Sinfully (15 page)

“You seemed to be someone I’d get along with and I was curious to get to know you a little better.  I don’t know too many people in the building, either, so if nothing else, I met a new neighbor.”  She apparently liked that answer since she scooted closer to me.

“I do like meeting new neighbors.  You’re completely single, right?”  My thoughts immediately went to Payton.  I missed her.  I was nowhere close to being in a relationship with her but felt a twinge of guilt.  I knew my chances with Payton were near zero and needed this with Kylie.  It would help me move on or at least distract me for a while. 

“That I am.  Did you have something in mind for how the rest of your unplanned night was going to go?”  I could see her trying to make a decision, playing with her small pink sapphire ring on her left index finger.

“It’s okay; you can walk me through what you’re thinking.  I promise not to laugh or judge.  I can see your gears turning and am curious what your options are.”  Hopefully that gave her the nudge she needed.

“Well, I should call it a night and walk you out that door.  That would be the good girl thing to do.”  She slid her hand over my stomach as she finished her thought.  “What I am tempted to do is see if you want to watch a movie on the couch with me and hope you don’t get the wrong impression about me.  I’m not usually this comfortable with a guy, but you seem…comfy?  Is that okay to say?” 

I had never been called comfy before and was now on a mission to give her a new word to think of when she thought of me.  Sexy as hell, man of pure awesomeness, dark and dangerous, or sex on a stick would be my first choices. 

“I would love nothing more than to watch a movie with you.  I’m even okay with a chick flick if that’s what you desire.”  I wasn’t planning on watching much of the movie so it didn’t really matter. 

“
Varsity Blues
sound good to you?  It’s one of my favorites and I’m in the mood for a classic.”  I was in the mood for some whipped cream covered titties but I kept that bit of information quiet.  It may not be the best way to get close to her.

Payton

I thought about leaving Tate with a note when I woke up but decided he deserved a real goodbye.  Waking up with him next to me, I could see the sadness in his eyes.  He knew how it was going to play out.

“Stay here with me.  Give me a few more days with you, at least.  You said last night that the other guy isn’t in the picture anymore.  Let me show you how amazing we can be together.  I want this, Payton, more than anything.”  He motioned between us, scooting closer so that our naked bodies were nearly touching under the covers.

“I’m not what you need, Tate.  I can’t give all of myself to you.  I want to, but it just won’t work out that way.  You are so genuine and driven, you’ll always have a spot in my heart and I hope we can still remain close.  There has to be
some
woman in Chicago that’s worth what you have to give, though.  When you meet her, you better damn well tell me, too!  I’ll give my stamp of approval for ya.”  I smiled slightly, but in reality, I hated having to go through that with him. 

“Move to Chicago so that there
will
be a girl there that’s worth it.”  He remained optimistic which crushed my soul.  I fell for Ryder and he was the only one my heart wanted.  Even though I had ruined the prospect of Ryder and me being together, my heart didn’t give a fuck.  It knew what it wanted and wasn’t planning on letting anyone else in.

I pressed a soft kiss on Tate’s lips and murmured, “I’ll always be there for you and you’ll always have a special place in my heart.  Thank you for showing me how it feels to be loved.”  I swung my legs out of bed and headed over to my suitcase to get dressed.

I hoped that Tate would still want to be my friend but would understand either way.  I really did want the best for him; I just wasn’t
it
for him.  He watched quietly as I got ready for the day and all I wanted to do was comfort him, but I couldn’t. 

“I should get back to the guys, wedding stuff, you know?”  He looked everywhere but me as he started to slowly head toward the door.

That wasn’t how our goodbye should be.  I quickly ran over to him and gave him the biggest hug I could, kissing him on the shoulder because he was so much taller than me since I was barefoot. 

“We’ll see each other again, but let’s do somewhere other than Vegas.”  I smiled at how completely over the city I was.  “Stay in touch, Tate.”

“I will, Payton.  Hey, don’t make that guy wait two years like you did me.  Don’t be afraid to get hurt or else you’re only hurting yourself and the people who love you even more.”

“Thank you, Tate.  I’ll see you around.”  I watched him walk down the hall, away from me.  I had let two amazing guys out of my life within twenty-four hours.  I realized then that I truly was all alone.  I hoped that time would fix the mess I’d created, because I wasn’t sure what my next step should be.

*****

I left Vegas later that morning and headed to the Bahamas with a stopover in Atlanta.  I missed the beach but needed to get far, far away from the West Coast.  I didn’t mind traveling alone and welcomed the idea of having peace and quiet where no one could find me.  I didn’t bother telling anyone where I was going but sent Chloe a text saying I’d be back in a few weeks.

Nassau was a tourist city but lounging around on the beach all day and swimming in the aquamarine water was heaven for me. Having Atlantis nearby was also a selling feature when I picked the destination.  Being able to gamble and layout under the Caribbean sun all in the same day was just what I needed. 

The shops were much of the same, selling shot glasses, gifts made of shells, and other tourist memorabilia, but they also had a wealth of designer named stores.  I had my fill of Michael Kors, Chanel, and Tortuga rum cake within the first week of being on the island.  I hung out near the docking area when new cruise ships unloaded passengers for the day.  It was fun to find hot guys in their twenties who were out to have a good time.  I often pondered the idea that it wouldn’t be a bad place to do a little, uh, research for my next book.  The men were there for a day or two and were looking for some quick fun with low risk. 

I met a fraternity boy who had found his girlfriend in a compromising position with his frat brother on the ninth deck of the cruise ship he was on.  He wasn’t looking for revenge sex but it might as well have been.  I could tell he was still torn up about being stuck on a ship, in the same room as his cheating girl- ex-girlfriend.  His mind was elsewhere but he sure had stamina.  I would give him a ‘B’ for effort and an ‘A’ for endurance. 

Most of the time, I flip flopped between the poker tables and the beach.  The warm white sand underneath me along with the soft crashing of the waves often lulled me to sleep.  I dreamt many times of Ryder and how things could have turned out if I was a normal woman.  Thinking about us together on a deserted island or tucked away in a cabin in the mountains seemed pleasant. 

It was two weeks into my Caribbean vacation and I finally felt free and open to whatever I had to face when I returned to San Diego.  I was done worrying about letting guys get too close to me.  Tate and Ryder had shown me how good it felt to feel wanted and in a not only sexual way.  I was curious to see how it felt if I fully let someone in.  I know I could get hurt, but hell, I was excited for the journey. 

Tate was a sweetheart but there was something there that made me wary of him.  I didn’t know enough about his past or present for that matter but something was off.  I was curious why he hadn’t settled down. 

Ryder was the one that I felt like getting to know better.  I wasn’t ready to forgive him for how he went about the whole Reece situation but I realized I didn’t really give him a chance to explain himself.  I needed answers from him. I couldn’t get over the fact that he knew who I really was.  Did he write those letters?  I wasn’t sure what to believe about Ryder anymore and hated how normal we seemed before I went off to Las Vegas.  He came after me.  Was it out of passion or possessiveness?

I didn’t have the answers and being in The Bahamas wasn’t going to fix all of my problems.  I wasn’t sure if I would seek Ryder out but at least I was feeling more myself than I had been the previous few weeks.  I was ready for a change and ready to get back to some normalcy of my so called life.   

Chapter 9

Ryder

“Kylie is insatiable, man.  Let me hook you up with one of her realtor friends down in San Diego.  Apparently she was in a sorority down there during college and has a few good options for you.”  I had been keeping in touch with Tristen by phone and he seemed to be warming up to the idea of being set up with someone.

Kylie and I had hung out a handful of times and she was fun to be around.  She never asked about my past and seemed to be content just going with the flow and living in the present.  I knew she was happily single and moved to Los Angeles from San Diego three years before and had three brothers who were all younger. 

She didn’t mind watching football with the guys and me, even going as far as making game day snacks for us.  Her booty shorts and cut off jersey were distracting to well, everyone, but no one complained and I didn’t really feel too possessive of her.  I knew she’d be with me after they left and she seemed to be enjoying herself. 

She and I weren’t a ‘thing’ but we were sleeping with each other.  We didn’t talk about relationships but hung out enough for me to know she wasn’t seeing anyone else.  It was convenient that we lived in the same building and had similar schedules.

Work was picking up significantly and I had signed a hot, new up and coming author who wrote a book on a destructive bad boy who was tamed by the virgin next door.  People ate up the bad boy/virgin story and the author was already working on a spin off for the next book.  New authors took up more of my time than my experienced clients but it was worth it when they became new bestsellers.

I was finally getting into a routine that seemed to work.  Lorelei and I were an amazing team that saw eye-to-eye on most authors and that made work easy.  Tristen and I were talking a few times a week and I was set to go down there a few weeks later.  Kylie was someone I could talk to when I needed to vent and was the least clingy girl I had ever met.  I was still not sure how she saw our relationship but I wasn’t going to be the one to bring it up.  I was finally getting to the point to where I didn’t think of Payton every time I got in bed with Kylie.  That was definitely progress.

Payton

It felt good to be back home.  I missed Chloe and she was pissed when she found out I went to The Bahamas without her.  She demanded that we have a girls’ day to catch up on my whirlwind of a life.  I met her at a boutique near downtown so that she could find a new dress for a fancy dinner Grayson was taking her to that night.

“Tate met Ryder?  How did those two worlds collide?!  Wait, how did Ryder find out about Reece?  Tate doesn’t know about the book, right?”  She already had a handful of dresses in her hands within moments of walking into the store.  Anything looked good on her so she didn’t have to search for just one style that worked. 
Lucky bitch.

“Yes, they met, but they don’t know who the other person really is.  Ryder doesn’t know Tate was in my book, and from what I know, Tate has no idea I wrote a book about him.  Ryder found me with Tate and went all caveman.  It was really kinda sexy.  Then he dropped the bomb that he knew I was Reece.  I was so pissed I’m not really sure what words were said after that, but I’m pretty sure Ryder’s been the one sending me the letters.  They all were stamped with a wax ‘R’.”  She made her way back to the dressing room and I was following her lead, hoping she wasn’t going to spend an hour debating which one to get.

“Whoa.  I still don’t get how he found out or why he would bother with the creepy letters.  It sounded like if he just kept his damn mouth shut, he could have had you.  No offense babe, I know you said you weren’t giving in to him but I’ve seen you change since he was around then suddenly not.  You like him, and even though you’re upset at the situation, you still care.”  Chloe had tried on three dresses that all looked stunning on her.  I was bored, sitting on the floor cross legged in the dressing room, checking my Facebook notifications while she tried on dress number four.

“It’s over and done with now.  I haven’t gotten anymore letters so maybe he’s moved on.  I have definitely worn out my welcome in Vegas and doubt I’ll be going back there for a long time.  You should get the gray dress and play it up with some sexy heels and jewelry.  It makes your tits look perky and we all know how much of a boobs guy Grayson is.  Does he not realize girls can see him staring at their chest when he’s talking to them?  He does it all the time!  Just because he’s ‘taken and isn’t interested’ doesn’t make it okay to eye-fuck other women.  I had to bend down to catch his attention the other day, Chloe.  I mean, come on!”

“So what if he likes tits?  If it makes you feel any better, whenever I catch him doing it, I make him go down on me and then am suddenly too tired to return the favor.  He always seems to have that glimmer of hope that I may put out so he agrees.  He goes to bed pissed but then it’s the best morning sex the next day.  I’m well rested and usually have already forgotten about his ogling to protest.”

Gross.  I didn’t need to think about Chloe and her boyfriend being intimate together.  “I’m walking away now.  I’m heading over next door to get a chai tea latte.  Want anything?”

“Sure, get me a shaken passion iced-tea lemonade?  Love you!” she called out as I headed out of the store.

After Chloe got her new dress and we had drinks in hand, we made our way down the street to Swizzlesticks Bakery.  It was actually a guy in his early thirties who owned it and made the best desserts in town.  Adding liquor to everything, he gave a male twist to your normal desserts.  I ordered a Whiskey and Coke cupcake while Chloe got a Buttery Nipple truffle.  Thomas was quite the flirt and usually sat and talked with us for a while when we stopped by.  He was a sweetheart and always wanted to know what we were up to.  Most customers probably assumed he was gay, but after turning him down four times, I had determined he liked women at least a little.  He didn’t seem to have hard feelings about it but still brought it up on occasion.