Sing as We Go (12 page)

Kathy was suddenly overwhelmed with guilt. Not this time, on account of her deceit, but because she was criticizing a loyal and loving son. She was reminded too that she’d walked away from her own mother’s difficult life and had selfishly followed her own desires. Shame swept through her and made her squeeze his hand and say huskily, ‘It’s all right. She can’t help being ill.’

Tony raised her hand to his lips and kissed it. ‘Sweetheart, you’re so kind and generous. I do love you. There’s so much I want to say to you – was going to say to you tonight – but now . . .’

It was all she needed to hear. He’d said those three little words that meant so much to any girl and especially to her. She would never doubt him again, she vowed silently. She’d be kind and understanding and forgiving whenever their evenings were interrupted or their arrangements cancelled.

‘Never mind,’ she heard herself saying. ‘You go and I’ll find my own way home. It’s such a nice evening, I don’t mind the walk.’

‘If you’re sure, darling . . . ?’ And he was gone.

*

The summer rolled on. Towards the end of August, Amy came again.

‘Dad says I’ve worked so hard with the harvest, I deserve a bit of fun.’

Kathy said nothing, but she wondered just how her father was coping at such a busy time of year without her. She hoped he hadn’t forced her mother to take her place. As if reading her friend’s thoughts, Amy said, ‘And before you ask, your mam’s fine and Morry’s been helping your dad with his harvest. Just in case he had it in mind to get your poor mam driving the tractor or lugging bales. Now,’ she went on briskly, ‘What’s on at the pictures this weekend?’

Half way through the programme the Pathé News came on and by the time it had finished, the cinemagoers had little heart to sit and watch the next film.

‘Let’s go, Kathy,’ Amy whispered. ‘I can’t sit here any longer after what we’ve just seen.’

As they walked home, arm in arm, clutching each other for comfort, Amy whispered, ‘I’m scared. All that talk of emergency powers and the sight of those students building great walls of sandbags outside that London hospital. It – it can only mean one thing, can’t it? There’s going to be a war, isn’t there?’

‘It was the sound of those sirens that got me. I know they weren’t for real this time but . . .’ Kathy shuddered as she added, ‘I’d no idea things had got so bad. I – I haven’t been taking much notice of the news lately.’ She bit her lip, longing to confide in her dearest friend, but she still daren’t say a word.

‘Neither have I,’ Amy answered in an unusually subdued voice. ‘We’ve been so busy just lately, I don’t think even Dad realizes just how serious things are now. But don’t let’s say anything to Aunt Jemima. We don’t want to worry the old dear.’

Kathy agreed, but when they arrived home, Jemima was listening to the nine o’clock news on the wireless, leaning towards it, not wanting to miss a word. The book she had been reading had fallen, discarded, to the floor.

‘Hello, Auntie,’ Amy began breezily.

‘Shush! I’m listening.’

The two girls exchanged a glance and shrugged.

‘Oh well,’ Kathy murmured. ‘She’ll hear soon enough at work on Monday. They’ll be talking of nothing else. And come to think of it, she’s been devouring the newspapers for weeks. Maybe she’s far more aware of what’s going on than we are.’

The news bulletin ended and Jemima switched off the wireless. She sat motionless, staring pensively at nothing in particular.

‘I’ll make the cocoa,’ Amy said gently and went into the scullery, while Kathy sat down in the chair on the opposite side of the range. She didn’t know what to say, so she said nothing but waited until Jemima should speak.

At last Jemima gave a huge sigh and then said flatly, ‘So – it’s all going to start again, is it? You’d really think, wouldn’t you, that we’d all have learned our lesson the last time? Enough to know not to let it all happen again. The war to end all wars, they called it. Huh!’

The last sound was uttered with an ironic despair.

Though Kathy had no memory of the Great War and little knowledge, she knew it was only twenty-one years since it had ended. Her own parents – and Amy’s too – had lived through it and the woman sitting opposite her now must have been about Kathy’s age at the start of it. Kathy watched her now and saw the raw suffering in Jemima’s eyes. There was a hurt, a wound in them that would never heal. She wanted to ask what had happened back then but she couldn’t. But later, when they were on their own, she would quiz Amy. She might know what had happened to her aunt all those years ago.

Amy came in with three mugs of cocoa. ‘There now, this will make us all feel better.’ She handed them round and then sat down on a chair near the table. ‘Perhaps it won’t happen,’ she said, trying to be cheerful.

Jemima sipped her cocoa but said nothing. She was older and a lot wiser than the two young girls and she was very much afraid that it would.

As they came out of the cathedral the following morning, Jemima stopped to speak to an acquaintance. Kathy took the opportunity to whisper to Amy, ‘Your aunt seems very upset by all this talk of war. I mean, more than normal. I know we’re all worried, but it’s really seemed to affect her badly. And usually she’s so – she’s so . . .’

‘Strong? Resilient?’ Amy suggested with a fond smile.

‘Exactly. So why?’

Amy glanced back at her aunt, who was still deep in serious conversation, a worried frown creasing her forehead. The girl bit her lip and, for a moment, there was a look of uncertainty in her eyes. She seemed to be struggling to find the right words – or to decide if she should even say them.

Then she gave a little sigh and shrugged. ‘I think she – she lost someone in the last war. Dad’s always very protective of her and Mum, well, I’ve heard her say “poor Jemima” more than once. And yet, to me, she’s anything but “poor”. She’s smart. She has a good job, a nice home and she lives in the city. She can do anything she likes. She’s not “poor” in any way. I rather envy her. But – I think – there was . . . something . . .’ Her voice trailed away and she avoided meeting Kathy’s direct, enquiring gaze.

‘I bet your mum thinks Aunt Jemima’s lonely. Family means everything to your mum. Perhaps she feels sorry for Aunt Jemima because she has no husband or family,’ Kathy suggested, trying to prise more out of the usually loquacious Amy. There was a pause as they walked slowly to the top of Steep Hill and then stopped, waiting for Jemima to catch them up. Kathy glanced at Amy, but the girl had her lips pressed firmly together as if to stop them saying any more.

‘Well,’ Kathy said quietly, ‘if you’re right and she did lose someone she loved in the war, then that’s why she’s so upset to think there might be another one. It’s going to bring the nightmare all back.’

Still Amy said nothing as they turned to watch Jemima come towards them. She walked straight-backed, her head held high.

‘She’s still a good-looking woman, you know,’ Kathy said. ‘She must have been a stunner in her younger days.’

‘She was,’ Amy said. ‘There’s a photo of her on the sideboard in our front room. You must have seen it.’

Kathy turned to gape at her friend. ‘
That’s
Jemima? But – but she was beautiful.’

‘I know.’

And they both turned to stare at the older woman again.

‘Well, well, well,’ Kathy murmured.

‘Now you two, I’ve decided we’re going out for lunch today. My treat. I need cheering up a little.’

The two girls stepped on either side of her and linked their arms through hers.

‘That’s what I call a good idea. Where are you taking us?’

‘There’s a nice little café just down here. It’s sometimes open for Sunday lunch in the summer.’

‘I need to speak to you,’ Tony whispered to Kathy as he passed through the department just after opening the following morning, ostensibly on his rounds to check that all was in order throughout the store. ‘My office. After work.’

‘I can’t . . .’ she began, but he’d moved on, smiling and nodding to other members of staff.

Kathy bit her lip anxiously. She and Jemima always walked home together unless Kathy had planned to stay in town. But Jemima didn’t like surprises being sprung upon her. She planned their meals meticulously, shopping only for what they needed. She didn’t like having her routine altered at short notice.

‘What’s up?’ Stella asked. ‘Has the war started?’

Kathy smiled weakly. If Jemima were to find out about her and Tony, there would certainly be a war of words if nothing worse.

The talk at work this last week had been of little else but the uncertainty about the war. Everyone was worried.

‘Is it lover boy? Has he packed you in?’

‘No – it’s just that – look, I’ve got to meet him tonight urgently . . .’

Stella’s eyes widened. ‘You’re not in trouble, are you?’

Kathy gasped. ‘Good Heavens, no! He’s – he’s sent word that he wants to speak to me. That’s all.’

Stella’s eyes narrowed as she searched Kathy’s embarrassed face. The girl was thinking, calculating. She glanced round the department. ‘I didn’t see anyone bring you a message and we’ve had no customers in yet. The only person I’ve seen speak to you this morning is . . . Oh my God! It’s
him
, isn’t it?’

Kathy tried hard to stop the colour flooding into her face, but failed. She grasped Stella’s arm. ‘Stella – please. Don’t say anything. Please don’t tell anyone.’

‘Oh, don’t you worry, I won’t. But you’re an idiot. A fool.’

‘What – what do you mean?’

‘He’ll break your heart. That’s what I mean. Just like he’s broken a whole string of ’em before you. Miss Curtis for one and God only knows how many more. But I know there’s been a few because when it was all going off with our dear Muriel I overheard snippets. Oh, he’s a real lady-killer and no mistake. I wouldn’t touch him if he was the last man on earth. And that’s a fact.’

Kathy’s heart felt like lead in her chest. ‘I don’t believe you,’ she said, but her protest was feeble. And she knew it.

Twelve

‘You go on ahead,’ Kathy said as closing time approached. ‘I’ve just got something to finish off. I won’t be long.’

‘Very well then,’ Jemima murmured. Her mind on other things, she didn’t think to ask questions and Kathy heaved a sigh of relief. She’d worried all day as to how she could snatch just a few moments with Tony after work and then it had been so easy. All she had to do was to pretend she had to stay behind to finish something. That excuse wouldn’t work more than once or twice, she realized. But tonight, Jemima seemed distracted. All day the talk among customers as well as the staff had been of the impending war. The merry lunch Jemima and the two girls had enjoyed the previous day had faded already. Once again, Jemima seemed lost in her own thoughts and memories.

When the store had emptied, Kathy made her way to the manager’s office. He was hovering in the outer office, waiting for her. At once, he took her hands in his, drew her into his office and closed the door.

‘Darling, we can’t talk long. I have to get home, but can you meet me on Thursday night?’

‘Thursday? Yes, yes, of course I can, but, Tony, I have to ask you . . .’

‘Good. I’ll pick you up near the main gate of the Arboretum at about seven?’ He pulled her to him and kissed her hard on the mouth. ‘I must go, but we’ll have time to chat on Thursday.’ He smiled. ‘All the time in the world, my darling. Whatever it is you want to ask me will just have to wait until then.’ Before she could say another word, he’d hustled her out of his office and down the stairs. Without realizing quite how it had happened, she found herself outside on the street with the door firmly closed behind her. She stood a moment, looking back, but Tony had disappeared.

Oh well, she thought, shrugging her shoulders. I’ll find out on Thursday.

She was only ten minutes later arriving home than normal and to her relief Jemima asked no questions. Kathy hugged her secret to herself. Luckily, this Thursday was her night for the choral society meeting. It would be easy for her to meet Tony instead, without Jemima suspecting a thing.

All she had to do was to be sure she wasn’t any later home than usual.

The next three days passed by so slowly. Stella ignored her. Gone in an instant was all the friendliness. At last, Kathy couldn’t stand the uncomfortable silence from the girl whom she had thought was her friend any longer.

As they left the store on Wednesday night, she caught hold of Stella’s arm. ‘Look, Stella . . .’

‘I’ll miss my bus,’ the girl said shortly. ‘Then my dad’ll want to know what I’ve been up to. I don’t want to be in trouble. You’re going to be in enough for both of us as it is. When everyone finds out.’

‘But you promised—’

Stella whirled around to face her. ‘And I keep my promises,’ she said and added pointedly, ‘even if others don’t.’ Kathy felt guilt sweep through her afresh as Stella went on. ‘But how long do you think you can keep it secret, eh?’

‘We’ve managed it up to now. Why should anyone find out?’

Stella sighed and shook her head. ‘I guessed, didn’t I? Oh, I know everyone sees me as a nai¨ve kid. A plain girl who’s never had a boyfriend – nor likely too the way my dad keeps me locked up – but even I’m not daft enough to think you can get away with something like this. He’s poison, that man. Keep away from him, Kathy, if you’ve any sense left in that pretty head of yours. I can see why he likes you but he’ll not stay with you, you mark my words.’ Then she twisted herself free of Kathy’s grasp and hurried away towards her bus stop.

Kathy watched her go, suddenly feeling very lonely.

On the Thursday evening, Kathy dressed with extra care. Over the last few weeks she had been able to buy herself a pretty dress and a pair of dainty shoes. She knew she should be saving to be able to afford her own bed-sit or flat, but she couldn’t always go out with Tony in the suit she wore every day for work. And the few clothes she had brought from home, well, they were fit only for the ragbag.

‘You look nice,’ Jemima smiled, looking up from her book as Kathy headed for the back door. Curled on his mistress’s lap, Taffy raised his ginger head and regarded her with his green gaze. Kathy hesitated, then crossed the room to stroke the cat’s head. If she missed anything from home, apart from her mother of course, it was the animals.