Sinfully Sexy (26 page)
Authors: Linda Francis Lee
Tags: #Romance, #Sex in the workplace, #Fiction
It was completely against his nature to reveal so much. But for this
woman he would do it. For this woman it felt amazing. Finally he got to
share himself. He wasn't pretending anymore. And he realized
in that second that he had been pretending for a lifetime. He had been
who his family expected him to
be, who he was raised to be. Regardless of what he really wanted. But
no more.
"My mother and sister had no interest in anything but spending money,
and if things had kept on as they were, there wouldn't be any money
left to spend. My father spent most of his time building his toy
soldiers. Letting others make decisions. No one was minding the store."
He knew he sounded like a pompous ass. Or worse, he felt like he was
giving her a tale of woe. That wasn't his intent. "I switched majors.
Got a business degree, then an MBA while Grandmere held things
together. After that I came home and took over. I've done it without a
single complaint or regret. That is until I met you. The minute I saw
your face, saw the way you looked at me with innocence and longing, it
was like I had stepped back in time to what my life could have been. A
world where I could believe in true love. You gave me that. In a hotel
bathroom in El Paso, Texas, you showed me what I was missing. Then
during those first two weeks while we were putting the show together,
for the first time in my life
I experienced two people truly finding each other."
She bit her lip.
"Everything I felt for you had nothing to do with that bet," he
repeated. "I sought you out. I wanted you for no other reason than when
I'm with you, you make me feel alive." When he couldn't hold himself
back any longer, he cupped her jaw with his hand, tilting her head back
until she looked into his eyes.
He had to force himself not to kiss her. "I love you, Chloe. I want you
to be my wife. Say that you forgive me for being an ass."
She stared at him forever, tears burning in her eyes. Just when he was
sure she would throw herself
into his arms, she stepped away.
"I'm sorry, Sterling. This isn't a made for television movie. This is
real life. Not everything is about happily ever after."
Then she ducked away from him, and walked out the door.
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To: [email protected]
From: MD20/[email protected]
Subject: Finale
-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
From: [email protected]
Subject: The Catch
Dear Chloe:
Albert Cummings
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From: [email protected]
Subject: Sin
To Whom It May Concern:
Pastor Hartwell Lerner
-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
From: [email protected] (Jennie Bean)
Subject: Disappointed
Professor Jennie Bean
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To: [email protected]
From: [email protected]
Subject: Say yes
From: [email protected]
Subject: Roses
Ray T.
-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
bouquets and cards, all delivered for Chloe. The station's e-mail
system had gone down for three hours after being inundated with I love
Chloe e-mails. Chloe was a hit, and nearly every man in West Texas
swore he wanted to marry her.
Sterling felt frustration tick through him, frustration and that same
need to protect. He doubted any of
the e-mails were dangerous, but still. He put a call in to Ben, who
assured him that he'd have security
all over Chloe.
"For how long?" Ben asked.
"For as long as it takes for things to get back to normal."
"Whatever that is."
"Tell me about it. Just make sure we have someone watching her
twenty-four/seven. I don't care what
it costs."
"I'll take care of it."
That had been two days ago. Now Sterling paced the same damn makeshift
office that had come to
seem more comfortable to him than the plush penthouse suite he occupied
at Prescott Media headquarters. Not that he had any reason to stay in
El Paso. He couldn't even get Chloe to speak to
him. And her friends weren't helping. She had locked herself away at
Julia's, and between Kate, Julia, Julia's housekeeper, and the
truckload of security he was paying for, everyone was keeping him the
hell away from her.
"Fuck."
He flipped open his cell phone, raked his hand through his hair, then
dialed the number he knew by
heart. It was no surprise when the answering machine picked up.
With a curse, he left yet another message asking Chloe to call him
back. He was surprised to find that
he wasn't above groveling. Though he suspected that was because he knew
he deserved to grovel. He
had made the mess; Chloe hadn't. But he'd be damned if he was going to
sit back and not fix things. That's what he did. He fixed things.
Little did he know that his biggest challenge in his life would be
to fix a mess he had caused.
He remembered her saying, "Beg and plead. Grovel." Hell, if groveling
would get her back, then grovel
he would.
Which was why he flipped the phone open again. The only problem was
that in the thirty seconds between telling himself to grovel and the
answering machine beeping, he'd forgotten. "Hell, Chloe,
pick up the damn phone."
The jarring sound of a phone being yanked out of its holder and the
answering machine squealing a surprised beat almost busted his eardrum.
"Don't you speak to me like that," Chloe belted nearly as loudly as the
answering machine squeal.
"You can't call up and swear and think you can get your way!"
"Finally. If I'd known that profanity would get you to answer, I would
have done it sooner."
"That's why you called?" she demanded. "To chide me?"
Sterling mentally kicked himself, then sighed. "No, no! Don't hang up."
He pressed his thumb and forefinger to the bridge of his nose.
"Please." He felt the word as sincerely as he had ever felt anything,
felt the vulnerable place inside him open up. "Just talk to me, Chloe."
"No," she stated stubbornly. "No more talking. There's nothing to talk
about. I'm finished with you and
The
Catch
and I'm going back to my old life. You should do the same.
Go back to Prescott Media.
Don't you have businesses to gobble up in other parts of the country?
Aren't there some throats out
there that need cutting? Aren't there any more challenges whose hearts
need breaking?"
"Ah, Chloe. I swear I never meant to break your heart. I love you. And
I called to tell you that you're wonderful and sexy and that I love you
even if you hate me."
He heard her snort. "I am not sexy. I am smart and sensible and I'm not
going to forget that ever again."
"Chloeâ"
But she had already slammed the phone down so hard that what was left
of his eardrum pleaded for mercy.
Suddenly even attempting to grovel lost its appeal.
decadent slice of velvet cake.
She closed the top on the Fiddle Faddle, resealed the Oreo cookies, and
decided it was time she stopped hiding away at Julia's. As she said to
Sterling, it was time she got back to her old lifeâsans the sweets
binge. She would put this chapter behind her. She refused to think
about the pang in her heart when
she thought about never seeing Sterling again.
She packed the few things she had brought with her to Julia's house. It
really was time to go home.
How she wished she had never laid eyes on that idiotic Sexy! quiz. But
she'd just have to try even
harder to return to who she was, get her life back in its perfect
order. The thought of regaining control made her feel better already.
She left Julia's house, then walked across the backyard and through the
lattice archway to her house.
The minute she walked in the back door, she was struck by the sight of
pans and dishes all over the kitchen.
"Dad?" she called out.
Music drifted in to her. Then she noticed a bottle of wine.
"Oh, my gosh!" she whispered. "My dad has a date! Here!"
Telling herself she was probably wrong, she walked into the living
room. But she was just in time to see her father break free of a
passionate embrace with Bitsy. Chloe felt like a parent walking in on a
guilty child.
"Chloe!" he said, jerking up from the sofa.
Bitsy groaned and rolled her eyes, tucking her blouse back in place.
"What are you doing here?" Richard asked.
"It's my house," she squeaked as if she were the guilty party. And she
wasn't the guilty one. Yet again
she was feeling bad for things other people did! And she was tired of
it!
"But you haven't been staying here, and now that Sterling moved out, I
thought..."
"You thought you could ... could ... mess around with a ... a ... her?"
Every trace of awkwardness left her father and he stood. "Bitsy, could
you excuse us, please."
"Why?" Chloe demanded.
She felt like a third person watching herself act horribly. But still
she couldn't stop it. "I'm not embarrassed to say what I have to say in
front of her."
"You should be," her father stated.
Bitsy strolled past and smiled triumphantly. The minute the kitchen
door shut behind her, Richard
turned to Chloe.
"I'm not sure what has gotten into youâ"
"What are you doing with her, Dad?"
Something inside her shifted and changed. She felt it. Felt a well of
emotion rise up like it would strangle her. Since the day her mother
rode away with the guy on the motorcycle, then never returned, Chloe
had plastered a smile on her face, just as her grandmother had asked.
She had been a good girl who made good grades and stayed out of
trouble. She had bottled up every question she had in order to make
sure that she didn't make people uncomfortable. Lovable Chloe. Isn't
that who she had tried so hard to be?
But suddenly she couldn't hold emotion back anymore. She couldn't drum
up smart or sensible to save her life.
"That isn't a woman in there," she stated, her voice barely steady.
"That's a child. She's half your age
if she's a day!"
"She is not a child. She is twenty-nine years old."
She made a production of choking, her eyes wide with disbelief. "Dad!
She's only two years older than me! Your daughter!"
"Stop this. Stop it right now." His brow furrowed and he took her arms
and actually gave her a slight shake. "I know I've never been a parent
to you, and I have no right to act like one now. But I'm not
going to sit by while you act this way. You're an adult, not a child.
Stop acting like one."
Not even the bite of embarrassment could fight its way to the surface
through the strange beating pain
in her chest. "You've been dating her for months without even telling
me."
"I told you, remember? The night that I took her to the Central."
"You said you were taking a friend! Even if I knew it was a date, you
certainly didn't make it sound serious."
"So you'd feel better about it if I'd told you that I loved her?" he
asked in a reasonable tone.
The words kicked at her chest. "No! I will never feel good about this."
"Chloe, stop it. Bitsy makes me happy. Can you understand that? Can you
understand how that's all that matters? I've learned that life's too
short to worry about age differences. Only God knows why, but she wants
to be with me. And I want to be with her."
"What, so you can leave her just like you left my mother?"
The question hung in the air like an ugly surprise. Richard pressed his
lips shut and stared at her. Chloe couldn't believe what she had just
said.
Like a magician had snapped his fingers, she came out of that strange
beating place and felt horrible.
She was acting like an idiot. Worse, she was lashing out with meanness.
But in the month since she let
a stranger pull her into a hotel bathroom, her life had turned upside
down, and she was struggling to find her way through this new world and
back to her old one. The safe one. The one she recognized.
"That was unfair of me," she said, meaning it. "I'm sorry."
He nodded and found a tired smile for her. "I know you are. Since I've
been here, I've seen firsthand
how caring you are. And I understand now that you need control. Over
the house, over the yard. Over me." His smile disappeared and he looked
her in the eye. "But you're also so determined to be independent that
you're unwilling to let people into your life."
"That's not true! I let you into my life!"
"Have you? You won't let me have any part in taking care of the house.
As you said the day I wanted
to mow the lawn, I'm a guest here."
"But it's not because I don't want you in my life! I haven't wanted you
to help because what if you overexerted yourself and had another heart
attack? I can't afford for you to leave me a second time!"
Chloe's breath caught in her throat. But she couldn't take the words
back. The truth that she hadn't wanted to admit, not to Julia or to
Kate and definitely not to her father, was that she lived with the fear
that at any second he might have another heart attack, this time fatal,
and they'd never have a chance to truly be father and daughter. They
wouldn't have a chance to share their lives. She'd never learn who he
really was.
Or why he had left.
Her father stared at her in surprise. "Is that what all of this is
about?"
"I'm sorry," she said with a groan. "I'm not trying to make you feel
vulnerable. But I worryâand I just thought that maybe before you got
involved with someone else, we'd have a chance to get to know each
otherâthat maybe I'd have you just to myself, at least for a little
while." She wrinkled her nose at the sheer selfishness of her wish.
"Ah, Chloe," he said. "I don't feel vulnerable. Believe me, I feel
fine. I'm eating healthy now. I'm walking every day. You have me for
the rest of my life, or until you get tired of meâwith or without a
girlfriend. But I think this is deeper than you're admitting to me or
even to yourself. Like I said, you need control over your life." Her
father's voice filled with kindness and wisdomâlike a true father's.
"But now I realize that you won't let people in because you're afraid."
Her breath snagged.
"You're your mother's daughter," he said with heartfelt emotion. "And
she was your grandmother's daughter before that."
Pressure beat at the back of her eyes. "How does that have anything to
do with me being independent?"
" 'Men lie, cheat, and leave.' "
Her mouth dropped open. "Where did you hear that?"
"From your mother, and your mother heard it from her mother. Words
handed down like a legacy
instead of china or a cherished piece of jewelry. But that legacy is
untrue and damaging."
Heat burned her cheeks. "But you did leave her."
"No, I didn't. She pushed me away. Again and again."
She shook her head as if she could shake the words away. "But my mother
was killed after you left.
You know that."
"Technically, that's true. But the only reason I left was because she
didn't want me." He closed his eyes, remembering. "Your mother was the
most amazing woman I had ever met. I loved her for years. I tried to
get her to marry me for as long as I knew her."
The words were as much of a surprise as they were something that fed
her soul. Talking. About her parents. Hearing their story.
"Wild, beautiful, enticing Nell. God, she had a line of admirers. She
loved men and they loved her. She gave them all up when she met me. She
said we didn't need marriage. But after she got pregnant, I was
convinced she'd finally say yes. Unfortunately that didn't happen. She
became even more determined
not to marry. She said that if she married me, I'd only get tired of
her and leave. That's when she started to push me away. I hung on for
years. I can't tell you the hoops I jumped through trying to convince
her otherwise. But she never believed me. Finally I gave up trying."
Chloe's shoulders straightened in surpriseâand recognition. Suddenly
her mind whirled back; she was young. Her mother, stunningly vibrant,
men falling all over themselves to please her. All until that last day
when she left the house and never returned. Over the years, first her
dad had left, then her mother had. All the leaving, combined with her
grandmother's words seemed to have made up who she was.
Did that explain why she really couldn't forgive Sterling? Was she
grasping at excuses to push him away to make sure he could never leave
her? Had she become her mother after all?
Chloe's throat worked, and she pulled up the courage to ask the
question that had plagued her for a lifetime. "If you loved her so
much, why didn't you come for me after she died?"
"Oh, Chloe," he said, sighing her name. "I didn't know about the
accident for months. My name wasn't on your birth certificate. The
state didn't even know to notify me. It wasn't until later, after
deciding that enough time had passed that I could try once again with
Nell, that I learned she was gone. After that, I tracked down your
grandmother to find you. But she said it was best for her to raise you.
Hell, I was in my thirties, had a dead-end job. And I was reeling at
the loss of your mother. On top of that, what did I know about kids?
Nothing. At the time, your staying with Regina seemed like the best
thing for everyone."
"Best for everyone, or just best for you?" she persisted.
He rubbed his hand over his face. "Believe it or not, it was best for
you. I haven't had a decent job my entire adult life. Look at me. I'm
closing in on sixty, but I have to live with my daughter because I
can't afford a house of my own."
"You mean you'd leave if you could?"
"Not unless you want me to. It turns out the best thing that ever
happened to me was having that damned attack. It brought me back to
you. Look at the wonderful woman you've grown up to be. I'm proud of
you."
The words were like another gift.
"You're a generous, loving woman," he continued. "But you have to learn
how to let people in. I'm older nowânot wiser, grantedâbut I've been
around enough to see that people do stupid things with the best intent."
"What do you mean?"
"Your grandmother loved you, I'm sure of it. And you have a much better
life for having grown up with her instead of me, that's the truth. But
Regina was overprotective. She didn't want your mother to get hurt, so
she made sure Nell wasn't going to be taken in by some smooth talkin'
man who would use her, then break her heart. 'Men lie, cheat, and
leave.' It was Regina's mantra. I'm guessing that Regina told you the
same thing, rilled your head with the same fears. She didn't want you
hurt, so she thought she could protect you from men who could hurt you.
But Chloe, not all men are out to do you harm. Some men really can
love. Regina never understood that. And while I believe she had the
best intentions, she went about it the wrong way." His brow furrowed.
"Hell, we all do stupid things. Like me not reaching out to you until I
had a heart attack. But sometimes it takes something big to make us see
the light. I got the hospital to call you because I was too damned
afraid to call myself. And then once I was here, I
didn't know what the hell to do, who to be. Your father? A friend? As I
said, you have your life in
perfect order. It was clear as soon as I got here that you didn't need
me."
"But I do need you," she said, the words barely audible. "I still need
you to be my dad."
"Then let me be. Let me tell you that life isn't as simple as men lie,
cheat, and leave. Sometimes women won't let men into their lives. And
sometimes grandmothers say the wrong things in hopes of keeping loved
ones safe. But you are safe, Chloe. Physically, mentally, even
monetarily, compared to most people. But no matter how hard you try to
protect your heart, sometimes you just have to take a chance that maybe
you won't get hurt. Have you ever taken a chance on anything in your
life? The fact is, that's what living is about," he said with great
passion. "There are no guarantees, just hope and bund faith that things
will work out. But when you live like that, that's when you're really
alive. Your mother would never take that chance. In order to feel like
she was in control, she collected men and broke their hearts, and she
rode around on motorcycles without helmets to feel like she was really
daring and alive. Maybe she would have married me eventually, but we'll
never know. I loved her. I wish every day that things had worked out
differently. But they didn't. It's too late for me and your mother. But
it's not too late
for you and me to get to know each other."
Tears finally spilled over and after a second, she threw her arms
around her father. "I'm sorry. I've
been horrible."
He set her at arm's length. "You're not horrible, Chloe. You just need
to stop working so hard to be sensible and smart, and take a chance for
a change."
woman he would do it. For this woman it felt amazing. Finally he got to
share himself. He wasn't pretending anymore. And he realized
in that second that he had been pretending for a lifetime. He had been
who his family expected him to
be, who he was raised to be. Regardless of what he really wanted. But
no more.
"My mother and sister had no interest in anything but spending money,
and if things had kept on as they were, there wouldn't be any money
left to spend. My father spent most of his time building his toy
soldiers. Letting others make decisions. No one was minding the store."
He knew he sounded like a pompous ass. Or worse, he felt like he was
giving her a tale of woe. That wasn't his intent. "I switched majors.
Got a business degree, then an MBA while Grandmere held things
together. After that I came home and took over. I've done it without a
single complaint or regret. That is until I met you. The minute I saw
your face, saw the way you looked at me with innocence and longing, it
was like I had stepped back in time to what my life could have been. A
world where I could believe in true love. You gave me that. In a hotel
bathroom in El Paso, Texas, you showed me what I was missing. Then
during those first two weeks while we were putting the show together,
for the first time in my life
I experienced two people truly finding each other."
She bit her lip.
"Everything I felt for you had nothing to do with that bet," he
repeated. "I sought you out. I wanted you for no other reason than when
I'm with you, you make me feel alive." When he couldn't hold himself
back any longer, he cupped her jaw with his hand, tilting her head back
until she looked into his eyes.
He had to force himself not to kiss her. "I love you, Chloe. I want you
to be my wife. Say that you forgive me for being an ass."
She stared at him forever, tears burning in her eyes. Just when he was
sure she would throw herself
into his arms, she stepped away.
"I'm sorry, Sterling. This isn't a made for television movie. This is
real life. Not everything is about happily ever after."
Then she ducked away from him, and walked out the door.
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To: [email protected]
From: MD20/[email protected]
Subject: Finale
Wow,
man, I'm totally bummed. Trey, you should be totally embarrassed. But I
bet you're
really crushed. I know I would be if that hot babe Chloe dumped me.
Hey, do you think you
could give me her number?
Mad Dogman, I'm totally bummed. Trey, you should be totally embarrassed. But I
bet you're
really crushed. I know I would be if that hot babe Chloe dumped me.
Hey, do you think you
could give me her number?
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Â
From: [email protected]
Subject: The Catch
Dear Chloe:
Brava!
Good job, saying no to that wretched man. You are far better than he
deserves. Now
you still owe me dinner. Let me know when is good for you.
Still your ardent admirer,Good job, saying no to that wretched man. You are far better than he
deserves. Now
you still owe me dinner. Let me know when is good for you.
Albert Cummings
-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Â
From: [email protected]
Subject: Sin
To Whom It May Concern:
As
I said in my original e-mail, your show The Catch is an abomination to
the Lord. And now
to leave the entire audience who has watched your sins hanging? What is
this? A completely unsatisfying conclusion. I feel betrayed and used
after the final episode ran.
Disappointed,I said in my original e-mail, your show The Catch is an abomination to
the Lord. And now
to leave the entire audience who has watched your sins hanging? What is
this? A completely unsatisfying conclusion. I feel betrayed and used
after the final episode ran.
Pastor Hartwell Lerner
-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Â
From: [email protected] (Jennie Bean)
Subject: Disappointed
Okay,
not entirely. I still think Chloe is awesome! And great that she didn't
feel compelled to say
yes to the Catch. But as a viewer, rather than as a feminist, I feel
majoiiy cheated. Is there going
to be some sort of follow-up so that we can see what the heck happened
to poor Trey?
Best,not entirely. I still think Chloe is awesome! And great that she didn't
feel compelled to say
yes to the Catch. But as a viewer, rather than as a feminist, I feel
majoiiy cheated. Is there going
to be some sort of follow-up so that we can see what the heck happened
to poor Trey?
Professor Jennie Bean
-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
To: [email protected]
From: [email protected]
Subject: Say yes
Dear
Chloe, All I can say is I'm in love. You are amazing and wonderful and
the sexiest damn
thing I have ever seen. How about dinner? Call me.
Chloe, All I can say is I'm in love. You are amazing and wonderful and
the sexiest damn
thing I have ever seen. How about dinner? Call me.
Mark
Taylor 915-555-3654
-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------Taylor 915-555-3654
Â
From: [email protected]
Subject: Roses
Dear
Chloe, I've sent roses and candy with my best regards. I hope you will
enjoy them as much
as I have enjoyed watching you on
The
Catch
. If you'd ever consider dinner or even a cup of coffee, I
would be honored to take you.
Sincerely,Chloe, I've sent roses and candy with my best regards. I hope you will
enjoy them as much
as I have enjoyed watching you on
The
Catch
. If you'd ever consider dinner or even a cup of coffee, I
would be honored to take you.
Ray T.
-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Â
TWENTY
KTEX TV headquarters was flooded with flowers and candy, balloonbouquets and cards, all delivered for Chloe. The station's e-mail
system had gone down for three hours after being inundated with I love
Chloe e-mails. Chloe was a hit, and nearly every man in West Texas
swore he wanted to marry her.
Sterling felt frustration tick through him, frustration and that same
need to protect. He doubted any of
the e-mails were dangerous, but still. He put a call in to Ben, who
assured him that he'd have security
all over Chloe.
"For how long?" Ben asked.
"For as long as it takes for things to get back to normal."
"Whatever that is."
"Tell me about it. Just make sure we have someone watching her
twenty-four/seven. I don't care what
it costs."
"I'll take care of it."
That had been two days ago. Now Sterling paced the same damn makeshift
office that had come to
seem more comfortable to him than the plush penthouse suite he occupied
at Prescott Media headquarters. Not that he had any reason to stay in
El Paso. He couldn't even get Chloe to speak to
him. And her friends weren't helping. She had locked herself away at
Julia's, and between Kate, Julia, Julia's housekeeper, and the
truckload of security he was paying for, everyone was keeping him the
hell away from her.
"Fuck."
He flipped open his cell phone, raked his hand through his hair, then
dialed the number he knew by
heart. It was no surprise when the answering machine picked up.
With a curse, he left yet another message asking Chloe to call him
back. He was surprised to find that
he wasn't above groveling. Though he suspected that was because he knew
he deserved to grovel. He
had made the mess; Chloe hadn't. But he'd be damned if he was going to
sit back and not fix things. That's what he did. He fixed things.
Little did he know that his biggest challenge in his life would be
to fix a mess he had caused.
He remembered her saying, "Beg and plead. Grovel." Hell, if groveling
would get her back, then grovel
he would.
Which was why he flipped the phone open again. The only problem was
that in the thirty seconds between telling himself to grovel and the
answering machine beeping, he'd forgotten. "Hell, Chloe,
pick up the damn phone."
The jarring sound of a phone being yanked out of its holder and the
answering machine squealing a surprised beat almost busted his eardrum.
"Don't you speak to me like that," Chloe belted nearly as loudly as the
answering machine squeal.
"You can't call up and swear and think you can get your way!"
"Finally. If I'd known that profanity would get you to answer, I would
have done it sooner."
"That's why you called?" she demanded. "To chide me?"
Sterling mentally kicked himself, then sighed. "No, no! Don't hang up."
He pressed his thumb and forefinger to the bridge of his nose.
"Please." He felt the word as sincerely as he had ever felt anything,
felt the vulnerable place inside him open up. "Just talk to me, Chloe."
"No," she stated stubbornly. "No more talking. There's nothing to talk
about. I'm finished with you and
The
Catch
and I'm going back to my old life. You should do the same.
Go back to Prescott Media.
Don't you have businesses to gobble up in other parts of the country?
Aren't there some throats out
there that need cutting? Aren't there any more challenges whose hearts
need breaking?"
"Ah, Chloe. I swear I never meant to break your heart. I love you. And
I called to tell you that you're wonderful and sexy and that I love you
even if you hate me."
He heard her snort. "I am not sexy. I am smart and sensible and I'm not
going to forget that ever again."
"Chloeâ"
But she had already slammed the phone down so hard that what was left
of his eardrum pleaded for mercy.
Suddenly even attempting to grovel lost its appeal.
*Â
*Â *
Chloe banged down the phone and pushed away the half-eaten, sinfully*Â *
decadent slice of velvet cake.
She closed the top on the Fiddle Faddle, resealed the Oreo cookies, and
decided it was time she stopped hiding away at Julia's. As she said to
Sterling, it was time she got back to her old lifeâsans the sweets
binge. She would put this chapter behind her. She refused to think
about the pang in her heart when
she thought about never seeing Sterling again.
She packed the few things she had brought with her to Julia's house. It
really was time to go home.
How she wished she had never laid eyes on that idiotic Sexy! quiz. But
she'd just have to try even
harder to return to who she was, get her life back in its perfect
order. The thought of regaining control made her feel better already.
She left Julia's house, then walked across the backyard and through the
lattice archway to her house.
The minute she walked in the back door, she was struck by the sight of
pans and dishes all over the kitchen.
"Dad?" she called out.
Music drifted in to her. Then she noticed a bottle of wine.
"Oh, my gosh!" she whispered. "My dad has a date! Here!"
Telling herself she was probably wrong, she walked into the living
room. But she was just in time to see her father break free of a
passionate embrace with Bitsy. Chloe felt like a parent walking in on a
guilty child.
"Chloe!" he said, jerking up from the sofa.
Bitsy groaned and rolled her eyes, tucking her blouse back in place.
"What are you doing here?" Richard asked.
"It's my house," she squeaked as if she were the guilty party. And she
wasn't the guilty one. Yet again
she was feeling bad for things other people did! And she was tired of
it!
"But you haven't been staying here, and now that Sterling moved out, I
thought..."
"You thought you could ... could ... mess around with a ... a ... her?"
Every trace of awkwardness left her father and he stood. "Bitsy, could
you excuse us, please."
"Why?" Chloe demanded.
She felt like a third person watching herself act horribly. But still
she couldn't stop it. "I'm not embarrassed to say what I have to say in
front of her."
"You should be," her father stated.
Bitsy strolled past and smiled triumphantly. The minute the kitchen
door shut behind her, Richard
turned to Chloe.
"I'm not sure what has gotten into youâ"
"What are you doing with her, Dad?"
Something inside her shifted and changed. She felt it. Felt a well of
emotion rise up like it would strangle her. Since the day her mother
rode away with the guy on the motorcycle, then never returned, Chloe
had plastered a smile on her face, just as her grandmother had asked.
She had been a good girl who made good grades and stayed out of
trouble. She had bottled up every question she had in order to make
sure that she didn't make people uncomfortable. Lovable Chloe. Isn't
that who she had tried so hard to be?
But suddenly she couldn't hold emotion back anymore. She couldn't drum
up smart or sensible to save her life.
"That isn't a woman in there," she stated, her voice barely steady.
"That's a child. She's half your age
if she's a day!"
"She is not a child. She is twenty-nine years old."
She made a production of choking, her eyes wide with disbelief. "Dad!
She's only two years older than me! Your daughter!"
"Stop this. Stop it right now." His brow furrowed and he took her arms
and actually gave her a slight shake. "I know I've never been a parent
to you, and I have no right to act like one now. But I'm not
going to sit by while you act this way. You're an adult, not a child.
Stop acting like one."
Not even the bite of embarrassment could fight its way to the surface
through the strange beating pain
in her chest. "You've been dating her for months without even telling
me."
"I told you, remember? The night that I took her to the Central."
"You said you were taking a friend! Even if I knew it was a date, you
certainly didn't make it sound serious."
"So you'd feel better about it if I'd told you that I loved her?" he
asked in a reasonable tone.
The words kicked at her chest. "No! I will never feel good about this."
"Chloe, stop it. Bitsy makes me happy. Can you understand that? Can you
understand how that's all that matters? I've learned that life's too
short to worry about age differences. Only God knows why, but she wants
to be with me. And I want to be with her."
"What, so you can leave her just like you left my mother?"
The question hung in the air like an ugly surprise. Richard pressed his
lips shut and stared at her. Chloe couldn't believe what she had just
said.
Like a magician had snapped his fingers, she came out of that strange
beating place and felt horrible.
She was acting like an idiot. Worse, she was lashing out with meanness.
But in the month since she let
a stranger pull her into a hotel bathroom, her life had turned upside
down, and she was struggling to find her way through this new world and
back to her old one. The safe one. The one she recognized.
"That was unfair of me," she said, meaning it. "I'm sorry."
He nodded and found a tired smile for her. "I know you are. Since I've
been here, I've seen firsthand
how caring you are. And I understand now that you need control. Over
the house, over the yard. Over me." His smile disappeared and he looked
her in the eye. "But you're also so determined to be independent that
you're unwilling to let people into your life."
"That's not true! I let you into my life!"
"Have you? You won't let me have any part in taking care of the house.
As you said the day I wanted
to mow the lawn, I'm a guest here."
"But it's not because I don't want you in my life! I haven't wanted you
to help because what if you overexerted yourself and had another heart
attack? I can't afford for you to leave me a second time!"
Chloe's breath caught in her throat. But she couldn't take the words
back. The truth that she hadn't wanted to admit, not to Julia or to
Kate and definitely not to her father, was that she lived with the fear
that at any second he might have another heart attack, this time fatal,
and they'd never have a chance to truly be father and daughter. They
wouldn't have a chance to share their lives. She'd never learn who he
really was.
Or why he had left.
Her father stared at her in surprise. "Is that what all of this is
about?"
"I'm sorry," she said with a groan. "I'm not trying to make you feel
vulnerable. But I worryâand I just thought that maybe before you got
involved with someone else, we'd have a chance to get to know each
otherâthat maybe I'd have you just to myself, at least for a little
while." She wrinkled her nose at the sheer selfishness of her wish.
"Ah, Chloe," he said. "I don't feel vulnerable. Believe me, I feel
fine. I'm eating healthy now. I'm walking every day. You have me for
the rest of my life, or until you get tired of meâwith or without a
girlfriend. But I think this is deeper than you're admitting to me or
even to yourself. Like I said, you need control over your life." Her
father's voice filled with kindness and wisdomâlike a true father's.
"But now I realize that you won't let people in because you're afraid."
Her breath snagged.
"You're your mother's daughter," he said with heartfelt emotion. "And
she was your grandmother's daughter before that."
Pressure beat at the back of her eyes. "How does that have anything to
do with me being independent?"
" 'Men lie, cheat, and leave.' "
Her mouth dropped open. "Where did you hear that?"
"From your mother, and your mother heard it from her mother. Words
handed down like a legacy
instead of china or a cherished piece of jewelry. But that legacy is
untrue and damaging."
Heat burned her cheeks. "But you did leave her."
"No, I didn't. She pushed me away. Again and again."
She shook her head as if she could shake the words away. "But my mother
was killed after you left.
You know that."
"Technically, that's true. But the only reason I left was because she
didn't want me." He closed his eyes, remembering. "Your mother was the
most amazing woman I had ever met. I loved her for years. I tried to
get her to marry me for as long as I knew her."
The words were as much of a surprise as they were something that fed
her soul. Talking. About her parents. Hearing their story.
"Wild, beautiful, enticing Nell. God, she had a line of admirers. She
loved men and they loved her. She gave them all up when she met me. She
said we didn't need marriage. But after she got pregnant, I was
convinced she'd finally say yes. Unfortunately that didn't happen. She
became even more determined
not to marry. She said that if she married me, I'd only get tired of
her and leave. That's when she started to push me away. I hung on for
years. I can't tell you the hoops I jumped through trying to convince
her otherwise. But she never believed me. Finally I gave up trying."
Chloe's shoulders straightened in surpriseâand recognition. Suddenly
her mind whirled back; she was young. Her mother, stunningly vibrant,
men falling all over themselves to please her. All until that last day
when she left the house and never returned. Over the years, first her
dad had left, then her mother had. All the leaving, combined with her
grandmother's words seemed to have made up who she was.
Did that explain why she really couldn't forgive Sterling? Was she
grasping at excuses to push him away to make sure he could never leave
her? Had she become her mother after all?
Chloe's throat worked, and she pulled up the courage to ask the
question that had plagued her for a lifetime. "If you loved her so
much, why didn't you come for me after she died?"
"Oh, Chloe," he said, sighing her name. "I didn't know about the
accident for months. My name wasn't on your birth certificate. The
state didn't even know to notify me. It wasn't until later, after
deciding that enough time had passed that I could try once again with
Nell, that I learned she was gone. After that, I tracked down your
grandmother to find you. But she said it was best for her to raise you.
Hell, I was in my thirties, had a dead-end job. And I was reeling at
the loss of your mother. On top of that, what did I know about kids?
Nothing. At the time, your staying with Regina seemed like the best
thing for everyone."
"Best for everyone, or just best for you?" she persisted.
He rubbed his hand over his face. "Believe it or not, it was best for
you. I haven't had a decent job my entire adult life. Look at me. I'm
closing in on sixty, but I have to live with my daughter because I
can't afford a house of my own."
"You mean you'd leave if you could?"
"Not unless you want me to. It turns out the best thing that ever
happened to me was having that damned attack. It brought me back to
you. Look at the wonderful woman you've grown up to be. I'm proud of
you."
The words were like another gift.
"You're a generous, loving woman," he continued. "But you have to learn
how to let people in. I'm older nowânot wiser, grantedâbut I've been
around enough to see that people do stupid things with the best intent."
"What do you mean?"
"Your grandmother loved you, I'm sure of it. And you have a much better
life for having grown up with her instead of me, that's the truth. But
Regina was overprotective. She didn't want your mother to get hurt, so
she made sure Nell wasn't going to be taken in by some smooth talkin'
man who would use her, then break her heart. 'Men lie, cheat, and
leave.' It was Regina's mantra. I'm guessing that Regina told you the
same thing, rilled your head with the same fears. She didn't want you
hurt, so she thought she could protect you from men who could hurt you.
But Chloe, not all men are out to do you harm. Some men really can
love. Regina never understood that. And while I believe she had the
best intentions, she went about it the wrong way." His brow furrowed.
"Hell, we all do stupid things. Like me not reaching out to you until I
had a heart attack. But sometimes it takes something big to make us see
the light. I got the hospital to call you because I was too damned
afraid to call myself. And then once I was here, I
didn't know what the hell to do, who to be. Your father? A friend? As I
said, you have your life in
perfect order. It was clear as soon as I got here that you didn't need
me."
"But I do need you," she said, the words barely audible. "I still need
you to be my dad."
"Then let me be. Let me tell you that life isn't as simple as men lie,
cheat, and leave. Sometimes women won't let men into their lives. And
sometimes grandmothers say the wrong things in hopes of keeping loved
ones safe. But you are safe, Chloe. Physically, mentally, even
monetarily, compared to most people. But no matter how hard you try to
protect your heart, sometimes you just have to take a chance that maybe
you won't get hurt. Have you ever taken a chance on anything in your
life? The fact is, that's what living is about," he said with great
passion. "There are no guarantees, just hope and bund faith that things
will work out. But when you live like that, that's when you're really
alive. Your mother would never take that chance. In order to feel like
she was in control, she collected men and broke their hearts, and she
rode around on motorcycles without helmets to feel like she was really
daring and alive. Maybe she would have married me eventually, but we'll
never know. I loved her. I wish every day that things had worked out
differently. But they didn't. It's too late for me and your mother. But
it's not too late
for you and me to get to know each other."
Tears finally spilled over and after a second, she threw her arms
around her father. "I'm sorry. I've
been horrible."
He set her at arm's length. "You're not horrible, Chloe. You just need
to stop working so hard to be sensible and smart, and take a chance for
a change."
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