Simmer All Night (14 page)

"But we're boys and you're a girl. Of course they treated us different. And as far as hugging goes, your mother never once hugged me."

"No, but she gave you the smile—you know which one—that special smile she reserves for you when you've pleased her. I don't know, Cole. It's hard to put into words how she made me feel. It wasn't bad, just somehow... less. For instance, Mama often boasted about you and Jake to her friends. I never once heard her mention any of my accomplishments."

Cole opened his mouth, then apparently reconsidered and snapped it shut without speaking.

Chrissy continued. "Remember when the three of us played that prank on the smithy?"

"The biggest, meanest man in town," Cole said with a nod.

"Mama chuckled over your bravery. She banished me to my room for a week."

"Well, you did take a risk with that branding iron. We all knew at the time you shouldn't have done that."

"Your action with the tongs wasn't any better." When Cole started to protest, she waved it away and said, "You know what? It didn't bother me too much because at least I got her attention. I was happy to be there because every day she would come by and lecture me about my behavior. I had five uninterrupted minutes of her time."

Exasperation chased across Cole's face. "That was ten years ago, Christina. What does it all matter now? You need to grow up."

She offered a bittersweet smile. "You wouldn't think it should matter now, would you? I did a lot of thinking about this during the voyage to England. Yes, what happened when I was a child shouldn't matter now. I should be able to get beyond those old hurts. It's a childish way to think and I know that, so I'm trying to let it go. Truly, I am. But it's hard, Cole."

"Why?"

"I think it's because no matter how old you are, you never outgrow the need to please your parents. Mama is all I have left."

He raked a hand through his hair. "Let me get this straight. You engage yourself to a platoon of different men, then break it off with each of them. You join the Chili Queens. That's your way of trying to please Elizabeth? Honey, I don't mind telling you, you're going about it all wrong."

"Hardly a platoon, Cole, and it's more complicated than that." Chrissy paced the width of the hedge, then turned around again. Her thoughts and feelings churned in confusion, and she struggled to make sense of them enough to put into words. "Sometimes I feel like I'm a failure at everything I do. Each time I accepted a marriage proposal, I believed my mother would approve of my choice. I was always wrong. I never got the smile, and she always had a snide comment or remark to make."

"And that's why you dumped the fiancés? Because your mama didn't smile? That's a helluva reason to break a man's heart, Christina."

"I didn't break any hearts." She kicked at a small pile of leaves collected in the middle of the path, sending them flying in a spray of yellow, russet and orange. "My beaux played the game well and they fooled me. Every time I said yes, I also believed it to be a love match. So I was willing to bear the burden of her disapproval. But invariably as the wedding date approached, each man proved in one way or another that he didn't love me, not like I deserve to be loved. I won't marry a man I don't love, and I won't marry a man who doesn't love me in return. Love
me.
The real me."

She paused and took a deep breath, smelling rain in the air. "I need that, Cole. I know at times I act rashly, foolishly even, but I'm not a bad person. I don't mean to hurt my family by my actions."

"So why do you do things you know will upset Elizabeth? Why did you become a Chili Queen?"

Sighing, Chrissy allowed her head to drop back, lifting her face toward the sky. She closed her eyes, felt weak sunshine on her skin and smelled the rain on the way. Then she spoke from her heart. "I joined the Chili Queens because the people in the square accept me. They made me one of them, part of the family." Smiling, she added, "And besides, I make a right fine bowl of Texas Red."

"See, there you go again, acting selfish as sin." Now Cole did the pacing, gesturing wildly as he said, "You already have a family, Christina. And speaking from an orphan's point of view, you're lucky to have them. Why do you think you need another one?"

"I don't have to change for the Chili Queens. I need not pretend to be someone else when I'm with them."

"Honey, you don't have to pretend with me or with Jake. You should know that."

"And if you believe that, you're fooling yourself, Cole Morgan. Let me ask you a question. Why isn't it enough to be loyal and honest and kind? I'm a good person."

"Yes, you are."

"So why do society's rules make me look wicked? Why must I worry about wearing gloves every time I step outside? Why is it such a sin to wear my hair down? Why must I wear a stupid bustle when I'm trying to ride a horse? Do you know how free if feels to wear a Mexican skirt with but a single petticoat beneath it?"

"Can't say I do," he drawled.

"It's wonderful. It's right. It's the way it should be. Why should 'ladies' be forced to wear layer after layer after layer of clothing during a Texas summer when it's hot enough to fry eggs on the back stoop? What purpose do such insane rules serve except to give my mother something to scold me about?"

Cole held up his hands palm out. "All right, Christina, I hear what you're saying."

"Thank you."

"But..." he held up a finger. "Having said that, the business you're about here in England doesn't make a lot of sense. Marrying a British lord will only give you more of those kind of rules to live by."

"But it's different over here.
I'm
different over here. It's easier for me to follow all these silly rules."

"Why?"

She shrugged. "I don't know. Maybe because society as a whole is more proper than it is at home so I'm not constantly faced with temptation. More likely, it's because my mother isn't here to pounce on me every time I slip up. You want to know something funny? I even enjoy parts of life in Polite Society."

"I've noticed you've taken to using a fan."

"Yes I have, and I enjoy it. Mother isn't here to scold me for the way I wield it. You should have seen her the last time I carried one in San Antonio. One little ill-timed flutter during the San Antonio chorale and you'd have thought I shot someone instead of accidentally flirted with him. She doesn't seem to understand that I'm human and humans make mistakes. Does that really mean I don't deserve to be loved?"

Hands braced on his hips, Cole demanded, "Love. That reminds me. This conversation has been quite illuminating, Christina, but you've wandered from the question at hand. Where does all this leave Welby? You weren't going to accept the man, were you? You said you didn't love him."

"Yet," Chrissy corrected. "I said I might be able to fall in love with Lord Welby given time. I think he might fall in love with me."

The two of them had spent a good bit of time together of late. The wishes he'd expressed during their conversations had made quite an impression on her. Welby claimed he was tired of being "the most eligible bachelor in England." He wanted a family. He wanted children. But he wanted a wife who wanted him for more than his wealth and his title. Apparently, such women were difficult to find in English society.

She had felt a twinge of conscience at that because his title made a difference to her. Not because she cared about being a lady. She didn't. She cared about finally proving something to her mother, and maybe to herself.

"Besides," she continued. "What does it matter to you, Morgan? My marital status has no bearing on the search for the Declaration."

He took a step toward her. "Would you have said yes to him today?"

She closed her eyes and laughed softly, sadly. "You didn't give me the chance to offer Lord Welby my response, and I'm not about to tell you before I tell him. I won't tread on social graces in this."

Sophie Kleberg emerged from behind a bush saying, "Y'all should go inside now. It's starting to rain."

"Sophie!" Christina exclaimed. "Were you spying on us?"

"Of course," replied Michael as he followed his sister into the open.

Sophie nodded briskly. "It's our job. We love you."

Christina dipped her head. Her shoulders started shaking and even she wasn't certain if she were laughing or crying.

The children made a dash for the house. "Better hurry or you'll get wet, Miss Chrissy," the boy called over his shoulder. "You, too, Mr. Morgan."

Christy stared up at the clouds as rain spat from the sky.

Cole looked at her and his mouth twisted in a rueful grin. "We're standing about halfway between Hartsworth and the folly. Which will it be?"

"Which way are you going?"

He shrugged. "I'm cold and your grandfather has brandy in the house. I'm headed for Hartsworth."

Christina, of course, took the folly path.

Chapter 6

"Contrary woman."

Cole glanced from Christina's departing back to the warm, welcoming, dry facade of Hartsworth. "Just shoot me," he muttered, aiming his feet down the folly path. The woman was headstrong as a mule. He should have figured that whatever he said, she would choose the opposite. She'd been doing that all her life. That was the Christina Delaney he knew.

And, to be honest, the one he'd been missing of late.

He caught up with her just as the sky opened up, drenching them both. Christina let out a squeal and started to run. The rain was cold and wet and miserable.

Christina started laughing.

Despite himself, a smile lifted the corners of Cole's mouth as he followed her. The girl always had liked playing in the rain. Now she literally skipped her way down the path.

What a mercurial woman she'd grown up to be. A man never knew what he was letting himself in for when he shared time with Christina Delaney. No wonder so many men found her fascinating.

To his credit, she'd never fooled him with the shallow, feather-headed act she sometimes adopted around men, but to his shame, he'd never realized how deep her waters ran. Ordinarily, he considered himself an observant man. This time it looked like he'd completely missed the mark.

Take the hugging issue. He'd never noticed that Elizabeth kept her distance from Christina. Since he, himself, remembered missing his mother's embraces after her death, he could sympathize with Christina a little bit on that one. Still, all she'd had to do was ask. Elizabeth would do anything for her children. Anything for Jake, anyway. And me.

But what about Christina?
Cold water seeped past his collar as Cole debated the question. He wouldn't accept the notion that Elizabeth mistreated her daughter. But then, Christina hadn't made that claim, had she? She said her mother treated her "less." What a
strange term
.

He ducked into the folly a few steps behind her. The echo of her laughter brought a full-blown grin to his face. He understood her a little more now, and despite being soaked through to the bone, Cole felt better than he had in weeks. He leaned forward, removed his hat, and gave his head a shake.

"You look just like a dog," she observed with a giggle.

"You're one to talk. Be glad I'm too much a gentlemen to mention you look like a drowned possum."

She stuck out her tongue. He snorted with amusement. The day look suddenly brighter, despite the crying gray rain clouds that blocked the sun. Cole realized the run through the rain combined with the preceding conversation had managed to douse the tension that had smoldered between them almost constantly since the moment Elizabeth first mentioned this trip. Knowing the respite could end at any time, he decided to enjoy it while he could.

Christina must have felt a similar relief. She smiled widely at him as she sat on a stone bench and tugged off her hat, then pulled the pins from her hair. It spilled to her waist in a cascade of red. Next she kicked off her shoes, and yanked off her garters and stockings. Then, she carelessly revealed bare ankles and a good portion of leg while wringing the dampness from her skirt. "Brrr... that's cold," she said, shaking with a delicious shiver. "I don't think rain ever gets this cold in Texas."

Cole didn't comment. Upon noting the direction of his gaze, she naturally lifted a leg and teasingly wriggled her toes in his direction.

His breath caught. Tension came roaring back. He was unable to shift his stare from her toes. This woman was San Antonio's Christina Delaney. This was the Queen of the Chili Queens.

Cole swallowed hard. The proper English lady had taken her fluttering fan and disappeared entirely, leaving a Wild West wanton in her place. Heaven help them all, but it was true. Though British lady she seemed determined to be, in the heart of her, the heat of her, Christina Delaney still bubbled like a pot of hot Texas Red.

Damned if she didn't put him on to simmer himself.

* * *

Chrissy shook her hands, flinging water drops from her fingers onto the folly's tile floor. A chill swept over her causing her to shiver, but the warmth within her fended off the cold. Cole didn't know it, and she wouldn't admit it to a soul, but he had saved her. Once she'd managed to put some of her feelings into words, relief had melted through her like warm butter.