Sins of the Father (31 page)

“Regardless of what else happens, right?” I
echoed the words he spoke in the early morning hour with deep
bitterness. “Because regardless of what else happens, these
children will be born, and they’ll need a good parent.”

“I –” Johnny’s forehead rippled with
consternation. “What are you talking about, Helen? Have you made
your decision already?”

“Decision? What decision?”

“About me. Us.”

I’m pretty sure my expression mirrored his.
“What the hell are you talking about?”

The hard swallow sounded unnaturally loud.
“Wednesday night,” he said. “That decision.”

Shock. Confusion. I literally had no idea
what he meant. I skimmed through the files of memory searching for
a clue. Nothing. “Johnny, what decision Wednesday night?”

“About us,” he said softly. “If you want to
try to make our marriage work, or if… if you’d rather be rid of
me.”

I yanked my hand free. “Oh my God. Oh my
God
!”

“Don’t get mad. Talk to me. Tell me what
you’re thinking.”

“I think you’re insane! When you took that
ring off my finger, I thought you were telling me that you didn’t
need to see me wearing a symbol of ownership, not that you wanted
me to decide if we stay married or not!” Every second of the
previous day was weighed in light of this new context. His apparent
focus on the news instead of demanding that we finish our
conversation, the tension when I snuggled up to him on the sofa,
the reluctance and retreat when I didn’t hide my desire for
intimacy – it told a completely different story than the one I
imagined. That story was capped off with a very paranoid moment
this morning.
Regardless of what else happens
no longer felt
like a prison sentence waiting for me. Instead, it sounded like
Johnny didn’t want to presume that I would choose our marriage over
my freedom.

“You’re angry with me again.”

“No,” I shook my head. “I’m not angry, I’m
stunned.”

“Why? Is it so unusual to believe that after
how I behaved, the least I owe you is the right to reconsider
–”

I planted two fingers over his lips. “Stop
digging yourself into a deeper hole.”

“Will you at least tell me what you
thought?” he mumbled behind my fingertips.

Liquid heat shot up my arm. I yanked my hand
away. “I already did.”

Johnny shook his head. “Not about the ring,
Helen. I should’ve made myself clear Wednesday night. Why did it
make you so angry – upset maybe – when I said that regardless of
what else happens that losing you would be more than my personal
loss, but would make the world somehow less?”

The chin took a dive for the chest. Fingers
twisted together with nervous energy.

“Helen?” Johnny reached into my lap and
stilled my hands. “Look at me. Talk to me. Can’t you see how much I
want to work through this?”

“No wonder you had so much hope yesterday,”
I said. “I chose to be honest. Could choosing our marriage be far
behind? That’s what you thought. Right?”

“Please look at me.”

I did. “Johnny, I want my ring back. I never
wanted you to take it away from me in the first place. I never
chose
to end our marriage. In fact, I couldn’t leave you
because… because…”

“Because why?”

“I love you too much to hurt you that way.
Yes, part of it was because I’m pregnant and I didn’t believe it
was right to deprive our children of their wonderful father. But
the truth is, I couldn’t imagine never seeing you or speaking to
you again for the rest of my life.”

“What did you think I meant this
morning?”

I sucked in a shuddered breath. “It occurred
to me, in light of how angry what I did made you, that perhaps I’m
only living on borrowed time here anyway.” Tears started leaking
from the corners of my eyes. “Maybe the police would be waiting to
arrest me at the hospital in a few months.”

“So, regardless of what else happens.”

I nodded.

“Then why did you share everything with me
yesterday? I mean, if you really believed that, why would you let
me in for a single second?”

“I guess you weren’t the only one who had a
little bit of hope.”

Johnny rose and pulled me out of the chair.
A second later I was seated again, in his lap with his arms wrapped
around me tightly. One hand sifted through my short hair. “I love
you, Helen. Even if you didn’t want to be my wife anymore, I would
still never let anybody hurt you, let alone tear you away from our
children like that. God, what you must’ve gone through thinking
those things.”

I rested my head against his shoulder. “I’m
pretty sure this hasn’t been a picnic for either one of us, Johnny.
The worst part is that none of it was your fault. This has all been
my doing. I’ve kept secrets from you and lied. I shouldn’t have
done any of that.”

“We all have secrets, Helen.”

“I know you’re investigating Marie,” I
confessed. “Please don’t be angry with Devlin. He thought I knew.
And when he realized I didn’t, he hasn’t said another word to me
about the case.”

Johnny squeezed me gently. “He already told
me, Helen. I’m glad you brought it up. The investigation isn’t
focused so much on Marie as it is on her stepfather.”

I lifted my head and peered at him. “Because
he’s the link to Darkwater Bay in my abduction?”

“That’s a detail that only we share, but
yes.”

“How can Dev and Crevan be investigating
that if they don’t know why you’re looking at him?”

“I gave you my word that I wouldn’t tell
Crevan the truth.”

“But you wouldn’t lie if he uncovered it on
his own.”

“Helen, I found a link between Lyle
Henderson and Terrell Sanderfield. Me,” he said. “
I
found
it, right after we got back from New York and you told me the truth
about what happened to you. Of course Maya had already filled in
the majority of those blanks, but the rest I got from you.”

“And?”

“Wendell’s story checked out. He had no idea
what Marie did. It was a matter of record really, but his old desk
sergeant is still alive, retired in Clearwater, Florida of all
places. He still speaks very highly of your father. Couldn’t
believe he was guilty when that mess went down with Marie.”

“Dad might not have been Jersey Third Eye.
According to him, that was Marie’s gig, Johnny.”

“I can’t fathom why he went along with
it.”

I couldn’t either until he told me the
truth. “My father and I have a lot more in common than you realize,
Johnny. He bent the rules to see justice done. In some cases, Marie
figured out the truth.”

“So she blackmailed him into being her
partner in crime? That doesn’t make sense. Bending the rules is a
far cry from –”

“Johnny, he broke laws. He killed people
that slipped through the cracks,” my chin dipped again. “Sometimes,
he took money for doing it.”

“Look at me.”

I complied.

“Did someone pay you to kill Rick
Hamilton?”

“Of course not,” I said. “But there was
money involved just the same. I didn’t refuse the life insurance
pay out. It was a hefty enough sum to put me on Mark Seleeby’s
radar and keep me there.”

“How much?”

“Two million.”

Johnny whistled softly. “You didn’t know
about that before it happened though, right?”

Well…

Chapter 29

“Helen?”

“It wasn’t what I was thinking at the time.
They sent statements, okay? I knew six months after the divorce
that he hadn’t changed the beneficiary on the policy. I figured he
would’ve gotten around to it at some point over the next eighteen
months.”

His eyebrows twitched.

“I’m telling the truth. I really believed
six months post divorce that it was nothing more than an oversight
on his part.”

“Hmm,” Johnny frowned. “Or he could’ve let
the beneficiary stand as another form of insurance.”

“Meaning that it would implicate me if
something happened to him?”

“C’mon, Helen. We’re talking about the
Marcos clan here. What we know now certainly sheds more light on
how terrified Rick must’ve been after his arrest. I really believe
that his last conversation in this world was a last ditch effort to
halt the descent down a slippery slope from which there was no
return.”

“I don’t follow.”

“Think about it, sweetheart. If the bureau
kept digging, which not even his death or Datello’s have stopped
them from doing, they would’ve eventually found what neither one of
them wanted uncovered. Hell, Datello killed one man to prevent
exposure and had a gunfight at a police division trying to bury the
truth. That’s a little more than ballsy wouldn’t you say?”

“Desperation.” It was true, however.
Datello’s men charged the Crime Scene Division trying to reclaim
the computer disk that had fallen into district attorney David
Ireland’s hands sixteen years ago. Why? Because Datello was
desperate that Sully Marcos not discover the betrayal of a blood
relative.

“And now David Levine says the FBI has
uncovered evidence that Rick was feeding information about the
Marcos clan back to Danny all along. He never gave up on his quest
to see Sully brought down, Helen. I think he just got smarter about
it. Let the dust settle after Ireland’s murder, and waited for an
opportunity to move someone he actually trusted into position for
him.”

“My ex-husband.”

“Yes,” Johnny said. “Who knows? Maybe at
some point they planned to use you as the conduit that would expose
all of Datello’s evidence to the feds.”

I groaned. “You’re telling me that I really
might’ve killed an innocent man.”

“Who tried to blackmail you into destroying
evidence, who never truly loved you at all, but rather used you so
he could help his cousin exact a little revenge without either one
of them looking like the guilty party. No, Helen. Datello, your
ex-husband, anybody who ever worked for Sully Marcos is by no means
innocent
.”

“Will you tell me what you’ve learned about
Lyle Henderson?”

A pregnant pause followed. Finally, he gave
his decisive answer. “No.”

“Johnny –”

“I said no. You’re too close to this. If
anything, you should tell me what you remember about him.”

“Absolutely nothing. Dad hated Marie’s
family and went to great lengths to make sure I’d never be exposed
to them.”

“And Marie didn’t defy that? She blackmailed
Wendell. Why would she respect his wishes where her parents were
concerned?”

“She wasn’t terribly bright, but at the same
time, not completely stupid either. There were certain lines with
Dad, and she knew better than to cross them.”

“Damn,” Johnny said. “I don’t suppose you’ve
been secretly communicating with your father, have you?”

“No. Are you going to make me ask why?”

“It occurs to me that he might have
information about Lyle that could be helpful to my investigation.
He’s probably unaware of its importance, Helen. Now thanks to both
of us, he’s unreachable and presumed dead.”

“Even if I could contact him, it would put
him at great risk, Johnny.”

“I know. I’m not asking you to do that.
We’re not even sure he got… wherever safely.”

“He’s all right,” I said.

“I thought you said he hasn’t communicated
with you.”

“He didn’t. He has access to certain funds I
have. A withdrawal was made –”

“The bank can tell you where it was made,
Helen. We’ll go to him – unofficially. I can ask questions. You can
let him know that you’re all right. No one will suspect a thing
considering all you’ve been through. For heaven’s sake, no one will
question why I of all people would want to get out of town for a
few days. I just got fired Wednesday.”

I shook my head. “Dad’s too smart to leave a
trail that would lead directly to him.”

“Right.” The hope in his voice flagged.

“Johnny, you said there was some sort of
connection between Henderson and Sanderfield. I’m having a little
bit of trouble imagining what that might be. Lyle had to be closer
to Sherman’s age and Sanderfield is what, ten years older than
Joe?”

“Yeah, he’s fifty-six.”

“And you’re not going to clear up the age
discrepancy for me, are you?”

“No,” Johnny said.

“You realize of course that the secrecy
makes me feel compelled to search for the truth on my own.”

“I’m asking you not to do that.”

“And I’m saying that trust works both ways,
Johnny. I trust you to tell me the truth about what you’ve learned.
You trust me to keep my sincere promise to stay out of the
investigation. Let’s not forget that I want nothing more than to
resist the urge to give in to my curiosity, especially now.” I
dragged his hand under my sweatshirt.

He sighed. “After your maternal grandmother
died, Henderson remarried.”

“And how long ago was that?”

“Twenty two years.”

“So… Marie was still alive when her mother
died? Why don’t I remember that?”

“Because you were probably very estranged
from her by then. Honey, Wendell was arrested what, nineteen years
ago? You were nearly twenty. Did you really care what Marie was
doing by the time you were sixteen?”

“Not really. I had already outgrown tweaking
her nose by the time I was fourteen or fifteen.”

“I’m pretty sure knowing how you did that
won’t help our investigation right now, but save it for another
conversation. It sounds pretty intriguing.”

“Who did Lyle marry, Johnny?”

He sighed. “Maybe you should tell me how you
used to annoy your mother now.”

I started to get up.

“All right. He married Sanderfield’s mother
twenty years ago. She’s since died, but they’ve remained, how shall
I put this? Allied?”