Singapore Swing (27 page)

Perhaps Queen Raja Hamidah did have the last laugh in the end.

- 31 -

‘How was Bintan?' asks Jacky puffing on her cigarette, as I squeeze myself next to her on a sofa in Tantric's courtyard.

I talk to her about the golf courses, the jacuzzis, the
sampans
and the mosques. It's midnight on a weekday and the place is relatively quiet; we both prefer it so.

‘I missed you, my sweet,' she says.

‘I missed you, too.'

‘I need to talk to you about something,' she says.

‘Me, too.'

We look at each other.

‘You first,' she says.

Right.

‘Remember when you called earlier, and I said I had a date?' I start.

‘Yes.'

‘There was someone else who was kind of pestering me. Met him online, but I was after Richard at the time. His name is Andy.'

‘Chinese?'

‘Yep. Mad about the gym. I arranged to see him today after I arrived from Bintan.'

‘And?'

I shake my head. ‘Let me show you,' I say. ‘This was my first text to him tonight.'

‘
Sorry just arrived from Bintan and must dash into town. Can u make it? Like 9ish?
'

‘Now that's him.'

‘
How about after 10pm so u could rest a bit.
'

I switch between ‘Inbox' and ‘Sent'.

‘
9pm is OK, unless u want l8er. U come over to me?
'

‘
Ok, will come. I would like to go to gym first if thats cool? Is after 10 cool w u?
'

‘
Yes its OK, say 10pm. Text me when u r by the hotel.
'

I stop. ‘See, I texted him “10 p.m.”, that's what we agreed. It's important. I just arrived from Bintan, I was tired, and it's only a blind bloody date, after all.

‘A blind date? Surely you'd seen his picture before.'

I sigh. ‘Have you never heard of PhotoShop? It's still a blind date. Alright?'

‘Alright,' replies Jacky.

‘Let's continue,' I say. ‘That's him.'

‘
Ok sure what would we do?
'

‘
Lets see if we like each other 1st IRL
'

‘
Cool text u later when i m on my way
'

Jacky looks at me. ‘So what?'

‘Hold on! Now that was eight o'clock. So I wait and wait, until ten to ten when I text him again.'

‘
Hi r u on ur way? Im falling asleep here...
'

‘
Just stepped out of gym on my way home now
'

‘
So when r we meeting if at all?
'

‘Were you annoyed?' asks Jacky.

‘Yes! And you had texted me by then that you wanted to see me about something, so I was quite impatient.'

I show her the next text I received.

‘
Rushin home now to get changed, we ll meet for sure, I wont play u out john
'

‘
Sorry, its just too late, maybe it was not meant to be. If u couldnt make it u should say so.
'

‘
I thought we agree on after 10 I could b there at half past if u still wanna meet
'

‘What's this all about?' she says. ‘He's only half an hour late.'

‘Hold on,' I tell her. ‘We're supposed to meet at ten and he's still in the gym?'

‘You know these gym-bunnies, they are crazy.'

‘On a first date?'

‘Oh well.'

‘Anyway, this is me breaking it off.'

‘
Forget it. I hope the workout was worth it.
'

‘But look how he replied.'

‘
Sure no worries I didnt hold it against u b4 when u said u would call but didn't, so much for grace I may b runnin late but at least I would turn up, guess u have a backup, hope its a disappointment
'

‘That
really
pissed me off. Thinking that I had a ‘backup'. Now, I shouldn't have answered him, but I did.'

‘
U r paranoid. Im tired wanted 9 OK'd 10, but 10:30 is too late!! Stop dissing me. Bye!
'

‘And then he sends me this!'

‘
Oh I forget this is the white rule if its the white's fault point to the nonwhite, dont try turnin the table w me, I dont give in, so everything is about u now, because u r white? U have a business n work to do, while I sit around waitin for ur return? I m not chocho san, n we r not in an opera, u r d one whos a paranoid that i m jerkin u around that started all these unwanted textin
'

‘Chocho San?' asks Jacky.

‘A character from
Madame Butterfly
,' I explain. ‘And look, immediately he sent another.'

‘
N BTW dont give me attitudes like we ll meet up first to c if we like each other, u r no better then me, n u r no longer the superior breed, wake up n get ur ideas clear, other Asians might kiss ur feet like Ghandi, this one will have no difficulties fuckin u up
'

‘Bloody hell!' exclaims Jacky.

‘Yes. I was mightily pissed off.'

‘He can't say things like that!'

‘I know. He's got a chip on his shoulder – no, make that a fucking wardrobe.'

‘You're better off without him.'

‘That's what I thought, too.'

‘I presume you didn't answer these texts!'

‘You must be joking.'

Jacky stubs her cigarette and lights another.

‘It's your turn,' I say. ‘What happened?'

She looks me in the eye.

‘Well, my sweet, while you've been away, I went out with Tim. We met here, we drank and talked. We found we had so much in common. Films, music. Loads. Then he invited me home. He lives not far from here. He said he mixed the best lychee Martini so I took him up on his word. He cooked me dinner. We watched
Tampopo
. We both love this film. He talked about his ex-girlfriends and I talked about my ex-husband. We stayed up talking up till 3 a.m. Then the discussion turned to fuckbuddies and no-strings sex.'

‘It doesn't work between a man and a woman,' I say. ‘It's a myth. The woman always falls in love.'

‘I don't know. I think it may be possible. Anyway, I think he made a pass at me.'

‘Glad to hear it. And?'

‘I was shocked, so I told him it it's not going to happen tonight. That I like him as a friend. That is the truth. I really, really like Tim, but –'

‘It was unexpected and you were caught off guard.'

‘Exactly.'

‘Did you say “it's not going to happen
tonight
” implying that it might happen some other night?'

Jacky tries to remember. ‘I don't know… what I meant was, let's be friends and if it happens, it happens.'

‘Would you like something to happen?'

‘I don't know.'

Jacky lowers her eyes.

‘He texted me next day saying how he enjoyed our meet. But he hasn't contacted me since. It's been a week now.'

I look at her and try to gauge her feelings. ‘You miss him.'

‘I do.'

‘Well, maybe you have to do all the work. Maybe he feels rejected, and men are generally not good with rejection. I mean look at those texts I received today! Plus straight men notoriously don't understand women; maybe you gave conflicting signs.'

‘So what do I do?'

‘Text him. Text him now. Say that I'm back and that you are with me at Tantric and does he want to pop over?'

She thinks for a moment and picks up her mobile.

‘I'll buy you a drink,' I say to leave her alone.

I was hoping that Richard would be happy to see me but no, surprise is the only thing he registers; he thought I'd gone back to London. For once I am not interested in him or his reaction because sitting inside, laughing with his mates, is none other than Dan.

This time I pat him nervously on the shoulder.

‘Hi,' I say, ‘Dan isn't it? Remember me? This is John. From London? We, ermm,
met
a few years back?'

Dan narrows his eyes.
He does remember.

‘John. Nice to see you.'

‘Nice to see
you
.'

‘How are you?' he asks. ‘Back in Singapore?'

‘For all my sins.'

I'm not sure what to say next, but I want to
know
.

‘How are you – really? I mean your health. Last time someone told me you were very ill. That you had –' I know I have to name the disease in case the wrong one is surmised, ‘–
cancer
.'

Dan looks me straight in the eye and touches me on the small of my back.

‘That was a long time ago. I'm fine, now, John,' he says. ‘Thank you.'

‘And your sleep?' I ask. ‘Still uneasy?'

Dan doesn't answer. ‘You're still a very sexy man,' he says instead with a rueful shade in his voice, as he walks back to his friends.

Outside Jacky is grinning like the cat that found the milk. ‘He replied! He is too tired to come out now, but that's not the point. He replied!'

‘You are a very strange woman,' I say to Jacky.

‘I know.' She goes quiet. ‘Sometimes I think I am abnormal. Here in Singapore people don't kiss, don't embrace so easily and I am so tactile. Then, I go out all the time. I know some people who wait for a birthday or an office function to go out because their husband or their wife don't let them. I have never placed such shackles on my husband. He doesn't own me, and I don't own him. I only tell him where I will be out of politeness. I just don't want to hurt his feelings.'

Something does not compute.

‘I thought you were separated with your husband,' I say. ‘You always refer to him as your ex.'

‘He is. We
are
separated. But we still live together.'

‘You do?'

‘Oh, yes. Why are you laughing?'

‘It's just that this is so un-Confucian,' I say. ‘Here is a city that is supposedly basing itself on a traditional moral code and gay men are coming out in droves. Couples separate but still cohabit. There is strict censorship but prostitution is thriving. Bloody hell, I'm having the same discussion I had with a guy called Chang when I was here last.'

‘What discussion?'

‘About the globalisation of values and ideas.'

‘Globalisation of
what
?'

I'm too tired to explain and take a sip from my drink instead.

D
im and Xim, the twins, and every other boy in the school knew they could go wild after lunch since their teacher, Master Ho, used to take a short nap and left them to their own devices. They tiptoed away from the ancient banyan tree under whose long lianas their teacher snored obliviously and into the nearby forest where they played hide-and-seek among the bushes, the trees and the fallen branches.

One day Dim and Xim started fighting with some other boys; this wasn't news, for the twins always got in a scrap. What was different this time was that the brawl was noisy and the ear-splitting ruckus woke up Master Ho. He separated the quarrelling parties, imposed penalties and asked where the rest of the boys were.

‘Playing in the forest, Master,' answered Dim truthfully.

Master Ho was incandescent. ‘In the forest? How many times have I told you that the woods are dangerous? That you should not even go near the place? Have you done this before?'

The boys lowered their heads.

‘We don't go too far in, Master,' said Xim – and he was also telling the truth. ‘We're always back before you wake up.'

Master Ho slapped Xim in the face.

‘I am not
asleep
,' he said angrily. ‘I am in Dreamland, communicating with the old sages! Getting tips on how to deal with you scoundrels! Don't you ever dare say that I fall asleep during the day! Now run and tell your friends to come back! The whole class will stay here after school to copy the first fifty analects! Ten times! In proper calligraphy!'

And so it came to pass; the boys were punished and stayed back in class copying lines from Confucius. It had been a long, hot day, and by the time the boys started the sixth or seventh reproduction they felt sleepy. Dim and Xim were the first to doze off.

Master Ho was up like a jack-in-the-box to beat the twins' arms with his ruler. ‘What's this?' he said. ‘Falling asleep during detention? Do you want to copy more lines?'

Dim was quick to retort: ‘We were not asleep, Master. We were in Dreamland, getting the benefit of the sages' wisdom like yourself.'

Master Ho felt a flush of anger. ‘Oh, you were, were you? And what, pray tell, did the elders impart to you?'

This time it was Xim who replied. ‘We asked them to give us some of the insights they gave to Master Ho. But, they claimed, they had never met such an individual.'

- 32 -

I am standing outside McDonalds at Clementi Station playing spot-the-paranormal-investigator. There are several people sitting on the outside benches, and not all of them seem devotees of the junk fare on offer. Why, if they have a camera, they have been positively identified: who carries their Sony Cybershot to immortalise their Big Mac Meal for posterity? No, they – we– are waiting for the SPI team and, when they eventually arrive, they look most impressive; one could certainly remark
chic
, donning as they are SPI-logo T-shirts, black boots and combats, plus army-style bum-bags stuffed with torches and isotonic fluids. We're certainly prepared enough to invade Johore single-handed: look, Uranium has even tucked his combats into his army boots.

‘It's to prevent mosquito bites,' he says to me, as poker-faced as ever.

I laugh. Mosquitoes? In Singapore? I thought the local variety had been sprayed to extinction and the foreign pests couldn't get visas.

‘We're going to swamp areas,' he clarifies, this time rather ominously.

Sunkist has taken our names, collected the subscriptions and called the mobile number of every absentee to double-check. All in all, we are a party of forty-plus and a bus has been hired for the occasion. Wherever we are going, it is a big production.

‘By the way, don't expect to see anything paranormal,' Uranium warns me. ‘This is a special, educational tour compared to the ones we did before.'

My heart sinks: being scared shitless will have to wait. My disappointment must have been visible, because Uranium is quick to utter the S-word: ‘Educational but also
spoo
-
ky
.'

Once on the bus, MJ MCs the show. ‘My name is MJ Chow,' he says into a mike. ‘If you can't hear in the back, put up your hand! Geddit, geddit?
If you can't hear put up your hand
. Right?'

Right.

‘I don't know how many people know about me. If you don't know anything about me –
good
. Anyway, I am the vice president of SPI. On my left here we have Wisely and over here I have Sunkist and right over here we have Uranium. You won't find him on the website; he's our Secret Agent.'

I giggle.

‘And right at the end of the bus we have AK47. During the tour if there is anything you need to ask, you may approach any one of us.'

Uranium takes over: ‘If you are not sure what SPI is, we are a non-profit organisation which means that we all have our own jobs, our own professions. That's why we normally go out at night, not only because it is spoo-ky but also because we have to work in the daytime. We do sleep. But we sleep at odd times.'

He sits down while MJ continues.

‘Before I go further, does anybody here remember the Japanese invasion?'

No hands are up.

‘This means that most of you were born after that. John what about you?'

‘No!' I reply.
Bitch
.

‘Quite a few people asked us why we organise this tour near the Chinese New Year. Well, there is a reason behind that. Singapore was surrendered to the Japanese on the first day of the Chinese New Year, 1942.'

Oh, no, not World War Two,
again
. It must weigh down on the Singaporean psyche as much as on the British. Even more so, if you think that it is still alive in the minds of current, politically active personalities: Lee Kuan Yew famously saw the British prisoners march to Changi as an 18-year-old student. The Queen and the Duke of Edinburgh excepted, there have been no memories of the war in the higher echelons of Britain's governing class since the time of Margaret Thatcher.

We pass a cemetery and Uranium takes over in what seems like a double act.

‘This is the famous Choa Chu Kan Cemetery,' he says. ‘This is where we conducted one of our most daring experiments. Sunkist combed her hair at midnight. We do crazy things like that.'

Nobody laughed, so I didn't either. It is an old Chinese legend that if you comb your hair at midnight, you will see a ghost in the mirror. I suppose, you need a hairdresser with balls for that, and they aren't easy to find,
dahlings
, so maybe it was truly daring, after all.

‘Our first destination tonight is Sarimbun Beach,' MJ informs us. ‘As you know, it is located in the north-west of Singapore and is officially the first place the Japanese landed on the island. So where was the “unofficial” place?'

I know! It was none other than Pulau Ubin. The Imperial Guards mounted a diversionary tactic early on 8 February by landing on this idyllic island to the northeast of Singapore. They fooled Percival, who was easily conned, anyway. The north-west corner was left to the Australians who were pummelled by artillery for 24 hours – you'd have thought that Percival might have taken the hint, but he was never the sharpest blade in the toolbox.

‘Why did the Japanese forces choose Sarimbun beach as their place of landing? Reason number one is that the allied forces were rather weak compared to other areas in Singapore and the Japanese knew that. Reason number two is that this is the closest point to the Malayan peninsula and is opposite to the palace of the Sultan of Johore which is built on a big hill – the highest point in the surrounding area. From there General Yamashita could observe the progress of the landing.'

The bus stops and outside it's blacker than the hair Sunkistwas combing at Choa Chu Kan.

‘I hope you all have torches,' says Uranium.

Erm, no we don't, so he gives us the next best thing: glowsticks – to make the ambience more ‘spoo-ky' or to provide some light, I know not, but we end up looking like a party of ravers in search of a warehouse.

‘Try not to follow the wrong light, 'cos it may be something else,' he continues. ‘The worst case we've had is one couple when something followed them home. No casualties so far, but we hope that there are no more repeats.'

He says all this with a straight face, and we all nod in agreement with an even straighter one.

‘Also, since so many people died on the beaches around us, I am asking all of you to take photos. Sometimes objects appear as orbs or electromagnetic fields on camera. You show us the images, we look at the orbs, and we can tell you what is paranormal and what is dust.'

The moon is full, and we can make out the flat hill opposite, the Sultan of Johore's palace and erstwhile Japanese army HQ.

‘This is how it was during the night of 8 February 1942,' says MJ.

Well, sort of. The mangrove swamp to our right where the fighting took place, has been drained and dejungled and, as the landing was a week before the Chinese New Year, the moon must have been at a quarter waning.

‘Last year we conducted an experiment here. We got one of our members to dress like a Japanese lady with a kimono dancing to a Japanese folk song.'

I'd like to have seen
that
.

‘Suddenly she felt very depressed – and I tell you, she's not psychologically unstable. Then we set up the offering and one SPI member who spoke Japanese said: “We are here, we have an offering for you, come and collect it.” Suddenly the tide surged in very fast and the waves came through like a tsunami and all our offerings were under water. Now the tide should not have been coming 'cos we had checked, so afterwards we went to the meteorological station and they said, “Oh no this is not supposed to happen, possibly a ship was passing by.” But there's no harbour around the vicinity, and it's a dead end: the Singapore–Malaysia Causeway is further down. If it was a ship, it must have been a fairly big one.'

Like a landing craft, maybe...

‘A ship can cause a swell, but not so big as to have our offerings swept away like that. We didn't have time to collect our nice Japanese engraved cups! And all the time, the lady kept crying and crying. The rest of us were rather pissed off 'cos it was obvious that the Japanese had come and collected the offerings very abruptly.'

Brutes.

But brave brutes, nonetheless. It was here that 4,000 Japanese of the 5
^th
and 18
^th
Division landed in small, collapsible – but motorised – landing crafts holding about a dozen people each. The Australians were spread thinly, lacked proper defences and were demoralised because of the relentless bombardment. The barrage had cut the telephone lines and orders to turn on the searchlights over the straits never arrived. Australian artillery cover was inadequate, communications were dismal, and the soldiers had confusing orders to defend
or withdraw
to a line further in. Within hours, the Australian lines started disintegrating to retreat and regroup. One of the soldiers whose headstones I surveyed in Kranji – that R. Currey of the 2/20 Infantry Battalion – was almost certainly killed during the retreat from this very position; the dates and the battalions match.

‘What is that fence structure?' I ask MJ pointing at the huge wall erected near the jetty we are standing on.

‘It is to prevent the illegal immigrants,' he replies. ‘They come swimming from Johore. During high tide all this will be covered and part of the mangrove forest as well.'

‘This small wall? Can't they swim around it?'

‘No. Can you not see it going all the way round the beach? In both directions?'

I squint in the dark. ‘Oh yes. OK then – can't they climb over it?'

‘No, look, the top of the wall slopes back towards the sea and you can't climb it if you are swimming. It goes on for kilometres all the way to the other end of the island. We call it the Great Wall of Singapore.'