Sing as We Go (44 page)

‘How can I? How can I expect you to live with – this?’ He gestured angrily towards his damaged face.

For a moment, she wasn’t quite sure how to handle the situation, how to answer his question. Deliberately, she put her head on one side and appraised him. ‘You always did have an over-inflated opinion about your own good looks,’ she said bluntly. It was not the truth and he knew it, and he realized too what she was trying to do. ‘I don’t see so very much difference.’ Then she softened her tone and touched his arm. ‘You’re – you’re still my Tony. Still the man I love, and I’ll tell you something, Tony Kendall. You won’t escape so easily this time. This time, you’re going to marry me whether you like it or not.’

‘Did you tell him?’ Ron asked quietly without preamble as he sat down next to her in the bus. Above the noisy engine, the rattling of the windows and the chatter of the rest of the party, no one could hear what they were saying. ‘About James?’

Kathy shook her head and said huskily. ‘I couldn’t. I didn’t want him to think I wanted to marry him because of James.’

‘I know what you’re thinking,’ Ron said mildly. ‘If you go back to Wainwright and tell him the truth that he’ll be only too happy to hand the boy over to you.’

Kathy stared at him. ‘How did you know?’

Ron smiled. ‘Because it’s what I was thinking. From what you’ve told me, it’s a possibility. But no more than that. It’s not a certainty by any means. And I don’t want to see you getting your hopes up for a perfect ending to all the unhappiness when, my dear, it might not happen. I don’t want to see you getting hurt all over again.’

‘But – but I can’t marry Mr Wainwright.’ She paused and smiled at herself. The very fact that she still referred to the man who had proposed to her as ‘Mr Wainwright’ said it all. ‘Not now. Not when Tony’s still alive. Oh, he’s still saying he doesn’t want to tie me to him, but I know I can persuade him. Given time.’

Ron sighed. ‘Are you sure? When he leaves here, won’t his mother want him back to look after him?’

‘I . . .’ Kathy began and then stopped. Carried along in a fervour of happiness because Tony was alive, imagining them being married and living with their son, she had not stopped to think of all the things – or rather people – who still stood in the way of their happiness.

She groaned, closed her eyes and leaned her forehead on the cool glass of the bus window. Why, Oh why, was she so impulsive? Why did she never stop to think things out?

Then she raised her head and turned to look straight into Ron’s worried eyes. ‘I do know one thing, Ron. No matter what, I’m going to marry Tony and I will fight for my child. Our child.’

Ron nodded. ‘I wouldn’t have expected anything less, my dear. Not from you, but I really think you should tell Tony the truth before you marry him. He deserves that at the very least.’

It was three days before the company were due to appear again at the hospital and Kathy felt unable to break her commitment with the party. She sang and acted, but now her heart wasn’t in it. She wanted to rush back to the hospital to see Tony.

On the day the of next concert, Kathy sought out Ron. ‘We’re not rehearsing today, are we?’

‘No. I thought we all need a bit of a break before the show tonight.’

‘Good, then you won’t mind if I go over there to see Tony and meet you there tonight?’

‘No, of course not, dear. Break a leg.’

Kathy giggled. ‘Thanks.’ Then she winked. ‘It might be one way of getting into bed beside him.’

‘You little minx!’ Ron chuckled. ‘Get away with you.’

As Kathy walked up the driveway to the hospital, her heart was hammering and her knees were trembling. She couldn’t remember when she had felt so nervous, except perhaps the time she had been waiting for Henry Wainwright to make his decision over whether to employ her or not.

She’d been so sure that Tony would want to marry her, but now she realized she’d bulldozed him into it. She hadn’t given him the chance to tell her how he really felt. She’d taken it for granted that he’d been thinking of her, that he hadn’t wanted to saddle her with marriage to an invalid. Goodness knows, he knew enough about invalids and what it could do to a marriage! And now, today, she was going to tell him the whole truth and perhaps
he
wouldn’t want to marry
her
then. Perhaps he would think she was pushing him into marrying her so that they could adopt James . . .

He was waiting for her in the garden, sitting on the fallen trunk of a tree.

‘It’s shady here,’ he explained after they had greeted each other. ‘Sorry, but I can’t stand the sun on my face.’

‘Of course.’

There was a silence and then they both began to speak at once.

They smiled and then Tony said, ‘After you.’

‘There’s something I have to tell you, Tony.’

‘Ahhh.’ He let out a long sigh. ‘I thought so. You’ve changed your mind. I don’t blame you, Kathy . . .’

‘Will you let me finish? No, I haven’t changed my mind at all. I want to marry you more than anything in the world, but, in fairness, there’s something you should know first and when you’ve heard it – well, it might be you who wants to change your mind.’ She grinned ruefully. ‘I did act rather like a Churchill tank the other day. I’m sorry.’

He laughed. ‘Maybe it’s what I need. But go on. What is it? Is there someone else in your life?’

‘Yes, but not the way you think. At least . . . Look, let me tell you everything from the beginning.’ She took a deep breath. ‘After the wedding and you went away, you only wrote the once.’

‘I know,’ Tony said, shamefaced. ‘I tried so often and then screwed them up. I just didn’t know what to say. How could I ever get you to forgive me for what had happened? And then, when I came home after training, I was coming to see you to sort it all out face to face, but Mother said you’d left.’

Kathy shook her head at the depths of deceit to which the woman was prepared to stoop to keep her son bound to her. She sighed. No doubt Beatrice Kendall would be even more of a formidable foe now that her precious son was so hurt. She would want to take him home and care for him herself. Perhaps it would even make her get up from her own sickbed, thinking that now she had him to herself forever.

Only she was reckoning without Kathy. Kathy was no longer the innocent country girl. She had been through a lot in the last few years and she was stronger. Oh, so much stronger. Now she would fight all the way for what she wanted.

‘I left on the first of April—’ She pulled a wry face. ‘I thought it very appropriate at the time. So – when did you come home?’

‘The beginning of April, I think.’

Kathy nodded. ‘I probably would’ve been gone by then, but I doubt if your mother knew that. Not many people did at first. Didn’t you go to Aunt Jemima’s to make sure?’

Tony stared at her. ‘You mean – you mean Mother
lied
to me?’

Still not wanting to hurt him, Kathy said gently, ‘Truthfully, I don’t know. It’s all a matter of timescale.’

He nodded slowly, a bleak look in his eyes. ‘She must have done. Like you say, she couldn’t have known you’d gone. I was home for three days and then I went to fighter pilot training. I – I never got home again, because this – ’ he pointed to his face – ‘happened.’

She looked straight at him, examining the extent of his injury. ‘Is Mr McIndoe helping you?’

‘Oh, yes. He’s marvellous.’ Suddenly there was a light in his eyes, hope in his voice. ‘It’ll never look perfect, of course, but I’ll feel able to face the world.’ He gave a grin that was lopsided because of his disfigurement. ‘As long as the world is able to face me.’

‘You’re not the only one, and as time goes on, most people will know about what’s happened to you and all the others. They’ll understand then.’

‘I hope so. There are some poor chaps in here far worse than I am. Mr McIndoe is having to rebuild faces completely in some cases.’

‘I know,’ Kathy said quietly. ‘I saw.’

There was silence between them for a moment, then Tony said softly, ‘Go on.’

She met his steady gaze and held it, wanting to see his immediate reaction to what she had to say next. She pulled in a deep breath. ‘The reason I left Lincoln was because I found I was pregnant.’

He stared at her and then burst out, ‘Oh, Kathy! Oh, my darling! If only I’d known. Why – why didn’t you write and tell me?’ His reaction was genuine. Loving, concerned – hurt, almost. It was Kathy who felt embarrassed and a little foolish. She should have trusted him more.

‘I – I didn’t want you to marry me just because of the child. After what had happened . . .’ Her voice trailed away in apology.

‘It was all such a dreadful misunderstanding, wasn’t it?’ He paused briefly and then, to her surprise, there was a bitter note in his voice. ‘And all because of my selfish, possessive mother.’

She stared at him but said nothing.

‘I see it all now. How everyone – including you – must have been able to see her for what she was. Everyone but me and my poor old dad.’

With gentle fingers, she took hold of his hand, deliberately choosing the damaged one. ‘It must have been difficult for both of you. Being so close to her. I do understand.’

‘And the baby?’ There was eagerness in his voice, but Kathy’s eyes clouded. As she continued with her story, Tony’s eyes too mirrored her sadness, suffered with her the trauma of her baby being snatched away. When she had told him everything, even up to Henry Wainwright’s strange proposal, he let out a long, deep sigh.

‘What can we do? Do you think – if you told him everything now, told him the truth – he’d agree to us adopting him?’

‘He might, but – oh Tony, do you mean it? Do you still want to marry me?’

‘There’s never been any doubt about that,’ he told her solemnly. ‘Where I went wrong was being so soft over my mother.’

‘But what about your mother now? I expect she can’t wait to get you home and look after you herself.’

Tony stared at her. ‘Of course, you won’t know, will you?’

‘Know? Know what?’ She stared at him and then breathed, ‘Has – has something happened to her?’

‘No.’ His tone was suddenly hard. ‘No, she’s fine.’

‘Your dad? Oh, not your dad?’

He shook his head. ‘No, he’s fine. I do hear from him and he’s been down here a couple of times, but it’s difficult for him to come all this way. I understand that.’ He paused and then went on haltingly, as if even he couldn’t believe the words he was saying himself. ‘My mother doesn’t want to see me like this. She can’t bear it. She – she’s cut me out of her life as if . . . as if I was dead. She even tells everyone I was shot down – which is true, of course, but she implies I was killed.’

‘Well, you were posted missing presumed killed, weren’t you?’

‘Briefly, at first, yes. But it wasn’t very long before they were informed that I had survived. If you can call it that,’ he added bitterly.

Kathy raised his injured hand to her lips and kissed it gently. ‘Don’t you ever dare talk like that again in my hearing. Not ever.’

He leant against her. ‘Oh Kathy, darling, it’s so good to have you back. You’ll never know how much I’ve missed you.’

‘About the same as I’ve missed you, I expect.’

They gazed at each other and she leaned forward and kissed him tenderly on the mouth. ‘That – that doesn’t hurt you, does it?’

‘No, not a bit.’ He smiled as he added, ‘And even if it did, it’d be worth it.’

They sat close together for a long time, not saying much, just holding hands and revelling in having found each other again.

‘So,’ Tony said at last. ‘When am I going to see my son?’

‘I’ll go back and tell Mr Wainwright everything. We – we’ll just have to hope and pray that he’ll let us adopt James.’

Forty-Three

Kathy felt torn in two. She didn’t want to leave Tony but she had to get back to Saltershaven, and yet she feared what awaited her when she did.

There were two more concert dates and then she could leave. The time dragged, and it seemed much longer than three days until Ron was loading her suitcase onto the train and thanking her profusely for joining the party for the very special concerts.

‘It’s me who should be thanking you, Ron,’ she said, kissing his cheek. ‘If I hadn’t come, I wouldn’t have found Tony again. I’d probably have spent the rest of my life thinking he was dead.’

‘Kathy,’ Ron said seriously, taking both her hands in his, ‘can I ask you something?’

‘Of course you can.’

‘If you hadn’t found Tony again, would you have married this Mr Wainwright?’

‘You want me to be truthful?’

He nodded.

‘It sounds awful . . .’

‘Go on, my dear. This is just between you and me.’

‘Then – truthfully – I don’t know. I’m just so grateful that now I don’t have to make that decision. I’m going to marry Tony.’

‘Even if it means losing your child? You have thought that Wainwright might turn awkward?’

‘Yes,’ she said hoarsely. ‘It’s my worst nightmare, but I have to face it.’

‘Then – break a leg, my dear, in fact, break two.’

She went straight back to Saltershaven, arriving at the house just before Henry was due home from work. Mrs Talbot was just putting on her hat and coat to leave as Kathy opened the door.

‘How lovely to have you back. I thought it was today you were coming home, so there are two dinners keeping warm in the oven. Have you had a good time?’

‘Oh yes, Mrs Talbot. Very good, thank you.’

‘Well, you look as if you have, love. There’s a light in your eyes I haven’t seen before.’ She put her head on one side and regarded Kathy with knowing eyes. ‘Might it have something to do with coming home to a certain gentleman?’

‘If you mean, James, then yes,’ Kathy replied impishly, knowing exactly who Mrs Talbot meant.

The woman shrugged. ‘Oh well, I can only try. I’d like to see the master settled again with a good woman. I just thought . . . But maybe it’s a bit too soon yet. The poor man’s got to have time to grieve.’

Kathy said nothing, but silently she thought that to her mind, Henry, despite his protestations about how much he had loved his wife, wasn’t exactly the typical grieving widower.