Sinfully (27 page)

“You were assaulted, sweet girl.  You’ve been sleeping for a few weeks but you’re doing awesome now.  That’s what matters.”  I hold her hand as I sit up, wondering if the nurses heard my request. 

“Sleeping for weeks?  Like in a coma, Ryder?”  Her voice is getting stronger and more agitated now.  I don’t want to upset her but I know she’s going to ask for more information.

“Yes.  You’re going to be okay now, though.  Dr. Bills will be by soon and we’ll know more then.  I missed you so much, Payton.  You scared me there for a while and I can’t imagine not having you with me.  I wish I could take your pain away.”  She gives a sweet smile and I hope that my answer will pacify her questions for a while. 

Brittany, our daytime nurse, and Dr. Bills stop by a little while later and let us know they’d like to keep her under their supervision for the next day or so, but then she’ll be able to go home under bed rest because her abdomen will still need time to heal. 

“Hold me?”  Payton is just about passed out when she requests that I lie next to her.  I’m more than grateful that she remembers me and who we are together, but I’m still dreading telling her what really happened.  I just want to focus on her getting better, not on what brought her here in the first place.  I hold her for hours as she sleeps peacefully while my inner turmoil is breaking me down.

Chapter 17

Payton

It’s been almost three months since my accident.  I call it an accident because it doesn’t sound as terrifying as
assaulted by my stalker
.  My injuries don’t hinder me in everyday activities anymore but I
do
take naps more frequently.  Chloe has apologized a million times, blaming herself for ever dating Grayson to begin with but I know not to blame her.  He would have found another way to get close to me if it hadn’t been her.  Psychiatrists diagnosed Grayson with attachment disorder and borderline personality disorder but say he is fit for trial. 

Ryder, over time, has given me the details of that horrible night.  I can see his own pain while he goes over some of the more disturbing details.  After ripping my shirt in half, Grayson left bruises in the shape of handprints on my breasts and also on my upper chest while he held me down.

Paramedics found that the button on my jeans was ripped off but my zipper had gotten stuck so Grayson couldn’t pull them down over my ass.  All of my internal bleeding was from punching me in the stomach and holding me down as I fought him.  Apparently, people like Grayson can totally black out and not realize how badly they are hurting someone until someone intervenes.  Even his ‘love’ for me didn’t stop him from almost beating me to death.  Fighting back helped keep me alive but made my injuries more severe.  They said if it had gone on another couple of minutes, it would have been much worse.  I’m grateful that Ryder and Chloe were there to save me because I truly don’t believe I would be here if it weren’t for them.

Ryder hasn’t been back to Los Angeles and has been working from my home whenever I’m asleep or preoccupied.  He’s been with me the entire time and I realize now how foolish I was for fighting my feelings to be with him in the first place.  He’s the only one who gives me butterflies in my stomach just by looking my way.  Ryder makes me feel like the most beautiful woman around and I never want to lose him.

Today, we are headed down to the beach for a peaceful day together.  He says he wants to talk to me while we’re down there and I can’t help but wonder what needs to be said down there and not at home.

I miss the ocean and can’t wait to feel the sand between my toes and the cool ocean against my skin.  I’m waiting on Ryder to finish getting ready while I cut up some fruit and cheese to take down to the shore with us along with some crackers.  We’re meeting his friend Tristen for dinner afterward so I figured a snack would be sufficient.

“Hey, babe, do you remember where I put my phone?  I need to text Tristen to tell him what time we’ll meet him and I can’t find it.”  I chuckle, remembering last night’s events.

“You threw it across the room last night when it kept going off as I was riding you.  It’s probably close to the hamper if I remember correctly. 

He blushes as he remembers last night as well. 

“Oh yeah.  Thanks, baby.  You ready?”

“Sure am.  I’m bringing a picnic basket for a snack and already have the towels down in the car.”  I move in to kiss him and his arms wrap around my waist and hoist me up onto the island. 

Between kisses, I manage to tell him we don’t have time for this. “I can be quick.  I’ll make it up to you tonight in bed, sweet girl.”  He’s already unbuckling his pants so I don’t see a reason to argue.  

My beach cover-up leaves my bikini bottoms as the only thing standing in the way of him filling me and he takes full advantage.  He moves the fabric harshly over to the side and plunges two fingers inside me and roughly rubs his thumb over my clit.  “So wet.  Damn, baby.”  He brings his fingers to his lips and licks them before grabbing his cock with his fist and ramming inside my tightness.  He feels so amazing inside me that I know I would be coming right along with him soon enough. 

“Harder, Ryder!  You feel so good inside me, baby. Mmm…fuck me.”

“Ride my dick, sweet girl.  That’s it…so good, Payton.  I’m close…”

I’m about to explode but want us to finish together.  “Come with me, Ryder.  I’m there, baby, fuck…right there. Don’t stop! Mmm…come with me, baby.” 

That was enough for him and I feel him jerk inside me as I come undone around him. 

Pure bliss.

Ryder

My girl is back.  The past month has been filled with new experiences for us.  Doctor appointments, pain, fatigue, and confusion are part of Payton’s daily routine but we’re getting through it together.  The doctors and confusion have slowly become less frequent and her pain and fatigue aren’t a deciding factor anymore in what she has planned for the day.  We see time together as a gift and try not to take it for granted.  I haven’t been back to Los Angeles, and thankfully have been able to work while I’m down here with Payton. 

Tristen has been there for me when I need someone to talk to.  He reminds me that she is still here and to cherish every moment with her.  We haven’t been able to spend as much time together but we’ve been talking almost every day.  He seems happy but won’t go into details about McKenna or dating in general.

I’m ready to tell Payton about Cami.  I’ve wanted to tell her for a while now but it’s never been the right time.  As we make our way down to the warm sand, I try to think of how I should approach the subject.  The beach is where I feel closest to Cami and I need for Payton to know about my sister and the heartache I’ve felt, too. 

“We should go surfing soon, babe.  I miss the waves and the rush!  Dr. Bills finally cleared me so I can technically go now.”  My stomach twists into knots.  I don’t know if I’ll ever surf again.  Too many painful memories plague me when I think of a surfing.  I’m terrified that something will happen to Payton if we go out together. 
How do I ease her into this conversation?

“Maybe in a few weeks.  I, uhh, need to get a new board.”  Such a lame excuse, and from the look on her face, she wasn’t buying it.

“What’s going on, baby?  You’ve told me about how you used to surf all the time with Tristen but I don’t ever hear you talk about going out there.  You seem more content with getting sun on the beach than feeling the adrenaline rush of catching a massive wave.”  She sits down in the sand beside me and lays her hand on top of mine.

“I had a sister, Cami, she was my twin.”  Memories of our childhood come racing back to me—building forts, playing soccer together, and baking cookies with grandma.  I feel the sting behind my eyes and will myself to hold it together.

“I didn’t know.  You haven’t talked about her before.  Did something happen?”  She spreads my knees open and climbs over to sit in between them.  I wrap my arms around her and instantly feel more settled. 

“We were surfing—Tristen, Cami, and I.  The swells were high but the current was decently strong.  Tristen and I rode this one wave together while Cami waited for the perfect one.  By the time we paddled back, she was gone.”  I feel the tears running down my face and don’t bother to wipe them.  Payton turns her body so her legs are dangling on one side and she wraps her arms around my neck.

She needs to see this.  She isn’t the only one who had lost someone and I need her to know how Cami’s death affected my life, just like her parents had hers.  

“What do you mean gone?”  Her brows come together and I can see that she knows what I meant but hopes she misheard.  She looks into my eyes and sees everything she needs to see.

“We looked for hours out there, Tristen and I.  We even brought in search and rescue teams but never found anything.  They said a lot of bodies wash up within the next few days but she never came back.”

“Baby, I’m so sorry.  For you to be out there with her when it happened, it must have been devastating.”  She’s clutching onto me harder now.  She doesn’t realize it, but her touch grounds me.

“She and Tristen were in a relationship.  Payton, she was going to be a mom.  I didn’t know at the time that they were serious but they would be been great parents together.  Tristen and I both closed ourselves off to the world for a while after it happened.  I had no idea he was going through such a tragic loss of the love of his life and his unborn baby.  I feel like a shitty friend.  We’re in a better place now but it’s still hard sometimes.  I feel her when I’m down here by the water but I don’t know if I’ll ever surf again.” 

“You didn’t know.  What matters is that you’re there for him now.  Everyone deals with death in their own way.  Thank you for telling me.  I guess we’re both a little broken, huh?”  She manages a smile but it doesn’t meet her glistening eyes.

“Not anymore, babe.  We have scars from our past but we aren’t broken anymore.  You make me want to be a better person.  I haven’t been this happy since before Cami’s accident, and even then, it’s not the same kind of happiness.  Every morning when I wake up, you’re the first thing I think of, even when you aren’t beside me.  I don’t want to go another day without you knowing how much I care about you.  I
love
you Payton.” 

Payton shifts again so that each leg is wrapped around my waist, straddling me.  Staring into my eyes for what feels like minutes, she thrusts her mouth onto mine and kisses me like our lives depend on it.  Finally breaking the kiss, she moves back, teary eyed, but with a grin.

“You love me?  Like
love
love me?”  Her hands come up to hold in her chuckle and she sees surprised by my confession.

“Yes, sweet girl, I
love
love you.  I wanted to say it before your incident but never found the right time.  You don’t have to say it back but I needed you to know.  I’m in this with you for the long haul if you want me.”

Her smile fades away and my hearts skips a beat. 
Oh no.

“Ryder?  I’ve never told anyone that I love them.”  She looks unsure of herself and I just want to hold her and reassure her that everything’s okay.

“Never, baby?  What about other guys or your parents?”

“I never had that type of relationship with them.  My foster parents were just adults who kept us in the same house but they weren’t nurturing.  My adoptive parents were loving, but I never told them I loved them and they never said it, either.  I guess I love Chloe but that doesn’t count.”

I lifted her chin up she could see me when I told her, “You are loved, Payton.  Not just by me, but by Chloe and Thomas—who, by the way, is in love with you—and your adoptive parents.  You are so easy to fall in love with and you don’t even realize it.  You’re beautiful inside and out, sweet girl.”

“I love you, too, Ryder.  You’ve stood by me while I figured out how to be vulnerable and you’ve shown me it’s worth it to open up more to friends.  I don’t want to live in fear anymore.  You know, I heard you a little bit in the hospital, while I was still asleep.  I thought you should know.”  She has a sly grin that tells me she heard me confess my love weeks ago and hasn’t said a word. 

I move my hands to her waist and begin tickling her and she falls backward onto the sand.  Getting up and hovering over her delicate body, careful not to put too much pressure on her, I bend down and softly kiss her lips. 

“I love you, Payton Davenport.” 

“Mmm, say it again.”  A smile erupts from my face as she seems suddenly more carefree.

“I love you, Payton Davenport, and all your other aliases that you might come up with in the future.  Now, let’s go meet Tristen.”

I am so ready for Tristen and Payton to meet so that we can all hang out together, and hopefully McKenna would round it out to a foursome.  My life is coming together and I can’t help but smile at how things are turning out.

Chapter 18

Payton

He loves me. 
Holy shit.

I don’t deserve him, but I’m selfish and I’m not letting him go anytime soon.  Walking up to the restaurant, hands intertwined and matching smiles, nothing can ruin this moment.  My past is in my past and my future is standing beside me.

Tristen and Ryder both agreed that I need to try this hole-in-the-wall seafood restaurant that they used to go to after a day out in the water.  The chef picks out fresh fish from the docks each morning, so the menu is always different.  From the looks of it, you can tell it’s been here forever from the rusting metal due to being near the ocean, and the place is packed with locals.  

“Psst.”  I stop right before we walk into the restaurant and turn toward Ryder. 

“Yeah, babe?”  He’s assessing me with his eyes and I know he’s thinking I’ll want a quickie before we head inside.  Not saying he’s wrong, but that’s beside the point.