... er ... Tony?' she asked eventually.

'Well there wasn't all that much to tell until we decided to go on this cruise together, and then as soon as we set off on that I did tell you.' Mother" spread out her hands as if it were the simplest thing in the world.

'And Gerard, and Barbara ... do they .. . did they .. . ?'

'Well they know Tony's a friend of mine, and naturally I told them our holiday plans.'

'And were they . .. did they . .. ?'

'Gerard drove us to the airport this morning. Tony's right, he's green with envy, he keeps saying it's just what he needs. He works too hard, he should take time off, and he can well afford it. Maybe this is the spur.'

'But did he say ... what did he think .. . ?'

'He didn't say that he'd take a holiday, and you know Gerard, he probably is thinking about it.'

Could Mother really misunderstand her or was this deliberate?

Deirdre was not going to be brushed aside.

'What about Barbara and Jack? What do they think of you going away with a man?'

'Dearest Deirdre, I'm not going away with a man in that sense, I am going away on holiday certainly and I am going with Tony, and yes indeed he is a man. What do you mean, what do they think? They don't think at all, I am perfectly sure.'

'But Jack's family

As long as Deirdre could remember, Jack's family had been spoken of with some kind of awe. His father was a High Court Judge, his uncle was an Ambassador. Barbara had done what the O'Hagan family had wanted by marrying such style, instead of what she, Deirdre the eldest, had done - marrying a nobody and doing it in a great hurry.

But Mother looked totally bewildered.

Jack's family?' she repeated as if Deirdre had somehow begun to speak in a foreign language. 'What on earth connection have they with anything?'

'You know ...'

'I don't think they ever met Tony. No, I'm sure they didn't.

Why do you ask?'

Deirdre looked hard at her mother. Mother knew bloody well why she asked. She asked because the high and mighty Jack's family were always mentioned. They had been mentioned since Deirdre's young sister Barbara had started walking out with a son of the well-connected tribe. Deirdre remembered the huge wedding, given for Barbara, with the marquee, the witty speeches, the politicians and the photographers. It had been very different from her own wedding day. And now suddenly Jack's almighty clan didn't seem important any more.

Feeling a flush darken her cheek, she spoke directly to her mother.

'And do you and ... Tony .. . have any further plans . .. like after the cruise, do you think you might get married or anything?'

'Do try to keep the surprise out of your voice,' her mother said. 'Stranger things have happened, you know. But the answer is no. No plans like that.'

'Oh?'

'And anyway, enough about me and my trip. Tell me about all your doings.' Mother smiled in anticipation.

Deirdre looked dour: 'None of them are anything nearly as interesting as your plans.'

'Come come, Desmond's setting up on his own, and you're going to have this whole silver wedding shindig . . .'

It was such a Tony word, shindig. Mother didn't speak like before.

'Where did you meet him?' Deirdre asked abruptly.

'Desmond?' Now Mother was being playful. 'When you brought him home of course, and told us about the wedding. But you know that.'

'I didn't mean Desmond, and you know that.' Deirdre was cross. 'I meant Tony. How did you become involved with him?'

'We met in the golf club.'

'Tony's a member of the golf club?' The surprise and disbelief were clear in her voice.

'Yes, he plays off twelve,' Mother said proudly.

'But how did he become a member?' Years ago someone flash like Tony could not have been proposed, it would have been as simple as that. Had her Desmond known how to play golf, which he did not, he would not have been acceptable. How could someone like Tony get in?

'I've no idea, I suppose like we all became members.' Mother was vague.

'And do all your other friends know him, did Mrs Barry know him for example?' Deirdre had chosen Maureen Barry's mother, the great social barometer of their Dublin. Surely Tony had not been welcomed in her set?

'Sophie? Yes of course poor Sophie met him from time to time. Sophie Barry didn't play golf, remember, so she wouldn't have known him in that context.'

'Don't tell me Tony plays bridge?'

'No, he's frightfully dismissive of old pussy cats as he calls us, spending hour after cheery hour, day after day dealing cards.'

Mother laughed merrily and suddenly her life seemed much more fun than Deirdre's own. Desperate not to let her mother change the subject again, Deirdre tried once more.

'And Mother please, what does Gerard think? What does he say? No, not about taking holidays himself, what does he say about you and Tony?'

'I've no idea.'

'You must know.'

'No, I mean how would I know? I only know what he says to me, I've no idea what he says to anyone else. He has a rather nice girlfriend at the moment, he may talk about it with her, but I imagine not.' Mother looked supremely unconcerned.

'But he must. . . surely .. .'

'Listen, Deirdre. Everyone has their own life to lead, Gerard is probably much more worried about his career at the Bar, should he take Silk, should he stop playing the field with these little dolly birds and settle down? He probably worries about his health, he's nearly forty, he may think a lot about cholesterol and polyunsaturated fats. He might wonder whether to sell his flat and buy a house. What time on earth is there for him to spend thinking about his mother? I ask you!'

'But if you're doing something ... if you're getting into something . ..'

'I'm sure he thinks I'm old enough to look after myself.'

'We all have to look after each other,' Deirdre said a trifle unctuously.

'That's where you are totally wrong, we all have to make very sure we don't interfere in people's lives. That's the great sin.'

The unfairness of it stung Deirdre like the lash of a whip. How dare Mother come out with this preachy nonsense about not interfering in people's lives. For a quarter of a century Deirdre had been trying to live up to some kind of image, some expectations for her. She was the daughter for whom there had been such hopes. The eldest of the family, very bright at university, an honours student, she might have taken the Third Sec examination and gone into the Department of External Affairs as it was called then, she might have been on the way to being an ambassador or marrying one. She might have done the Bar as her brother had done. She might have made the brilliant match that her sister Barbara had done.