Simply Voracious (9 page)

The carriage came to a stop and they waited until the coachman came around to open the door for them. It wasn’t far to the shop entrance, but despite her best efforts, Lucky still got wet and her half boots were covered in mud. Inside the lending library, the smell of old books, ink, and wet wool made for an unpleasant combination.

While a clerk attended her mother, Lucky wandered off down one of the rows of shelves, hardly glancing at the imposing row of titles. The damp smells were likely to upset her stomach again. She refused to even consider the fact that she might be breeding and pushed it away to the back of her mind. She had to try harder to convince her mother that she wanted the marriage with Paul. That was the least she could do for him when he’d given up so much. . . .

“My lady.”

She was brought out of her reverie when the aisle behind her was blocked by an all-too-familiar figure. She took a quick glance over her shoulder and realized she had inadvertently trapped herself in a dead end.

“Jeremy,” Lucky said. “What do you want?”

He leaned against the bookshelf and stared down at her, his face half in shadows. “You know what I want, my love, but it appears that you have been playing me for a fool. The gossip all over London is that you intend to marry your father’s heir.”

“I am neither your love nor interested in playing games with you.” Lucky took a defiant step toward him. “Now if you will please excuse me, my mother is waiting for me.”

He held up his hand. “This conversation isn’t finished until I say so. I told you to think about what you intended to do. Are you saying that you have decided to cast me aside for that cowardly imbecile, St. Clare? I’d advise you to think again.”

“Lieutenant St. Clare is no coward. He has been awarded the highest military honors for bravery.”

“And yet you would deceive him by marrying him in your soiled state?”

Lucky bit her lip. “That is none of your business.”

Jeremy laughed. “He might be a fool, but even he will know that you aren’t a virgin.” He considered her. “Perhaps I should go and speak to St. Clare as well as your parents.”

“If you seek him out, he will kill you.”

“And cause yet more scandal?”

Lucky forced a smile. “But then at least you will be dead.”

A wave of something that looked like fear crossed Jeremy’s face and quickly vanished. “Then I won’t go to St. Clare. I’ll go to your father as I originally planned.”

“My father will not believe you.” Desperately Lucky considered her options. Being this close to him, fearing he might reach out and actually touch her, was making her feel physically ill. “I have nothing further to say to you, Mr. Roland, and I no longer consider you a friend. I insist that you let me pass.”

She tried to move by, but he grabbed her arm and tightened his grip.

“You have to marry me!”

“I do not!” she hissed through her clenched teeth. “Now unhand me, or else I’ll puke all over your shoes.”

She brought her hand to her mouth and he hurriedly released her, allowing her to stumble back into the more populated sections of the lending library, where her mother was still talking to the clerk.

“Mama, I have to leave. I’ll meet you in the carriage.”

“What’s wrong, my dear?”

Lucky shook her head and kept moving. If she was going to disgrace herself, she’d rather it wasn’t in front of the entire shop; outside in the rain was bad enough. She pushed open the front door, ignoring the jolly jangle of the bell, and launched herself on to the pavement. Thankfully, the carriage was still outside. She steadied herself against the panel portraying the ducal crest and gulped in some much needed air.

After a moment, she managed to reassure the concerned coachman that she was quite well and climbed inside the dry interior of the coach. It took only a second before she started shivering.

Things just kept getting worse. Now Jeremy knew about Paul and was convinced that she was lying to her potential fi-ancé as well. She wanted to laugh hysterically. The plot was worthy of a Drury Lane farce, and she’d almost vomited all over the villain. She needed to calm down before her sharp-eyed mother appeared and demanded an explanation.

Lucky took a deep breath and the nausea started to settle. All she could do at this point was move forward. As Paul had reminded her, none of her choices were perfect; they were just the best she could manage at this point. Somehow that calmed her, and she was able to greet her mother with not only a reasonable explanation as to why she’d fled the shop, but a bright anticipation for the remaining tasks on her list, which seemed to fool her mother remarkably well.

8

“W
ell, thank God the weather has cooperated for once, and we can have our walk without fear of being soaked.”

Paul drew Lucky’s arm through his and walked her off the main path, down to the more secluded trails closer to the edge of the lake. It was still quite early in the morning, and very few people were about to observe their progress around the Serpentine. Lucky’s maid followed at a decorous distance but would be unable to hear their conversation, which suited Paul perfectly.

“It probably won’t last,” Lucky muttered.

Paul glanced down at her averted face. “My, you are in an optimistic frame of mind this morning, my dear. I’m always pleased to see the sun myself.”

“Probably because you were locked away from it for so long.”

“That’s true. How kind of you to remember that.”

She stopped to look up at him. “I remember how debilitated you were when you returned to England. You could barely walk.”

He shrugged. “There were many in a far worse state than I was.”

“So Major Lord Swanfield said. He also told us that he couldn’t have gotten everyone out if you hadn’t been there to help him.”

“Gabriel said that to you?” Paul raised his eyebrows. “When?”

Lucky squeezed his arm and they started walking again. “You probably don’t remember, but he was the person who brought you home to us. He was in a terrible state himself, but he refused our offer to stay.”

“Did he, by God? I have no recollection of that at all.”

“I’m not surprised you don’t recall your arrival. You were unconscious, filthy, and emaciated. You were in such a state that Mama nursed you by herself for a week before she let anyone else near you.” Lucky poked at a pile of weeds with the tip of her parasol. “Do you remember much about that first month?”

“Not really, although I do remember you being there with me a lot.”

She smiled. “I had the least to do, so I was often sent to keep you company.”

“And I was very glad about that.”

“Eventually you were, but not at first.” She paused. “You didn’t really want me there. You cried out for someone else.”

Paul spotted a conveniently placed stone bench and headed toward it. He sat next to Lucky and looked into her guileless blue eyes.

“For whom did I call out?”

“For Gabriel Swanfield.” She held his gaze, hers quite steady. “You cared for him a lot, didn’t you?”

Paul took a deep breath. “Yes, I did.”

She nodded as though unsurprised. “In fact, you loved him.”

“Yes.” Paul let go of her hands. “Which is why I thought I would never make a conventional marriage.”

She considered him for a long moment. “Because you were in love with Gabriel? But didn’t he just get married to Emily’s half sister?”

“He did. And I’m sure he will be very happy.”

“If you think he will be happy being married, why are you convinced that you will not? And more to the point, why on earth are you considering marrying me?”

He struggled to think of what to say, and for a moment he simply stared at her.

She reached forward and smacked his upper arm. “Paul, we are best friends. I thought we could tell each other everything. I
thought
that was the whole purpose of this masquerade.”

“It is a little complicated to explain. I’m trying to think of the right way to put it.”

She smacked him again, this time with more force. “Just tell me.”

He raised his gaze to her determined chin. “When I said I loved Gabriel, I didn’t just mean from afar or as a friend. I meant in every possible way.”

Her mouth opened. “You mean, physically?” She frowned. “I didn’t even know that was possible.”

“When a group of men are incarcerated together for a long period of time, sometimes they turn to each other for . . . physical release.”

“And that is what happened between you and Gabriel?”

“Yes, although I was the instigator. He merely went along with me.”

Lucky wrinkled her brow. “Is it even allowed?”

“It certainly isn’t allowed. Being found with another man can lead to the stocks, imprisonment, and a harsh, possibly life-ending, sentence.”

“Oh. And you like to . . .” She flapped her gloved hand in the general direction of his body.

“Yes, I do like to do that with Gabriel.”

She jumped up to her feet and started pacing the path in front of the bench. “Then you won’t want to . . . do that with me?”

“That depends on what you want.” He waited until she turned to look at him. “I’m quite capable of bedding you, if that is what you mean.”

She was already blushing, but he persevered. He’d promised her his honesty. “Are you horrified?”

“By what?”

“That I like to bed men?”

She studied him slowly. “I’m not exactly surprised, Paul. When you were delirious, I heard you beg and plead for Gabriel to touch you. That’s one of the reasons why I stayed with you so often. I didn’t want you to betray yourself to anyone else.”

He felt like the one who should have his mouth open now. His young bride-to-be had shown remarkably good sense all those years ago.

She continued talking. “I still don’t quite understand what you ‘do,’ but I understand that you loved Gabriel.”

Paul gathered his wits. “I have a solution for that.”

“Whatever do you mean?”

“Emily took you to Madame Helene’s.”

Lucky came and sat down beside him again. She looked remarkably pretty in her blue wool pelisse and matching bonnet. “Yes, she did. Madame Helene was very kind and gave me some excellent advice.”

“Madame is an astonishing woman, and she thought very highly of you. Did you know that she and her family run a pleasure house?”

“I don’t even know what that means, although I might hazard a guess.”

“It’s a place where men and women go to indulge in carnal games.”

“Carnal, as in physical?”

“As in sexual,” Paul said bluntly.

“Do you go there?”

He met her fascinated gaze. “Yes, I do. I mean I did, until I offered to marry you.”

“Married people can’t go there?”

He fought a smile. “One would assume they wouldn’t
need
to go there, but some do, and some married couples go together.”

“And what does this have to do with us?”

It was Paul’s turn to stand and pace the edge of the lake. “I would like to take you there again, so that you can see what kind of a man I am, to see what kind of a man you would be marrying.”

“And mayhap change my mind?”

He loved that about her, her clear-eyed perception. Despite her age she was no shrinking flower. There was a tough resilience in her that he almost envied.

“I want to give you that chance. I also want you to understand that you would not be the only one to benefit greatly from this marriage.”

“I don’t understand.”

“My sexual tastes are not unknown within the
ton.
By marrying you, I would silence a lot of the gossips and protect myself from the fear of disclosure.”

“I hadn’t thought of that.”

“Which is why I want you to be absolutely certain about marrying me.” He held her hands in his. “You do not have to give me your answer right away, but if you want to visit the pleasure house and see exactly what a man like me might get up to, let me know.”

She gently released her hands from his grasp. “I’d like to think about it. May I do that?”

“Of course. I’m just relieved that you haven’t run away screaming already.”

She cupped his cheek with her gloved hand. “We agreed to be honest with each other, did we not? I’m glad you told me about Gabriel. I wondered if you were ever going to mention it.”

“Thank you for being so understanding.”

Her smile was wistful. “I know how it feels to be in love with someone who doesn’t love you back.”

“That fool didn’t love you, he used you.” Paul stood and drew Lucky to her feet too.

She started to walk and then looked back at him over her shoulder. “I wasn’t talking about him, Paul. I was talking about myself.”

“So Paul is set to marry Lady Lucinda Haymore?” Thomas Wesley stared at Constantine. “Are you quite certain about that? I hadn’t heard a thing.”

Con sighed. “It is a secret at the moment, so keep it to yourself.” He groaned. “I probably shouldn’t have said anything, but I suspect by the time I return to Town they will be married.”

“That quickly?”

Thomas sipped his brandy and so did Con. They had shared an excellent dinner and the servants had already withdrawn, leaving the two men to themselves. They’d left town on the previous day for Wesley’s hunting box in the county of Leicestershire, which was a decent few miles from London, and suited Con quite nicely. He had started to relax in his host’s genial, undemanding company and had ended up confiding probably more than he should.

“Paul has never struck me as an ideal candidate for marriage,” Thomas continued. “But I suppose this is more of a dynastic issue than a love match. By marrying Lady Lucinda, he unites both branches of the Haymore family, and makes sure that the current duke’s daughter is provided for in the best way possible.”

“I suppose that’s it,” Con agreed, trying his hardest to forget Paul’s anguished face.

Thomas filled up both their glasses. “You and Paul are lovers?”

“Were lovers,” Con corrected. “He intends to be faithful to his wife.”

“Oh, God.” Thomas chuckled gently. “I’ve heard that before.”

Con frowned. “Paul is an honorable man. I think he means what he says. I am not going to hang around like some lovesick maiden hoping he will change his mind.”