Single Jeopardy (22 page)

Maybe there’s another way out. Nurse Judy was never a client of mine, so if I turn this DNA info over to the authorities, they’ll arrest her. No, that won’t work, because it would put my own client in further jeopardy, and I can’t do that either. The district attorney would reinstate the indictment and replace my name on it with Judy’s.

I’ve got to think this thing out. Let’s see: another possible solution is for me to just confront doc and tell him about the second DNA test, that we know Judy is really his wife, advise him in writing to drop the insurance claim, resign as his attorney and inform the insurance company that we’re withdrawing from the matter. Then, if he really killed whoever is buried on Catalina Island, all he has to do is knock off Suzi and me, and there’ll be no loose ends, no witnesses, and no problems. Hmmmn, that’s another terrible idea. Maybe I should just leave everything for the kid to solve and hide in my stateroom under the covers until the dog comes in with a note that it’s all over. Just as I’m making the decision that this last idea to hide under the covers is the best one yet, I’m brought back to reality by the phone ringing. My caller ID display shows Myra’s private number. “Hello Myra, and before you even ask, the answer is yes. Whatever you want to arrest me for is okay. I’ll even drive down to your office and turn myself in. I haven’t got the energy to fight you any more.” To my pleasant surprise, she informs me that I’m not going to be arrested today.

“
I got a check from the insurance company for the fire damage to the boat, and I just called to thank you for executing the forms and sending them in, knowing that the money would go to me. You weren’t legally bound to do it and I’d like to buy you dinner for that… and for other things.” Wow. She really shocks me this time. Is she actually becoming a human being again? I thought that was against the rules of the District Attorney’s office.

“
I don’t know what to say Myra, this is really a pleasant surprise, and the answer is yes. When and where?”

“
If you’re available, I’ll meet you at the Mexican place we used to like. How’s next Thursday at seven.”

“
You got it, kid, I’ll see you there.” This should be good. During dinner I’ll have to remember to speak directly into the flowerpot. I wouldn’t want to screw anything up for her or the four guys in a van parked down the street turning me into a recording star.

*****

Chapter
16

A popular comedian named Chris Rock says: “when a boss tells his secretary to go to bed with him or she’s fired, that’s sexual harassment. Anything else, is just trying to get laid.” Several important people disagree with Chris, and fortunately nine of them are on the United States Supreme Court.

Another one is my new boat landlord, Stuart. Before living on his late uncle’s Grand Banks and having the luxury of a built-in law library, I was doing my research at the offices of Alfred Nieman, a local attorney who has built quite a reputation for himself by specializing in workplace Sexual and Age Harassment, types of Discrimination, and Wrongful Termination law. Spending so many hours over there and overhearing his conversations with some of the hundreds of callers his office hears from each month, I’ve absorbed some of that law by osmosis.

I now have the luxury of being acquainted with two notable experts in those fields: Al and my friend Stuart, a non-lawyer who has discovered another way to exploit the law for his own profit. Being licensed to practice law in the State of California and the United States Supreme Court is only one of the two differences between Al and Stuart – the other being the fact that Al is a Harvard graduate and has spent more than twenty years honing his knowledge and experience, so that now he only accepts about one case a month out of the hundred or more calls he gets. Stuart, on the other hand, has been learning about his new ‘specialty’ for almost a month now – and he also accepts one case a month – the same amount of calls he gets.

Not being a licensed attorney, Stuart can’t actually represent these ‘clients,’ but he can help them prove up their case so that a competent lawyer will at least have some ammunition to walk into court with.

Most of the calls Al gets are people complaining that their boss sexually harassed them. When Al starts to ask them specific questions, he almost always discovers that their alleged case is too weak to prosecute for several of the common reasons: the actions complained of really are not technically sexual harassment, or, the complainant has some private agenda or motive against the boss, or there’s just no evidence to support the claim. And that’s where Stuart comes in. When he meets a female (and most of the sexual harassment complainants are), he helps them get the ‘goods’ on the alleged perpetrator by using a ‘wire’ on the victim, to record and often photograph the accused in action. As consideration for his efforts, Stuart will get a hefty ‘private investigator’s’ fee from any lawyer who successfully obtains a monetary reward for the client.

The State of California prohibits any unlicensed person from acting as an investigator for the general public, but if the assignment is done for an attorney, then it’s okay. Stuart gets around this hurdle by having the lady call the attorney first and have him then authorize Stuart to ‘look into the matter.’ If the alleged facts actually turn into a case, Stuart gets paid an investigation fee. If there’s no case, then his efforts go unrewarded. This means that he has a financial motive to succeed.

Actually, he’s walking the fine line of falling into the category of being what’s called a ‘capper,’ which is someone who collects money for referring people to an attorney. This type of practice can also get the attorney in trouble, because they’re not allowed to share their fees with any unlicensed people. Most cappers avoid problems by having more than one attorney to work for, and I have a feeling that Stuart would like to recruit me as one of his ‘specialists.’ It’s probably due to his knowing about my time spent at Al Nieman’s office and picking up some of the finer points of law involved in those types of cases.

Logic tells me to pass on this lucrative offer of his; my ex-wife and her associates are busy enough as it is, and I’d rather not hand myself to them on a silver platter, as another case to prosecute. This is the right decision to make, but I still realize that a lot of what I have today is owed to Stuart. Settling his uncle’s wrongful death got me this Grand Banks, and settling his asbestos non-injury got me the Hummer and a savings account, but I still feel that his new business is too much like ‘bottom feeding,’ until he tells me that Maggie, his latest ‘client’ is an employee at a local restaurant - one of the several owned by none other than the mysterious Robert Palmer.

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Maggie works two afternoons each week as a bookkeeper, and weekend evenings as a waitress in the Mexican place Palmer owns directly across the street from the Chinese restaurant where the parking lot murder took place. Her sexual harassment case sounds weak, but my ‘office manager’ says it’s okay for us to take Maggie on as a client as long as Stuart’s investigative services are paid for on an hourly basis and with absolutely no connection to our ultimate success or failure in handling the case.

I look forward to interviewing Maggie, especially after my ‘office’ boss authorizes an open expense account to handle her alleged case. If everything works out as planned, her sexual harassment suit will probably be replaced by one for wrongful termination, but it doesn’t make any difference what the exact grounds are, as long as they open the door for us to do some civil discovery and depose the mysterious Mister Palmer.

At first I thought it was strange that approval was given for us to spend money on this case, but I figure that the kid must have some reason for wanting us to take this case, so I might as well do my best on it.

The big advantage that civil discovery has over criminal discovery is that in a civil case you can force the defendant to testify. He can ‘take the fifth’ in either a civil or criminal proceeding, but at least in the civil case you’re allowed to call him to the witness stand and are guaranteed a crack at questioning him. If a defendant refuses to answer questions claiming a right against self-incrimination during a civil trial, that fact alone can usually sway a jury against him. It doesn’t take a unanimous vote on a civil jury, so things like refusing to testify carry a lot of weight with them.

The basis of Maggie’s sexual harassment complaint is a series of uninvited and unwelcome advances and sexual suggestions made by a guy named Vito Renzi, who is a manager of the car-parking valet service that services both of the restaurants near the Chinese place. This car-parking business is one of the companies that my Sacramento research shows as being owned by Mister Palmer. Maggie was also curious why the boss was authorizing her to make out several large checks to the valet company harasser; checks that were much more than the usual bimonthly checks she had been issuing to him over the past three years that she was employed there.

My plan is to have her complain to Palmer and question the wisdom of paying so much money to Renzi. These questions can be justified from any bookkeeper, in view of the fact that Renzi was getting paid far more than the entire car parking business was bringing in. If everything goes according to plan, she’ll probably get fired and then I’ll have my big chance to depose Palmer and subpoena his books; there might be some interesting things to be found there. More interesting however, are the visits that all those Culver City Police detectives are making almost on a daily basis now to the little princess’ forward stateroom by.

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It’s finally my Thursday big-date night and promptly at seven I’m sitting here at our reserved table in Pollo Meshuga, our favorite Mexican restaurant, while Myra and I were still together. The place is well known for its food, and the fact that they’ve got at least four large screen television sets hanging from the ceiling, strategically placed so that no matter where you’re sitting or standing, you will have your dinner conversation distracted by one of the screens. Most of the time all the sets are playing a soccer game that’s being broadcast in Spanish, but during the early dinner hours they usually tune to an English speaking CNN channel for us few gringo customers.

Another reason we both like the place is because notwithstanding its not-quite-classy family type of décor, it uses what we consider the best margarita ingredients in the world, including Patron Añejo Tequila.

Myra arrives right on time, but it still seems like I was sitting and waiting for a while. That’s probably because I’ve been here since six thirty, making sure not to be late for my free dinner. Since she’s offered to pick up this check, I’ve already had two Margaritas. I need a little extra support. She looks as beautiful as ever, but in a sort of reserved way. Her formerly bright red hair is now a reserved dark brown, no doubt to not distract jurors; her formerly open blouse is now covered with a reserved business suit, no doubt to not distract me. I made sure to have her Patrón margarita waiting on the table. If she doesn’t drink it, then I’ll know for sure she’s here on business and I’ll make every effort to help her out by speaking directly into the flowerpot.

I might as well start with a compliment. “Hi, you look nice tonight. I like what you’ve done with your hair.” That’s a safe opening. You can’t go wrong with a compliment unless you fail to make it sound sincere enough. God, she looked so much better with that wild red head of hair. It really used to drive me crazy and she knew it. She is a
true
redhead. I’m waiting to hear the tone of her voice when she talks to me. You can tell a lot by the tone of a woman’s voice. The lower it is, the more trouble you’re in. This time, it’s in the medium range.

“
Nice to see you Petey… and thanks for having my drink waiting.” Good… she’s drinking it, and there’s no tape-recorder-in-a-briefcase on the table for me to worry about. Maybe this really is a social event. We were always pretty compatible, so maybe she’d like a little more of Petey’s Petey. Now that Rita is probably history, I’d sure hate to just have Laverne as my only backup. It can’t hurt to talk about something I know she’s interested in.

“
How’s your Asian gang murder case going?”

“
Not too bad, there’ve been some court delays during the jury selection process and the judge was out having some surgery for a while, but it’s going along nicely now.” Damn. They’re still going ahead with that case. What’s wrong with them?

“
Still convinced you’ve got the right guys?”

“
Well to be honest, at several times during the investigation I had some doubts, but Bill assured me that he’d come through with the final evidence for me, so I’m not worried.” That clinches it. Her boss is setting her up to shoulder the full responsibility when this case of theirs goes down the tubes. I want to warn her to be careful, but I know I’m walking on eggshells here.

“
You know, if this case goes into the toilet, it’ll be you taking the fall, not Mister Bill Miller. He can write it off as the failing of an incompetent deputy trial attorney.” That must have been a bad button for me to press. If she wasn’t on her second drink, I’m sure the response would be much stronger.

“
Can’t you get off of it? Bill Miller is not that kind of person. He cares about my career and would never put me in a position like that.” I think it best to drop the matter lest she have a change of heart when the check arrives, so I quickly switch the conversation to catching up on what some past mutual friends of ours are doing.

The strange thing about this dinner chat is that it’s probably the longest conversation I’ve had with her since our third year of marriage. Thinking back, the best times we had together were when she was going to evening law school and we would spend most of our time together discussing the landmark cases she had to brief for class participation. We really had something in common then, a common ground we could share.